


We Used To Wait.

by apodixis



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-16
Updated: 2011-12-16
Packaged: 2017-10-27 10:32:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 191,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apodixis/pseuds/apodixis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If a higher power isn't leading the Colonials to Earth, do they have any hope of finding it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A re-imagining of Seasons 3 and 4 without the hokey God conclusion. Spoilers for all seasons, story begins at the very end of Season 2.
> 
> Despite what AO3 says, this chapter is complete at 33/33 chapters and all are available.

_Caprica: Before the Fall_

The bar was crowded for the middle of the week, with every seat at the counter occupied. A young couple midway down, a pair of academy cadets by the look of them, shared a stool in their solution to the problem. While they had rejoiced in their resourcefulness over a round of beer with their friends beside them, their laughs loud and boisterous like the rest of the room, they continued on mostly unaware of the customer beside them.

She was alone, unlike the rest of the people there, and wasn’t even looking to take anyone home with her. The couple to her right broke into a fit of laughter again, their pair of arms gesticulating wildly as they both animated the story they seem to be telling as a duo. The noise, the woman could tune out. After everything in her life, sound was actually the easiest thing for her to ignore as she numbed herself into a haze of imagined white noise. What she could not ignore was the elbow that continually nudged at her when a particularly wild part of the story came up. She ignored it the first time she felt the quick plant of pressure on her upper arm and ignored it the second and third time from her haze of ambrosia and cigarette smoke. Ten minutes later and another elbow jabbed at her arm, this one more severe than the previous, and it nearly jarred the glass from her hand as she raised it to her mouth. Her head cocked to the side as she settled the glass down on the mahogany bar top while her other hand stamped out the cigarette in the nearby ashtray. Wisps of her blonde hair fell into her eyes as she readied herself for the lesson she knew she had to teach the lovebirds that were barely out of boot camp. Her mouth was caught in a half sneeras her own elbow raised, poised and ready for the less than friendly jab she was prepared to aim at the boy’s kidney in retaliation.

  
This would not have been the first time she’d been in a fight, in fact it was what she was paid and enlisted to do. If you would argue that she was supposed to only do so for the protection of the colonies and their inhabitants, she would admit to turning a blind eye on occasion. She was on shore leave, the second to last night of a two week break from a brief stint on a battlestar high in orbit around Caprica. Most people looked forward to these chances to revisit their normal lives down below. It was a chance to see friends and family, to eat a meal that didn’t taste like reconstituted cardboard, and of course, frak a civilian without worrying over frat regs for once. But for her, the trips that returned her to her normal life were anything but welcome. She usually counted the days until her return to the comfort of enforced routine and knowing exactly what was expected of her. Planet side, she stocked up on cigarettes and alcohol for her return to space and said a hello to what family she had nearby without staying too long. Less than 48 hours until her return, and instead of seeking the comforting arms of a stranger or a long distance lover, she was at a crowded bar far too close to the nearest academy, ready to risk a night in hack over one too many elbow nudges.

  
Just as she was about to cross that line of no return, a foreign hand settled on her arm, breaking through the aggression that had built in her bloodstream. Her neck craned a little harder, catching a glimpse of the man who found himself with either rather good timing or what she already decided was an extremely irritating habit of interfering where he didn’t belong.

  
“Not even worth it.” He spoke with a smug smile on his face, and she chose to hate him already. His head nodded quickly in the direction of the kids she was about to demolish for the sin of having a little too much to drink and not being entirely mindful of their limbs. “Give me a second.”

  
His hand slipped from her elbow where it had remained in the interim. The sudden absence of his touch made her realize that his fingers had delicately lingered longer than was necessary to disarm her. She watched from behind blonde fringe, both curious and agitated with the sudden appearance of the man to her right. He stepped only a few feet away from her, merging himself with the group beside her that had spent the better part of the night revving her up. No more than a few words were exchanged, his expression cycling between a bit of a smile and something more serious, before the group departed even quicker than they came in. Their heads were bowed in what she read as thankfulness to the unknown man.

  
Her brow furrowed and eyes squinted just slightly as she turned on the stool top more fully, her body sideways as her forearm and elbow rested on the counter. His hand signaled the bartender as he sat down beside her, a glass with a light brown liquid pushed his way without even a word. He must be a regular, she thought, at least regular enough to have the bartender know what he wanted without question. A second hand motion over to her own glass produced a slightly fuller version of what she already had and her vision lingered just for a moment as if trying to understand the intent. Her eyes landed back on him through their continued silence and he sipped at his own drink slowly, eyes focused off on the mirror behind the rows of alcohol lining the back of the bar.

  
“I didn’t ask for a drink.” She blurted out finally, words barely making it out from behind clenched teeth as she moved her hand for her original glass.

  
“Then don’t drink it.” Though her tone was hostile, his own seemed to be much more lighthearted. That smile was there again, pulling at the corners of his lips as he tried to tamp it down, as if he knew too much mirth was going to get him nowhere with her.

  
“So what did you say to those frakking kids to get them to leave?” She was curious, though working hard to not let it show as she produced a pack of cigarettes from the front pocket of her duty shirt. She set one between her lips and lit it, the lighter sliding back into the pocket along with the rest of the pack, feeling the return of the familiar weight of it.

  
One shoulder of his shrugged lazily, his head turning to face her as he spoke. “Even I can tell those kids are rather green, must be their first week at the academy. All you have to do is tell them you’ve heard some Major is making the rounds tonight at the local bars, trying to catch the cadets in various states of inappropriate behavior. Maybe the older ones don’t believe that kind of bullshit, but they’re new enough to still be terrified of most officers.” He took another sip from his glass, half a mouthful left in the bottom. He eyed it and swirled the glass ever so slightly as the remaining liquid flowed around in a neat circle. A laugh was half emitted and half swallowed down while his head shook as he spoke again. “Really green. They even thanked me for the warning. Kids are getting politer these days, huh?”

  
His eyes were on hers and the direct contact surprised her, as she knew she had been caught looking. She could have averted her eyes, of course, made an excuse of shaking the ash off her cigarette into the ashtray or taking another sip of her drink, but she held it instead.

  
“I’m not going to be grateful if that’s what you’re looking for.” Her own swallowed laugh mimicked his own from just moments before. She finally looked away and pulled the cigarette from her lips as she exhaled into the smoke laden room. Her body turned again, this time settling her back to the bar in an attempt to put some distance between herself and the man remaining beside her. “I can take care of myself.”

  
“No doubt you can.” He sounded sure of himself as he downed the last of his own drink, the glass creating a thud against the counter. “They just weren’t worth it. You’d turn them into pulp in less than a minute. It wouldn’t have even been satisfying.”

  
Her lips quirked up in a bit of a stiff smile at his odd form of flattery, though it fit her more than any of the other rare compliments she had received in her life. He hesitated just out of the corner of her eye, pausing a moment to gather up the courage once again before proceeding with what he’d intended to say.

  
“So, not that I don’t think the name Not Grateful suits you, because it does, it really does, but is there something else I can call you?”

  
She nearly snorted at his words and how nervous they suddenly sounded, conflicting with the smooth talking man of only a moment before. He wasn’t a kid, not by any means, but in that moment he was nothing more than a schoolboy. It stilled the hurling insult in her chest for once and her eyes flickered towards her legs crossed at the knee. She twisted again on her stool, towards the ashtray and the pair of cups on the counter top, one empty and one full. The cigarette was nothing but a butt by then and she pressed the remaining embers out into the ceramic ashtray like she’d done half a dozen times from that very seat earlier in the night. Her hand took the second cup, the one that remained untouched since he had the bartender place it there for her. She brought it to her wide lips, sipping it just barely.

  
“Socrata.”

  
He could tell this small detail of information was a concession on her part and he wasn’t able to stop his smile from spreading to his entire face. It reached not only his cheekbones, but the shallow creases at the corner of his eyes. He had won a victory that night.

  
“I’m Dreilide.”


	2. Chapter 2

Kara stood in the center of CIC, dress blues pressed, cleaned, and for once, without stains. The plotting table was bare before her, as there hadn’t been many FTL jumps to be planned as of the previous few months. Most of the time, she expected Gaeta to come ambling up, his arms full of star charts. She could see it in her mind as clear as day and Kara closed her eyes for a moment as the memory played on. He’d spread each chart across the illuminated table, ruler and grease pencil in hand as his mouth bumbled on a mile a minute, his hands lagging behind. She saw it a million times before and try as she might to have gleaned some of the information he was always talking about, she was thankful that job and responsibility weren’t hers.

  
But Gaeta wasn’t in service any longer and this wasn’t even the Galactica. Her eyes opened and took in the surroundings that felt familiar and yet foreign at the same time. Pegasus. What she wouldn’t have given for the Old Man to smile from the other side of the table or Tigh to yell out one of his biting remarks. Hell, she’d even be comforted to hear Dee’s voice at the communications station, calling for an officer or signaling the CAP. It was a cleaner and more streamlined CIC, that much was absolutely certain. Whoever had designed this class of battlestars managed to improve upon the old designs, although Kara smiled to herself as she thought that despite its flaws, Galactica was rather perfect.

  
She reached up to rub the back of her neck, fingers rather harshly digging into the muscles there. Over a year now and the ache she got from staring up at DRADIS hadn’t eased up. Only the thought of her petitioning the Old Man yet again for a lounge chair made her smile. Last month she even made the request in writing, and he’d humored her, sending a Raptor over with a metal folding chair. She hadn’t used it, of course. Instead it occupied space in her quarters, leaned up against a sparse bookshelf. She kept it for the smile it gave her rather than the purpose.

  
Across from her, Helo grinned and interrupted the memory. “Something to smile about, Commander? Why don’t you share it with the rest of the class?”

  
It only made her lips pull even wider, hearing the mixture of formal and informal. She far outranked him these days, but knew Karl would never give her the propriety he would anyone else with the rank and title she now carried.

  
“Just thinking about your first week on Galactica. Remember that marine from Aerilon? Old enough to be your mother.” Kara didn’t even need to continue on because he more than knew the story she referenced. It was always the same one and he always kept his mouth shut afterwards, hoping to silence her any further. He was sure a few of their friends knew to what she referred to by now. After all, lips tended to get pretty loose after ambrosia and triad. But this was the Pegasus and the last thing he needed was this entire crew knowing his dirty laundry.

  
“As your XO, sir, I think it’s in your best interest not to mention it. Let the officers here still have some respect for me if you want me to do my job.” Helo smiled at her as Hoshi stifled a bit of laughter from a few feet away.

  
“Karl, it’s cute that you thought they had respect for you to begin with.” Her hands rested on the table before her, weight shifting as she leaned forward and opted to change the subject. “I don’t think I would’ve accepted the Admiral if I knew this would be all I did every frakking day. Do you think the Old Man would be mad if he found out we were playing triad on this thing?” Both palms thumped against the surface for emphasis.

  
“Only if it were strip triad, sir,” Hoshi answered.

  
“Well if it’s not strip triad then there’s no point in playing.” A sense of mock indignation was held for a moment before she relaxed back into her role.

  
“Pegasus, Racetrack. Requesting landing clearance for Raptor 861.” The familiar voice broke out over the comm system, resounding through CIC.

  
Kara nodded over to Hoshi with her hand held over the personal comm unit at her table. He gave the clearance requested and redirected the connection to her handset.

  
“Racetrack, Pegasus actual. You got a husband of mine on board?”

  
“Actual, I accidentally vented him out into space halfway back up. I couldn’t take him complaining about being careful any longer.”

  
Despite the smile on her face, she assumed her best commander voice. “Well, that’s for the best. Saves me the trouble of luring him into an airlock up here. Mission accomplished, Racetrack. Come on home.” She heard rustling and chatter on the open line before another voice cut through, this one deeper and decidedly male.

  
“It’s a good thing my name still holds some weight down there, Kara. There’s a long line of women waiting for me just to say yes.”

  
She snorted and held back her laughter as she imagined the dressing down Tigh would have given her for the conversation being held in the middle of CIC, albeit only onesided to those in the room. “I would imagine there’s a big interest in married narcissistic former pyramid players, Sammy. Maybe you can petition the people to build you a stadium before they get running water—”

  
Helo cut her off with his eyes locked on DRADIS above their heads. His voice was tight suddenly and Kara knew she hadn’t heard that tone since their trip back to Caprica. “Something on DRADIS, sir.”

  
The phone was hung up before she could even get a word off to Sam. They had docked, she knew that much, so her concern for him was fairly nonexistent. The icon of an unknown ship flickered off the scrambled screen and although she wanted to continue to lull herself into a bubble and where things remained predictable and safe, Kara knew better than that. Suddenly, the screen was speckled with tens of the ships, some indicating larger masses than others. Her hand was back on the comm link without a second thought and Hoshi had already connected her to Galactica. Her breath was held as the Admiral acknowledged her and confirmed what she saw.

  
“How the frak did they find us, Admiral?” Decorum was forgotten as her heart throbbed. They had been running practice drills for months now, and nothing had ever felt like this before. Kara held her current rank since they settled on the planet below and she knew that this moment was the only true test of being a Commander.

  
“We won’t last more than a few minutes against that many basestars. We’ve got to jump.” Adama’s voice was firm and Kara was thankful for it since her calm was wavering.

  
“Everyone is down there! We can’t, we can’t leave them.” She was frantic and inwardly ashamed of herself for falling apart so fast. She was the Commander of a battlestar for frak’s sake. All the racks may not have been occupied with bodies, but she was still in charge of hundreds of souls and she knew she was already putting them at risk. The Admiral made a mistake in appointing her Commander. She was sure of it.

  
“We’ll die, Kara. We’ll all die here if we don’t leave now. The people on that planet have no hope if we let ourselves be shot out of the sky.”

  
She faltered even more at the use of her own name as she considered all the people she knew down there. Laura. Galen and Cally and their baby due soon. Duck and Nora and the child they’d talked about wanting the last time she was planetside. Kara slipped into a worse place suddenly, as she imagined Nora tucked away in a breeding farm like Sue-Shaun, this one built down on the surface of New Caprica. Oh Gods, she thought. Lee was on New Caprica.

  
“Lee. Lee is down there. You can’t leave him.” Some might have accused her of playing dirty with that one, heaping a burden on the Admiral far more than he already carried. Helo and his worried brow, however, knew the truth. Kara Thrace didn’t sound like that when her game was manipulation. As good as she was at it, and her triad games were proof positive, she’d never willingly bare that much of herself in only a few words.

  
“I know.” His voice was gruff and his words short. “You’ve got the emergency coordinates. The fleet’s already away.”

  
The call went dead on the line and Kara was slow in replacing it in its cradle. Around her, the people with far more hours logged in their respective positions buzzed around. It was autopilot with them, especially after the months they endured Cain’s hard fist and nothing but perfection was expected of them. She steeled herself, blinking rapidly so her eyes didn’t betray her even more than the rest of her already had.

  
“Prepare for jump.”

—

Hours later and with the fleet finally secured, Helo was left in command as she returned to her quarters. She couldn’t remember the walk back, her head foggy with the fading surge of adrenaline as her body slowly metabolized it and returned her to a more normal kind of homeostasis. Without her usual nod to the marine guard at her door, she slipped through the hatch and pulled it closed tight behind her. The bathroom was the first stop and she rinsed her face with the chilled water, barely stopping to dry it off before she blindly groped at the series of buttons on her uniform, letting it hang open and loose.

  
She was only vaguely aware of the sound of the hatch opening behind her, feeling as though her senses were tuned down in order to afford blood to more vital parts of her bodily function. Sam was speaking long before she found the energy to focus on his voice.

  
“—Just leave them there! Gods Kara, the cylons are going to tear them all apart and you jumped away to save your own ass. What if I was down there? Would you have just left your husband to die?” He was too close for comfort now, his words harsh and loud as she tried to go back to tuning him out. Were it any other moment, Starbuck would have been at the forefront and laying him out for the assumption that he could talk to her like that and get away with it.

  
Her hands flew up to get him to stop, but he stampeded on, his own larger hands shoving hers away. “Call the Admiral and tell him we’re going back. It doesn’t matter if we die trying. I should be down there. I didn’t crawl my way out of Caprica to leave everyone else to die. I should be with Jean and Paul and every other person we know.” Sam was wearing himself out as he spoke, pausing only to take a breath that did little to replenish his calm. His shoulders sagged and he gritted his teeth suddenly, slamming his hand on the nearby desk. “If you’re not going back then send me back. Put me on a Raptor and send me the frak back there.”

  
Kara took it all in, for once in her life deciding to listen rather than react with her fists first. She didn’t give him the chance to watch her reaction to his words, instead giving him her back. The air in the room stilled as he finished and Kara’s hand raised to her face for a moment, finger tips barely tracing across the pink of her lips. She was brought back to another time and place for that instant with her eyes closed tight. For so long, a simple action had been her refuge. A finger across her lips or across the shell of her ear. Her own hand mimicking a caress across the inside of her wrist or the line of her jaw. Years past his death and she was still drawing her silent comforts and strength from memories of Zak when she needed them most. It was a relief for only a moment this time though, because now when she thought of Zak, she instead thought of how she’d abandoned his brother on the grey planet to die.

  
She spoke suddenly, clearing her throat though her voice was rough and so unlike her usually smooth tone. “I’m not wasting a Raptor on a suicide machine for you, Sam.” She was stern in her delivery and she turned as she spoke, settling Starbuck’s features over her face. “I’m the Gods damned Commander of this ship. As long as you’re on it, you don’t question the orders from me or the Admiral, got it?”

  
Laughter erupted from his throat, though it wasn’t the jovial kind she was used to hearing from him. “I’m not some frakking soldier. I’m not going to salute and call you sir and take your word as scripture, Kara.”

  
She was on him in a second, hand on his chest as she forced him back into the bulkhead. Her other hand went to his jaw, thumb gripping on one cheek while the others curled around the other side, effectively silencing him as she applied pressure against his skin.

  
“You fall in line or you get off the ship. Do you understand?” Green eyes locked with his own as she spoke and Anders knew immediately that he wasn’t speaking with Kara anymore. “We’re going back.” Her jaw went rigid, teeth clashed tightly together as she finally released him, but this time with a final shove that knocked him back into the wall once again.

  
Kara backed off and paced away from him. She looked down at her open hands for an extended moment before she spoke, barely above a whisper. “Everything seems so far away. The way things feel. The way they taste. Like I’m watching myself, but I’m not really experiencing it, not living it. That’s how I feel right now.” Her words were cut off as she looked up at him suddenly, as if forgetting he was sharing the same room as her.  Kara crossed her arms over her chest and gripped at the opposing upper arm, withdrawing into herself. This time when she spoke, she forced the strength back into words. “I went back for you. I’m going back for them.”

—

Adama was behind the desk in his quarters, Kara across from him as she sipped slowly at the beverage he’d poured her without offering. They hadn’t said a word since she arrived on the deck a half hour earlier, both preferring to stew over the events of the day.

  
“What you pulled earlier today, Kara, it can’t happen again.”

  
Her eyes closed for an extended blink as she chewed over the words. She already knew her panic could have cost the lives of those on her ship as well as lives throughout the civilian fleet. It hadn’t come to that, thankfully, but in another life, another minute of hesitation could have cost them even more than they’d already lost.

  
“If this was before the end of the worlds, that would’ve cost you your career.”

  
“If this wasn’t the end of the worlds, sir, no one would’ve let me anywhere near the command of a battlestar.” Her words hurt more out loud than they had in her head and she immediately winced in regret and took another sip at her glass, letting the burn in her mouth and throat be penance.

  
“If your XO was anyone else, if it had been Tigh—” He stopped suddenly at the reminder that the man that had been his lifelong friend and second in command was down on that Gods forsaken planet. Now he was the one taking a drink of his glass before continuing. “They would’ve relieved you of duty then and there. The Beast’s a tough ship to run, Starbuck. The crew already doesn’t want to trust you because you’re not one of them. I know you’ve been there on and off before I put you in command, but you weren’t there from the start. Now your first real test at the helm and you can’t keep it together.” Adama nearly slammed his glass down on his desk, a drop of the liquid splashing out and onto the blotter. “You’re better than this.”

  
Kara washed down the remaining mouthful before settling her glass down on the desk, albeit much gentler and quieter. She sat up in the seat, as if this simple action was enough to inspire his belief in her once again.

  
“I frakked up today, Admiral. If you’re going to relieve me, throw me in hack, then do it already.” It was a challenge from her, but he chose not to rise to it. His head gave a subtle back and forth shake.

  
“You and I both know we can’t leave them behind without trying. We’ve got a couple thousand people up here, at best, sir. If this is all that’s left of the human race to survive, we might as well not bother. We’ve been trying to get by for the last two years and we’ve come to terms with it as best we can. People have moved on, there are children being born every month now. It hasn’t been perfect, not even close to it, but everyone’s gotten by. Even if we find Earth and it’s everything we thought it would be, no one’s going to get over leaving tens of thousands of people behind to die, not when we could have tried to do something. If this is our end, Admiral, I’d rather meet it here then fifty years from now on some rock, pretending like leaving New Caprica didn’t kill all of us anyway.”

  
She relaxed back into her seat again before abruptly standing up and going for his bottle, refilling her glass with half a serving more. It wasn’t polite to serve herself, that much she knew, but going down to the rec room to drink with the Viper jocks right then wasn’t an option. Kara downed it quickly and replaced the soiled glass down on the counter.

  
The Admiral seemed to be in quiet contemplation of her words as he removed his glasses. His fingers pressed against his closed eyelids. “We’re going to need out of the box right now, Kara.”

  
Kara nodded and offered him a smile. She was glad they ignored the elephant in the room for now. If the Admiral had been the one to break down over Lee, she wasn’t sure she could have been the one to keep things together for him. “You know I was made for this.”

—

When she returned to Pegasus, Kara settled in for a shift in the CIC. The fleet remained on alert still, prepared to be followed by a basestar and Raiders sent to take them out for daring to flee from the fight. Her mind wandered as fatigue set in, going over a series of possibilities for those that remain down on Gaius Baltar’s next great failure, New Caprica.

  
She swallowed hard as her first thought was that they were simply nuked, the small settlement being taken out with great ease. The cylons would hardly have had to lift a finger to destroy the tens of thousands of people huddled up in tents, already sick and dying from the effects of the cold weather on them. What was worse was the thought that the cylons, sadistic as they were, would choose not to simply eliminate what remained of the human race. She imagined the breeding farms, and every woman and girl capable of of procreation being strapped to a machine or being cut open for the parts of them the cylons deemed most important. All the others, they’d be tortured for what little details they could give up about the whereabouts of the fleet, their bodies kicked into ditches by the metal feet of centurions. If they were lucky, they would get a mass grave. If they weren’t, she knew the skinjobs would let them rot where they died. New Caprica wasn’t Caprica City. There was no reason to clean up the mess because the cylons sure as hell didn’t intend on settling down on that soil.

  
Helo relieved her for the ship’s night cycle and Kara returned to her quarters to find Sam awake and waiting for her on the couch. He was silent as she entered, eyes following her as she crossed the room and began to undress on her way to the bedroom. She couldn’t hear him, but felt his footsteps behind her a second before his arms slipped around her, his hand sliding into her open jacket to rub at her stomach over tanks. For the moment, she relaxed into him, her hand rising up to cup his cheek as Sam kissed her neck. She knew every type of kiss he gave and this one screamed of apology.

  
Anders kept quiet as his hands met at her waist, unbuttoning her pants until there was enough give to tug them from her hips. He turned her around in his arms to slide the jacket from her torso and he backed her up further into the room as his mouth found a certain place just behind her ear. Kara gave in to it all, choosing to let him envelop her for as long as she could manage to ignore all the rest.

  
“I’m sorry, Kara.” Sam groaned the words against her collarbone, only stopping to divest himself of his shirt.

  
She took the free moment to pull her own tanks off and suddenly her skin was pressed to his. The heat she felt off of him made her absolutely melt. It was satisfying at first, and then she was drowning in a memory of another time someone’s heated skin kept her warm when she needed it most. Suddenly she was awash in Lee Adama, the way he pulled her to his own chest and she slept atop him until he was waking her up by stroking her hair and the skin where her throat and shoulder connected. They’d hurriedly frakked for the third time that night and even in the cool air of New Caprica, his skin was sticky and searing hot against hers. It was enough to lull her back into sleep, her head pillowed on his chest.

  
There were arms around her again and Kara was quick to start pushing him back and away, an abrupt shove of her palms given to his chest as she crossed the room in her briefs and faded black sports bra.

  
“What the frak just happened?” He was frustrated in more ways than one and she heard it in the strain of his voice.

  
“Didn’t you get the hint, Sammy? I’ve got a headache,” she said, her words dripping with condescension. She slipped the bra from her body with her back turned to him, pulling on a fresh tank from her meager supply neatly folded away in her drawer. That was one of the benefits to being Commander, having someone else wash and fold and put away her laundry in neat little piles. It was a harmless thought, but it brought her back to Lee again and how he’d be so pleased with himself to see her succumbing to what he’d consider proper hygiene for once.

  
Sam remained in the doorway, shirtless and offended by her sudden brush off. He pondered making an attempt to goad her into yet another fight, but he considered the events of the day and simply reached for his shirt as he left her to her lonesome. He assumed his all too familiar position of sleeping on a couch made for a man a foot and a half shorter than he.

  
She waited until she was alone to start gathering her clothing, shaking the temporary wrinkles out of each before she hung each item in her closet, refastening the buttons as she worked. She went for her boots, abandoned haphazardly by the doorway, and pulled them together as she sat down just beside her bed. Her legs parted and stretched out across the floor, the last bit of carpeting in the universe as she often mused, and her hand reached out for the nearby kit.

  
Kara unpacked each item and laid them out in a neat row directly in front of the leather boots settled between her legs. With a glance towards where the living quarters and her husband were, she returned her attention to the first container and opened it. The strong scent bathed her and she took a moment just to breathe it in before her hand grasped the small brush nearby. She scooped a measured amount of the black polish out and lathered it across the surface of the first boot. It was a slow process for her and not because she was seriously concerned with the shine of her shoes, after all this wasn’t boot camp and she wasn’t about to get a demerit because her instructor couldn’t see their reflection in them. Rather, she slowed down the process on purpose to enjoy it for as long as she could. The scent of the polish filled her nostrils and all she saw was Lee.

  
Lee sat at the edge of his bunk, filling what little free time he had with removing the scuffs from what were probably the last pair of factory made boots he would ever own. Kara teased him every time she saw him in the process of it, but still he persisted with the futile attempt at keeping one normal activity in his life. They were drunk one night in the rec room, alone at last, and all she could think to ask him while he was in a drunken haze was why the frak he bothered to shine his shoes at all. Kara seemed to think he should have traded the kit for something of better value, although she’d argue half a swig of ambrosia would be a better deal. To her, that shoe polishing kit just spelled more work.

  
Lee laughed despite his state and took another drink. It wasn’t an embarrassing story, but admitting anything to Kara Thrace tended to drive one to drink. “It lets me pretend for a minute that none of this has happened,” he said, almost a little too quietly.

  
 She pondered it for a moment and said nothing else, pulling the nearly empty bottle back from him to take her sip.

  
Kara was channeling him as she dragged the brush along the leather. She both heard and saw Lee following the same pattern across his own boots, and she began to think about how that very kit he used was probably somewhere on Galactica in storage now. She wondered what would happen to it if they never saw Lee again. Would his belongings just be abandoned and forgotten? Or would someone drag the box out and put them up for the usual auction? She vowed then and there that it wouldn’t ever come to that. Kara knew that the person who tried to pull those few possessions out of her arms would leave with a concussion and a few broken fingers.

  
She inherited her own kit by way of assuming command of Pegasus and every time she has pulled it out and laid each item out before her, she questioned if maybe it was cursed. Like Cain and Fisk and Garner, maybe she would be the next Commander laid to rest out an airlock, mutilated and broken. From the amount of polish that remained, however, she doubted any of her predecessors bothered to use the kit themselves. That was some ensigns job undoubtedly, but Kara kept this task for herself.

  
In better times, when Pegasus orbited over New Caprica, watching and protecting the people below, Kara would crawl out of bed with Anders, visiting on one of his trips from the surface. He’d caught her a few times, interrupting what she now found to be just as much of a ritual as rubbing at and praying to the idols she kept wrapped up in the back of her closet. Sam had often tried to convince her to come back to sleep or at least explain why she had developed a new habit of being laid out on the floor with a pair of boots and shoe polish. He’d long since given up understanding it, however, and part of Kara wished he could understand it on his own.

  
Because this is the only way I can have both of you, she’d often think, although she knew that game of pretend was doing nothing for her at all.

  
Kara rubbed a cloth over the boot until the shine was to her satisfaction. She observed her work and then closed her eyes for just a moment as she whispered. “Lords of Kobol hear my prayer. Protect your son Lee Adama.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was a month later and the fleet remained no more than a pair of jumps out of range of New Caprica. In any other time, Kara's mind would have been reeling with fear that they were soon to be found. Lack of news on the cylon front usually meant there was worse to come as their opponents bided their time, planning for the type of takedown they were unlikely to escape from. But like the rest of the people that made up the skeleton crew of the fleet these days, her concern was elsewhere. Protecting the twin battlestars was no longer first priority. Being able to get back to the people they left behind, that was where their focus laid.

Kara was on her daily trip over from Pegasus, having finished a double shift in CIC and handed it off to her second in command. Meetings with the Admiral had become a daily process, and she filed them into her usual routine behind brushing her teeth and forcing down some breakfast mush composite of stale rations and protein powder.

Kara stepped into the Admiral's quarters without waiting for his usual clearance. She was here the same time every day, and if he wasn't ready, she considered that his fault and not hers. As always, he was seated at his desk, folders open and scattered with the latest reports that said the same thing they said for the last month. Their daily raptor's trip back to New Caprica had brought nothing. No contact from the surface. Their pilots tried to send their own scrambled messages down below, but they were jammed by signals coming from the basestars clustered up over the settlement. The only good news was that their sensors hadn't read for any kind of radiological weaponry, which offered the hope that their people were still alive down there. Whether they were alive or dead by other means, nobody knew.

Her glass of water was waiting and she nodded her thanks. Kara had long since given up his offers of ambrosia on her visits. It was too tempting to her to not drink it, and she knew she needed as clear a head as possible. Drowning everything out, for once, wasn't an option. She cleared her throat as she sat, settling her own pack of folders over her crossed knees. The top one was quickly opened and she scanned the words that she already read over a dozen times, both in her quarters and on the flight over.

"They've reduced their basestar numbers down to eight." She knew and he knew, but she said it anyway. It was the glimmer of hope they had. They didn't say it aloud, but both the Admiral and Commander knew they couldn't take on that many ships. Even going in and knowing they'd lose both battlestars, they'd be lucky to take down half that number in the process. It would be a suicide mission and all the numbers they crunched every which way couldn't even promise they would buy enough time to get a single civilian vessel off the ground.

Kara's frustration was evident in her exhale. She had a card under the table, however, so she laid it out for the Admiral. "I think we need to bring Sharon into this."

They had trusted the defected cylon before, particularly in the Caprica rescue mission, but she knew that the Old Man's trust still hadn't been fully placed in her. Sure, her security team had been diminished, especially with the lack of personnel on board. She even heard a rumor that the two of them were meeting on occasion to talk. What about, she had no idea. He had lightened up to her, no longer just seeing her as the version of her model that put a couple bullets in his chest and nearly cost him his life. She was Sharon, not Boomer. Despite all of this, Kara was certain he was not quite ready for the step she wanted him to take.

The Admiral's face gave nothing away and his head shook without looking up at her. There was her answer.

It was the answer she was expecting, in fact, she wouldn't have been quite sure what to do if he'd agreed to it. She hadn't planned for that today. Kara needed him to turn her down once, hoping it would soften him up to her second request.

"How are you feeling about the practice runs the pilots have been doing?" She was already aware of his opinion on it as she had been hearing it over the wireless for weeks now. It was a set up and she hoped he didn't realize it.

"It's frakking pathetic, that's what it is. I don't care if they've only run routine CAPs for the last year, it's like they're complete rookies out there. If we had anyone else, I would've grounded them all a long time ago."

She nodded along sympathetically, her forehead creased just barely as her lips pursed in quiet contemplation. "Hear me out on this." Kara's hand raised to preemptively stifle his response. "Kat's a great pilot, I trained her myself, you know that. But leading this? Sir," She paused before she leaned in, palm pressed to the surface of the desk as she demanded eye contact. "I need to be out there with them. I've taught damn near all of them at some point and it needs to be me who kicks their asses into gear. I'm not saying I'm giving up command, in fact I won't let you take it from me. I'll work double shifts in CIC, triple shifts even, I don't give a frak how much I sleep. But I need to be up there with them a couple hours a day." It was something that would never have been allowed in peacetime, and especially not in a wartime that didn't revolve around the remaining 45,000 humans in existence. But nothing they'd done in the last two years was exactly up to Colonial Fleet standards.

Her green and hazel eyes pleaded with him from a few feet away and she waited for any signal from him. They were at a standoff. Even Starbuck knew better than to challenge the Old Man like this, but she held her ground.

He relented and he spoke in that rough tone of voice that let Kara know what thin of a line she walked on. "Once, every other day, provided you manage to keep getting five hours of sleep. If I even hear a rumor that you nodded off while in command, that's it, Kara, you're done. You're of no use if you can't do anything."

Kara's shoulders eased and she nodded once as she stood up. He hadn't formally said the meeting was over, but going into this room, she knew there was little he'd have to say given the current situation. Her arm raised in a rigid and sharp salute and she was off, rushing out of the hatch as soon as the sharp ascent of his head released her from her current duty.

She should have headed down to the hangar deck to call for a Raptor flight back and she planned to, in due time. The arrangements were already made and she wasn't expected back any time soon. Kara had made Helo aware of the situation, and though she knew he respected the Admiral, part of her knew his loyalties were with not only herself but the woman he loved that still remained locked away as prisoner. She stepped in to the room that housed Sharon's quarters, the informal brig they'd created to keep her there a long time ago. She silently mused that it felt like another lifetime entirely.

A nod was given to Mathias, the single marine guard standing watch this shift and Mathias returned it with something of a reserved smile. She unlocked the door to the cell, letting Kara in before locking her inside. It was only another moment before she stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her, this time to stand guard outside and offer the cylon and Commander a bit of privacy.

Sharon's eyebrows raised in a familiar look of confusion and curiosity as she stood from the small cot she was lying upon. If it were anyone else locked into the cell with her without even her usual marine guard present, Sharon would have been afraid. After the incident with the Pegasus crew, part of her still clenched inside every time someone stepped inside that door. But this was Starbuck, and even without the new memories that she formed of her and with her since Caprica, she still recalled Boomer's own memories and the friendship she once shared with Starbuck.

Kara eyed her for a moment, hands set on her hips even with the thick stack of folders in her grip. Then all of a sudden, she stepped forward, kneeling on the ground as she started to lay the papers out. Sharon instinctively met her on the ground, mirroring her posture before she glanced across to the woman that she still considered her friend and fellow pilot.

Across from her, Kara quirked a smile and spoke. "What we do here, Sharon, it doesn't leave the room. Not to the Admiral, not to Helo, not in prayers to your one or many Gods."

Sharon, whose face normally looked sullen since the loss of her daughter, further imitated Kara with her own spreading smile. She had her visits from Helo on and off, less frequent since his transfer to Pegasus, but it hadn't helped to solve the loneliness she felt since she abandoned her own people. There was no longer a part of her that could even attempt to understand the horrible things her brothers and sisters had done, but for her rather short life, they were the only family she knew. And now, here on Galactica, with the people she remembered and loved, she remained isolated by their fear. For once in all those months since she found the fleet with Kara and Karl, Sharon's heart thumped with a true sense of acceptance and above all, trust. To Kara, Sharon knew that she wasn't just a cylon anymore.

Kara ran her her tongue over her teeth while sifting through the files of reconnaissance before she spoke again. "What do you know about cylon jamming frequencies?"

—

It was night cycle and Kara was already down to her skivvies and tank when she heard the familiar open and shut of the outermost hatch in her quarters. It was Sam, that much she knew, as she had very few friends on this ship — at least ones that would visit her quarters at this time of night. Since the fleet pulled out of New Caprica, things between she and Anders had been less than amicable, even by Kara's own standards. A glance over to him as he stepped into the bedroom, and she felt the guilt all over again for any number of their recent arguments. Although there were a number of people alive, and an even greater number dead, that would make a good argument for Starbuck never having felt an ounce of guilt or compassion, it was inherently untrue. She felt that guilt all of the time, but she was markedly better at making sure she never let it show.

What Kara could remember about the years she had two parents were fairly happy memories. It was a stark contrast to the number of years that followed her father's departure. Of course there were more arguments towards the end, but the time between when things went completely sour and when her father disappeared was relatively short lived. Had Socrata and Dreilide drawn out their relationship's end, she had no doubt that this was what those months or years would've felt like. Tense. Uncomfortable. A distinct lack of real conversation. Kara recalled on very few occasions, hearing Lee mention the years surrounding his parents' divorce. It wasn't something Zak had ever talked about with her more than in casual mention, and she now knew it wasn't because it hadn't been a bad divorce, but because he was too young to remember it well enough. For Lee on the other hand, despite what little he had confessed about it, Kara understood that he endured the worst of it.

"Deck Chief using you well, Anders?" She asked, genuinely curious. Before New Caprica, Anders hadn't had enough time on Galactic or Pegasus to settle into a field of work since 'Caprica Resistance Fighter' was no longer an adequate job title. After settlement, Sam had insisted on settling down in tent city along with everyone else despite the marriage tattoos littering both of their arms. Kara still wasn't sure what he spent most of his time doing down there, as every time she had set foot on the rock he was playing pyramid. She vaguely recalled a conversation in which he talked about helping in construction of new tents and the few buildings they had actually started working on down there.

Whatever it was that he did to occupy himself, it afforded him enough time to split between the surface and visiting her in command of Pegasus. At the start of their compromise, Sam hated the thought of being split up for most of their time, just not enough for him to concede to spending his days locked away on the battlestar with very idle hands. Kara, on the other hand, thoroughly enjoyed the arrangement from the start, for a number of reasons. He was gone enough so she could focus on her work without a constant distraction, but certainly there enough to keep her satisfied. Truth be told, even with how busy she was since the cylons had returned, Kara felt herself nearly choking at her husband's constant presence.

Anders grunted briefly through the fabric of his shirt as he pulled it over his head, tossing it to the hamper in the corner of the room. Back when Kara first settled into the quarters and they were still unmarried, they had giggled over the presence of what had been such a simple item. But now, like the carpet, this hamper was one of the very last.

"Last day, actually." Sam spoke like it was the most casual conversation topic, toeing off his unlaced boots and following them with the removal of his pants. "I start Vipers training tomorrow."

Kara's brow furrowed as she digested his words, unsure if what she heard was actually true. "Vipers?" Her voice sounded a little higher than normal, giving way to show her surprise.

"Figured if I was going to pull my weight around here I should stop complaining about everyone else doing something to help the people back there and just do it myself." He smiled over at her, wide and childish in his admitted wrongs. "There are a lot of Vipers down on the decks that don't ever get used. I know how hurting we are for pilots. Whatever you guys figure out with planning on going back there, we're going to need them all."

She nodded as she turned around in quiet contemplation. Her mind first went to the deceased man, hardly not even a boy anymore, that she was previously meant to marry. It terrified her now to know that another person she loved would be getting themselves mixed up in those ships. Zak had been at the Academy, had months of training in Sims, flight tests, and proper instruction, and still he had died. Now here was her husband, going to be getting the biggest crash course in just about the deadliest job in the fleet. If he was even ready to fly by time they were ready to go back for New Caprica, would he make it out of the fight? Gods, would they put him in a Viper even if he wasn't ready for it? But despite the fear, her chest warmed with pride in him for taking such a step.

Anders approached and cautiously set his hand on her arm, fingers grasping over the black ink that had become a permanent part of her skin just as it had his. He tugged her around gently and he was surprised to see her smiling up at him.

"You're so stupid, Sammy." Her voice was light as she spoke and the worry in him faded away for the moment. Kara shook her head even as she rolled up onto the tiptoes of her bare feet, arms sliding around his neck as their bodies pulled one another in close. Sam slid his arms around her, crossing around her back and he lifted her just barely off the rug as he kissed her, eventually settling her back down.

"I've tried to tell you that so many times…" Sam spoke, voice trailing down to a whisper.

"Should I make you a box lunch to take with you on your first day of school?" Kara teased, even as her body said otherwise, her fingers gripping at the bottom of her tank to pull it off of her chest, leaving her torso completely bare to him for the first time in weeks.

"You gonna see me off at the ready room door, too? Kiss my forehead and tell me to listen to my teacher?"

She grinned so wide her cheeks begun to ache. The knuckles of her folded fists barely pushed against his chest as he obeyed, backing himself up to the side of the double bed, yet another privilege afforded to the Commander. Her fists released, finger tips trailing down his bare chest to the edge of his own underwear, slipping inside the fabric. She gripped him without a second of hesitation and Anders laughed and groaned against her hair, roughly nipping at her earlobe in response. His hands went for her own briefs first, sliding them down until gravity did its job. She took the lead with his own pair, pulling them down with one hand, the other continuing to grasp and stroke him as he laid down on the mattress.

Kara climbed atop him then, and having worked him until he was hard, she slid herself down onto him from her straddled position. Every muscle in her body tensed at the feel of him inside her once again and she shut her eyes. Kara found herself jarred from the moment as Anders raised his hips into her from beneath. She soon resumed control of the situation, her hands pressing down to the center of her chest as her long blonde hair fell over her shoulders and portions of her breasts.

"Just don't let your instructor convince you to call her God." She winked at him from above and rose up and down on him, rocking their bodies together. A groan left his lips and she smiled as her head tilted back. "You know that's reserved for me."  
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	4. Chapter 4

The room was full. Instead of just the Admiral, it was Helo and Kat, Dee and Hoshi, Mathias and Hot Dog. Even Anders was an occupant this time, though Kara could tell by the way he fidgeted in his flight suit that he was unsure of his place. For a moment, Kara wondered just who could be at the figurative helm of the two battlestars in case of emergency, but she quickly put it furthest from her mind.

Kara stood while the rest of them sat, their eyes on her in eager anticipation for expected news. It was an impromptu meeting, most of them pulled mid-shift, even off of CAP and practice missions to meet there and now.

"Everything's changed." Starbuck has made the vague declaration to the room, reading each of their faces before she continued on. "Admiral." There was a pause as she nodded her head to him, her eyes and attention focused on the oldest occupant of the room. "I've been running my own Raptor reconnaissance missions back to New Caprica during the hours yours aren't out there."

"And just what were you hoping to accomplish? Attract the attention of the cylons and lead them back to us, or were you just hoping to get a couple of pilots killed?" The Admiral's words were harsh as he sat up a little stiffer. The other occupants of the room started to shift uncomfortably.

"I requested that Sharon be transferred to Pegasus six weeks ago, sir. I told you it was for Helo and it was, but it wasn't my only reason." Despite what she knew the others must have been thinking, the deception she played on Adama burned inside her at that moment, especially when her sins were being confessed out in the open. "The last six weeks, Sharon and I have been working on cracking the signals the basestars have been using to jam our connection to the ground. Honestly, I didn't know if anything would come of it. Sharon's been out of the loop with the cylons for two years now and they know we've got her. But she's still one of them and she can still think like them, sir."

Silence consumed the room, but she could feel the tension bubbling beneath. Everyone but Helo looked surprised.

"Karl and Sharon Agathon have been jumping out every night for the last three weeks now, attempting to make contact. For a long time, we were running into the same problems that we all know about. An hour ago, Sir, Sharon overrided the signal and we received word from the people on the ground." Her emotions betrayed her, and for once, Kara didn't care about what the small crowd of people would think or say when they saw it on her face and heard it in the tremble of her voice. "They're alive, Sir. There's a resistance. And now we can begin planning how to get them back."

—

Hours later, when Kara and Adama were left to themselves, she was quiet as she spoke. "I know I had no right to go behind your back and I'll accept whatever the punishment is for it, sir, but wait until after we pull this off."

The Admiral teetered on a line between anger and joy. Anger over having his direct orders disobeyed by the woman he considered his daughter, perhaps the only family he had left. But joy as well, because his daughter may have given him back the chance at finding the son he'd lost two and a half months ago.

"Sometimes you've got to roll the hard six." His blue eyes lifted to meet hers and she nodded in receipt of it. The distance between them closed as Adama pulled her into a hug. "Your luck's going to run out someday, Kara. So thank you for what you did, but don't try it again." He released her and held her at arm's length, hands on her shoulders. "Let's hope that lucky streak runs out after we see our people again."

And although he didn't say it, as usual, Kara knew specifically who he meant.

—

Helo slid the model Raptors forward on the table, indicating their movement from the starting position around the tiny version of New Caprica.

"Decoy Squadron A, led by Racetrack will be the first group out." Kat began to speak and Kara couldn't help but be impressed there was an inch of professionalism to her. "Once in range of basestars, they'll deploy two sets of drones that the cylons will pick up on their version of DRADIS as battlestars. We're counting on at least half of the baseships there to head from their current location to investigate. Once the job is done, the Raptors will jump away to rejoin the fleet."

Karl pushed a second set of Raptors into position while she continued.

"Decoy Squadron B will head to their coordinates and launch their own pair of drones. The intention is to confuse the basestars. They'll assume the second pair of battlestars will be us moving in for the kill while they're distracted."

It was Kara's turn and she nodded to Kat as she took the figurative torch. She didn't wait for Karl to sift through the unused models on on the edge of the table, instead she plucked the one they had been using to stand for Galactica and placed it beside New Caprica.

"Last message we received from the surface stated that they were now in possession of the launch keys to the ships in the shipyard, thanks to Lieutenant Agathon's help on the ground. Mathias and her marines have also managed to make contact and luckily, we're still running fairly undetected. The resistance on the ground is small, but they've got the tools and weapons they need now to start giving the cylons the runaround. They're cylons, but they can still get overwhelmed, and that's the crux of this plan. They don't expect us and we aren't playing by the rules this time." Glancing around to the faces at the table, Kara held eye contact with each of them, one by one.

"In the past, we've always been about protecting ourselves. The cylons have had the upper hand because they've always chosen when we fight. The times that we managed to attack back first, with the tyllium mission and the resurrection ship, we've been at our absolute best." Without missing a beat, she returned her focus to the planning table before her. "Galactica jumps into the atmosphere and releases her vipers to offer cover to the colonists on the ground. She'll jump back out into orbit to monitor things on the ground, while Pegasus will be at the location of the drones initially released by our first decoy squadron. By then, the cylons are likely to have figured us out and we're basically in the fight of our lives. Pegasus will have her vipers out there to fend off most of the raider attacks."

She eyed the pieces laid into place now, a cluster of makeshift basestars amidst the smaller Viper figures and larger pair of battlestars.

"We've already plotted a series of rapid jumps around this area for Pegasus. We'll take her in, do some damage, and jump just outside the basestars until we've pulled their attention. The second jump will move us around them again so we're able to attack from another angle before they can retrain their focus on us." Kara nodded at her handiwork before her, her arms crossed across her chest as if she was finally settled and come to peace with the plan. "She's not made for this kind of maneuvering, but she'll hold together as long as we need her to." She was unsure of the promise she was making, but kept her face stiff and reassuring.

Adama, as quiet as he had been throughout the final briefing, cleared his throat and stepped in close to the table. He set his hands just over the edge of it and gave a few slow nods as he glanced to the pieces scattered across the surface. "I'd like to commit to this with less baseships already in orbit, but I don't know if our people on the ground can hold out another month or two for us to wait to see if the cylons lift their defenses any more. We go in tomorrow and we're not coming out unless it's with all those people still on the ground. Dismissed."

They all saluted in unison and filed out, each of them leaving with preparations on how to enjoy what could be the last night they had.

—

The Admiral spent his night not with the model ship he usually turned to in times of extreme inner conflict, but with the few photo albums he had stashed away in his quarters since before the Fall. They were filled mostly with pictures of his boys in all ages of their life. There was Lee in his mother's arms, not even an hour old. Zak's infant body swaddled up in a blanket in his older brother's arms with Bill's own arms helping his eldest son hold his brother for one of the first times. He flipped through the pages and passed through decades in only minutes. He noticed how the number of pictures dwindled as the years went by and the boys no longer cared to pose for all the pictures their mother wanted to take of them. It wasn't just that, he knew, but also the fact that the happier times became fewer and far between as well.

The portraits of Lee and Zak from their first year at academy sat side by side. Bill thought about how young Lee looked in his and just how long ago it was that this picture was taken. But for Zak's, he wasn't much older than he was in that photo than when he died. It still ate at him to think that he would never know how Zak would look with a few years on him. He would be that young forever and with consideration to humanity's cylon situation, he wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse. Adama tried not to think about what it would mean for him if they didn't pull off the rescue tomorrow, but was soon overwhelmed with the thought of what would happen to him if they did manage to rescue their people from New Caprica and his only remaining son wasn't one of the people with them. It had already taken such a supreme amount of self control not to request that the Raptor communicating with the resistance ask about his son's whereabouts. He was the Admiral, he knew he had the authority, but he had long since realized that he might be better off not knowing the answer just yet.

He didn't get any sleep that night.

—

Kara kept Helo company for the first part of her evening. They talked about Sharon and how it felt for him to be a newlywed as of a few weeks prior. He didn't share much, instead his smile said everything. He had been worried about having his wife onboard this specific ship after what had happened between some of Cain's unsavory crew and Sharon all those months ago, but Kara had done everything to assure her safety and improved living conditions. She'd still been kept under armed guard for her first few weeks, there was no getting around that. But the Admiral had surprised them when he asked her to take the oath and become an official member of the fleet. Now, the Agathons were one of the few to occupy space down in the married quarters.

The topic of conversation switched to better days, back before the decommissioning and end of the worlds, and the two of them reminisced and pondered over where they'd be now if the cylons hadn't decided to upset everything. Despite the situation they were currently in and all the people they had lost, neither of them could find the energy to say they wished it had all happened any other way. Karl especially couldn't say it and when he mentioned how beautiful his daughter was for the few hours he got to see her, Kara's stomach clenched in a mixture of sorrow and envy. He was happy now, though, and she knew that was really all that mattered. If they died the following day, Karl Agathon would have had a life worth living.

When Kara returned to her room, Anders was already back from his own pilots' briefing. Compared to the kind of training her first round of nuggets got, she knew Sam has been absolutely coddled. He had weeks to learn about his ship and hone what little innate ability he was gifted with. She saw him up there a few times and while he wasn't exactly a natural, she still felt proud of him. Now, on the eve of the battle they had been waiting for, she was disgusted by that feeling of pride. Instead, a feeling of complete terror sat in its place. She was afraid he wouldn't return from the fight. He was green through and through and all the practice dogfights he was part of wouldn't compare at all when they were Raiders. She wouldn't be able to protect him from inside her battlestar and a small part of her wished she could be out there with the squadrons tomorrow, at least there she could watch his back.

They were barely dressed and ready for bed and Sam seemed to think they would spend their final night in each other's arms. He was partially right, but instead of drowning out their fears and worries with him burying himself inside of her, Kara guided him down onto the bed, his back against the wall. She sat between his legs with her back to his chest and ran her arms along the length of his own, palms rested over the backs of his hands. Their legs extended across the bed, limbs parallel to one another with as much skin to skin contact as possible. His muscles were pliant and she led the way, curling her fingers over his to force him to do the same as she made him grip the imaginary throttle between her knees. This was all the help she could give him, so Kara talked him through the routines and maneuvers, hoping to drill that instinct into him an inch further.

Kara and Sam practiced that way for hours and she became the drill instructor, asking question after question until he could parrot back the proper procedure every time. His hand guided hers as he pulled pretend move after move and she could tell just by the way his hand and arm shifted if he had it right or not. He fell asleep first and Kara laid with him halfway through the night, seeing the faces of all the people they left behind. She saw them all behind her eyelids one at a time, pulling in at herself and trying to see if there was some feeling beneath her skin as to who was still alive and who wasn't. It was a morbid game and she hoped that tomorrow proved her wrong on all the accounts of those who she felt would not have made it. She never pictured Lee, though. She didn't dare think about what had happened to him all this time.

With a few hours until first shift and the start of what could very well have been their final mission, Kara slipped out of bed and Sam's arms, and sat on the carpeting just below. She tugged at her boots from a few feet away, pulled the familiar shoe polish kit out, and started navigating the familiar sense memory. Like all the other nights, she didn't see her hands polishing at her familiar pair of shoes, but rather Lee at the edge of his bunk across the way, diligently working. It brought a smile to her face and a calm to her head. She whispered the prayer that had become part of the routine since they left New Caprica three months prior. "Lords of Kobol, hear my prayer. Protect the souls of your children tomorrow…especially that of Lee Adama."

A few feet above her, Sam woke and silently watched her back in the familiar display he caught her doing for months now. Her whisper caught the breath in his lungs and Sam pulled his eyes tightly closed in an attempt to try to fall back asleep.

—

The next morning, Pegasus and Galactica said goodbye to what remained of the civilian fleet. What surprised the Admiral most was just how few and far between the complaints were from the other vessels. While there were the outspoken few that cried they were being condemned to death in a suicide mission that had no chance of being successful, the majority of hearts of the people were with the fleet. They had to try something and everyone knew it was this or nothing at all.

Kara reported to the CIC at the very start of the day cycle. With the mission only a few hours away, she was happy to find it mostly deserted with the exception of the few crew members who had been on shift throughout the night. It gave her time to think over the details of the plan, looking for holes and flaws even though she knew there wasn't time for a single change to it now. Even she would admit that this plan went a little beyond out of the box. She was known for planning the type of missions that they'd never let someone like Lee propose in War College. They may have been non-textbook, but they at least had some security measures built in to ensure success. But this plan, Kara knew it hinged entirely on too much good luck. There were too many outside factors to plan for and all they could do was hope for the best. Try as she might to ignore it, she had a stinging feeling in her stomach that she really wouldn't make it out of this. Like all the times she went into battle before, she wasn't scared of facing death, at least not for herself. She was scared of what her failure here would mean for the people down on that planet.

She gave a silent nod of her head as everyone slowly reported for duty, with Karl and Hoshi being first. Karl's tight smile both calmed and scared her all at once, but she kept a lid on what she felt brewing beneath her skin. She had failed her crew three months ago when the cylons had returned and she'd all but turned into an incompetent mess of panic, needing to be reassured and ordered by her Admiral into bringing them to safety. Even if it meant her death, Kara knew she'd go down at that CIC table, barking orders to keep her people safe.

A call from the Admiral was patched through to her personal unit and Kara lifted it from its cradle with a steady hand.

"We'll bring them back today, Admiral."

Karl listened in on the conversation from a few feet away, imagining what the Old Man was saying to her on the other end.

"Just remember, you promised me that when we got back you'd shave that mustache off." Kara spoke with a smile on her face and nearby, Helo tried to hold back his own laughter. That mustache had been a bit of contention between the Admiral and both entire sets of crew. "Yes, I do remember my part of the bargain…but you'll have to pull rank on the entire fleet to find me the universe's last bottles of shampoo if you don't want me to cut all this hair off." Her free hand idly played with the ponytail of long blonde hair at the back of her head, eventually trailing up to brush aside the shorter lengths that fell across her forehead. Though she didn't have a ship run on fear like Cain had, she had to wonder if the unconscious decision to let her hair grow out over the last year had been done with the late Admiral in mind.

Her voice was serious now, quiet, and though Adama wasn't anywhere in sight, Kara nodded along. "Yes, Sir. We'll see you on the other side."

The private conversation finished, Kara straightened her uniform in preparation. Karl noticed the bright shine to her shoes and he quirked an eyebrow at her with a deliberate glance at her feet. He'd never known Kara to be the type to be in perfect uniform and it had been a few months ago over ambrosia in her quarters that she had confessed about her weekly ritual. She never said who she had in mind when doing it, but he only knew one pilot that had kept up the habit after the end of the worlds. Karl would swear on pain of death that he saw her cheeks tinge with the slightest color of pink, but she gave no response, instead tilting her head up to the DRADIS screen as Hoshi patched the Admiral through to all the speakers on Pegasus just as had been presumably done on Galactica.

"This is the Admiral. Today we return to New Caprica to bring our people back. You all know your duties, but I wanted to impress upon you how much everyone is relying on each of you. There are no contingency plans today. There will be no one behind you to catch your mistakes or pick up the slack. If your trigger is pulled a second too late, if you aren't there to redirect a fuel line, you'll have destroyed both our battlestars in the process and condemned the people on the ground to death. Today, more than any day, we demand perfection of each and every one of you. Trust in your fellow officers, your Commander, your Admiral, to bring you all home, and we will."

"So say we all," Kara whispered softly to herself and imagined all the people around the ship bowing their heads in silent prayer. She could see the deck and engine crews kissing medallions of their Gods for that extra reassurance of luck and all her pilots settled into their Raptors and Vipers. Anders was down there somewhere now, hand shaking with nervousness undoubtedly, but Kara knew she couldn't let herself linger on thoughts of any one person too long. Pegasus was her focus now.

The clock counted down to the time for mission start and Kara assumed the role of Commander as she spoke into her handset. "Set condition one throughout the ship. All hands prepare for jump."

One inward pull of the FTL drive engaging and Pegasus was finally back within range of New Caprica. She could hear the orders being barked around her, mostly in Karl's voice, though she soon heard the mixtures of others over the loud speakers as the two Raptor squadrons were in place. DRADIS became the center of her focus now, praying there weren't suddenly any unexpected blips on the screen that would signal the end to their plan already. They hadn't even begun to fight yet. If she was going down, it would be in the heat of battle, not caught off guard by a basestar.

The first set of drones were launched, registering as another pair of battlestars. What she wouldn't give to have those be real. For once, they wouldn't be so alone. The screen tracked the Raiders being deployed in large numbers, heading directly for what the cylons presumed to be Pegasus and Galactica returning for the fight. The second pair were deployed to the second location further, once it was clear that the raiders had discovered the ruse of the first ones. Three of the four baseships began to pull away from where they were stationed, heading to the second location and preparing for a fight.

Galactica was the first of the true battlestar icons to disappear and reappear and Kara nearly saw and felt what they were going through in her head as the seconds ticked by and the roar of voices from Galactica's CIC blared into her own.

"Vipers away."

"Galactica, Hot Dog, ground resistance seems to be doing their job. Catching sight of explosions all through the city."

"Red Wing, Hot Dog, shoot open the gates while we get these centurions out of the tower. Let's give these people some cover."

By now, Galactica would have jumped back into orbit to do battle with the single basestar remaining overhead and the glow of Galactica's icon brought her comfort. Pegasus, on the other hand, had just begun her own fight. The ship headed straight into the cluster of three basestars before them, weapons blazing and not only providing cover for the departing Vipers as they launched, but also being trained on what they believed to be the most vulnerable portions of the baseships.

"First squadron away, sir." Hoshi nodded to her and she returned it. "Second squadron is being loaded into the tubes and will be ready for launch in five minutes."

The plan seemed to be holding firm, even as Pegasus found herself in the middle of the trio of baseships, taking on damage from all of them at once.

"Prepare the first jump." Her voice was steady as the coordinates were loaded up and following the countdown, the jump was initiated. Pegasus blinked out of the space between the basestars and reappeared just beyond them, still within firing range but a careful enough distance away.

"Weapons readjust forty three degrees, keep firing." Starbuck called out the order into her comm unit before turning to Karl. "Sitrep, XO."

"FTL functional, weapons operating at 94%. Some minor hull damage, fires in one compartment on the starboard side but we've already vented and contained it. One viper lost from first squad—" His voice was cut off short as he squinted up at the DRADIS screen. "Oh Gods, two more basestars just jumped into orbit. No, no, make that three. Two on us and one on Galactica."

The Admiral came over the speaker then, jarring Kara from her thoughts. "We've got our first baseship down over here. We'll take care of the second. Civilian vessels are already lifting off and jumping to the safety point." He paused before his voice returned, drowning out all the other chatter, and she knew it was a struggle for him to say it. "Kara, you've got five on you, you can't hold five. Jump out of there! This is an order!"

"If we don't stay, they'll be on you before we've cleared even half the planet." She didn't outright say what was being implied, but everyone knew it nonetheless. "Get them to safety, sir." Kara cut her line off and looked around the CIC, reading the faces of all the people who suddenly understood their fate.

Karl was the only one to speak. "What are your orders, Commander?"

She gritted her teeth tightly together, knuckles going white as she gripped at the table before her. "Fight 'em until we can't. Now get that second frakking viper squadron out of the tubes to give us some Gods damned cover. Re-plot the second jump, adjusting for the additional basestars."

There was chaos in her CIC now, organized chaos, but chaos nonetheless. The ship shook as a particularly bad hit was taken and Kara stumbled, pulling herself back up. She heard the second set of pilots chattering eagerly as they called out their kills and offered assistance to their fellow Viper jocks.

"All hands prepare to jump. 5…4…"

Pegasus reappeared on the opposite side now and before she could even get the words out, she could see the screens showing the weapons being retargeted onto the nearest basestar. Her crew were doing their jobs.

"We've got one basestar down and another one to follow soon. One of the ships seems to be pulling off and heading back towards Galactica."

"I want our third coordinates reprogrammed, put ourselves between the basestar and where Galactica is. We can't risk any of them getting away from us." She was deviating from the plan now, but the situation had changed entirely.

"Sir, the FTL isn't made for jumping this quickly. We were pushing the drive to the limit as it was. We're off course and too close to where you want us to jump to, the force of our own jump could tear the ship apart." Hoshi was being the voice of reason in the room, she knew, but now wasn't the time to cross her.

"I know the risks. Plot the jump!"

"FTL's running too hot. If we do this, it could be the last one we've got." Even Karl was interfering now and it burned her inside to hear his protests.

"No matter what we said when we planned this mission, we all knew this was a one way ticket. Now jump the frakking ship."

Pegasus blinked in and out and she knew it was by the Gods' graces that they hadn't managed to jump partially into the basestar that had been moving full speed back towards Galactica's distant location. Abruptly, the baseship pulled itself to a halt, preventing a full crash directly into Pegasus. The ship rattled as one of the arms of the cylon ship tore through one of the extended flight pods. The glass partitions in CIC shattered simultaneously, sending bits and pieces of glass around all the occupants of the room.

"Galactica, what's your sitrep?" Kara held the comm fast to her ear while her other hand wiped the blood from her forehead, dragging the back of her hand along her uniform to remove the red smudges of liquid.

Dee was the voice on the other end this time and she froze at first, fearing the worst for the Old Man. "Another baseship's jumped into orbit and we're getting hit pretty hard. Reporting all but five civilian vessels off the ground and jumped away. Will be calling all our birds in for combat landings if we've got the chance to jump to safety."

Kara looked to Karl now, hand covering the mouthpiece of the phone as she spoke. "Jump drives?"

He shook his head and she knew what it meant. "Took a hit when we jumped. If we didn't melt the coils ourselves, cylons knocked it out anyway. With the state of the ship, I don't think Pegasus would have a chance at surviving a jump. We've got fires all across the starboard now. Engines are barely running minimal weapons and life support. I'm not even sure evacuation is an option with the number of Raiders out there, sir."

Without hesitation, her attention went back to the comm and the woman on the other end. Any and all of their differences were put aside for the time being. "I'm sending my Vipers to give you cover and ordering them for combat landings when you're ready to pull out. Tell the Admiral to take care of my pilots."

Galactica was still taking a beating and she hoped the old girl could hold on long enough for her Vipers to get there and offer their aid, despite leaving Pegasus fully exposed.

Hoshi was giving the order before she could even tell him to do so and the ship trembled violently.

"Send out the remaining reserve Vipers we've got in the tubes, tell them to head for Galactica and that they'll be landing on her when ordered," Kara spoke.

—

In his cockpit, Anders received the order from Hoshi to head towards the Galactica. His body chilled at the idea, despite the sweat pooling over his skin. He'd been held back from the fight with a handful of the other rookies. There was the sudden pressure of his Viper being launched into space, and although he knew not to expect the empty vastness of black he had trained in over the previous few weeks, he wasn't expecting the kind of chaos he was flung into. Everywhere, debris floated about and he struggled to dodge it all without clipping his wings. A Raider whirled by him, narrowly missing the nose of his ship. Anders punched it, following the other Vipers on out when he noticed a Raider on the tail of the ship ahead.

"Bullseye, Longshot. You've got a Raider on your six, taking him out for you."

His finger went for the trigger and he pressed at it, finding nothing happening in response. Sam panicked suddenly, trying to recall every ounce of knowledge he'd received over the last few weeks. Maybe he'd gotten clipped after all, his weapons system knocked out. He couldn't recall feeling such a hit, but it was possible. As his mind racked over the situation, the raider flipped itself around mid-flight, now flying backwards. He was dead, he was sure of it. The metal covering over that single red eye shifted upwards and he soon found himself making eye contact with it for the smallest of moments. The covering slid back into place and the raider dropped down underneath Sam's Viper before taking off.

—

"Engineers reporting the FTL is shot, sir. No chance of fixing her."

"That's it then." Kara nodded in acceptance of the situation, biting at her lower lip. She set her view back on DRADIS, creasing her brow in confusion at what she saw. "Where the frak are all the raiders going? They're just pulling back?"

"Getting reports from all over that the raiders have just given up the fight. It… it doesn't make any sense." Helo's confusion was all over his face. "Galactica just sent word they landed the last of our Vipers and they're jumping out."

"This is our opening." She breathed the words with a sigh of relief. Her hand went for the comm immediately, connecting through to the rest of the ship. "This is the Commander. All hands are to report to the evacuation Raptors immediately. We've completed our mission."

Despite the state of the CIC, the red lights she saw flickering on the nearby board indicating the damage to her ship, the trickle of blood she felt running down her brow and cheek, and the warning alarms blaring through her ears, Kara couldn't help but let the smile consume her face. "Aim us right at that basestar directly in front of us. The rest of you, get your frakking asses on a Raptor now." She yelled amidst the commotion, pushing at each one of her officers as they left the room. Karl was the last one to go.

"You too, Commander."

"Did you think I was actually going down with the ship? I'm not that admirable, Helo." She spoke with a tone of voice entirely too happy for the situation, turning her attention back to the abandoned CIC. Kara raised her hand to her lips, kissed against the center of her palm and pressed her open hand to the command table. "Thank you," she whispered and soon turned around to grasp at Karl's hand as they ran for the nearest hangar deck, Kara laughing the whole way there.


	5. Chapter 5

Kara's Raptor was the last to arrive on the safety of Galactica's flight deck. Under other circumstances, she would have argued and strong armed her way into piloting the ship or at the very least riding shotgun. It was a packed cabin, though, and she was content to shut her eyes and let every muscle of her body ease into the folded down jump seat. She heard the commotion even behind the yet to be opened door, people flooded into the hangar in jubilation for the successful rescue. The door hissed and popped as it rose up and the other passengers, her own crew, were welcomed into the open arms of friends and strangers alike. Karl and her evac pilot headed out afterward, giving her a moment of space to let her mind catch up with her body. She was thankful for it.

Any other time she had arrived on this deck within the last year, there had been a call for attention and rigid salutes. Even up until the prior day, it had never felt right to her, and now she knew with Pegasus gone she really wasn't a Commander anymore. She was both relieved and distressed over it.

She gripped around the opening of the ship, setting her feet down on the wing of the bird as she looked over the crowd, her presence going unnoticed. Despite their weathered and worn appearances, the refugees that were gathered looked absolutely joyful. Emotion like that could even cause the almighty Starbuck to smile. It lasted only a moment before her eyes began to seek out familiar faces to try to prove her worst fears wrong. Duck was there and she expected to see Nora a step behind him, but there were only unwashed foreign faces beside him. She knew what that meant. Duck wouldn't have gone anywhere without her if he could have helped it. If she was just injured, he would have been at her side, refusing to leave. Nora was gone. She was one of the ones Kara thought for sure would make it until the end, despite all the visions she had of new breeding farms in her head. Strike one from the list.

As she neared the edge of the Raptor, she felt a hand on her arm, helping her down. Her eyes met with the owner of the hands, eyes widening reflexively.

"Chief!" He had mustered out over a year ago, but Kara had never managed to get used to calling him by his name. It just felt funny coming out of her mouth.

"My Gods, Starbuck. They said Pegasus went down. A few Raptors from your ship showed up, but we didn't think you made it off in time." He seemed genuinely happy to see her, such a difference from all those times she fought with him on that very deck over repair work on her Viper.

She hated to ask the first thing on her mind, a fear of upsetting him if his answer wasn't a happy one. "Cally?" Her voice was quiet, especially among the cheers of 'Adama' erupting through the large hall.

Galen's body relaxed despite how surprised he was at hearing and seeing such a subdued version of the pilot he knew. His relaxation spread, heavily bearded face grinning wide and proud. "She's fine, don't worry. The sound was upsetting Nicholas, had to get him out of here."

He didn't say much but it was all she needed to know. His wife and child were okay. Plus two on her mental checklist. The gutted feeling from Nora's absence eased a little. Maybe the casualties hadn't been so bad. Maybe most of them were okay after all. She tried to convince herself of that fact, but the looks on the faces around her told her the reality. Despite the joy, everyone looked worn and aged five years in the few months since they'd been away. This moment was temporary. In the coming months, all the horrors from that planet would come forward as everyone attempted to find meaning to their lives again back amongst the fleet.

"I saw Anders come in, myself. Can't believe you convinced him to go Vipers." Galen spoke as he saw her eyes dart around the deck, clearly looking for someone in particular.

"His choice, actually." Kara felt relief at hearing Sam had mad it through the fight, but that hadn't been who she was looking for. "Got to go, Chief!" Her words were called back to him as she pushed through the crowd, unable to stand still any longer.

Through the throngs of people, she saw Karl and Sharon embrace, lost in their own world. Plus one. Sharon had made it back. Adama was held up high on the shoulders and arms of the very people still chanting his name and she pushed towards them, despite how much thicker the crowd got in direct proportion to how close she was to the Admiral.

His familiar deep voice cut through the air as he shouted, "Starbuck!"

The crowd got the hint and set him down, though they still doted on him with lively pats to the back. He pulled her into her arms and hugged her close. Kara buried her face into his shoulder, her own arms gripping at the fabric of his uniform on his back. Adama held her there for what felt like a peaceful eternity before he eased up, kissed her forehead, and took a look at her face. "You did good, Kara."

She was lost in the moment with him, easily ignoring the bystanders. Despite that the mission was considered a success, she held onto the irrational fear that he would reject her for losing what truly was half of the remaining military fleet in existence. There wasn't any anger or accusation in his eyes, however. Never had she felt more like his daughter in all her life than she did at that moment. It didn't come close to filling the void inside of her that formed when her own father had abandoned her, but it was as close as she would ever get without seeing Dreilide Thrace ever again. Unfortunately, she knew that wouldn't ever happen. She had even checked the final ship manifests for his name a month after the end of the worlds, hoping beyond reason that perhaps that one part of her past had survived.

Kara wanted to say something, anything, but felt the emotion pooling in her throat. One word would have upset the delicate balance she currently held. The tears in her eyes already gave away more than she was comfortable showing, so she opted for the gentle nod of her head. Adama understood. He squeezed her arm, letting her go just as his attention was pulled away by the demanding crowd.

It wasn't until after he was lost in the crowd that Kara realized he hadn't said a word about the whereabouts of his son.

—

Above the crowd, Kara watched from a metal walkway that hung high above the ships and people alike. After seeing Adama, she hadn't said a word to any of the other familiar faces, just nodded her head in understood hello. More than anything, she needed to get away and breathe, if only for a moment. Her body felt like it was permanently stuck mid-FTL jump, inwardly compressed and waiting for relief. It was only a mix of shock and leftover adrenaline, but instilled enough of a fear into her that in just a moment she'd open her eyes to find all these people still gone.

The sound of steady footsteps clacking against the metal pathway was the only signal that she wasn't alone any longer. She remained stationery, arms resting against the railing, her body hunched forward.

"Look what the cat dragged in. Or I guess, who dragged in the cat. That's how the Old Man always says it, right?" His voice was like gravel.

Kara turned to attention suddenly, eyes big as she took in the disheveled appearance Saul Tigh wore. The eye patch should have been the biggest shock to her system, but the overall weight loss and general unkemptness struck her harder. Even at his worst, and Saul had a lot of those when he was on the bottle, he never looked like this.

"Sir." She raised a halfhearted salute to the colonel.

"You're the Commander, Starbuck. I should be saluting you."

She looked back over the hangar deck as she shook her head, turning back to him after a moment. "Can't be much of a Commander without a ship." The only things that remained of Pegasus now were the patches on the uniforms of the officers that had escaped its final end and the smell of electrical fire worked into the strands of Kara's hair.

They held each other's gaze for a few seconds, a million thoughts and questions on both of their tongues, but it was never either of their strong suit to be the sharing type. Tigh was just as content as Kara was to find comfort in the smell of Galactica's recycled air.

"Sir," she hesitated, her voice quaking. "What happened to Lee?" She hadn't seen him anywhere despite how hard she looked. His hair would have been longer now. She was certain he wouldn't have found time for a haircut during the occupation. He would have been a little thinner, but she had a hard time picturing him any other way than how she had always known him to be. He wasn't anywhere and she hadn't been brave enough to ask anyone else. In Tigh, she found the unlikeliest of friends, just as she had that morning after Founder's Day. He was the only other person who knew of what had transpired between Starbuck and Apollo to cause the rift that had been created, although at times she questioned if her husband knew and wisely chose not to mention it. Tigh was the only person who understood, to some small degree, what Adama's eldest son meant to her.

He wrinkled his forehead. "What do you mean?"

"How…how did he die?" She barely got the words out, her throat and mouth going dry as she began to consider the notion of what she was asking.

"Starbuck…" Kara couldn't tell if it was a warning or something else. So much about the XO had changed in so little time while he was stuck on New Caprica, and that was without the loss of his eye.

"Just tell me! Was it the cylons? Was he sick? I can't not know what happened to him!" Her voice wasn't very loud, but it wasn't gentle either. Had Tigh looked healthier, she would have risked another night in hack to shove him up against the bulkhead while she demanded answers.

"I don't know where you got your information, Starbuck, but Lee isn't dead. Not last I saw him. He was helping get Roslin onto Colonial One with her people. As far as I know, that's where he is." He didn't give her a hard time for her obvious display of emotion and the subtle break in her facade.

Tears pricked at Kara's eyes and she turned away from him to look back over the hangar deck and to preserve what strength she had left. She was thankful when she heard another person approach, a woman's voice calling for Tigh by his first name. It was Ellen. She'd made it back as well. Tigh departed from Kara in silence, rejoining his wife to find comfort in her arms. As much as Kara had hated that woman before, she was glad she survived. Plus one.

—

The deck cleared after not much longer, with people eager to settle into the small comforts found in the refugee areas set up throughout the ship. Some of Galactica's crew remained to begin sorting the new influx of Vipers and Raptors that crowded the hangar. Adama wasn't sure how the crew were still functioning after the events of the day, but they seemed to do it with smiles on their faces, fueled on by the good mood that just barely still lingered in the air.

One final Raptor was towed in, recently being lowered down from the above flight pod, and Bill watched with rapt attention. He took in every detail, from who the pilots were at the front of it, to the name and number on the side of the ship. It came to a stop eventually, the mechanical sound of the door opening as he stepped in closer until he was at the very edge of the wing. Blue eyes first saw Laura, looking worse for the wear, but just as beautiful as ever to him. He offered his hands to her as she climbed off the ship, lips shaking slightly as she smiled at him.

"Bill."

He hadn't heard her voice in months. It was music to his ears.

"Laura," Adama spoke in a clipped manner, though it was heavy with affection. He wanted to embrace her and let his body finally feel relief at having her near again. Just as the courage was building, Laura stepped aside and Bill's eyes went back to the compartment of the Raptor, where Laura's former aide, Tory, emerged from. Behind her, he could see someone else, and even staring straight at the man stepping across the wing, it was hard to understand who it was.

Lee stopped as he neared the edge of the bird's wing, eyes instantly welling with thick tears. "Dad." He sounded both surprised and relieved. The pilots behind him were eager to get out of their ship, so he was forced to the floor of the hangar, coming to stand just in front of his father.

They were at a standstill for a moment until Bill faltered, his body nearly thrown at his son as he took him in his arms. "Lee." The Admiral croaked the words out, his own tears threatening to spill forth as he and his son mutually embraced.

Lee could sense his father needed reassurance and for once he was happy to give his father whatever he needed. He squeezed Adama's shoulders as he spoke, "Dad, it's all right. I made it back." Tears broke. At that moment, Lee realized just how much he needed his father's reassurance as well. He felt like a child again, before he was old enough to form reasons to hate him, instead relishing and living for the times his father showed him a random moment of affection.

Father and son held each other until they felt their tears dry up. Arms relaxed and they both pulled away, Adama moving to put his hand on Lee's cheek to confirm the reality of it. He looked unwell, that much he could tell right away. Tired, worn, and with something behind his eyes that even Bill hadn't seen before, and he had been on the receiving end of many disdainful looks from his son. Now wasn't the time to bring it up.

"Dee's been waiting up to see you, I ordered her to get some rest, though. You'll need some sleep and a meal in you first." The two of them walked together, Laura on Bill's other side, though not as close as the pair of Adamas were to one another. He missed Lee's reaction to his words, which was something torn between happiness and anxiety. Dee. He hadn't thought about her in months. She had been on Galactica when the cylons arrived and Lee had known she would be safe. There were more important things to worry about on the surface.

—

With the knowledge that Lee had been off ship but safe, Kara went looking for a place to rest her head. On autopilot, she headed for the Admiral's own quarters before remembering they weren't her own. For a fleeting moment she assumed she might be able to find space in some of the empty married quarters, but Kara changed her mind and aimed herself on the path towards one of the most familiar places on the ship, the pilots' ready room. It was on her way there that she crossed Showboat.

"Just saw Anders in the head, not looking too well. Thought you might want to know about it."

Kara gave an exhausted sigh as she turned down another hallway. She pulled the hatch open and moved inside, finding the pilot only head half full with a mix of pilots, crew, and a few lost refugees looking to scrub the dirt off their skin. No one seemed to mind, for once.

"Anders?" She asked the nearest person, who turned out to be Hot Dog.

"Last stall, Sir." He motioned towards the series of toilets.

Kara clasped her hand on the younger pilot's shoulder as she spoke. "Made me proud today, Hot Dog." Before he could get a word off, she released him and moved towards where Anders supposedly laid.

Her hand knocked against the door in a measure of politeness just in case she had the wrong one after all. A general groan came from within that she recognized to be her husband's, and though the last thing in the worlds Kara wanted to do was coddle someone, she pulled the door open anyway. Anders was tucked between the wall and the toilet, eyes shut as his head leaned back to rest against the wall. She moved inside the small stall, crouching down beside him. Her hand rested against his knee. "What's going on, Sammy?"

Sam kept his eyes shut as he listened to her voice. He didn't want to face her, didn't want to talk to her or anyone for that matter. What had happened in his cockpit still shook him to his core, though he didn't have a clue what it meant. All he knew was that he had choked on the trigger and he should have died when the Raider chose him as its new focus. He didn't. That Raider had looked at him, directly into him, even. That cold red eye had never felt more real to him in his life than it had when he stared at it. It looked at him as if it knew every detail of his life and it let him go. Anders didn't know what it meant, nor what the consequences of it were. All he knew was that it hadn't been anything good. Right now, on that cold metal floor beside a toilet filled with his own vomit, the last thing he wanted to do was try to tell Kara about it.

"Just not feeling well," Sam lied to her quietly.

"I can see that." Kara let the silence remain, hoping he would fill it.

"Let me be, Gods damn it."

She patted his knee twice as she stood up, leaning forward to take his hands. "Can't stay here. There aren't enough toilets on this ship for all the people we just picked up, so you're going to have to give it up." He resisted her as she attempted to help him up, but gave in a moment later as he struggled to stand.

After he rinsed his mouth at an empty sink, Kara helped him down the hallway with his arm curled over her shoulders and one of her arms around his waist. She couldn't imagine how long he had sat in that bathroom. It had been hours since he had landed and his flight suit still hung limply from around his waist. They were almost to the nearby bunk room when Kara caught an approaching body out of the corner of her eye. She could be blind and she'd know the specific sound of his boots hitting the plating of the floor on Galactica. Kara would know the way he walked anywhere.

"Lee," she breathed in a nearly silent whisper.

As if he heard her, though she knew he couldn't from where he stood, his eyes locked with her own. The expression on his face was unreadable and he gave nothing away. His glance shifted from her, flickering over to the taller man using her for support, before making contact with her again. He kept quiet and kept on walking, careful not to let their bodies brush as he passed her by.

From beside her, Anders huffed in frustration and took his weight off her entirely.

"Just go, Kara. I've got it from here."

She didn't hear him at first, her body shutting down to process the sight of Lee and his subsequent brush off. "What?"

"I know you want to go after him, so just frakking go." Sam leaned his weight up against the bulkhead, eyes set on her as he talked. "I'm sure you two have a lot to say and talk about since he's been gone. Go." It was an order.

"What is that even supposed to mean?" She lashed out suddenly, unable to get over the accusation she felt from his eyes. She wasn't positive if it really was there or if it was just her own guilt coming to the forefront. Kara reluctantly took his hand, squeezing it in apology. Her head jerked towards the hatch a few feet away. "Go get some sleep. You need it." She was gone a moment later, hurriedly heading in the direction Lee had last gone.

—

Panic rose inside her when she couldn't find him. It was as if he had disappeared without a trace down the maze of hallways she wouldn't be able to ever forget. Exhaustion had long since set in as she checked all the rooms behind the open hatches in the nearby network of walkways, only to find a few crewmen angry at being woken up and empty storage lockers.

Defeated, she went back for her original destination, the pilots' ready room. She had given up the hope of finding him when she stepped through the hatch and pulled it closed, dogging it behind her for some privacy. She meant to walk across the room to lock the other hatch in a similar manner when she spotted a familiar body tucked away in the first row of the dark room. Kara willed herself to keep moving, and she did so slowly. She kept on her original journey, approaching the other door and locked it. It gave her a purpose and another moment of thinking of the right thing to say.

Lee stayed relatively unmoving, his body sunk into the upholstery and cushioning. Only his eyes followed her as far as they could without turning his head while Kara moved across to the hatch. Part of him was thankful that they were relatively secured from intruders. The last thing he wanted was a couple of people wandering in and trying to chat him up like nothing had happened. The other part of him tensed at the very notion of being locked up in a confined space, even if the room was large and the locking mechanism could be opened from his side of the door. He willed himself to calm, eyes shut, when he felt Starbuck approach. She kept her distance, like he was a stray dog. In equal parts, it amused and upset him.

He breathed out loudly, shoulders slumped. His hand ran along the armrest, fingers drumming at the metal and plastic as he opened his eyes and looked up to her. "What happened to your head?"

Gods, she had missed that voice. The distraction of simply hearing his voice again almost made her ignore the question entirely. Her hand trailed up to her face as she thought over his words, wondering if it was an insult rather than concern. It was concern though, of that she was certain, when she felt the tender flesh of her forehead and dried blood still caked on and flaking off the side of her face.

"Hit my head at some point…not really sure when. It's fine." She wanted to scream for a million reasons. Scream at him for being so concerned about her when he was the one stuck on that hellhole for months. Scream at him for not being happy to see her. Scream because she wanted to throw herself into his arms and she knew she wouldn't.

Lee dug in the pocket of his dirtied and ripped fatigue pants, pulling out a few bits of packaging that were bright white in stark contrast to the rest of him. "Come here," he said without even looking up at her and Kara obeyed him without a fight for once in her entire life. She took the seat beside him, her knees turned in towards his own as she watched his hands. His own wounds were taken care of in a most basic manner: a light bandage over part of his arm and a butterfly bandage holding closed a fresh wound on his cheek. His fingers worked with determination, tearing open one package and then another before he raised his hands to her face. Kara obliged, turning her head towards him at a better angle and brushing her hair out of the way.

"I was doing some basic first aid on Colonial One," he explained to her as he worked, touching the alcohol wipe to her wound as she winced but tried to keep a steady face. Sterilized, he covered it with the smallest of the bandages he had, using the wipe to finish removing as much of the old blood from her skin as he could. Kara shut her eyes and enjoyed having him so close. Even despite knowing he was an absolute mess, she convinced herself she could still smell that familiar scent he always carried. Whether it was real or her mind playing tricks on her, she never wanted to know.

His hands withdrew and he crinkled up the used wrappers, pushing them into his pocket. Same old Lee, Kara thought. Just escaped the cylons after a three month occupation and he couldn't find it in himself to litter just once. His voice broke up her inner monologue.

"I'd say get it looked at, but you'll wait a month before you see Cottle or anyone for that matter…so, keep it clean." Lee did a rather pathetic impression of a doctor, but she enjoyed it far more than the bedside manner the older doctor had. Cottle had made it. Plus one.

They both eased back into their seats, staring straight ahead so they didn't have to focus on one another. It had been a rare event that they both sat together in the ready room, since either of them were usually up at the front of the classroom, acting as CAG. The last time had been…on Pegasus.

"Heard you trashed the Beast."

"Everyone's got a skill."

The corners of their mouths simultaneously rose only millimeters, but rose nonetheless.

"So what was wrong with Anders?" The moratorium only lasted so long as Lee gave the first punch.

"Not sure. Nerves, maybe." Short and concise. She wanted to scream again because the last thing she wanted to be talking about was Sam.

"I saw the flight suit. Now I guess he really is everything you ever wanted." Lee's words were cold and calculated. He still kept his eyes forward, refusing to look at her beside him.

Kara bit her tongue as she took in the meaning of his words. "I didn't ask him to do it. He wanted to help and it wasn't my place to tell him no. He's an adult, makes his own choices."

"Yeah. We all make our own choices, right Kara?"

It took everything in her to keep herself from erupting. "Sometimes we make the wrong ones."

Lee gave a huff. "You've made so many, I'm not sure to which one you're referring."

The silence stretched on between them and Kara's idle hands went for the top of her uniform, unbuttoning it slowly until it was loose and open to distract her fingers from the fist they longed to ball up into. It didn't make much of a difference but she almost felt like she could breathe easier.

"And you've always been there to remind me about it." She spoke soft and defeatedly. Kara stood from her seat and turned to face him once she was a few paces off. "I'm glad you're okay, Lee." Kara moved to leave, stopping to undog the hatch.

"Kara." He called out, though not loudly at all. She waited at the door, fingers curled around the handle. The seconds passed and Lee finally gave up trying to put to words what he needed and wanted to say. "Goodnight, Kara."

A sigh of disappointment left her and she exited through the hatch, her own words whispered on the way out. "Goodnight."


	6. Chapter 6

_Caprica: 30 years before the Fall._

A year after that night at the bar and Dreilide found himself working for tips at a restaurant in Caprica City. The past few months were much of the same to him; he worked just enough to afford rent, food, and something of a casual alcohol habit, and spent the rest of the time trying to get down onto paper the notes he heard in his head. Late at night when the restaurant had said its goodbyes to the last of upper crust of Caprican society, Dreilide stayed late to hear how his latest additions sounded outside the cramped fit of his apartment.

On his way back at a time closer to dawn rather than dusk, he stopped at an all night diner a few blocks from the apartment he called home. He came here the nights he knew that sleep was going to avoid him and leave him just as exhausted as if he got none. Dreilide nodded his head to the waitress behind the counter, a young woman he had gotten to know during his late night visits when he was usually the sole customer. But he wasn't alone that night, and as he went to take his usual seat at the third booth to the left, he noticed the mop of blonde hair busy between smoking a cigarette and eating what was left of her plate of eggs and a side of toast.

There wasn't a second of hesitation as his steps continued on past the booth he was used to spending his nights in and the soft sound of his shoes followed him down to the very last table. He slid in without a word, settling his bag on the cushioned space between him and the wall as he moved to slip his coat off and made himself comfortable. He had the second sleeve off by time he looked up and those brown eyes were on him as she bit into a triangle of toast. It was a look he couldn't read and for a second he wondered if this really was the woman he remembered from a crowded bar or if it was just a similar looking face. The panic rose up in his chest for a moment, but her head gave a motion of ascent towards him in acknowledgement as she sipped her coffee, maintaining the familiar silence.

"How many kids did you scare off tonight?"

She pondered the question for a moment and he saw the gears turning in her head as she recalled the last and only other time they met. They'd spent a few hours trading quiet glances and generalities about their lives. Every step he took in towards her, figuratively of course, she took another back, keeping him at arm's length. Oh he'd learned plenty about her. She was a marine, had been for quite some time. A lifer, as she had called herself. She was down on Caprica on a bit of shore leave before she returned to the monotony of life on a battlestar. It hadn't been her first choice of placements, preferring life on a base, but you rarely got what you wanted in the military. He'd asked her why she wasn't with friends then, celebrating her return to soil and away from the black, but she had shrugged her shoulders and changed the subject. Dreilide got the hint.

"A handful." Socrata spoke short and to the point as she continued to eat, her cigarette recently extinguished. The waitress brought him his own cup of coffee and refilled the blonde's, leaving them in a temporary kind of peace.

"Only? That's kind of disappointing." Despite himself, he smiled at her and he decided to make himself busy by preparing his cup. Sugar went first, stirring the murky liquid with the small spoon before adding just enough milk until it turned a caramel color. "So how long are you here this time?"

"Don't know yet. I'm stationed at the base out in Delphi for now."

Dreilide nodded absentmindedly as he drew the steaming cup to his mouth for a tentative sip to test the temperature. Finding it cool enough, he went in for a longer sip before replacing it on the table, his fingers tracing over the handle.

"Do you always travel late at night with that much cargo?" His hand lifted suddenly, gesturing at the duffel bag beside her, packed full with what he assumed were her only worldly belongings.

"My ship was late getting in tonight and none of the transports were running out of the city. I'm kind of shit out of luck until morning."

His stomach fluttered at the opening laid out before him. On one hand, he didn't doubt a woman on the verge of giving a kidney shot to an unsuspecting kid in a bar would absolutely tear him apart for such a presumption. And on the other hand, Dreilide realized he couldn't stand to not know if she would revert back to the behavior he'd seen in her before or soften up and take the risk.

"Look, I live a couple blocks from here. It isn't great, it isn't horrible. But you wouldn't have to sit here for the next six hours contemplating life over an old cup of coffee." He studied her face as he spoke, ready to shut himself up should her expression turn sour. "There's no question you could beat me to within an inch of my life if I even so much as stepped out of whatever line you've got set for me…so I'm offering. There's a couch. It's actually a pretty comfortable couch." He felt the pull of his mind starting to ramble so he shut himself off, eyes averted to his coffee then back up to her own face a moment later.

Socrata stilled as he spoke, her lips pursed as if in distaste to what she was hearing. She kept silent as usual, fork dragging across the off-white of her well worn plate, pushing around the remains of the very early breakfast she had treated herself to. It hadn't been good, she remembered what good food was, but it had been better than most things she'd eaten over the last few months.

In a moment of unprecedented vulnerability, she let her mask down and let her shoulders slump with a sigh pushing past her lips. For once, her mannerism didn't seem distant and calculated like he knew she needed for the career and lifestyle she found herself in. Her elbows rested against the table and her head into her hands, fingers pushing away her hair from her face as a glimpse of utter exhaustion washed over her in an instant.

"I haven't slept in two frakking days." Her words were quiet, almost ashamed to admit being so open about a potential moment of weakness. A second passed and she nodded to herself, fingers brushing hair back into place. She sat up a little straighter. It was almost as if she sucked life right back into her, Dreilide noted, but he knew now that it was all an act. She'd showed her cards, given away her tell, and it was like if a light had been turned on in him. What made her seem so strong a moment before was glaring of her humanity now.

She stood up suddenly, hand shoved into the pocket of her black military issued pants to fish out a couple of wrinkled cubits. They were tossed to the table and in another breath she was reaching for her bag, slinging it and its heavily weighted contents over her shoulder. When she saw him remaining unmoved, a hand slid to her hip in irritation, her words barked out. "Let's go, then. I've covered your coffee."

Dreilide moved like a fire was lit underneath him now, repeating the motions of pulling his coat back on but not bothering with the seconds to button it closed. His own bag was at hand and he lead the way out of the shop, nodding to the waitress on the way out just as he had on the way in. His back pressed against the glass door to push it open, watching her follow as if she'd suddenly disappear if he wasn't keeping watch.

"Well thanks for the drink, but don't expect me to be grateful," he said, a lilt to his voice.

They walked shoulder to shoulder down the dim street. Dreilide would have believed himself to have imagined it, but he heard the quiet sound of her laughing.

—

Back in the apartment, Socrata played the polite houseguest, setting her duffel bag aside and out of the way so it wasn't a nuisance in the limited space offered. Her arms immediately went around herself, a physical indication to just how nervous and uncomfortable she was. Dreilide's mouth upturned ever so slightly at this, only because he could read her now as her body language gave her away. His own nervous stomach began to tingle and he cleared his throat like it would have helped clear his head. His arm swept out in front of him, as if the grand reveal of the small living room was something awe-inspiring.

"Well, here it is. Bathroom's to the right. Kitchen's over there. Bedroom's the door just on past the bathroom." He began to unconsciously straighten his belongings, quickly gathering every spare sheet of paper strewn across his coffee table, arms of the couch, and the top of the upright piano nestled in the back of the room. "Sorry, uh, about the mess."

Socrata hardly listened though, instead letting her finger tips brush over nearby surfaces as she passed, inspecting her surroundings. It was moment that made Dreilide nearly sweat, her by-the-book marine tendencies coming out. But she didn't say a thing, not even about the clear lack of dusting on his part any time in the last six months. Instead she seemed transfixed by the pages he seemed so interested in tucking away, out of sight and out of mind.

"When you said you played piano last time, I didn't really take you seriously." It was a confession delivered with a smirk on her lips, admitting that what she saw changed her opinion of him from some school kid with a pipe dream of making it big into the man he actually was. "Play me something."

Dreilide's movements paused as he glanced up at her from the shuffling papers. He knew whatever makeshift kind of order he had for these pieces were long since gone, and when she left he'd spend an hour tirelessly trying to put it all back into a kind of sense. "You don't want to hear it, trust me."

"But I do!" She interjected almost too quickly and too forcefully and he could tell her guard was down. Whether it was by choice or a lack of sleep, he couldn't be sure. Her hand blindly reached into the pile of loosely stacked pages of hand written sheet music and tugged at the first thing she found purchase on.

"Whatever's on this page. Play this one."

She's handed him back a particularly worn piece of paper and he visibly blanched as he read over the first few notes in succession. "That one will never be done. Don't even know why I keep it." He mumbled the last sentence as he turned, setting the stack on the high piano back. "You should pick another."

Socrata hugged the piece of paper to the chest of her fatigues, fingers extended outward like she was keeping it safe. "You saying I shouldn't hear it only makes me want to hear it even more." There was a glint to her eye now as she teased him. Though she had barely even touched a piano herself, she moved as though she spent years there, lifting the cover over the keys and sliding it into place to expose the full set of black and white. The paper went just above, taunting Dreilide from its position. Socrata sat down on the end of the bench, palm patting at the wood beside her as she looked up at him. "Your neighbors won't mind. Play quietly."

An inner war raged inside and a bite of his lip had him nodding as he sat beside her. He played much more complicated pieces all evening for complete strangers without making a mistake, but his palms felt a little bit too warm and fingers a little bit too stiff. All ten extend out towards the keys just after he rolled his shoulders in some attempt at relaxation before he pressed down on his first set of notes. Instantly, he knew they were incorrect, maybe a finger just a half inch off and depressing a key that ruined all the rest. His fingers recoil quickly and he whispered off a quick apology before starting over.

Beside him, Socrata waited silent and still as her eyes locked on his hands and how they seem to glide effortlessly over the piano's keys. She wasn't a musician, but she couldn't hear a single note out of place aside from his false start, and soon her eyes closed as he played through the bars of handwritten notes. He didn't play long before he came to an abrupt end with a sigh and her eyes reopened, head turning to take in his face. "Why'd you stop?"

"That's all I've got so far. I can't ever figure out how the next part starts." His face was defeated and he quickly pulled the cover of the keyboard back out, letting her know he wouldn't be playing on despite her protestations, He was the more open one out of the complementary pair they made, but she could suddenly tell that sharing this left him a little open and raw, even for him. Or at least, for what she knew of him. His hand rested back on his legs and their fingers brushed just barely from their respective thighs. Socrata couldn't help but realize this was the first time they touched since his hand settled on her arm a year ago when he pulled her back from the fight she had been ready to start.

She's prided herself on being the ideal marine, at least when on duty. She obeyed orders. She was loyal. She didn't back down or second guess herself when it came to her duties. It had been a decade since she fought at the end of the cylon war and she had long since said goodbye to her sense of fear when faced with death. But here and now in an apartment she was never in before and with a man she hardly knows, all common sense headed out the window.

Her hand slipt off her thigh and onto his, palming the back of his hand with a squeeze. It got his attention, eyes on her own that were heavy with a need for sleep and a little bit of something else. Dreilide hated to admit it, but he was unable to get that stern blonde out of his head for the last year. Part of him thought he dreamed her up, or at least some parts of her. As she sat next to him, though, smelling of cigarettes and generic military soap, he knew she was real.

He made the first move although he knew she was the predator of the two of them, most likely to lash out if being pressed into something she didn't want. It was worth the risk. They both leaned in together but he closed that last inch of gap, lips brushing her own as he deferred to the side of caution. She didn't turn him away, in fact her hand abandoned his own on his leg, letting fingers sift through his overgrown light brown hair as she pulled him in closer. Of all the things to think about, her first thoughts were that his hair cut was not anywhere close to regulation. It was a fleeting idea, though, and with her eyes closed tight she extended the kiss. She felt the brush of his unshaven skin to hers and the harshness of it woke her up just enough.

She was eager, he could tell by the way her other hand grasped at the suit jacket he still wore, before slipping inside it. Her fingers lingered on the buttons of his shirt and they pushed them back through the holes they were fastened to. Dreilide's bravery grew and he let his own hand copy hers to tug the fatigue shirt open, recklessly pulling it out from where it was tucked in to her matching set of pants. Their lips broke and he panted against her jaw and pushed her shirt down off her shoulders to reveal the set of double tanks beneath. He was torn between enjoying the process of getting her undressed and cursing all the frakking layers he had to get through in order to find an expanse of skin on her.

Socrata was swimming in him, a mixture of exhaustion and desire pounding through every vein in her body as she let him lead. For once in her life, she relinquished control to someone who wasn't a superior officer and allowed herself to just be. The cool air on her arms as she lost her shirt brought her back to the moment and all she thought about was just how long it was since she had a good frak. Far too long, she thought, and her decision was made. She was staying the rest of the night and it wasn't going to be on that couch.

—

Hours later the, the sun peaked through the curtains that weren't fully drawn. Dreilide was the first to stir and his head took a moment to put the situation in to focus. He laid on his side, free arm strewn across the back of the female beside him, asleep on her stomach. Socrata. He remembered it all slowly, the kiss and the urgency. He wasn't sure what he loved more, the way she sounded when her whisper begged him to take her to bed or the way she looked beneath him afterward. A smile crept onto his face, a soft laugh quietly leaving his throat as he turned into her some more, kissing at the back of her neck and down along her spine.

She stirred eventually, a subdued groan given out as her hand groped blindly for the sheet bunched around her waist. She succeeded in pulling it up only a few inches before she abandoned her cause and turned her head on the pillow, eyes opening slowly as she took in the look of him first thing in the morning.

Before she gathered her things and ran, Dreilide leaned in and kissed against her cheek while he brushed the hair out of her face.

"I half expected you to be gone this morning."

Her shoulder rolled up in both a shrug and a stretch. She looked unsure.

"If you've got somewhere to be…" Her voice trailed off but he cut in anyway, silencing any worried thoughts in her head.

"I don't. I was planning on lying here with you."

She smiled, a genuine smile this time. It was restrained, that much he knew, but it stunned him nonetheless. It had the power to induce his own lips to pull up in his own mutual look of happiness and suddenly he moved back in, kissed her shoulder blade and trailed fingers down the expanse of her back. His movements hitched as he felt the texture of her skin change, eyes shifting to take in the silvery scar tissue that extended along portions of her back. It alarmed him so much that his breath caught and he became concerned, like they were fresh wounds, still gaping and bleeding. They were old. Ancient, in fact, but it didn't make it any easier to swallow.

Socrata rolled to her side and tugged the sheet up, sensing what he suddenly found. She covered herself to the throat and told herself she was just cold in justification. Her own eyes shut in an attempt to tune him and his inevitable questions out. She wasn't sure how to avoid them without ruining the moment they managed to lock themselves into temporarily.

"What happened?" Dreilide whispered.

"Spent my first couple years in the ass end of the cylon war, what did you think?" She played nonchalant about it, letting the time between then and now insulate her from what she remembered and what she wished she didn't.

"You seem too young to have been caught up in that."

A snort escaped her and she laughed for just a moment, head shaking against her pillow. "Boy, you're really working on the flattery here. Hate to break it to you but you didn't just bed some twenty-something if you're looking for a good brag." Her eyes were still closed as she spoke, keeping up a barrier so she didn't have to catch wind of the expressions across his face. "I didn't get much training back then. They were kind of begging for bodies so we got bootcamp, a few months at an academy and they just sort of tossed us out all over the colonies to where they needed an eighteen year old for the cylons to play target practice with."

He doubted that Socrata had ever talked much about this to anyone other than in an official capacity, so he made an attempt at keeping calm, trying not to let emotions betray him into something that would have surely scared her off.

"They sent me out to frakking Medra. You ever been there?" She paused, waiting for a mumble of acknowledgement or not before continuing on. "It's a Gods damned jungle. Not only is it hot but the humidity is unbelievable. Of course the frakking toasters don't care about that." Her arm lifted and her forearm pressed across her eyes, blocking out the light of the room. "Cylons pushed us out of our base for awhile. We spent days out among the trees trying not to die of dehydration. The bugs," she stopped for so long that Dreilide wasn't sure if she was going to continue on, but she started up again just as his lips parted to prompt her to continue. "I still have nightmares about those frakking bugs. They'd get into your boots when you took them off to change your socks. I must've cleaned my gun a thousand times to keep them out of there. If you only got bit, you were lucky. One of the guys in my unit, they laid eggs under his skin. I remember just seeing him scratch and scratch at this red welt on his arm for days out there. By time he got to a doctor, a real doctor and not some field medic with a pack of gauze, they'd had to cut into the muscle to clean out the dead tissue." She let the words sink in, not only for him but for herself as the images of it all flew on behind her closed eyelids. "Gods I'll never forget the way what was left of his arm looked after surgery."

Dreilide's shallow breaths were exhaled in near silence as his own eyes shut, his brain trying to create moving images from the words she spoke. If this was the type of stuff she was willing to give out, he couldn't imagine what she was holding back with. He knew then that there were be years of her life that he'd never be able to know and he didn't know if he was thankful he would never have to imagine the horrors she endured, or upset that the possibility of knowing every secret this woman had would never come true.

He did the only thing he could think of, so he drew himself nearer to her and kissed the corner of her mouth, hand taking her own to remove the arm from over her eyes as he pinned it to her pillow. "It was a long time ago, Socrata. You don't have to think about it anymore."

Her breath left her throat with some force, her fingers squeezing his own as if in resistance to his attempt at brushing it under the rug. "And where the frak were you ten years ago? Most of us were out there dying and what were you doing? I bet you were just sitting in a frakking bar somewhere, complaining that we should make peace with the cylons!" Even she didn't know where the outburst came from. Her eyes opened and locked with his as he stayed perfectly still.

How things had turned so completely, he wasn't sure. He let go of her hand in a sign of good faith, but stayed as close as he was. "You're right, I didn't volunteer to fight. I was…" His words paused for a moment as he thought of what excuse to give. Even the truth wouldn't placate her, that much he knew. "…I had some things going on at the time."

She huffed out loud, head shaking as she rolled to her back, eyes skyward and on the white of his ceiling. "Don't frakking tell me what I do and don't have to think about anymore. You've got no idea, Dreilide. No Gods damned idea."

"I don't and I never said I did!" His tone matched hers and he breathed out a heavy, exaggerated breath as he fell to his back on the bed beside her, hands rubbing at his face as if to make sense of it all. He was immediately sorry for losing his calm. "Listen, I don't want to fight with you. I can't even imagine what happened to you out there. I'm not glad you went through it. Lying here with you, the last thing I want to know is how much pain you were in at some point in your life." She opened her mouth to speak but he raised his hand to the air, cutting her off. "But it doesn't mean I'd rather not know. And it doesn't mean I'm not thankful you and everyone like you chose to serve the colonies."

The room was quiet for the time being, the sound of their breathing the only tell that there was anyone even in it at all. Socrata sat up, feet planted on the floor as she turned to the side of the bed. She leaned forward, picking up the standard issue ladies briefs and made to slide them onto her legs when she felt his light touch at the familiar place on her arm.

"I want you to stay."

Her spine arched forward and he watched her, reading the tension in her well muscled shoulders instead of mapping out every scar that crossed over the skin of her back. She seemed defeated as her fist gripped hard at the fabric in her hand, giving way to the nature of turmoil bundled up inside her ribcage. "You don't need me here. It was great, but I know what this is. A one time thing and not only did I not have the decency to slip out at sunrise, but I just flipped out at you over nothing. I've overstayed my welcome."

His head shook even though he knew she couldn't see him since she faced away. His lips came down against a scar on her shoulder and his hand slid northward to her upper arm, giving her a squeeze of reassurance.

"You said on the walk here last night that you had a week to report for duty. So stay for a week. I work nights playing piano. I won't drive you out of your mind all the time. Stay until you can't stand me anymore."

Socrata shook her head this time, at war with herself. "I can't. I can't, okay."

"Mhm." His unintelligible reply was further muffled as he kissed into the blonde hair that fell just past her shoulders. "Yes you can. It's easy. You say you'll stay, and you stay. It's actually the easiest decision, because you have to do nothing."

She smiled and let her underwear drop to the floor, leaning back into his body. His arms slid around her, passing on some of his warmth. Socrata didn't verbalize her decision, but every muscle in her body told him what he needed to hear. She'd stay.


	7. Chapter 7

Lee laid in a rack a few hours after seeing Kara. It wasn't the rack that used to be his, but it didn't make a difference to him anymore. In the past, there had been a calming effect to returning to the same bed every night, whether it had been on Galactica or Pegasus. It was the only privacy and sense of home that they got anymore, and since Lee had come aboard the Galactica for the decommissioning with very few belongings, his rack was that much more important to him. It was quite literally, almost all that he had.

Now those few belongings he'd brought with him to Galactica and the items that he'd won over a few games of triad were boxed up somewhere on that very ship, hidden away in storage. What hurt more than missing a few of the physical luxuries like the razor he had loved or civilian clothing that he had once bought for their style and proper fit, was the fact that he didn't even have any photos of his own. Like that razor and those t-shirts and Gods, that leather Vipers jacket he had worn proudly for years after receiving it, all the photographic proof that he had people he loved died with the everyone on the Atlantia.

His bunk had remained empty and sparse, unlike the racks belonging to true members of Galactica's crew. Their walls were plastered with photos of friends and family back home, sports teams, and even a couple clippings of women or men, just barely covered up in the explicit regions. For awhile he considered it a blessing that he didn't have the photos, because he didn't think he would be able to sleep staring up at pictures of the dead. But after a month of fleeing from the cylons, Lee had spent some time in his father's quarters, picking out a handful of the pictures from his father's photo albums and frames to take to be copied. Those copies, pictures of his mother and father and other extended family members, and especially pictures of he and the brother he lost years before, had been eventually hung up on the walls of whatever rack he occupied at any given time.

Maybe it hurt to remember the dead, but worse than that pain would be to forget them entirely. So Lee had grown thankful for what he did have. Lying in that bunk, only a day post-New Caprica, he was suddenly glad he hadn't taken his things down with him to the planet when he settled there temporarily. He couldn't have handled having to start over yet again.

The bare rack had a stale smell to it and he knew it must have remained unoccupied all these months. There wasn't even a lingering scent of a person, nor the smell of detergent that indicated freshly washed fabric. Someone had made this bed up over a year ago, most likely before vacating the space to move down to New Caprica, hoping to start a better life there. He idly wondered if that person was even still alive.

A few hours of sleep managed to overtake him and when he woke, he felt refreshed, but also surprised to have been awoken by the sound of a slamming hatch door and not some kind of nightmare that had plagued him recently. Weeks, had it been weeks? Or was it months? Truth be told, his concept of time had been completely blown after the occupation. Things down there just seemed to blend together from one hellish day into one not-so-quite hellish next day. Even now, here on Galactica, he felt the tension they all had on the surface. It was purgatory, of that they were all sure. It was a grey planet, nearly colorless, and set a convincing backdrop for their circumstances. A dull world where they were all waiting to die.

His hand rubbed over his face, forcing himself to take and release deep breaths at a steady rate to keep himself calm. He had told himself repeatedly throughout the cylon occupation that his father and Kara would return and once they did, everything would be better. Lee was here now, and while being out in space was definitely an improvement from the previous arrangements, he couldn't definitively say if he was feeling a whole lot better.

From outside the curtain, he could hear the shuffle of footsteps and a soft voice cut through the inner workings of his own mind.

"Lee?" The voice stopped, taking a few more steps inward of the room. "Lee? You in here?" She sounded defeated and Lee couldn't make up his mind on staying quiet or piping up. "Frak."

Lee's hand rose, tugging back the curtain just a few inches to spot Dualla leaning against the table in the center of the room, chewing over her bottom lip in deep thought.

"I'm over here."

Dee turned at the sound of him, her face that had been fraught suddenly overwhelmed by the smile on her lips. She came near the rack, pushing aside the curtain some more, until there was enough space available to sit on the edge of his bed.

"Gods, Lee. I wanted to come sooner but your father put me on a CIC shift this morning. I think he wanted to make sure you got enough rest." She sounded hopeful, her eyes lighting up as she spoke to him.

He gave a forced laugh, remaining lying down as he looked up to her. "Yeah, that sounds like him." He had missed her down on the planet, even before the cylons returned. She had been steady and reassuring when he needed her most, and for that Lee would always be thankful to her for. She was his safety, in more ways than one. "Come here, Ana."

His body scooted over in the space of the bed, pushing himself towards the bulkhead to make room for her. She slid in comfortably, curling her body into his as she lay on her side, her head tucked into his shoulder. This was familiar, the way it had always been between them after she had taken the steps to secure a place in his life. Her emotions took over and she found herself sniffling against his worn shirt, the dirt from New Caprica still woven into the fabric.

"I was afraid you wouldn't ever come back. I should've been down there with you. I kept thinking about how you asked me to come see you that day, but I had to cover Colonel Tigh's shift." Dee spoke just above a whisper, fingers playing at the fabric of his shirt's pocket. "I should've been there."

He was stiff as he held her, torn between feeling comfort with her there and just how very foreign it felt to be lying beside someone else again. "I'm glad you weren't there. I knew you'd be safe here, no matter what happened. I couldn't have dealt with worrying about you, about how my actions would have had consequences for you."

He had seen it happen a million times. One person would be guilty of a crime and instead of the cylons taking the punishment out on them, they'd threaten that person's family in retaliation. Lee worried enough about Roslin and all the people he grew to call his friends, worrying about the soul of his girlfriend would have just about killed him in the end. The way Duck had looked when he lost Nora, Lee knew he would never forget the complete and utter grief written across his face. If that had been Dee, he wouldn't have faired any better. And as many times as he had wanted to look over to see Kara beside him on that shit planet, he eventually reached a point where he was happier not to see her. If something had happened to her, especially through fault of his own, Gods, he truly didn't think he would've been able to stop himself from eating his own bullet.

Kara was pushed from his mind, however, as he listened to Dee's soft crying. It was full of sadness, but also relief. Lee leaned in and kissed her head for only a moment, unable to find the words to comfort her.

—

Holed up in his quarters, the Admiral heard a knock at the hatch door left ajar. It could have been any number of people, especially considering the up in the air nature the battlestar currently held. He pushed aside some paperwork, a list already compiled of the crew of both Pegasus and Galactica that had mustered out and were once again looking to join up. It pleased him immensely to see all the names on it, not only because it meant that they were returning home to him and his battlestar, but also because it meant that they were alive. There were a few noticeable names missing, however, and what he needed now more than anything was a distraction from that thought. "Come in," he spoke aloud, hoping his voice carried out to his visitor and the marines standing guard.

With a creek of the door on its hinges, Laura Roslin stepped into the main compartment of his cabin, struggling to close the door behind her. Adama was quick to vacate his desk to join her at her side, his firmer and stronger hands assisting her in tugging the door closed.

"I'm not that fragile, Bill." Her eyebrow rose at her words, a hint of a smile on her face as she eyed him down just over the top of her glasses.

He laughed with a shake of his head, leading the way forward and away from the hatch. "Trust me, I wouldn't make that mistake." Her smile was returned on his face. He'd never say it to her, but he still thought of her sometimes as she embraced death that year before. She really had been that fragile then, clinging onto life with every breath. With all they'd lost, and especially the past few months, the last thing he wanted was for her to over exert herself in his presence. If she ended up with so much as a pulled wrist, he would never forgive himself.

"Here, have a seat. Water?" Bill lifted a blanket from his couch, clearing some space as she sat down.

Laura pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she looked up to him. "After the year we've had, Bill, I want the good stuff."

Adama nodded and turned to pour them both a glass of ambrosia. She hadn't said much so far, but he had been so reminded of the day and night they'd shared back on New Caprica when everyone still had high hopes for settling down and rebuilding their lives. She was still fairly fresh off losing the election, but even that day she seemed to at least partially believe in the idealism that had spread amongst the entire fleet.

He offered her the glass and she accepted. Adama joined her on the other cushion of the couch, sipping his own drink only after they had clinked their glasses together.

"To being home," Laura spoke between sips, her cheeks and throat warming at the burn of the alcohol.

Quiet settled between them and in other circumstances or other company it may have felt awkward, but to the both of them it just felt… right. Bill watched her from his seat, happy for the companionship. He'd been surrounded by loyal crew for the past three months, but none of it had really compared to the company of his XO and the former President. They had been something of equals to him. Kara had been the next closest thing he'd had in their absence, but despite their close rank and how much he respected and trusted her, she was still too much of a daughter figure to fill the specific emptiness he felt.

Roslin set the glass down on a nearby table and put her focus on the room's only other occupant, a single arm crossing across her chest while the other rested its elbow upon it, her fist coming to rest against her chin.

"We need to talk about what the plan is for our people now, Bill."

He took another drink and rested the glass on his thigh, still holding it secure and balanced. "Well, it's only been a few days, but we're still waiting for names and totals from each ship in the fleet. I've got some crew out doing inventory as we speak, so we can figure out who needs what and how much we've got to give. Starbuck had the foresight or I guess, some amount of morbid fear, to go behind my back the days leading up to the mission. She offloaded almost everything that wasn't bolted down on Pegasus onto a few empty freighters. It was her plan, but I get the feeling now she really didn't think she was coming back."

Laura listened to him, sensing his sadness in the thought of losing Kara. He almost had, too. By now, word of what happened to the Pegasus had spread throughout the fleet, and it hadn't escaped Laura. It had been close out there, clearly closer than Bill entertained before going through with the rescue mission.

"Of course, the well beings of the civilians are our first priority," she said, although Laura didn't sound convincing, even to herself. "But I meant more in the longterm. When we found that planet, we were looking for Earth. If I had my way, we would have stayed long enough to restock up on supplies and moved on, continued our search." While she might have been bitter about her loss to Gaius Baltar a year ago, now her words were just heavily tinged in sadness over what that election had cost her, aside from the presidency. It had cost thousands of lives. Even Bill had thought many times over his part in exposing the vote rigging all that time ago. What would their lives have been like if Roslin had remained in office?

"Earth." One word said a million things as he gave an abrupt sigh and finished off his drink. "We barely knew where we were headed before when it was all fresh in our heads, Madame President. Now we're down a couple ships including half of what we had protecting our fleet. Our people are sick and injured, a third of them are probably malnourished."

Laura was quick to cut him off as she said, "all the more reason to give them something to hope for again."

"…Which was where I was headed. Earth is all we have anymore. They're not going to be happy with finding another habitable planet ever again. If we find a planet as beautiful as Caprica tomorrow, I don't think a single person would move to settle down there. The only option we have is finding the 13th Tribe and hoping they welcome us with open arms."

She watched him and his heavy lidded eyes. There was a certain amount of defeat to him, something he usually kept under control around most people. But to him, she wasn't most people anymore. Likewise, Laura knew he wasn't most people to her anymore either.

The ringing of a knock on the hatch interrupted them and she heard Bill grumble to himself before calling out for the intruder to come in.

Kara appeared from the doorway, sealing it behind her. She didn't seem surprised by Laura's presence as she saluted the Admiral and Adama let his eyes shift between the two females in his quarters. "I get the feeling one of you planned this."

Laura was the first to speakfrom her seat on the couch beside him. "Yes, Bill, I asked the Commander to meet me here before I came to see you."

"Just Major now, actually," Kara spoke up as she remained standing, just slightly off to the side, immediately feeling like she was interrupting something personal between the older couple before her.

"Oh?"

Adama gave a shrug of his shoulders, far more interested in the scheme that had been cooked up between the two women than discussing the nature of rank and military hierarchy.

"I'm relieved, to be honest. Now I can go back to mouthing off to Tigh and getting threatened with a night in the brig for it." Kara played diplomat, trying to lighten the situation by even a single degree.

Laura gave something of a forced smile and turned her attention back to the Admiral. "I asked Major Thrace here because, as you remember, she was with us on Kobol when we saw the constellations surrounding Earth. With your blessing, Bill, I'd like to ask her to work with Mr. Gaeta in putting us back on the right path." She paused, gauging his reaction before continuing on. Nearby, Kara fidgeted, her hands clasped behind her back.

"Sir, I've spoken to Gaeta and he said Baltar had been working on identifying the next clue in where to go. He thinks he'll be able to recreate the work that he helped with. Between the Scroll of Pythia and what Baltar thought he found, it's a place to start." Kara was solemn. Bill had almost forgotten how serious Kara took the Gods and her religion. It never would have been a trait he expected from someone like her, who lived her life without a care or concern for almost anything else.

His gaze was far off from both Laura and Kara, staring right through the bulkhead across the room. "Then we'll follow the signs until we find Earth or they run out."

—

Days later, after waking hours split between CIC shifts and returning to acting CAG and nights spent barely sleeping in that familiar senior pilots' bunk room, Kara chose to take out her aggression in the gym. It was the middle of the night, and though night and day really had no meaning out in the middle of space, the room had been deserted as most of the crew chose to catch a few hours of sleep on some normal kind of cycle. Whether the gym was busy during the day or not was for all intents and purposes, a crapshoot. At times it was bustling with those who had re-upped, attempting to rebuild lost muscle mass to be at their best once again. And then at other times, it could be an absolute ghost town as some people were on shift and others chose to take their re-enlistment at a slower pace. She didn't blame them for not making physical fitness their first priority. It was only her restless nature and temper that brought her there most of the time.

A sweat had built up across her chest and back, beginning to soak into the fabric of her sports bra. She had missed this place the most during her time on Pegasus. Specifically, she missed that particular punching bag with its familiar frayed edges and shoddy duct tape repair jobs. It had been on the receiving end of most of her bad moods over the years and it had even helped her travel back in time to when the biggest problem the crew faced was a particularly disgusting dinner in the mess hall. It was all a lifetime away now. She knew that much and tried not to dwell, instead refocusing her energy and attention on each hit landed.

The thump-thump of her series of punches lulled her into a bit of a comforting state. She wasn't sure how long she had lost track of time, but she had, and coming back to her senses, Kara knew she wasn't alone in the room any longer. The gloves covering her hands stilled the weighted bag in front of her before she turned to face the other occupant.

It was Lee, the man that had evaded her for days now, though she knew she was doing her own attempts at avoiding him as well. For awhile, she had been sure he'd returned to Colonial One, but there had been casual talk around the rec room and mess hall that had told her otherwise. From the look alone that she'd seen Dee wearing the past few days, she knew Lee couldn't have jumped ship to find home elsewhere.

Kara began to tug at her gloves, finding it much harder without a partner to ease the process. She'd been alone when she'd struggled to put them on though, so this was the easier of the two actions. Her teeth tugged at the cord around her wrist, loosening it just enough to make an honest attempt at removal. She was about to force the glove between her knees to pull it off when Lee stepped up, offering his hands to help. Her look was one of gratefulness, and she may have even mumbled a quiet thanks once her hands were free.

Sweaty palms were rubbed on the fabric of her shorts and she increased the distance between them to stuff the gloves in the bag she had brought along.

"Something I can help you with, Apollo?" They were back to call signs as far as she was concerned. She wasn't sure what she expected to happen when they rescued Lee because she never imagined that far ahead. Three months of quiet grief and all she ever hoped for was that he would be safe and intact.

His hands sat on the hips of fatigue pants and Kara noted that they were clean and without holes. His face was shaved as well. Lee had pulled his things out of storage, that much was at least true.

"Actually, there is," he spoke as though he wasn't pleased to be asking her, of all people, for assistance in a situation.

She was surprised but didn't let it show. Kara feigned disinterest as she zipped her bag while speaking. "Well spit it out, some of us have work in the morning."

"I was going over manifests with my father earlier and I noticed a few people were just… disappearing. One day, they'd be on a ship somewhere and the next they'd be gone. Without a trace."

"I fail to see what you want me to do about it. Everything's a frakking mess these days, we can't keep track of everyone. You know that." From across the room she watched him, pulling her hair out of the elastic that had kept it bound temporarily. Her fingers dragged through the lengths of it, gathering it at the back of her neck. She split it into three relatively equal groups and began the process of braiding the strands of it together.

"You don't get it, Starbuck." Lee watched her, unconsciously pushing his fingers through his own hair, now outgrown. This was the longest it had been since he was a teenager. "I've heard talk, Zarek slipped in something just before letting Roslin take over the presidency again. He's got people rounding up anyone they think was a traitor on New Caprica, convicting them without a trial and tossing them out airlocks. I know they're on Galactica and it usually happens in the middle of the night when there's less people around."

Kara's eyebrows pushed as close together as they could get while she digested what he was saying. Had anyone else come to her about it, she would have vehemently insisted it wasn't true and not given a second thought to it. Something like that couldn't have been happening under their noses. Then again… Lee had mentioned Zarek and she, more than anyone, knew he couldn't be trusted. He would be the type to start something like this and let others do the heavy lifting for him.

She tried to imagine how it must feel to be one of the people recently returned from New Caprica, filled with anger and rage that your fellow human beings had turned against you to save themselves. It was hard for her to admit, even to herself, but Kara knew that had she been down on that planet for the occupation, she most likely would've been one of the people chosen for such a task. She could understand the anger and the accountability some people demanded, but getting it this way? She couldn't stand by it. The Old Man wouldn't have stood for it and staring Lee down, she knew she couldn't deny him whatever he asked for in regards to her help.

The elastic was tied around the end of her braid and she took a deep breath. "So what do you need me for?"

"I'm not exactly officially a member of the fleet anymore. I need you to come with me to break it up, just in case. I need you to have my back."

Kara thought back to a time when she had asked him for the same thing. It had been under vastly different circumstances, one that would have probably lead to their imminent deaths had they actually gone through with Cain's assassination. It didn't matter that Adama had called it off or that Lee hadn't actually been able to show up to watch her back because he was floating in space with a hole in his suit. What had mattered was that when asked, Lee had looked at her and said yes. No matter what, Lee would always have her back.

She met his blue eyes with her own. "I need to change and pick up my gun."

—

The confrontation hadn't gone as badly as expected, and for that they were both thankful. It hurt most to see some of the faces that had been part of the so-called Circle. Jean. Seelix. Galen. Cally. Duck. Charlie. These weren't cylons they were condemning to death, however temporary it was for a cylon. These were people, some of the last in existence. Kara stopped trying to understand their specific brand of anger, though. She hadn't been on that planet for months. What they all went through together, she wouldn't ever specifically understand.

It didn't matter in the end, as Roslin had called an end to it and decreed her fleet wide pardon for any and all actions taken place on New Caprica. It wouldn't stop the hatred between people, but it would stop the worst of it. The people needed to move on, and that was the first step.

It was another late night, one much identical to the one a few days prior when Lee had interrupted her solo sparring session to drag her down to the hangar deck. They'd only arrived just in time to stop Felix Gaeta from being locked up in the launch tube and sailed out into space to meet an early end. His possible death had hit her extra hard, as Kara knew without Gaeta, whatever hope she and Roslin had of returning on the path to Earth would have met a premature death as well.

Her forehead rested against the worn outside of the punching bag, letting some of the heat from her dissipate into the cool surface. "I know you're there, Apollo. You stomp too frakking loud," Kara spoke as she stayed still, regaining her breath.

"I do not." He sounded like a petulant child, arguing for the sake of it.

Her eyes opened and she stepped away from the bag, brushing her hair crudely from her face with the back of her arm. She held her hands out to Lee when she approached him. Lee understood the meaning and he quickly undid the laces holding the gloves on her hands. Kara nodded in thanks and took a seat on the nearby bench, the same one from the other night.

"So, when are you going to end the stalemate and tell your father you're coming back to the fleet?"

Lee had a sense of deja vu as he watched her pack away her gloves, her fingers then becoming occupied with braiding at the long mess of hair she had these days. "Why do you think I'd come back?"

"Because you never wanted to really leave in the first place." The look on her face challenged him to answer differently.

Lee wisely chose not to rise to that challenge. "You know the reasons why I left." His voice was suddenly less sure of himself, soft in delivery of the single sentence. He stepped away from her, running his fingers through his hair in a display of unease. His voice was more confident when he spoke again, distancing himself from the unpleasant reality of Lee and Kara. "I did some good while I was there. It made me realize again that I never wanted the military to be my whole life. But when the worlds ended… it was just all that I had and what was needed of me."

He was pacing as he spoke, the constant motion of his body making it easier to talk to her. "I just needed some space." Lee looked up to her and their eyes met. "You know I wasn't in the right place after what happened with the Blackbird and everything that followed it."

He needn't mention the incident in which he was shot for Kara to already be thinking about it. She felt a vice grip around her chest at just the very thought. There were a lot of things Lee hadn't told her about regarding those weeks and months prior to her rescue mission to Caprica for Anders. She knew she hadn't really asked him about any of it either. For that, she'd always feel sorry.

"I'm glad he chose you to be Commander, Kara. I wasn't ever mad about that. I couldn't have done it. You were the right person for the job." Lee knew that she had worried about feeling like she'd betrayed him by accepting the position. She hadn't ever said it out loud, but those weeks after she was at the helm of Pegasus told him enough.

She thought she let that fear of his anger over her position go months ago. It wasn't until he'd told her right then that she actually felt a weight lift from her. It was small, but when carrying as much baggage as she was, it was enough.

"I had purpose down there that didn't involve me sitting in a Viper. I helped set up the civilian government, I helped make sure people were heard down there. I put order back despite the disorder. I was finally worth something other than my wings for once in my life."

Lee spoke with such conviction that she had to look away. It had been forever since she'd heard him speak with that much passion about anything. Actually, she could remember him very distinctly speaking so assuredly in one other recent moment, when the two of them were standing undressed under the New Caprican sky, confessing their love for one another. That night, he had sounded much the same. He had been sure.

"So what, are you going to move onto Colonial One and start a new life? You know you always accused me of running—" She spoke fast, hoping to avoid letting him hear the shake of her voice as she tried to come to terms with impending abandonment.

His shoulders slumped exaggeratedly and he hit the palm of his hand into the punching bag. Lee's raised tone of voice cut her off. "Gods damn it Kara, let me finish." When her attention was held and secured, he continued on. "What I was saying is that I had purpose down there, but we're not on New Caprica anymore. We're here and I know that I'm supposed to be back in the fleet. I know that more than the people need me sitting behind some desk, they need Starbuck and Apollo protecting them. I know that I need to be that again. Right now, that's what I need."

Kara could swear this was more talking Lee had done than in the entire time she knew him. She shook her head mostly to herself, smile pushing up at the corners of her mouth. Her tongue barely peeked out, running along the top row. It was a very particular Kara look, Lee thought.

"I'll come back, but you have to do something for me, Kara."

Her head cocked just slightly to the side as she looked to him. "Are you going to tell me what it is or do I have blindly agree to it?"

"I need to know what happened between you and the cylon that goes by the name of Leoben Conoy."


	8. Chapter 8

"I need to know what happened between you and the cylon that goes by the name of Leoben Conoy."

Kara froze in place even before Lee finished his delivery. As soon as he'd said cylon, she knew the rest. There would be only one such model he would bring up in relation to her. It chilled her deep into her bones despite how warm she had felt only a second before, her skin and clothes still damp with her own sweat. The next few seconds of her reaction were critical, she knew that, so she swallowed down over the lump in her throat and tried her best at playing the usual version of herself.

"You mean the one that said he hid a nuke on a ship to cover his own ass?" As if she could forget the time she spent with that specific cylon. He crept into her thoughts more than she cared to admit. The things he'd said to her, they still stung inside.

Lee's eyes squinted slightly as he watched her, sizing her up. Despite the year of silence between them and all the secrets they kept from one another, at the very core of her, he knew Kara Thrace. Sometimes she thought she was so slick, so well guarded when she pushed Starbuck to the forefront and Kara back to protect her. But Lee knew better.

"The one Roslin had you interrogate," he clarified, though he knew she didn't need the help.

She played with her bag, tugging it into her lap, pretending to search for something inside to further feign her disinterest and casual tone. "Go read the report, then. Everyone else has."

Lee approached and his hands quickly snatched the bag from her grasp, letting it limply hang at his side. He loomed above her, eyes burning down onto her own. "I've read the frakking report. I know how you write yours, you include what you think is necessary and cut out all the rest, Kara. I'm asking about what you didn't put in there."

Kara reacted as he expected, fury overtaking her. She stood up and reached for her bag but he was ready for it, turning and twisting his body, arm extending behind him to keep it from her.

"Well I don't know what to tell you, Apollo," she ground out his call sign with the building anger inside of her. He'd used her first name on an appeal and she was letting him know it wasn't going to work. "Everything that happened, everything that toaster and I talked about, was in the report."

He released the bag to the ground behind him, heaving it with just the slightest bit of extra force. "I know you're lying. You can't keep saying something to make it true, Kara. I saw you after you interrogated him and I know it wasn't as cut and dry as you made it. He said something and it messed with you."

She had given up on the bag, even though it lay a step behind him now, crumpled on the floor. Her right hand went to his chest, fingers spread and pressed to his shirt though she made no move to push him. "Why do you care now? That happened almost two years ago, Lee. And now, suddenly you care now?"

Lee could feel the accusation in her tone. It was true, he hadn't pressed her for the details of it back then. With Starbuck, it tended to be a good idea to let her have her secrets. Now more than ever, he felt that wasn't necessarily the truth with her. Sometimes, maybe she wanted someone to push back, wanted to make sure they were worth it before she let them in. It was a theory he was working on and about to find out if it was true or not.

"Because," he paused, eyes shifting away from her, his hand coming to gently grasp her wrist and tug it away from his chest. He allowed himself to hold her hand for as long as he could get away with it, hoping she wasn't aware of the way his thumb gently rubbed a singular circle across the back. "I'm not writing a report on what happened when I was down on New Caprica. I wasn't enlisted technically, so I've got no duty to do so. I know my father's going to ask eventually, and he can throw me in hack for however long he wants, I'm not writing a frakking report on things I'd rather forget."

Her anger washed itself away as he spoke. She was enthralled now, needing him to continue. "Lee…" Kara raised her hand, this time not in anger, but this time to coax him on. Her fingers were gentler as they slid along his forearm, gripping the clothed skin there.

"I don't want to do this here." His arm twisted in her grasp, letting his own hand fold into hers as he lead the way, grabbing her bag on the way out. In another time, she would have teased him for such a simple gesture of holding her hand, but even Starbuck knew it wasn't the time or the place. Kara followed him blindly, thankful for the empty halls at that hour, only coming to a stop when he pulled her into the CAG's office, a room that had once belonged to him.

Lee released her hand when they were confined to the familiar space, dropping her bag to the middle of the floor as he walked across the width of the room. He distracted himself by observing the wall hangings, the items on the desk, remaining silent as he did so. Kara stood behind him, unsure of what was happening, but not quite ready to speak her mind about it.

"When the cylons showed up, all hell broke lose. Centurions were in the streets, the people were panicked. Baltar surrendered and we all thought we were going to die right then. They weren't looking to kill us, though, at least not right away. They said they wanted to live with us, make amends for what happened with the 12 Colonies." He continued to speak with his back to her, studying a particular photo on the wall.

"We set up a resistance right away. Tried to contact the fleet like the contingency plan stated, but the signals were jammed, as you know. Still, we gathered what weapons we could and hid them, tried to recruit people to the cause, but so few people wanted to even try. Everyone had families by then, no one wanted to risk them. I don't know how the Chief made it through those months sane, worrying about Cally and Nicholas." Lee turned to her, finding her in the same spot as when he'd walked away minutes before. He was in control of himself, but just barely, as indicated by the extra thick layer of tears over his eyes. "I couldn't have done it. If it were my wife, my child on the line, I would've done whatever the cylons asked to keep them safe."

Kara knew there was shame in the last of his words. "Lee, almost everyone would have done the same." They were hollow encouragement to him.

"It doesn't matter, I was on my own anyway. It took a few weeks for the cylons to get all the names together of the people who were there. I tried to stay out of sight as much as I could, but it didn't matter. If someone was on that planet, they knew about it."

"Maybe you should sit down." His unsteady pacing made her nervous.

"I'm fine, just let me finish or I never will."

Kara took the seat instead on the small couch in the room, a piece of furniture that she had slept on many times.

"They started grabbing people after awhile. People who crossed a skinjob or were caught with weapons, people they didn't want working up the rest of the population. That's where Tigh lost the eye, you know." It alarmed her how casually he delivered the statement.

"About a month in I went to sleep one night and woke up in one of their detention centers. I still don't have an idea how I got there. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I'm the Admiral's son, it had to happen. They would've been stupid not to use it. I just kept waiting, sitting and waiting and starving. No one came, not the Shelley Godfrieds, not the Sharons, not until one of the Leobens, your Leoben showed up. He didn't ask me a frakking thing about the fleet, Kara. Nothing about my father or how to find everyone. Do you know what he asked me?" Lee turned back to look at her now. He didn't wait for her to answer. "He asked me where he could find you."

Kara had to look away from the weight of his gaze on her. She felt guilty for it, felt guilty that he'd been forced into a situation yet again because of something she'd done. "Lee… I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. We didn't even think he would download when we airlocked him, we were so far out."

"I dont want you to be sorry, Kara. I want you to tell me what happened to make him so obsessed with seeing you again."

He had her between a rock and a hard place now and she cursed him inwardly. How could she look at him and refuse to talk about what had occurred almost two years prior? She laid her elbows to rest on her knees, spine hunched forward as her head came to rest in her hands. Despite how much she still thought about the things the cylon had said to her, she never thought she'd have to admit them to anyone else. She stayed like that for nearly a minute, the room echoing in complete silence until Lee came towards her, sitting at her side.

"Kara," he barely spoke above a whisper and watched her. She was a grown woman so desperately trying to pull in on herself like a child would, dying to disappear.

"He knew things about me. At first it was all just nonsense. Talking about streams and patterns and the Gods versus his one God. About my destiny and how I'd find Kobol and bring us to Earth. He knew my name and said he saw it, saw me coming to him. I didn't really think anything of it at first, he could've seen my face somewhere or known my voice. Someone could've said something while he passed by." She sat up, fingers slyly wiping away moisture from under her eyes.

"I tortured him to get him to talk and we argued for awhile. But then," Kara shook her head, keeping her eyes dead ahead. "My mother lost it after my father left. She used to say that suffering was good for the soul and she was damn sure I'd have the best one." Kara extended her arm out between them, opening her fist and flexing her fingers before them. Lee's eyes followed instinctively, watching her as each digit stretched and relaxed repeatedly. "When I was younger, I put some rubber bugs all over her shoes to get back at her for hitting me. She'd always been afraid of insects since before I was born, since the cylon war. She screamed her frakking head off and tried to kill them, but it just made it worse, sending them jumping all over. When she realized what I'd done, she grabbed my hand, held it in the door jam and slammed the door."

The crooked irregularities he always overlooked before became clear as day across her fingers. For a moment, Lee regretted making her talk about something she'd obviously been keeping inside of her for most of her life. Had she told Zak about this? He sincerely doubted it. Even Zak's pleasant demeanor couldn't have taken such news with a grain of salt and let it go.

Kara closed her hand, drawing it back to herself and resting it in her lap. Her other hand curled around it, as if nursing the fresh wounds she'd felt when she was only a child. "Leoben knew the ways she'd hurt me, the things she'd said. My mother's been dead for a long time, Lee. Now you're the only other person who has ever heard about it."

She turned her head, finally locking eyes with him. Everything he'd experienced on New Caprica had the sound turned down on it as he was witness to the complete horror written across her eyes.

"How did he know?" It was a rhetorical question, but Lee wished he had the answer for her.

"I don't know, Kara. I don't know how."

Her back eased into the couch cushions, head shaking shallowly as she thought everything over. "What happened with Leoben when he found out I wasn't there?"

The question was a shock to his system. Her revelations had driven the earlier talking points from his thoughts entirely. "It's not important. They kept me there for a few weeks and released me before you came back." There had been a million more questions on his mind to ask her based on the events of his stay in the detention center, but they didn't seem so necessary anymore.

Had she not felt so completely raw and defeated, her abrasive personality would have pushed him to continue. He was the one who had started this, after all. Lee was the one who brought up the cylon from her past and subsequently her less than perfect childhood. Not forcing him to keep going was a protective measure for herself as well, she knew, as it meant less of a chance for her to divulge another item on her long list of things Kara Thrace didn't talk to anyone about.

They sat like that for the longest time, former friends and lovers barely breathing beside one another. Every so often, Lee could hear the quietest of sniffles from her and it made his heart ache all over again. Gods, he was sorry. Sorry that he'd brought it up, sorry that he made her tell him, sorry that she had been a child and endured so much pain. He had a less than stellar childhood, but it didn't compare at all to even this little glimpse he'd gotten of her own. He saw her as a child in his head, tiny and blonde. How could anyone have done that to her, especially her own mother?

Lee reached for her hand, the one with the slightest indications of a traumatic childhood event, warming her hand between both of his own. She looked to him as he did so, unable to say a word. He folded his fingers into her own like they were interlocking pieces and drew them both up. His attention was taken from her face as he focused on the pale skin of her hand, leaning in to kiss at each curled digit in slow succession.

Nearby, Kara watched, absolutely drawn in. The tears that had been pooled in her eyes for the last fifteen minutes finally spilled forward and her free hand hurried to wipe them away before he noticed.

She was too late, however, and Lee's other hand stretched across to cup her cheek, thumb smoothing just under her eye to rub away some of the tears. The rest of him leaned into her and both his hands gave up their current positions to slide around her, hugging himself against her. Kara surprised herself by doing the same without even a thought to it. Her head tucked in against his neck, breathing him in as she clenched her eyes tightly shut.

He held her, a hand stroking up and down her back and along the length of her braid in slow, repetitive motions.

A soft cry broke from her throat and she found herself not caring about it for once. "I missed you."

Lee breathed out a sigh against her. "I missed you, too." He kissed her hair, pulling back slowly and reluctantly, his lips dropping to the outer shell of her ear. The trail of haphazard kisses continued, a couple placed to her jaw, her cheek, the healing cut on her brow that he'd bandaged that first night back.

Kara let her fingers tangle in his hair, resting against the warmth of his scalp, allowing him to show her the affection she'd dreamed about for the past year. She pulled back just enough to look at him, her other hand coming to rest on his cheek as she mimicked the same way his hand had been on her own cheek moments before. Lee drew his hand to rest over hers and he turned into her palm, kissing the heel of it.

Looking at him like that, Kara no longer felt like she was on Galactica. She could almost smell the air of New Caprica, feel the gust of wind on her back.

"After everything that's happened, how can you even stand to be here with me?" Kara's voice was small and quiet, despite the privacy the room afforded them. She was afraid of his answer, but not sure which one.

His hands were quick to cup at both sides of her cheeks, his blues eyes softening instantly as they held the gaze of her own. "I can't stop. I've tried and I can't. I don't even want to."

Kara faltered, another short lived cry forcing itself out of her throat, unrestrained. She had to look away from him for just a second to gain some measure of control over herself. "I don't understand. I'm a cancer, Lee. My mother always said that and even Leoben knew it. I would ruin you."

For months, Lee had thought over what he'd done wrong after Kara's impromptu marriage. What had he done to her that night that could have driven her even further into Anders' arms? It ate away at him for a year on that planet, breeding a new level of anger inside of him, even for himself, and he was no stranger to hatred. But with just a few words, every ounce of that anger dissipated. He understood, he finally understood.

"It isn't conditional, Kara. How I feel about you, it doesn't depend on anything else." It had to be a foreign concept to her. Her mother's love depended on whatever she had deemed proper behavior. Her father had left and shown her that she wasn't worth sticking around for. Zak died and he knew Kara still held all the blame on herself, whether it was warranted or not. Even with Sam, the love they had between them depended on what was basically a suicide mission to return for him.

Kara said nothing. Instead, she leaned into him, pushing him back until he was lying across the length of the couch. It was a tight fit but she joined him alongside, her arm curled across his chest in a way that very much mirrored how she'd fallen asleep against him on the sand and dirt of New Caprica. It was familiar to Lee and his arm fitted around her to hold her close, keeping her from accidentally rolling off the edge and onto the floor. Her head tucked just under his chin and Lee knew the last time he'd felt this at peace had been the last time she had laid with him like this. He went into it with eyes open this time, though, not expecting her to be there when he woke up.

—

The morning shift reveille sounded over Galactica's speakers. Lee woke slowly, the muscles in his shoulders and neck heavy with ache. His head wove together the details of his current location, even before he opened his eyes. He'd fallen asleep with Kara in the CAG's office in the middle of the night cycle. Lee stretched the arm that had once been curled under her. It was empty. He sighed as he turned his face in towards his shoulder, taking in the familiar scent she left along the fabric of his shirt. With great reluctance, Lee opened his eyes, blinking a few times as he adjusted to what little light barely illuminated the room.

Kara's back was pressed against the couch from where she sat on the floor and Lee could barely hear the rustle of paper in her hands. He rolled onto his side from his back, not entirely sure he wasn't dreaming it. Maybe his mind was giving him a break for once. Instead of dreaming about being locked in that cell for weeks, he was given reprieve as he thought about the blonde that got away. The cushions squeaked just barely as he moved and Kara's torso twisted, catching sight of him.

A halfhearted smile was thrown his way and her eyes left him to glance at the clock on the wall. "I missed my chance to shower before this mornings pilots' brief because you slept so late." She wasn't angry. It was too early for him to figure out exactly what her tone of voice was, but he knew it wasn't actually anger.

"You didn't have to stay. I do know my way back from here."

Kara quickly shook her head, averting her eyes for only a moment before she looked back up to him. "No, this time I had to stay."

—

She didn't stay much longer afterward and the only other words exchanged between them before she did leave were that of goodbye. As Lee rolled onto his back on the couch, he knew the lack of dialogue didn't even matter. Kara stayed until morning. He tried not to read too much into it, since he knew she was still legally tied to Sam. And him, he wasn't sure if he even had anything with Dee anymore. She had been happy to pick up where things left when he returned to Galactica, but Lee knew he wasn't the same person any longer.

For months after Kara's marriage, he was relatively content to drown his sorrow inside of Dee. It had helped for awhile, but never fully healed the burn left by the other woman. He felt a sense of obligation to her now because she had stood by him when he tried to make a life for himself on the planet. Even before that, Dualla had been the one at his bedside while he recovered from the gunshot and tried to put himself back together. As poorly as he had been held together back then, he knew Dee was responsible for keeping those last bits of him from falling fully apart.

As always, Lee was back to not knowing where he stood with Kara. She had shared a deep part of herself with him hours before, and it would either work to tie her to him a little more, or cause her to pull back from him because he knew of her weakness. With Starbuck, it could go either way.

Later today, Lee would go to his father and let him know he wanted his wings back, as promised to Kara. The thought of the smile that would be on his father's face when he heard, caused Lee's own lips to pull back in a grin. It would be his last day as a civilian and he sought to enjoy it by taking in as much sleep as possible. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to think of the things he'd omitted from his conversation with Kara earlier that morning.

He had no such luck.

—

 _Trying to keep track of time in a windowless room had proved fairly difficult for Lee, and after the first handful of days, he'd given up entirely. There was nothing to base time off of in there, except perhaps when he felt the pull of his body to sleep. But with food being brought in at irregular intervals and his body feeling the weakness of slight malnourishment, his sleep schedule could no longer be trusted._

 _He laid on the pile of blankets he'd been given to sleep on, arms folded up beneath his head when he heard the door open. Lee prayed it was just the drop off of something to eat, but when he didn't hear the familiar slide of a plastic bowl or plate across the cement floor, he knew better. He kept still even as the door closed and he heard someone approach._

 _"Why hasn't Zeus come down from his mountain for you, Apollo?" Leoben spoke, his voice eerily calm._

 _Lee didn't say a word, instead kept quiet as he feigned sleep, as per their routine._

 _"I know what you're doing, Lee Adama. You think you can protect her, but she doesn't need protecting. Kara's destiny is here with me, I've seen it, and not even you can interfere."_

 _"You don't have a frakking clue about her if you think she'd actually follow you anywhere," Lee gave up his ruse and sat up, leaning back against the wall made from the same cement as the floor. "You're a machine."_

 _Leoben pulled his lips tightly together, hands in his pockets. He was the definition of cool and collected, unlike some of the other models who were often bested by their rather human-like tempers. But this was part of his model, he knew that much from what he had heard about Kara's interaction with this specific one in a previous body, as well as another version entirely that had talked with his father at Ragnar Anchorage._

 _"Do you know why you're still alive? Because I have a use for you right now. Some of my sisters and brothers don't feel the same way about you, Apollo."_

 _"Don't do me any favors."_

 _Leoben approached the door of the cell, knocked twice, and let out a whistle. The door didn't open straight away, and Lee knew that the cylon wasn't just intending on leaving as usual. His eyes stayed on the door, and though he'd never admit to it, real fear coiled up inside of him. A moment later the door opened, and in stepped two more Leobens, identical to the one already in his cell, save for the particular items of clothing they wore. It was one thing to run into copies of the various models throughout New Caprica, it was another thing to see a group of them side by side. It was still surreal to him._

 _"Last time I saw Starbuck, we spent a lot of our time together talking. Sometimes the talking was done with my head underwater." The original Leoben was speaking to him, but Lee couldn't take his eyes off the bucket of water carried between the other two and set in the center of the room. "I told her that this has all happened before, and it will all happen again. The roles change, Lee Adama. Last time, she was the interrogator and now it's me." He seemed almost regretful to say the words, though his brothers didn't show the same remorse. Maybe it was true that these cylons could be different from one another. Sharon had made her own choices as well. Perhaps they really weren't all slaves to their programming._

 _The other two Leobens moved for him swiftly and Lee had nowhere to go, though he didn't go very willingly. He struggled in their grasp, but the kind of strength they had was unimaginable. Every pull he gave away from one of them was compensated by the other tugging even harder, dragging him on his knees towards the metal bucket before him. They forced him into a kneeling position, but he found no relief in it with their hands painfully pulling his arms up and behind him._

 _"I don't want to do this, but I need to find her and I think you know where she's hiding." He nodded his head to one of the identical cylons and he released his hold on one of Lee's arms, taking the opportunity to plant his fist firmly across his jaw. Lee's head whipped to the side on impact, his head gone fuzzy as the two of them forced him into the water before he'd even taken a breath. He choked on the water filling his mouth, unable to stop his panic as his body resisted the pressure on the back of his head and shoulders. Just when he felt like his lungs were a second away from filling with fluid, he was pulled away from the water and released. Lee immediately collapsed to the concrete, gagging and nearly vomiting what little sustenance currently in his shrunken stomach._

 _When his body's violent reaction calmed down, he continued to lay on the cool floor, wanting nothing more than to be absorbed into it. His heart pounded and lungs heaved. Even with his eyes shut, he could tell that Leoben was crouched beside him._

 _"I won't hurt her. She'll be safe with us. Don't you understand? She has a path and I'm meant to be her guide. I know you want it to be you, but it's not. I love her, and one day she's going to say it back and mean it. You can't stop it." His voice was gentle and delicate, like speaking to a child. In other circumstances, it would've been a comforting tone, but as Lee lay soaked in water and his own blood, there was nothing comforting about it at all._

 _"She's not here. You saw frakking wrong." He ground out the words with all the energy he had left. When he felt the pull on his arms, Lee knew what was coming. Another hit was delivered, this time to the gut, and his face was shoved back into the water before he even had time to double over._

 _When he was pulled out the second time, Leoben was already speaking. "Did she ever tell you what happened on Caprica? The fours, they're the doctors of all of us. One of them took out her ovary and preserved it for me. It was almost lost in the destruction, but we managed to recover it."_

 _Lee's ears were ringing as he tried to focus on what Leoben was saying. Caprica? Did he mean New Caprica or Caprica before the attacks? Did he mean when she returned the first time or the second time? "What the frak did you do to her?" He yelled despite the complete lack of energy, his palms going to the floor as he tried to push himself up. Lee reached for Leoben, hoping to inflict any kind of damage on him, but he was grabbed back by four other hands._

 _Leoben continued on as if nothing had happened. "When she comes back to me, we'll use it to start a family."_

 _"She's not coming back! She's gone, a million light years from here by now and you're never going to see her again. You know she's not here, you just can't accept that maybe you were wrong. If you were wrong about her being here, then maybe everything else you think you've seen is wrong too. You can't see the Gods damned future, nobody can. You just downloaded wrong, your file got corrupt. You're a copy of a frakking copy, Leoben. Just kill me already, she isn't going to come running to save me because she isn't, frakking, here."_

 _Across from him, Leoben sighed and his brothers once again pushed Lee's head back under the surface of the water._

—

Lee woke with a start. The office was empty and the clock on the wall told him it was nearing lunch time. He could still smell Kara on the collar of his shirt and it brought him all the comfort in the worlds.


	9. Chapter 9

For Sam, being forced into double-CAPs was a welcomed distraction. Even with the re-enlistment of most of the personnel that had mustered out throughout the year of peace on New Caprica, the number of pilots available was still considerably lacking. In large part, it was due to Starbuck and Colonel Tigh insisting those out of service for an extended period of time go through the process of training and instruction all over again. Though Sam's experience in the cockpit was minimal at best, he was still one of the few with any recent time clocked, and that had secured him the position of serving two shifts each day. A couple of the other pilots had joked about how being the CAG's husband didn't seem to pull any benefits for him and Sam had laughed and smiled, attributing it to Starbuck's usual demeanor.

Truth be told, he was happy for it, but he knew that when she scheduled them for opposing shifts, she did it on purpose. Kara's determination to keep them separated as much as possible hit him hard, perhaps even more so than her refusal to put in the request for a married billet, citing that there wasn't enough space for them anyway. As such, Kara currently spent her hours sleeping in the senior pilots' bunkroom, while Sam spent his with the rest of the men and women that had made up his class of nuggets throughout the cylon occupation. On some level, it definitely hurt, but his head was far too clouded to even begin fully processing what his wife's distance meant.

Whether it was out on CAP facing the black of space or lying in his bunk facing the black of closed eyelids, all Sam saw was that red cylon eye staring back at him. He'd tried to find out what information he could since things had settled down. Sam had even asked Kara what she knew about it, hoping her rank brought her some kind of clearance on the matter. She hadn't known a thing, but had gotten solemn and quiet when she said that whatever had happened, it saved her life and tens, if not hundreds of others aboard Pegasus when the retreat bought them enough time to slip out and escape. After that, Sam didn't ask Kara about it anymore.

He landed his ship on the flight deck after receiving clearance, coming in a little rough. His training had been more than rushed, and now with all the re-ups occupying Kara's time, Sam's time to ask for extra help had long since passed. He cringed when his ship came to its final stop, knowing there'd be hell to pay from the newly reinstated Chief. Galen and he had become fast friends down on New Caprica, but all friendships were thrown out the window when you put a scratch or a ding in the Chief's deck.

His ship was lowered down and towed in, and Sam popped the hatch as the crew member pushed the rolling stairway to the side of his ship. His helmet was handed over along with the metal collar that locked it into place before he climbed down and finally had his feet on solid ground. Well, as solid as he was about to ever get again in the near future. Anders made move to leave the hangar and his ship behind when Galen's voice rang out.

"Forgetting something, Sam?" The Chief held up a piece of paper as he stood by the nose of Sam's Viper.

"Frak Chief, I don't know where my head is these days," Anders said, jogging back towards Galen and a sheepish looking Seelix.

"I don't know how they ran my deck when I wasn't here, but no one leaves without filling out their post-flight. Nobody." He pressed the paper into Sam's waiting hands and turned to Seelix. "If you're the one receiving that bird, then you're supposed to make sure he gets that piece of paper," Galen said, his tone irritated as he wandered off. "Oh, and if you leave another dent on my deck, I'll have you personally out there pounding it out, Longshot."

"Sorry, Seelix." Sam took the proffered pen from her, going through the motions of filling out the necessary portions.

She smiled at him, though it was short lived. "It was my fault. I'm still not used to being back in the swing of things… besides, I think the Chief's just in a bad mood."

Sam returned the smile, handing the form back over to her in exchange for his helmet. "Pretty sure that's what he sounds like on a good day."

They bid their goodbyes and Sam headed to his rack to free himself of his flight suit before making his way down to the mess hall. As disgusting as he felt, he knew the head tended to be full at that hour of the day between the change of shifts. The mess hall was fairly vacant, however, and once Sam had his tray with his lunchtime rations, he found a seat at a nearby table occupied by a solitary Felix Gaeta.

Sam and Gaeta both reacted with a slight nod of their heads, the former sipping at the cup of water on his tray.

"Not that the food's any good, but I'd swear these portions are getting smaller," Anders spoke as he set the cup back down, digging his fork through the bowl of noodles with a few unidentifiable items mixed in.

"That's because they are," said Gaeta, his head still tilted downward as he focused on the meal in front of him. "We just got word this morning that there was a contaminated batch of food mixed in with what we had stored. We're working off the emergency supplies now until we can find a planet with something we can eat."

Sam leaned back in his chair, abandoning his fork in his bowl. "Frak me." He stayed like that for a moment before sitting back up, his hand finding the fork he'd previously released. The hunger had gone out of him at the very news that the entire fleet would soon begin to slowly starve unless they stumbled upon a food source. He thought back to all the times he'd ordered take out because he had been too lazy to leave his apartment to get anything himself. Filling everyone's stomachs wasn't as simple as a quick trip to the corner store anymore.

Despite the lack of hunger he felt, especially with how the mess hall food tasted, Sam returned to the meal provided. Every bite suddenly had to count. The silence stretched between them now, and Anders couldn't help but notice the weight visibly seated on Gaeta's shoulders. Though his rank wouldn't suggest it, he held one of the more important positions in the fleet that brought him close to the upper echelon of the remaining Colonial Fleet members. Not only that, but Felix had been close to Baltar before and during his Presidency.

"Kara told me you two were working on recreating some of Baltar's work," Sam prompted, eyes barely lifted from his bowl as he watched Gaeta.

He nodded weakly, a lack of sleep written heavily into the discoloration beneath his eyes. "Yeah, uh, Baltar was cross referencing some star charts with Pythia. He seemed to think the lion with the mighty blinking eye was actually a reference to a system of red and blue eclipsing binary pulsars." Gaeta eased into the back of his chair as he spoke. The look of confusion on Sam's face told him he didn't understand. "It means that their orbits cross paths and temporarily block one another out. In short, to us, it looks like they're blinking… just like the scroll said."

Across the table, Sam nodded as he pushed his finished tray away from him, though he made no move to leave. "That's where we were yesterday, right? If it was our next sign, why did we jump out this morning?"

"Aside from the fact that we're now starving, we're working on the assumption that the cylons didn't kill Baltar when they left New Caprica, or at the very least, they took what he was working on at the time. Which means…" Gaeta trailed off, not bothering to finish his statement. They'd spent the time since New Caprica in relative peace, at least when it came to being pursued by humanity's hostile children.

"…They're probably not far behind us," Sam finished for him, eyes going distant and glossy as he thought about the implications.

"They're keeping it quiet, but we actually found a beacon floating out there. Still doing testing on it, but out this far? It's got to be left by the 13th Tribe on their way to Earth."

Anders wasn't a religious man, but Gods, that was good news. It was a gift from the Gods and nothing else, as far as he was concerned.

"Hey man," Sam coughed, a nervous tell of his. He leaned in, settled his arms and elbows against the table as his voice decreased in volume just barely. "I wasn't here for it, but I heard that Baltar created some kind of cylon detector way back. Since you worked with him, I was wondering whatever happened to it? Is anyone still screening people with it?"

Felix sighed and shrugged his shoulders, unaware to Sam's true intentions in asking. "We abandoned that a long time ago. I think all the equipment is still in the lab, but it never worked properly anyway. Boomer, I don't know if you heard about her, but that was the Sharon that was originally on Galactica. She was tested and it came out negative. Then she shot the Admiral twice in the chest." His expression was grim as he replayed the memories from those days and weeks over in his head. "We haven't used it in a long time."

Sam nodded along with his words, feigning partial disinterest. "You guys only saw seven models during the occupation though. Doesn't anyone wonder who the rest are?"

Felix considered that for a long time. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Cylon or human, we're all going to starve if we don't find food in a few days." He nodded his head to the Viper pilot as he stood to pick up his tray and left the mess hall.

Alone, Anders remained seated as he considered everything Gaeta had given away during their brief lunch. The news of the food contamination was beyond alarming, but it was pushed from his mind to consider the rest. Why had he even asked about the cylon detector? Did he really believe himself to be machine instead of human? He could remember his life, remember being a child, remember growing up and playing pyramid for the very first time. Cylons didn't grow up, did they? No, they were dumped into pre-made bodies and behaved like good little toasters.

If he was one, why would they have let him lead the Caprica Resistance and destroy their own kind? Wouldn't it have been easier to turn him on and let him have realization of who he was? They could have flipped his switch and sent him to kill the rest of the people working with him as they slept. Problem solved. Someone like the first Sharon, he could understand. She was in the military and could feed the cylons information along the way. What kind of information could he have had as a pyramid player? Everything he knew about the other cylons placed in the fleet was that they had a strategic purpose of some kind. What kind of sleeper was he even supposed to be?

Sam nearly laughed out loud at himself in the quiet mess hall. Gods, he was losing his mind. He was actually entertaining the idea that he could be a cylon, all because he got a funny feeling when a Raider looked at him. So what if that had been the moment that all the rest pulled out and abandoned the fight. It was a coincidence. It had to be. Besides, what did it mean if he was one? What was he supposed to come out and say? Was he supposed to go to Kara one night and tell her he thought he was a cylon for no reason and had no way to prove or disprove it? She would have either laughed at him or put a gun between his eyes. There would be no coming back from saying something like that.

His hands rested on the table top and he stared at the skin of them for reassurance. He was Samuel T. Anders. He had been a pyramid star. He had friends and he had Kara, however rocky they were at any given moment. He was a Viper pilot for the Colonial Fleet. He was a man, and nothing but a man.

—

Lee washed his hands at the empty row of sinks in the communal head. Once dry, he took the moment to tug at the sleeves of his neatly pressed uniform blues, pulling out any of the temporary wrinkles. Nearby, the hatch door swung open and Lee's view raised to see who it was. Dee stepped in, towel folded over her arm with her small basket of toiletries at hand. She nearly didn't notice him, so intent on making her way to one of the showers, and Lee ducked his head back down beneath the mirror as if he was washing his hands once again in an excuse to avoid her.

Just as she was about to round the corner into the shower stall, her eyes shifted over to the other occupant in the otherwise deserted head. Her face lifted at the very sight of him and her direction was diverted, approaching the counter as she leaned her hip against it.

"Hello, soldier." Her voice nearly sang out as she looked to him, not even a foot away. Dee's free arm stretched out, further primping him and the collar of his uniform. "I forgot how good you looked with this on."

Lee's body stiffened at her touch, though he tried not to let it show. A quiet, forced laugh was released and he leaned against the counter top just as she had, making an excuse to back off from her just a little bit more. "It certainly is easier choosing what to wear in the morning."

"Your father's been so happy since you chose to come back, Lee."

It hadn't been a secret that Adama had been anything but happy to have his son return to military life. Unlike all the other times Lee had been pushed into anything revolving around the military, whether it was being shipped off to boot camp, choosing Vipers as his focus, or even going to War college, he had actually felt the decision was entirely his. Though he knew his father wanted him to return, Lee's own eagerness had been what ultimately drove him back to it. That, and the thought of flying again with Kara. Either way, the decision had been his alone.

"I haven't seen you around much lately," she seemed regretful about it, and a pang of guilt hit him in his stomach.

"Well, I've been back on double-shift CAPs since I finished my refresher course so the CAG would finally let me back into rotation. That and I've been helping the Chief on some Viper repairs in my free time." His words almost tumbled out too quickly, the excuses pouring out of his mouth.

Dee nodded as her forehead creased. She glanced down to the towel on her arm then back up to him, noting the distance he kept between them even in relative privacy.

"You know, if you ever need someone to talk to about things that happened on New Caprica, Lee, I'm here for you."

He appreciated the gesture and had to look away from her as he chewed over her words. "Dee, I'm fine, really. I came out okay in the end. A lot of people had it worse than me."

"I just look at you sometimes, Lee… I know how you are. After the blackbird and what happened on Cloud 9—"

Lee was quick to cut her off, though did his best not to sound anything but amicable. "It was different then. It was a long time ago and I'm okay now." He knew the words were just that, words. They were hollow and empty, but he didn't want to discuss what had happened on that planet with her. In fact, he hadn't talked about it at all except that night with Kara.

Dee could tell when she was being dismissed. "Right. I'm sure Kara Thrace would be willing to lend an ear for you this time around."

The last three words were not missed by Lee and that guilt inside of him spread out, consuming not only his stomach but tightening around his chest. She was right, Kara hadn't been there before. In another time it would have made him further doubt Kara's feelings towards him, even just as friends. But after the night they'd shared in her office awhile back, facing down just how different Kara now was, he couldn't help but think that this time she would be willing to lend an ear. Not only would she, but Lee knew she already had.

"I'm not going to argue with you about this, especially not about Starbuck," he said, eyes rising to her own.

She knew that look, though. It was the same look he'd given to her when she'd returned to the planet the day after Founders' day.

 _Stuck with an overnight CIC shift, Dee had returned to Galactica just as the party had begun on the surface. With everyone celebrating away the evening, there still had to be enough personnel on board both of the battlestars to maintain the most basic functions. Dee knew Helo had remained up on Pegasus, taking control over the con for Kara while the Commander's presence was required down below. Baltar had insisted all the more well known faces of the Colonial Fleet attend the celebration and Adama had relented on the matter. With Gaeta having mustered out to assist the President, and both Tigh and Adama spending the night celebrating, Dee had been given a sort of temporary command of Galactica. Without question, she had accepted the position and responsibility. It would be an honor for her._

 _Once late morning came, however, she was relieved of her duties as Tigh returned, still smelling strongly of alcohol. Though she questioned his state, Dee had overlooked it in order to make the Raptor in time for its departure back to New Caprica. The flight was empty of other passengers save for her and the pilot lesser known as Brendan Costanza than as his callsign, Hot Dog._

 _"Hot Dog, did you hear the news?" Racetrack called back to them from the front of the ship once they were a safe distance away from the fleet, heading towards the planet growing larger and larger through the window._

 _"What news? I miss all the frakking excitement. Every time." He muttered to himself, cursing under his breath._

 _Though Dee knew the conversation wasn't meant for her, she couldn't help but listen to the two chatter back and forth._

 _"You'll never believe it. I could tell you I'd pay you a million cubits if you guessed right and give you a thousand chances and you would still never get it," the pilot tried to hold back laughter from the front seat, her head shaking as she did so. Dee thought about how unusual it was to actually see these pilots talking in their element for once, instead of just being a voice on the other line of her comm._

 _"Just spit it out, we'll be on New Cap soon."_

 _Racetrack's laughter couldn't be contained and soon it was full bodied, so much so that Dee inwardly became concerned about her ability to fly the Raptor down through the atmosphere with that kind of distraction._

 _"Starbuck got married."_

 _"No way. No. You're frakking joking, Racetrack. If you wanted me to believe you, you should've gone with something more believable. There's no way that God got married," Brendan was in a near state of shock and disbelief as he referred to his former instructor by her self-proclaimed nickname._

 _"I'm not! I swear to the Gods, Hot Dog! Apparently the Commander woke up this morning and dragged Anders to some priestess and got married right then and there. I couldn't even make this up if I wanted to."_

 _"Holy frak," was Hot Dog's only reply as he went silent, trying to grasp his mind around it._

 _From her jump seat, Dee considered the facts as well. So Kara Thrace had gotten married. She wouldn't lie to herself, when Racetrack had made the admission about it, her heart had pounded with her first assumption that Starbuck had somehow convinced Lee to marry her. Unlike most of the crew that was fairly unaware to the nature of Starbuck and Apollo's relationship, Dee had seen some of it first hand, especially in the ways her boyfriend reacted to any manner of things concerning Kara Thrace. There was something there, without question. Before Kara had returned to Caprica for Anders, Dee had even been certain that the two Viper pilots had something going on on the side. After Starbuck returned with the pyramid player on her arm, though, she knew that if there had been something between her boyfriend and the new Commander, it was over._

 _Her thoughts overwhelmed her and the rest of the flight breezed by, with the Raptor landing gently on the ground. Dee was off first with a polite thanks to the pilot that had guided her there safely, before she went off in search of the man that had been her reason for visiting New Caprica altogether. Though Lee had decided to leave the service to act as something of a government official, or a government-military liaison, he had made it clear to her that him abandoning the battlestar didn't mean he was abandoning her._

 _Dee headed through the center of the makeshift town, looking first for him there as she cut through it on the way to the tent Lee was currently calling home. On her way through, she caught sight of Adama and he eagerly waved in her direction, calling her name. Though she loved the Admiral, she didn't want to stop on her journey to get to her significant other's tent. She considered continuing on her way, but thought better of it, and redirected herself to greet Adama._

 _"Dee, you missed this morning's celebration," Adama said, in a cheerier tone than she'd ever heard from him._

 _"What was that, sir?" Dee was all proper form before she turned to see the other people sitting beside the Admiral at the temporary table and chairs set up for last night's event. Kara and Sam both looked up from their conversation, Sam with the wide and bright smile across his face. Kara's smile faltered as she realized who the latest addition to their trio was, and Dee saw her try again to pull her smile back on, but found it increasingly difficult._

 _"Kara and Sam got married." The Admiral's face was beyond proud as his arm curled around his daughter's shoulders, squeezing her close for only an instant. Though she knew Adama had a soft side, especially when it came to Kara, his behavior seemed a little too open, even for the calm nature of the morning. Dee began to wonder just how good of a time the Admiral had the night before. "Now Anders," Adama's attention was redirected away from Dee to turn towards Kara and Sam, Sam sitting on the other side of Kara. "She's my Commander before she's your wife, and I don't think there's ever been a pregnant Commander in the history of Colonial Fleet, so you better watch yourself." His tone was good natured and nearby, Sam gave a nervous laugh._

 _"No, no, no," Anders spoke despite the uncomfortable laughter. "Believe me, sir, Kara would cut my head off for even entertaining that thought." His arm slid around Kara's shoulders as the Admiral's had done before and he leaned in to kiss the side of his new wife's head. Dee was forced to notice how Kara kept quiet on all talk of her marriage, her face not only avoiding Dee's, but looking as if it was lost. Kara Thrace was far away from wherever the rest of them were._

 _"Congratulations, Commander, Anders." Dualla nodded her head politely towards them, desperate for a reason to step away. "Admiral, if you'll excuse me, I was just on my way to see Lee." Her voice was low, as if trying to keep her words between her and Adama. It didn't work, because the very mention of the name brought Kara's eyes up to hers. They shared the briefest of moments of eye contact, and though Dee had never been a particular fan of Starbuck and all the messes she created for herself, not to mention dragged others into, Dee couldn't help but feel some kind of sadness for her. Starbuck, with her normally vivacious and forward attitude, was at that moment, only a fraction of herself._

 _"Where did Lee go to anyway?" Sam said from beside Kara, looking curiously around. The mention of the name again hit Kara across the face, her eyes shutting for an extended blink as she reached for the cup of alcohol before her, taking a sip in a welcomed distraction._

 _Adama's shoulders shrugged and he popped a nut into his mouth from the nearly empty bowl on the table. "Haven't seen him since earlier."_

 _Dee slipped away from them, suddenly even more eager to find Lee. Something had transpired, something more than just Kara deciding to suddenly marry the pyramid player. Her boots carried her quickly through the rows of tents, her pace slower than normal as her feet sunk into the sand. If he wasn't in his tent, she wouldn't know where to look for him next, and Dee said a prayer to the Gods for this sample favor._

 _"Lee?" She panted slightly and willed herself to find some control as she pulled back the flap of his tent. The interior was much dimmer, but she could easily make out Lee's form hunched over the makeshift desk created from stacked boxes and a piece of scrapped metal serving as the table top. She continued inside, nearing him slowly. Dee took a seat beside him on the wide bench that served as the only seat he had other than the cot along the other side of the tent._

 _He was working on some papers, concentration focused, and Dee looked at them, reading over what words she easily could. It was something about land surveys for growing crops and plans for irrigation systems. Her hand reached his scalp, stroking over his short hair, still military regulation length._

 _It was only then that he recognized her presence, his head turning to take her in. His eyes found hers, blue eyes steady and strong but still giving so much away to her. He was in pain and trying to hide it and it caught her off guard. She'd seen a lot of his looks over the last few weeks and months. She'd seen the look of physical pain in his eyes as he rehabbed his shoulder from the gunshot wound. She'd seen how hurt he'd been after Kara had returned from Caprica with the man of her dreams. She'd even seen the way he looked when his father had chosen Kara to Command Pegasus. It had been relief and disappointment all at once. But this look, this was something new._

 _"I heard," was all Dee said, knowing he would understand._

 _Lee didn't even nod his head in acknowledgement, just removed his hands from the desk, abandoning his pen there. One arm curled around her back, pulling her in closer, the other hand going to her cheek. He stroked over her dark skin and though he was looking at her, Dee could tell that Lee was looking through her, seeing someone else. She was under no illusions about who he wished he was seeing. He closed the space between, lips pressed to hers. It was soft but barely intimate, any kind of eager anticipation she'd felt from him on previous experiences completely gone. She didn't turn him away, though, instead stroked her fingers over where his neck met his jaw._

 _When they broke apart, Lee avoided her eyes but she tilted his chin up to her, forcing him to see her._

 _"I know what this is, what it's always been. I love you, Lee." Her head shook to keep him quiet and she swallowed before speaking again. "I'll stay as long as you'll let me. I'll stay until she comes back for you." They didn't say anything else the rest of the afternoon, instead Lee kissed her again and took her back to his cot. Though it wasn't their usual routine, Dee straddled his lap and rode him while he sat up, his arms around her. When he came, he buried his face into her neck and thought about the night before._

They'd never talked about that afternoon again, and Dee tried not to think about it. Not until now at least, faced with those same eyes he had given her over a year before. She knew now what it meant.

Dee looked away from him, fighting the pull of tears to her own eyes. When she had made that promise to him in his tent, she hadn't considered how painful it would be to go through with it all in the end. But she would be strong about it. She was Sagitarron. She would be strong.

Her hand groped for his own, squeezing it once she found purchase on it. Dee leaned in and kissed his cheek, nodding as she pulled back from him. "I didn't really think this would come, but I guess deep down I knew it would."

Lee looked bewildered, his mind pulling him back to the same moment she had just revisited. He tried to struggle for the words to say to her, but came up short. Nothing would fix it. Nothing would ease the pain Ana felt and nothing would cure the guilt he felt in his chest. What ashamed him most was the sense of relief as Dee finally stepped away from him, returning to the shower stall she had originally sought out.

He stood there for only a moment until he heard the water turn on. When he stepped through the hatch to leave, he knew he heard the drowned out sound of her crying.

—

"Apollo, Starbuck. Do you think you remember more than the basic maneuvers from the year you spent on vacation?"

"I don't know, Starbuck, I heard you got pretty soft during your tenure as Commander," Lee replied from his own Viper, flying at the CAG's wing.

"You can tell Kat to go frak herself, Apollo."

He heard her laughter carried through the open comm between their two ships. It brought his own smile to his face.

"So what do you say, a couple Aerilon rolls to start?" Lee watched her from the seeled canopy of his own ship.

"I swear to the Gods if you hit my bird, Apollo, you won't be coming home with me today."

"With you, huh?" Lee's own cheeks burned simultaneously to Kara's as he acknowledged her slip of the tongue. "You didn't even ask if I wanted to go home with you. Do you do this to everyone you take out on CAP? Now I know where you get your reputation."

Her face ached from the tight smile Lee's presence forced onto her features. She was immediately thankful this conversation wasn't being held over the channel opened to the CIC. With a flick of her finger, she switched to the main channel. "Galactica and Athena, this is Starbuck, be advised Apollo and I will be performing some practice maneuvers out here."

"Wilco, Starbuck," Hoshi answered back across the line and Kara set her comm back to the previous channel as she watched Sharon's Raptor slow down, backing off to give the two Viper's enough clearance.

For a moment, Sharon switched her comm to the private channel she knew was in use by Apollo and Starbuck. "Don't you kids forget to be safe."

Kara snorted at the double entendre she knew the cylon chose to use on purpose. It was only the day before when Athena had remarked to Starbuck after CAP that her hours out there with Apollo looked a whole lot more like frakking than flying. "Roger that, Athena. Wouldn't want any surprises," Kara delivered and she wondered exactly what Lee was thinking based on the interaction. Sharon cleared out of the private channel and Kara felt a general sense of warmth permeate through her body, a warmth that just wasn't due to the airtight seal of her flight suit.

"On my mark, Lee."


	10. Chapter 10

_Caprica: Before the Fall_

Socrata stayed with Dreilide the rest of the week. In fact, he road the bus with her out to Delphi on her last day and said goodbye while making plans on when to see her next.

Over the following months, Socrata started to slowly eat away at the leave time she had stored up. It started with a couple days off to spend in his apartment, followed by a long weekend or two. For someone who had never looked forward to her time away, she had fallen into her new routine with ease. No longer did she live for the time she spent obeying orders to give her some semblance of a life. Now she measured her time in how many days or weeks until she would be afforded enough free time to make the return trip to him worth it.

The month following her first stay at his apartment with him, Dreilide found new work at a handful of clubs through Caprica City. He said goodbye to the restaurant and the lousy pay and hello to even lousier pay, but the chance to have someone recognize him by name. Sometimes, even Socrata would come see him play when he was contracted on a night of her leave. Those were his happiest nights.

What made her happiest was finally hearing the completed version of the piece she'd had him play for her that first night she'd spent with him. It had lingered untouched for weeks since that night, until on one visit she woke to the sound of him frustratedly playing at the piano, sounding out the next group of notes. It may have annoyed the neighbors to hear him play the same bars for hours on end, but she let his practice become every much part of her as it was him. Seven months later he finished it and she heard it for the first time when he played to a small crowd. He called it Dreilide Thrace Sonata #1 and after the performance, he told her it was about her. That night, she asked him to marry her and without pause, Dreilide said yes.

They didn't wait long to make it official. She was granted a week's worth of leave a month from then and they found themselves in a government hall, waiting with other eager couples for their turn to be married. As much as Socrata had wanted to be married in a temple, she knew Dreilide's silence on any mention of the Gods meant he would have gone along with it only for her. She acquiesced in the end, and they were married by a judge, but went to a temple afterwards where a priestess blessed their union.

Dreilide's career only went better from then on, and he credited his wife with how prolific he'd become. Listening to him play the piano and each piece he'd written with her in mind always brought a smile to her face, no matter how bad their fighting could otherwise get. In fact she'd accused him on a couple of occasions of using his music as an easy way out of a particularly brutal argument. He knew she was right, but would be damned if he'd actually admit it.

For them, everything seemed to culminate with an offer to play at the Helice Opera House. He'd been overjoyed and scared out of his mind when he received the news. Socrata was the first one he called, since she still spent most of her time living on the base in Delphi. As good as he'd been doing, they never expected a chance like that. Dreilide couldn't turn it down and that night, the world was perfect. Socrata sat in the third row and shut her eyes as she listened to him play. The people beside her didn't notice when she wiped away a few tears as he played that first sonata he'd finished with her in mind. When the music chips of his performance came from the press, she fell asleep listening to it every night on base.

Her fellow officers had found her to be a changed woman over the last few years. They teased her for it at first, but it simply became known that this was who she now was. The Socrata they used to know was long since dead, and everyone, including herself, was all the more glad for it.

A year and a half after Dreilide's performance at the opera house and Socrata found herself pulled from duty after becoming pregnant. A bit of the old version of herself reared its ugly head, particularly at Dreilide, as she lashed out in anger over the situation she was in. She hadn't wanted this. It had been a mistake, Gods knew how, and she was determined to correct such a mistake in the only manner she knew. As the shock of it faded, she allowed herself to actually consider the possibility of being a mother and though she wouldn't ever have confessed it, not even to her husband, she warmed to the idea rather quickly once she calmed down. Dreilide on the other hand, had been over the moon since finding out, although he played the diplomat, promising to support her decision.

It was eight weeks in when she decided they'd keep it, and Dreilide even cried as he kissed her cheeks and spoke reverently of what a miracle it was. She'd never heard him be so overtly spiritual as he was that night, when he whispered a Thank God against the thick of her hair. She planned to thank the Gods later and made a mental note to visit the temple in the morning to receive a blessing for her unborn child.

They had a daughter a few months later, though she came three weeks early. Socrata had been more than just relieved to have her daughter with her finally, as she knew her husband had spent the prior months in a near constant state of fear that their daughter wouldn't make it to take her first breath. As it turned out, she was the picture of perfection. In the hospital, the only thing they fought over was who got to hold her first. Dreilide often won the battle, kissing the white hair on his daughter's head in victory. They named her Kara and brought her home a few days later. Neither of them left the apartment for a week, with the exception of trips for groceries and diapers. For one small moment in their lives, nothing else mattered anymore.

—

 _Twenty-one years before the Fall._

It was a rare day that found the entire family home together. It was more likely for all twelve planets that made up the colonies and their suns to align properly than it was for Dreilide and Socrata to end up occupying the same apartment for the an extended period of time with their daughter. Long gone was the apartment in Caprica City, cramped enough for one person, let alone a married couple and their child. Unable to seek a job transfer nearer where Dreilide made the bulk of his work, the family had settled somewhat permanently in Delphi.

It wasn't the ideal scenario, as it meant Dreilide was often away for days at a time when an important enough chance came up to play the piano elsewhere. Delphi was by no means rural, but what had been offered to him back in Caprica City wasn't readily attainable in the smaller city. It had been a point of contention for the husband and wife, and they seemed to reach an unfortunate agreement just to no longer talk about it.

Dreilide sat on the worn living room carpet, just beside the coffee table set in front of the family couch. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt until they were secured above the elbows and out of harm's way. Next to him was his daughter, all of four years old and completely immersed in the set of paints strewn out before her. He watched her work, tongue just barely stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she looked to be in deep concentration. Her hands were working on their coordination as she dipped the end of a thick handled plastic brush into one of the primary colors. Then, with all the carefulness a four year old could have, she dragged the brush across the page with no direction or pattern. Whatever she was drawing, it was completely in her mind.

He couldn't help but smile as he watched her. Since he'd brought the gift back with him on his last trip, as had become customary since she was able to recognize and understand his return to her, she had been fascinated by the way she could make her mark across any blank piece of paper with ease not afforded to her with crayons. There had been a few incidents already where an over eager four year old, tired of waiting for one of her parents to deliver her the proper canvas, had taken to smearing a color or two over a set of bills and a report Socrata had been working on for the better part of an afternoon. That had been an especially unpleasant day.

"What are you painting today, Kara?" Dreilide leaned in to kiss the top of her head, his aged hands smoothing over the tangle of blonde hair that had once been corralled into a ponytail, now most of it hanging loose around her face.

Her attention stayed on the paper before her as she spoke, "Don't know yet, Daddy."

He laughed to himself, tucking back some of her wild hair behind her ear. "Mommy's not going to be happy when she sees what a mess I let you become." Kara giggled. It was their usual back-and-forth when waiting for her mother to return. He would tease her about how far she'd fallen from the neat little girl she'd started off as that morning when Socrata got her daughter ready for the day.

"I need more paper," she said, that high pitched voice more like beautiful music to his ears than anything he'd ever written. One of her tiny hands speckled with the thick and strong smelling child friendly paint pushed at the paper half covered in a muddy mess of colors. This child was responsible for half the deforestation of Caprica with how much paper she'd gone through as of late, though her father could never do anything but oblige.

With a nod, Dreilide pushed himself up from his place, disappearing into Kara's small bedroom only to return with a couple pages more. He'd been gone only a minute, but there was already a small puddle of blue paint pooled on the table, his daughter doing her best impression of innocence. A short detour to the kitchen to get a rag to clean up the mess and Dreilide sat down beside her, furiously wiping away until no evidence remained. "This is why your Mom hates when we don't put down newspaper first."

But Kara wasn't interested in his explanation, instead she was readjusting herself to sit on her knees, a position she clearly deemed superior for her painting process. She pushed some of her own hair away from her face in an unsteady motion, and soon Dreilide could see that speckled hand had transferred some of the blue paint into the strands of her hair. There'd be something of a conversation about this later, but he couldn't bring himself to interrupt his daughter to rinse out the washable paint from her hair just yet.

"Need purple," Kara said. She looked up to him, her eyes a mix of green and brown and focused on him.

"Do you remember how to make it?" She shook her head and he nodded, his own hand reaching around her to take the brush out of the blue paint. "Remember how we made it last time? You mix the red and blue together." He spoke slowly, never quite sure how quickly she could or couldn't follow him, so he tended to err on the side of caution. "You've got the red, so why don't you put it down first."

She understood the request and made her best attempt of creating a slightly irregular circle, laying it down over a large print of dried yellow. When satisfied with the results, Dreilide's blue paint laden brush touched to the center of her red. He went to mix the colors together in a circular motion, but hesitated, his brow furrowing.

"Don't!" Kara shrieked beside him, her free hand nudging away at his arm. He was drawn back to the present, quick to obey the young child and her temper.

"Why not? Don't you want purple?"

Her round face considered the question, weighing the options. With a firm shake of her head, her answer was given.

"Do you know what this is, Kara?" Dreilide set the paint brush down, his focus instead on his daughter's expression, attempting to read her for any kind of reaction. There was nothing there, though, other than the smiling, curious face he'd been looking at for the last four years. For a second, he couldn't tell if he was breathing heavy due to disappointment or relief.

"It's just pretty." She stated simply, and such a short statement warmed him completely.

For her, everything was so easy. Try as he might, he couldn't remember being that young, couldn't remember ever feeling like anything in life was so simple and straightforward. "Kara," he spoke just above a whisper and she continued on with her painting, having resorted to dipping her fingers into the nearby paint container and then smearing it across the blank space surrounding the concentric circles centered on the page. "Kara." He was louder the second time, though not anywhere near stern. This time, her head tilted back, eyes open wide as she looked up to him, waiting.

"Do you see this?" His finger tapped beside the mix of yellow, red, and blue. Kara's attention was redirected back to it and she nodded with enthusiasm. "I want you to remember this for me, can you do that?"

"Why?"

A smile was brought to his face as he recalled the phase she'd gone through that still emerged on occasion, where every statement or question from anyone was soon followed up by his daughter asking why. Even if there was no explanation or sense to it, there she had been, demanding an answer. "No reason. You're right, it's just pretty, sweetheart." Dreilide kissed the top of her head again, letting himself linger there as he breathed in the sweet scent of the baby shampoo she still insisted on using after she'd felt the sting of regular shampoo in her eyes just once. "When you're all grown up and you're an artist, I bet you'll paint this everywhere. What do you think? Will you do that for me?"

On the very first day of her experience with paint, she had proudly proclaimed to her father as he tucked her in to sleep that she wanted to be an artist when she grew up. While most childhood pursuits were usually abandoned quick enough, for her, he hoped it would actually come true.

"Mmhmm," she agreed with him, carelessly tossing her paintbrush aside as her fingers gripped at what she decided was a finished piece of artwork. She stood with it in her hands, abandoning her father without a second thought. Dreilide followed her to the kitchen, knowing what was going through his daughter's mind. He found her waiting at the refrigerator, the metal surface already covered in some of her previous pieces. She held the paper against the fridge, now slightly crinkled from her over eager grip. "This one goes here, Daddy."

He found a magnet on a higher part of the fridge and moved it down to where she held the paper in place, determined to let the latest piece be the new center of attention. From the middle of the refrigerator, the childlike rendition of a mandala stared at him. "It's beautiful, Kara." Dreilide took his daughter up in his arms, seating her against his hip for easy support.

The sound of the doorway to the apartment hallway opening and unlocking resounded through the kitchen and Socrata Thrace soon emerged, looking tired despite her rigid and neat form. Dreilide went to greet her, bringing their daughter along, and he slipped his arm around his wife, a quiet kiss delivered to her brow. Kara reacted similarly, her tiny arm slipped around her mothers neck in a makeshift embrace, a sloppy kiss given to Socrata's cheek with something of a giggle.

"Your day all right?" He pulled back but Kara's arm remain hooked around her mother, reluctant to let her go, so he transferred her tiny form to his wife's arms.

Socrata rubbed her hand across her child's back, kissing her shoulder as it was the nearest and most convenient place on her to reach. Only when the process was complete did she look to Dreilide, her free shoulder shrugging. "You know how it is." She set Kara gently down on the counter and pulled the loose hair tie from her daughter's hair, using her fingers to comb the strands back into order before refastening it. "Painting?" Her eyebrow rose as she looked to her husband after having noticed the smear of paint dried in Kara's hair.

Their daughter answered for him as she pointed towards the fridge displaying her latest piece, still wet.

"I bet you worked a long time on that, Kara," said Socrata, her hands already moving to moisten a paper towel. She rubbed it across the four year old's hands until nothing of the paint remained, just her milky white skin. Looking down at her own uniform, she huffed in a moment of annoyance at the stains of paint across her clothes, obviously left behind by her daughter's tiny hands. "You know Dreilide, you can't just take her out of daycare when you feel like it. I know you aren't home all the time, but she's got a routine and when you aren't here things aren't as easy. You do this every time and you leave and I have to fight with her to get her used to things again."

Dreilide stepped up, taking the paper from her to help wash it away. "Sorry." It was more pre-emptive than anything, trying to curb further complaint he felt stirring in his wife.

Miffed at having her husband predict her nature, she kept quiet and stiff until he finished, the wet spot being the only remaining sign that her uniform had been out of regulation for even a moment in time. "I have a feeling we're going to be hanging a lot of the same paintings from her."

He tossed the used paper towel in the garbage. "What do you mean?"

"I've seen her draw those same circles a few times already. She even came back from daycare once with it done in crayon." Socrata seemed to think nothing of it, her attention turned back to Kara, still perched on the counter top. Her hands had found the box of cookies beside her, both now filled with a small sugar cookie each, crumbs already scattered across the light green of her shirt. It explained how quiet she'd been over the last minute at least. Four years old and Kara was the master of getting and keeping what she wanted.

Dreilide stifled his laughter at the sight of her, leaning over to take a small bite from one of her cookies. Kara shrieked with childish laughter, pulling her hands away from him to prevent him from committing what, to a child of her age, was both a hilarious and terrible act of betrayal.

He chewed down what he'd gotten of the cookie before speaking. "You're special, you know that, Kara?"

Once she stopped her giggling, she nodded to her father, eyes turning up to her mother. "Right, Mommy?"

Socrata took her sight off the pile of crumbs ever growing and already spilling to the floor. "You're very special, Kara."


	11. Chapter 11

Kara stared at the octagonal shape of the greying radiation badge set on the desk in front of her. It was something she hadn’t seen since an emergency training mission long before the worlds ended. She knew that when these were brought out, you prayed you wouldn’t have to actually use them. Unfortunately for her and the rest of her pilots, like everything else they’d been through since the cylons attacked the colonies, there was no reprieve when it came to facing down the worst of circumstances. She wasn’t scared of death, so long as she died quickly, and she had already a prayer before each trip that if she weren’t to fair well through the mission, she at least died in an explosion or vented out into space. What she was actually frightened of was the slow and painful death associated with exposing herself to too much radiation for the good of the fleet.

  
Her eyelids drifted shut despite the fact that it was the middle of the day and she was seated upright in the brightly lit CAG’s office. What would have been familiar foot steps sounded through the room, but she remained unmoving, oblivious to the world.

  
Lee watched her with his own heavy eyes, first amusement coming over him at catching her asleep on the job, but then something akin to panic spread through him. His hand grabbed at her shoulder, lightly shaking her body while he called to her. “Starbuck? Kara? Wake up, Kara.”

  
She stirred suddenly, eyes opened as she looked up to him. They closed again, but he could tell she hadn’t fallen into slumber or worse. She leaned into the back of the chair, swallowing over the lump in her throat. “I can’t stay awake anymore.”

  
He sat on the edge of what used to be his desk, watching her. “Radiation is doing a number on you, but I’d take a guess and say it’s more the malnourishment than anything else. Not enough calories so your body starts to shut down to conserve energy.” It was the story they all knew and it had been fleet wide. There had even been rumors of a few deaths in the elderly population, their bodies just giving up as they awaited sustenance. The last straw that broke the camel’s back. “Hey, you okay?” He called to her again, sensing the slower rhythm of her breathing  
Kara barely moved, nodding to him with her eyes still shut. “Yeah, yeah. I’m up.” She attempted to right the situation by sitting up a little straighter while her fingers rubbed across her eyelids to push the sleep out of her system. “Thanks, you know,” Kara avoided looking to him as she spoke, busying her hands with shuffling paperwork. “For helping me plan this out. Your father knows it was all you, I bet he’s a heartbeat away from reinstating you as CAG.”

  
He warmed at her gratefulness since it was such a rare thing for her to put into words. “You’re a good CAG, Kara.” Lee tried to reassure her, though even speaking seemed to expend more energy than he had in him. They were down to eating less than half a meal once a day, and that was if they could even choke it down with the nausea from the radiation coursing through them. For the two of them, it had been almost twenty four hours since they’d taken their turn at forcing down bits of a crumbled ration bar with water and he knew she was looking forward to it as much as he was.

  
Her head rested against her hand, elbow on the top of the desk. “Do you remember the tyllium mission?” It had been their first big success against the cylons, and was still one of only a few.

  
Lee nodded to her, remembering the taste of the fizzy alcohol on his tongue and how his flight suit smelled of it for a week afterward because of how much had been sprayed over them. Though his stomach wanted to remember the taste of it more than anything, the rest of him turned to the memory of the person that had stood beside him afterwards, welcoming him back to the fleet. Kara. It had been something of a surprise to him, to see her proud and humbled, instead of abrasive and angry for once. Along with the few pictures of his deceased family he had made copies of from his father’s supply, he also had a picture from that day someone had snapped and passed on to him. That one, he hadn’t ever hung on the ceiling of his bunk, but kept it hidden away between the pages of a book on the small shelf in his rack. Back then, and even now, he would often take it out to look at it, the two of them smiling side by side, unaware of the voyeur preserving them on film.

  
“Of course.”

  
“You said something to me back then, about how everyone wished I was able to go on the mission instead of you. That’s how I feel sometimes here. Everyone wishes you were still the CAG.”

  
Lee listened, her voice reluctant and particularly open with him, and he knew it was the hunger and sickness bringing her guard especially down. She wasn’t in her right mind, not completely. “If they think that, it’s just because they know I used to be a pushover.” He watched her smile, eyes still shut as she conserved the energy that her body would have used to keep her lids open, not to mention blinking. “Besides, even you said I did a good job on the mission.” Still seated on the desk with his legs dangling down, he nudged the side of his calf against her knee. “And I’m saying you’re doing a good job now.”

  
Kara opened her eyes after he’d spoken, taking a good look at him. He was pale, eyes sunken and skin discolored beneath. He seemed like a shell of himself, muted and only a fraction of what she knew he really was. If this was how he looked, she knew she had to be in even worse shape. But just as she didn’t mind, it was clear that he didn’t care either.

  
“I want your opinion on something, Lee, but it has to be between us. I don’t care what regulation or the stick up your ass says.”

  
He breathed out something of a laugh, nodding. “I swear to ignore the stick up my ass, sir.” Lee gave a mock salute and it brought a smile to both of their faces.

  
“I found out something about Kat.” Her eyes went to the pencil on her desk, palm rolling it back and forth over the space of a few inches. It was a small thing to keep her body focused and the sleep at bay. “She took another girl’s name after the attacks so she could enlist. She used to smuggle. Drugs, people, whatever. Part of me wants to go straight to your father and tell him about her, about what a traitor she is because she could have been one of those people who brought the cylons in. She’s lied to all of us and she doesn’t deserve to be here.”

  
There was anger in her voice, though it was relatively well controlled. Despite his shock and surprise at what she was saying, Lee listened quietly.

  
“But…” Kara’s hand stopped abruptly, stilling the pencil. She relaxed back into the wood of the chair. “..Gods, she’s a frakking good pilot, as much as I hate to say it. Maybe who she was doesn’t matter anymore because of everything she’s done. I mean, my file in your father’s office is probably the thickest one there from all my my write-ups and he made me a Commander. Maybe it was a bad idea, maybe Pegasus would still be here if he had chosen you instead.”

  
Lee was already shaking his head as she continued, not wanting to cut her off until her thoughts were finished. “You earned that job, Kara. If I had been Commander, maybe we wouldn’t have even survived the fight. Maybe we would’ve left everyone there to preserve the lives we had instead of risking it all. You can’t start thinking what if because it never ends. What if I hadn’t come to the decommissioning that day?” Her eyes quickly looked up meet his as he said it. He could tell she was imagining what life would have been like without Lee on Galactica all this time, and he wasn’t interesting in knowing how dark her thoughts were going to get regarding it.

  
“My father chose right in making you Commander and he chose right in asking you to serve on this ship, even if someone else wouldn’t have. So you have to ask yourself what you feel about Kat. Not what the regulation is because the frakking regulations don’t mean a damn anymore. Not what even I’d do or my father would do. She’s your pilot so ask yourself what you want to do. If you put your anger away and you genuinely think she doesn’t deserve to be here, then you go tell the Admiral. If you think that maybe she didn’t do the correct thing, but maybe it was still the right thing, and you can still stand to work with her, then don’t ever bring it up again.”

  
Kara nodded just barely as she tried to pull her thoughts together on the matter. Beside her, Lee stood up, stretching his legs.

  
“You can think about it in the mess hall. I’ll even share some of my crumbs.”

  
She followed him to the door, body moving a little slower and with less precision than she was used to, but moving still nonetheless.

—

That afternoon during the briefing before their last trip out, Kara asked Kat to stay after the others had gone. Lee was the last to leave before the pair of women had full privacy, and from across the room he nodded to her. He didn’t know what her decision was, but more than anything he trusted in her. Kara got the message he delivered and it bolstered her footing a little bit more.

  
Kat reluctantly approached the podium behind which Kara still stood. The younger woman’s face was defensive already and in so many ways, it reminded Kara of herself.

  
“Your badge went black on the last trip out, I’m pulling you off outbound five and replacing you with Duck.” She was using her best CAG voice, trying to be stern and impress upon Kat the magnitude of the situation. The silence stretched between them and Kara knew that for Kat to not be openly protesting it meant a tremendous amount in regards to how she was feeling after the four trips she’d already made. When she looked back up to the pilot’s eyes, she could read the mixture of fear and anger already claiming home there. “What I heard the other day, Kat, it never happened. Do you understand, Louanne?”

  
Kat blinked rapidly a few times while her body remained unmoving, her mind trying to completely process what the intentions were behind what the Major said. “Are you sure, sir?” She suddenly found the effort to observe proper rank, something she hadn’t always followed in the past when it came to Starbuck.

  
“You’re a pilot, one of the best we have. The fleet’s been better for it and you’ve saved thousands of lives over and over again. You can consider the number of donut runs I’ll have you on when we get to the planet as your atonement.” If this had even been the Starbuck of a year and a half ago, Kara knew this conversation wouldn’t have been happening, at least not like this. “You did your job and you brought home the ships you could. If you even think of trying to climb back into one of those birds again, I’ll have your ass for it, Kat. Dismissed.”

  
Before her, Kat rose her arm in the type of salute that would have made any drill sergeant proud. The breath Kara had been holding released from her once the pilot was out of sight and she had the time to think over the decision she’d made. It was the right one, that was all she knew.

—

In the morning, or what resembled it on the planet, able bodied civilians and crew from Galactica would begin the process that would bring nourishment back to their stomachs and souls. But that was still hours away, the ambient lighting of the ship suggesting it to be somewhere just past midnight. Most of the non-essential crew had turned in to their bunks, and that included the vast majority of the pilots after a most trying couple of days. For once, Kara wasn’t an exception to that rule, and just as she moved to lift the set of double tanks from her torso, she felt a hand on her arm. There was a welcomed kind of warmth to the palm embracing her cold skin and she turned back to catch sight of who it was.

  
Lee’s head made a jerking motion towards the hatch from where she’d previously came and he headed for it, leaving it ajar. A thin beam of light cut across the black of the room and though she felt the lure of sleep aching in her muscles, she followed him out, this time making sure to close the hatch behind her. He wasn’t waiting for her as she expected, instead he was already halfway down the hallway, walking at a slow pace without even a glance back to her. Though everything in her told her to crawl into her rack and tell Lee to frak off, she followed him down the familiar A-shaped hallways that were their home. Her office door was left open just as he had done to the hatch of their bunk room, and with herself already grumbling in irritation, Kara went inside.

  
“Really not interested in dealing with whatever game you’re playing tonight, Apollo.” The words were out of her mouth before she’d even looked to him after having pulled the door tightly closed.

  
“You’re going to regret saying that in a minute,” Lee said, and the confidence in his voice only grated on Kara’s nerves.

  
She was about to open her mouth to reply when he drew his hands forward from where they were hiding behind his back. They were both occupied and Kara’s eyes went wide immediately at the familiar shape of the tall and thin bottle of whiskey. It wasn’t full, but with her body still thrumming with the relative success of the completed mission, she’d categorize it as half full instead of half empty. It was a beautiful brown color, and she knew it had to date back to pre-genocide based on that alone. What had been brewed on New Caprica and on the ships across the fleet had never been exactly quite right in color, and especially not in taste.

  
So captivated by his first hand she nearly missed what was in the second. It was less obvious, as it was much smaller, not any larger than the palm of his hand. The colored paper, however, and the foil wrapping was enough to clue her in. Kara thought that the liquor had been surprising enough, but chocolate? Oh Gods, at this level of starvation and now years of deprivation of something that would have been so commonplace on every store shelf, she would have done just about anything for a taste. Just a taste.

  
“I’m going to forget that you’ve been holding out on everyone while we’ve literally been starving for days now, Lee,” Kara said. Before closing the distance between them she turned back to the hatch, dogging it to prevent any unwanted intruders from interrupting what Kara knew would be a night of complete gluttony. Gluttony, at least by their current standards. This hardly qualified as a Friday afternoon for her before mankind’s children returned for their parents.

  
“I had some free time earlier and I knew I was still missing a box of belongings from before I went down to New Caprica.” It had been the first time he’d even mentioned that place in weeks, but he soldiered on, determined not to let thoughts of the past deter them from enjoying themselves. “I got the lieutenant on watch to let me into the storage room where my my stuff had been and sure enough…” His hands raised, wordlessly finishing the thought for himself.

  
Kara eyed him with suspicion, her mouth watering at the mere thought of what he was suggesting. Had he even a stale protein bar with a little mold on it, she would’ve been diving in, that much was true. But this was nothing but a pure miracle. “I don’t know if I’m more offended that you had chocolate on board for months after the end of the worlds and didn’t share it, or completely shocked you had the self control not to eat it yourself.” Her head shook and she took the whiskey from him by the neck of the bottle. “You’re you, I shouldn’t be surprised you had self control. You’re Mr. Moderation.” She delivered her words with a wink of an eye just before downing a long sip of the alcohol. It burned all the way down, but it was familiar in the best of ways. A comfort and a little bit of home all at once.

  
She sat down just in front of the couch, her back leaned up against it just as she had done those weeks prior when he’d woken up to find her still there. Lee’s heart swelled at just the thought of it. It hadn’t mattered to him that they’d filled the time since then as just friends and truly nothing more or that he went to sleep every night alone since Dee had graciously stepped aside. He knew that she, too, was spending her nights alone in her bunk. Whether she spent her free time during the day with Anders in his rack or with him inside of her tucked away in a storage closet, Lee didn’t know and he didn’t want to. He liked the image before him right now: Kara Thrace barely dressed for bed on the floor of her office, her head tilted up to him. He would swear her eyes beckoned him closer and so he either obeyed her or his imagination, sitting beside her, their bodies touching.

  
Kara passed him the bottle and he took a healthy swig, settling it between them. He offered her the small amount of chocolate, clearly only a portion of what had once been a larger bar.

  
“I won this in a game of triad my second week here. I was holding onto it until it could buy me something really good. I did take economics, you know.”

  
She laughed beside him, shaking her head. “I bet you were a real brown nose in school, Lee.”

  
He watched her breaking up the chocolate into smaller pieces over the paper that rested on her leg, careful not to let even the smallest of flakes escape. If this was all they had, she was going to make sure they enjoyed it.

  
Lee smiled and something of a blush came over the pallor of his face.

  
“I knew it,” Kara sang out over her victory. She handed him a piece of the chocolate before taking her own, and set the foil on the floor with the rest of it. “You’ve got exactly three seconds to eat this before I do.”

  
For a moment he hesitated, the look on her face consuming him. It was amazing how quickly her mood and his own had changed. This was the happiest she’d looked in days, if not long before that. She wasn’t thinking about anything else at that moment, except sitting there with him and enjoying things that had once been so mundane in their lives. Now, a half full bottle of liquor and a quarter of a slightly melted off-brand chocolate bar were absolute treasures. Because of that, Lee was about to decline the piece she offered him, preferring to see her enjoy it than enjoy it himself, but Kara persisted, forcing it into his hand as she ate her own.

 

“Oh my Gods.” Kara moaned rather provocatively despite her half full mouth. Her eyes closed for a moment as she chewed and the chocolate melted on her tongue, bathing her taste buds in the kind of rich flavor she’d long since forgotten. She couldn’t remember anything ever tasting this good. “Lee, really, eat it.” She insisted, pushing at his hand, still enjoying the flavors circulating through her mouth.

  
He gave in and bit into his own piece. It was instantaneous. He was reminded of a million memories all at once. A summer at his grandfather’s cabin when he and Zak split the same exact bar after spending an afternoon fishing. His little brother had argued he had taken the bigger half, insisting they swap. A handful of winters on Caprica, though they never got too cold, when his mother had behaved like an actual parent for a small moment in time and brewed a couple mugs of hot chocolate for her boys. A chocolate slice of birthday cake when his friends had taken him out during his time at the academy, of course followed by a night of ambrosia and a hangover the next morning.

  
Beside him, Kara watched in rapt attention, her own smile plastered on from not only her bite of the chocolate but watching him enjoy his. She took another drink from the bottle of whiskey and passed it to him once he’d made it back to the present from his whirlwind tour through his memories, both recent and not quite so.

  
Their eyes met over the bottle as he drank from it and he could tell Kara was waiting for the right moment to say something.

  
“How’s Dualla?” She held his eyes and she took the bottle back to take yet another sip, letting it wash away the remainder of chocolate from the inside of her mouth.

  
“We ended it awhile back.” A look crossed her features that he would have been blind to not notice.

  
Kara turned her attention away from him, dipping her finger onto the foil that held the chocolate bar. The fingerprint picked up just a few slivers of it and she drew it to her mouth, licking the remainder off. “That so?”

  
“How’s Anders?”

  
She didn’t react to his words, already expecting the returned question. Kara shrugged in response and she wiped her hand off on her shorts before reaching for the bottle. “Around.” Though her tolerance for alcohol was what anyone would consider extremely high, the complete lack of food in her system and general weakness of her body as of late allowed her to already feel just a light buzz as the fluid worked through her system. She wasn’t impaired, in fact she’d felt far more intoxicated during a hangover than right now, but it was a pleasant feeling.  
“Why’d you call it off with her?”

  
Lee had a fleeting moment of admitting everything to her. Admitting how he was driven to stay with Dee only due to Kara’s relationship and subsequent marriage. Admitting that every time he frakked her or just curled up beside her, he thought of someone else. Admitting that in the end, the reason he and Dee were no longer together was because the close proximity to her was only further reminding him of the things he really wanted. He chickened out.

  
“It was just time.”

  
Kara didn’t believe him, but played along for his sake. She recapped the bottle, now nearly empty, and set it aside, her hand also brushing away the remaining chocolate. “Lee.” She rose up on her knees, shifting until she was in front of him rather than beside him. Hands, slightly sticky from the chocolate, rested against his covered knees. His body stiffened immediately, wound tight like a spring.

  
“Kara.” He returned with her name because it was simple, his mind almost completely shut off by something so simple as her touch.

  
The pressure on his knees increased as she leaned forward, her weight shifting just barely. Kara drew her head in to his and moving like she’d done it a million times before, she kissed against the center of his lips. Lee couldn’t even make himself react at first, chest pounding so hard and fast he’d swear he was having a heart attack. But Kara led the way for him, gentle at first, something he never expected from her. Just because it was unexpected didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy it, though. All at once he came back to his body and he returned her kiss, that same gentleness passed back to her.

  
His hand sought out her face, palm resting across her cheek and sharp line of her jaw to keep her close. He kissed the corner of her mouth and tasted just a hint of chocolate there. That mixed in with the flavor of the whiskey was heaven enough, but to add in the very distinct taste of Kara was absolutely divine. They’d done this only a few times before, the first being that confusing and unfortunate incident while his brother slept on her couch, and the most recent having been under the stars visible from the New Caprica sky. Each time, she had tasted exactly the same under the other lingering flavors of whatever she’d been recently drinking.

  
She let some of her aggression out, straddling over his thighs as she kneeled on the floor. One arm went loosely over his shoulders, fingers stroking over his shoulder blade without any kind of pattern. The other had a plan to follow, her long fingers curled into his growing hair, still uncut despite how much time had passed between now and his return from the occupation. It made her laugh against his mouth, unable to stop the smile from overtaking her face.

  
“What?” Lee mumbled against her lips, taking the time to nudge her jaw up with the bridge of his nose. He kissed at the underside of her jaw, tasting the salt of her skin.

  
“You really need to cut your hair.”

  
“So do you.” His words were breathy against her throat, his fingers lightly tangling in the lengths of her hair that fell down her back and he gave a gentle tug for emphasis.

  
“The Old Man and I had a deal. If the rescue worked, he shaved off the mustache and I kept my hair long,” she quietly laughed as his breath tickled the crook of her neck.

  
“Please don’t talk about my father right now.” It was a groan and a moan all at once and it set her body on fire just to hear it.

  
As if on cue, Kara let one of her hands fall between them, pushing up the fabric of his tanks until she felt the skin at his lower abdomen, just where the waistband of his pants sat. He made a noise similar to before and it only spurred her on, further letting her hand slip into the fabric and the elastic of his briefs beneath. She gripped around him with some boldness, finding him already stiffening. Lee’s breath caught at her touch, willing himself to gain a modicum of control. It was as if Kara understood, because she didn’t make any move to stroke or tease him just yet, but rather let him regain steady breathing as time ticked by.

  
She had been tired when he’d touched her arm back in their bunk room. So tired that her eyes were barely able to stay open as she returned from the head, ready to curl up under the thin fabric of military issued sheets. But all of that, everything before right then, felt like a complete dream. Nothing else in her life was real except this moment. The cylons had never come back. The worlds hadn’t been destroyed. She hadn’t been a Commander and destroyed a battlestar. She told herself for a long time that she sacrificed Pegasus to save tens of thousands of people, but it wasn’t true. She had sent Pegasus to her death to save him. Without question, it had been worth it.

  
Her arm slid off his shoulder, trailing down the length of his own until she found his hand. She directed it from where it was occupied to press it over her breast, her hand covering his temporarily until she felt his muscles understand and flex against her. Kara moaned softly and thought about how she had teased him earlier for being such a good student. He certainly learned fast.

  
She withdrew her hand from inside the fabric of his briefs to grip at the hem of her tanks, pulling them upwards. Wherever they ended up after that, Kara no longer cared and the look on his face told her that he was feeling much the same. She was bare to him now, her sports bra having been already removed when she earlier prepared for sleep. Both of her hands went to the side of his head, holding his gaze on her face. “Eyes up here, Apollo,” she spoke. Her tight lipped smile was met by his own grin, full of wanton abandon. Kara kissed him without pause, this time with a sense of urgency and roughness, a stark contrast to how they’d started.

  
Her fingers gripped at the layers of fabric he wore over his chest, pulling him with her as she backed off his lap slowly. It kept him close enough so their mouths needn’t break too far apart, something which felt unimaginable at that moment. How she’d spent weeks, months, even years, without having him like this, Kara had no idea. She leaned back on the rough flooring beneath them, not a single care given to just when the last time it had been cleaned or how it would dig in at her various pressure points. Lee was over her now, having been led along by her, his body kneeling between her parted thighs, forearms beside her head on either side to support his upper body weight. He lowered himself down against her, their hips and lower stomachs pressed tightly to one another. Kara could feel how hard he was, and the subtle rocking motion of their clothed hips made her moan into his mouth.

  
Lee dropped his head to her neck, exploring familiar territory before traversing lower. He took a stiffened nipple in his mouth, sucking at the rosy pink flesh. Kara cradled his head to her breast, her lips parted in response.

  
“Lee,” she called out, a twisted moan escaping her in the recycled office air. “Lee, please,” it was needier now, and from her chest, he could hear the begging in her voice.

  
His mouth abandoned its work, but not before blowing a cool breath over her moistened skin. Her hands were furiously grasping at the bottom of his tanks and he helped her along as he sat up slightly, removing them. Bare chested to her, Kara took in the pale spread of muscled flesh, though she hadn’t missed the addition of a few new scars that despite their healed nature, she could tell were only a few months old. Her lips parted, but this time for a different reason entirely. She leaned up on an elbow, her other hand stretching forward to trace over a couple of the marks. Kara didn’t have to say anything, he saw the look in her eyes that confessed it all. Lee shook his head at her, kissing the corner of her mouth, her jaw, her cheek, in a silent expression that told her not to worry about it. Not to think of it.

  
Her arm curled around his neck and she held him close to her in an awkward, strained position. She now had the understanding that Lee hadn’t told her everything about what had happened down on that planet and she hated herself because of it. Kara said she wouldn’t let this time be like the last time, when he’d suffered in silence because she’d been too selfish to see his pain. She promised herself she wouldn’t do it again and she had without even knowing. “I’m sorry,” Kara whispered against his cheek as she released him. She was sorry for not asking, sorry for letting it go, sorry for leaving him behind, and sorry because she knew he had endured it because of her.

  
Lee could see her eyes coated over in tears and his forehead creased with worry. He didn’t have the strength to say anything to her about it, so he kissed her again. This time it wasn’t urgent and rushed, nor was it gentle and subdued. Even Kara could feel it, this was how he’d always wanted to kiss her. More than anything she felt the overwhelming sense of belonging, both of her to him and him to her. All those times he had said he loved her combined into that single moment, even more so than their mutual confessions had on New Caprica when they were both heavily influenced by the alcohol in their veins. Now when she looked at him, it was with clear eyes and she knew for him it was the same.

  
She laid back down on the floor, eyes trained on him. He tugged each of her boots and socks off before his hands went to her hips. There, they grabbed at the sides of her shorts and briefs together, tugging them down as she lifted her bottom just slightly to ease the process. Kara drew her thighs together and raised her legs upwards and Lee finished the job for her, tossing the tangle of fabric aside. She sat up in front of him, holding eye contact with him while her fingers acted independently, undoing the drawstring of the sleepwear. Her hands slid between the fabric of his briefs and his skin, forcing them down as far as she could get them as he kneeled between her legs still. When Kara laid back down beside the couch, Lee had already removed his boots and his remaining clothes the rest of the way. There was a noticeable chill in the room but neither of them actually felt it, their veins and bodies throbbing with need.

  
“Kara,” He searched her face from above her, arms taking on the weight of his torso. He wanted this more than anything he could ever remember wanting. For years now, even before billions of their people were murdered and even before his brother had died, the one thing he had ever truly wanted was the woman now beneath him. Lee had her once before, for that brief night he could recall only through a slight haze of alcohol. If they went through with this tonight, he would remember every detail of it perfectly. The question was, would he ever have her again? Or would he have to live his life with the memory of this being the only thing keeping him going? He was terrified for an instant, fear that despite how different things between them now seemed, this wouldn’t mean even a fraction as much to her as it did to him. “I love you, but, but you have Sam—” He almost couldn’t believe the words as they came out, the rest of him cursing the other half for his attempt at self sabotage.

  
“Don’t.” Kara cut through his wandering thoughts, a shallow shake of her head given, long white hair splayed out around her. “I’m with you.” Fingers stroked over his cheek in reassurance. She would worry about the guilt in the morning or in a week or whenever she got around to it. The black ink on her arm meant she was promised for someone else, but right now, she was promising herself to him. Lee closed his eyes and Kara saw him struggling to make his decision on whether to go through with it or not. If he left her like this, if he left her on the floor, undressed and body aching for him, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to actually keep herself together anymore. She didn’t just want this, Gods, she needed this.

  
“Lee,” she breathed out his name and caressed his cheek again until he opened his eyes to look into her own. Her stomach fluttered with what was on the tip of her tongue. “I love you, Lee Adama. Tell me you love me again.” She prompted him and waited, knowing he needed to say the words perhaps even more than she needed to hear them. He never disappointed her.

  
“I love you, Kara Thrace,” it was a whisper against her ear and Lee drew his body back down to hers in that sense of closeness they hadn’t completely had since minutes earlier when their bodies were mostly fully clothed.

  
Kara reached between them to where they would soon be joined and took him in hand. In tandem with the movement of his hips, she guided him inside of her wet heat. He pushed inside her the rest of the way and her arm curled around his back, hugging herself to him like he would just disappear if she wasn’t strong enough. A moan shuddered out of her and her entire body tensed at the feel of him inside of her, his hips cradled between her parted thighs. Likewise, Lee’s deep moan was released against her neck and both of them stayed unmoving for the time being, each independently committing that feeling to memory.

  
She eased up on her hold on him just enough so he could pull up and take a look at her, a real look at her now that he was buried inside of her. Her cheeks were already flushed. Lee began the slow rocking motion of their bodies together and it seemed incredibly familiar to be with her like this, despite the fact that they’d only had one night like this before. He occupied his mouth at her breast again as the pace increased, Kara joining in to meet the inward press of his hips against hers. Like that night on New Caprica, the one night that planet had seemed infinitely better than it actually was, she reacted vocally with abandon and it nearly sang into his ears.

  
“Harder, Lee,” she panted the encouragement into the room, one leg curling around his waist.

  
He was losing control fast, so he reached between them, fingers finding her absolutely slick with her own moisture. Lee rubbed around the slightly swollen bundle of nerves there, hoping to bring her closer. Judging by the sounds she made, he remembered her body well enough.

  
Kara’s hand pulled at his neck and drew his mouth down to her, biting at his lower lip between moans. The nips didn’t last long and neither did the kissing, as she found herself unable to focus on anything but the impending orgasm. “I’m close,” she said and he felt her inner muscles grow tighter around him, signaling it nonverbally. It was only a second later that she broke, contracting around him. Her eyes were closed tightly shut, wide lips left open as she repeated his name like she was praying to one of the Gods. He was lost in that expression of her face. There’d be no forgetting it for as long as he lived. Lee’s movements persisted, carrying her through the length of her release and into her body being utterly spent, panting beneath him.

  
He followed her not long after, and though he hadn’t been quiet during the entire process, the moan he breathed out as he spilled inside of her was the loudest she’d ever heard him. Their bodies slowed down to a halt, and some of Lee’s weight came to rest down upon her, their forms interlocked and pressed tight to one another with him still inside of her. He rested his head against her chest and Kara stroked the sticky skin along his spine. She wanted to stay like that forever.

  
Forget the algae planet and forget their responsibilities. Forget all the complaining civilians and certainly forget CAP. Flying had been her life, but lying on the floor of her office with his chest heaving against her, Kara knew nothing would ever be like this. Her mind went back to Sam for a moment, though she surprisingly didn’t feel guilt for having just cheated on her husband. She felt guilt for having been with Lee under these circumstances, that she hadn’t been able to say that he had all over her right then. Oh, she’d given him everything. Completely. But in the eyes of the Gods, she was still another man’s wife.

  
She wasn’t sure if Lee had even ever wanted it, but a small part of her wondered how different things would be if she had married this man on top of her that New Caprican morning instead of Sam. Would he have laughed at her for the suggestion? Would they have killed each other and petitioned for divorce six months later? Would they have actually been happy? Maybe her marriage to Sam had been a gift from the Gods. If she had been married to Lee and he was down on the surface still when the cylons attacked, there would have been nothing and no one that could have made her jump away to leave him there. Everything else be damned, she couldn’t have left him behind.

  
Kara squeezed him tightly and Lee lifted his head to look at her.

  
“What’s wrong?” He feared she regretted it already.

  
“You know, for once in my life, nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.”


	12. Chapter 12

Lee and Kara spent a few of the remaining night cycle hours together, but they had at some point migrated to the couch and draped their clothing over each other to preserve their warmth. Though there was always the risk of having someone coming to the office, they both knew the hatch had been sealed up by Kara long ago, not to mention the chances of someone other than her approaching this particular room at such an hour was negligible. For a few hours at least, they slept together in relative peace. Just before morning reveille, Lee had woken her despite how he hated to do so, and both of them dressed in relative silence, though their faces were a testament to the happiness they both felt.

Inside the small room, they were cushioned and preserved from the reality of their situation. There was Sam and their military obligations, the memory of Zak and the chance of a disapproving elder Adama, all sitting between them outside the hatch. For the moment, there was a mutual agreement to ignore it, and before either of them decided to leave, Kara had him pressed up against the door. Lee felt the pain of the hatch handle digging into his back but he didn't think about it, instead choosing to focus on the taste of her and what it was like to have her completely to himself for one more night. She backed off first, tucking her hair behind her ear, her head giving a quick movement towards the door behind him.

"You head back first. I'll wait five minutes before I follow."

Even without considering the possibility of Anders finding out, the last thing the two of them needed was the entirety of the senior pilots' bunk to catch them walking in together should the occupants of the room be awake early. No, instead they'd retreat to the room, hoping to find it still immersed in darkness to give them cover as they each slipped into their racks.

Lee proceeded as ordered and he laid in his bed, unable to sleep. He heard the familiar creak of the door open and quiet foot steps until the motion came to stop across the way from him where Starbuck's rack was. He pulled the curtain back just barely and watched her casually undress, back down to her underwear and a single tank top. When she sat down onto the thin mattress, Kara glanced over to him, their eyes catching. Immediately, he relived every minute of the hours they'd spent together. She laid down in her bed, still holding contact with his blue eyes as she tugged the curtain nearly closed. Like him, only the few inches where her head rested on her pillow remained exposed and the two of them lay watching one another until they both fell asleep.

—

They saw little of each other once work began on the algae planet, at least with any amount of privacy. Adama put Kara in charge of the work on the ground while he took care of the fleet, and for the first time in a longtime, she fell back into the sense of responsibility she felt throughout her time as Commander of Pegasus. The only hitch in it was that she was in charge of both her husband and Lee, and with the small quarters temporarily set up down on the planet, it left the three of them uncomfortably close. It had been much easier to avoid Sam on Galactica, hiding behind CAP and her duties, than it was when she arrived on the planet to find that her husband had already staked our a pair of cots for the two of them, side by side. Lee had looked visibly ill at that realization.

They'd been there over two weeks and their stomachs were finally full, the production ship working at all hours to restock the fleet with something edible, if a little bit disgusting in flavor. The freighters were nearly at capacity as well, and all the people on the ground thanked the Gods for it. The stench of the planet was unbearable, especially when knee deep in algae, and the only smell that rivaled it to Kara was when she had crawled into the belly of the brain dead Raider on that moon years ago. Her hair smelled of those faux biological guts and fluids for days.

The Raptor sped down through the atmosphere, landing just outside the base camp set up beside the nearest body of water and their prime location for harvesting their new food source. The sound of the engines filled the air and both Lee and Sam looked up towards the designated makeshift landing zone from where they worked.

"That should be Kat," Lee stated, trying to play down how vested his interest was in this particular ship. Kara had gone up with Kat the night before on the small ship's daily return trip to Galactica in order to brief his father on the ongoing project. Their mission was completed and over half of the population selected to help had returned to their homes among the stars, leaving the dwindling numbers to pack up and gather the equipment used in collecting their would be meals. She was due back today and all morning long Lee had watched the sky as he baked under the heat of the planet's nearby sun, waiting for her return, even if it wasn't particularly to him.

"Should be," Sam replied, though there was a tinge of something else to his voice. Lee side-eyed him, feeling the stare of the taller, bulkier man. He and Kara had been careful to keep what happened under wraps, but even he hadn't been able to not indulge in a couple of looks they'd shared since then. Once, and only once, they'd slipped away to be somewhere alone in the guise of a scouting mission to the nearby mountain. Though the recon had been somewhat legitimate, they hadn't exactly behaved like they were just there to do their job. It never got as far as it had back in her office on the eve of their arrival on the planet that was to be their saving grace, but when they returned to camp, Lee could still feel the burn of her husband's eyes on his back wherever he went. It didn't matter that Kara and Sam hardly behaved as if they were a married couple, there was something territorial about Anders and Lee couldn't exactly blame him.

Without further excuse, Lee abandoned the metal case he had been filling with hoses and clamps, his path set on intercepting the Raptor and its occupants. The door was already open when he got there and Kat's tiny body emerged from it, helmet already off and left inside the ship. Her head gave a nod of acknowledgement to him.

"Anything else ready to go back up?"

"Tyrol and Cally have got most of what's ready, you should probably go and help them out," Lee said with a glance back towards the half-circle enclosure that had been their makeshift home. Kat proceeded back towards the small settlement and he didn't envy her one bit as she was fitted into the plastic of her flight suit. He was hot enough half clothed, those extra layers must have been killing her. With his mind giving up thoughts of Kat, or whatever her name really was, Lee climbed onto the wing of the ship and into the main cabin. Kara pulled her body out of the co-pilot's seat, eyes steady on him as she did. The fact that this was the most privacy they'd had in weeks wasn't lost on either of them.

"Major," he said with a hint of a smile.

"Captain." Kara gave an ascent of her head in a timid greeting. It was all for show, though, because in an instant she had closed the space between them. Lee pulled harshly at the zipper of her flight suit, forcing the shoulders and sleeves of the material downward. They were too close to the other members of the fleet, the door was wide open, hell, someone could have even looked through the window of the cockpit and caught them. Perhaps, though, that was what made it so much more exciting. "I've been dreaming about this for days," she spoke with a smile on her face and that grin was laced into her words.

"You mean while you sleep next to Anders?" Though he knew she'd interpret it differently, he had meant it as a form of pride in himself. To know that even beside her husband, she was dreaming of him was a small victory. A victory which barely eased the pain of knowing she was keeping up the charade of a marriage she was in. Lee kissed her hard and his hand palmed aggressively against her breast, an echo of the night they shared.

Kara didn't let his words deter her and her hand gripped roughly at his side and his back, bringing their bodies in as close together as they would both allow. "Do you think he knows?"

"Sam?" Lee questioned her between kissing her jaw. A mumble of agreement was given from deep in her throat and he felt the vibration as he kissed her neck. "I don't know." It was a lie to bring them both comfort. Maybe if he said it aloud, he would actually believe Sam didn't suspect a thing. The pyramid star wasn't stupid, though. Lee knew that much. Even before something had recently transpired between Lee and Kara, the two of them had never gotten along, even temporarily. They had been amicable at the start of their time on New Caprica, but something had changed between them and never righted itself. Now, Lee knew it never would. There wasn't forgiveness for frakking someone else's wife.

She softly moaned in contentment when there was the loud sound of footsteps outside the Raptor. Both of them froze instantly, but the intruder was already in view of the hatch. They expected the worst as they quickly tore apart, instinctively fixing their own clothes.

"…Forgot my radio," Kat said, for once sounding quiet.

Kara drew the side of her hand across her mouth, like that action alone would wipe Lee off of her. Her eyes rose to meet Kat's as the pilot reached just barely into the ship for the plastic radio abandoned on the floor. There was a truce between them in the silence they shared. Just as Kara had done right by her and kept her secret, Kat would keep Kara's. Had it been anyone else, Starbuck would have been overwhelmed with the fear of being outed, or at the very least a rumor started and circulated among the ship's crew. There wasn't anything of betrayal in Kat's look, though, and Kara knew she was safe.

Kat moved to step away, pausing as she looked back over to Lee who had shifted to the complete opposite end of the ship's interior, as if the distance between he and Kara would somehow rectify the situation. "It's not my place, sir, but if anyone comes just up over that ridge, they can see right in here." She didn't wait for a response and didn't bother with the salute before she left, the words of advice heavy in the air.

Lee's fist pounded against the bulkhead, missing any important switches and indicators. "Frak!"

"Relax, Lee." She tried to downplay it, assuming the role of the the calm half for them. It had usually been quite the opposite, with Kara out of control and frustrated and Lee calming her down, but today she thought she could fill in. "She won't say a thing."

"How can you just be okay with this?"

"What else am I supposed to be? Sam doesn't know, no one knows except Kat. There's no proof anyway, we deny it." She took a seat down at the ECO station, hoping it would cement her words for them both.

"Are you really just planning on staying with him?" Apollo sounded both scared and hopeful all at once.

"I don't know yet. Gods, Lee! We don't even know what this is and you want me to just leave my husband!"

"How do you not know what this is?" Lee accused her and made up for some of the distance that he had put between them.

Her lips pursed tightly together, gaze leveling at him. "I'm thinking about it, all right? Just drop it, already. We've been working like dogs down here. I've barely had time to take a piss, let alone think about my frakked up marriage and what's going on between me and you. So just back off, Lee. I'll get to it when I get to it."

It was the confrontation he was expecting from her at some point when everything came to a head, but that didn't mean her indecision came to him any easier. He had been prepared to give her all the time and space in the world, and in fact he had been ever since he returned to Galactica and they worked on mending the friendship between them. After their night together, though, it was like he'd gotten a taste of a drug and suddenly had to have more, all of it, and all the time. The only thing that kept him restrained had been the work they'd been doing and how completely exhausted it left them all at the end of the day.

With her words still lingering in the air, Lee stepped off the Raptor and headed back to the camp, leaving her behind with her own thoughts.

—

Galen glanced up towards the nearby mountain, feeling the irrational pull towards the heaping rocks and dirt. With the rest of the crew still working eagerly to finish packing, he began the long and slow climb uphill towards the mountaintop. It was there that he found the open space of the temple and its neatly carved and decorated walls. He approached what was the only sign of civilization they'd seen on the algae planet, hand rubbing over the etched design of a circle. He wiped at it until some of the dust cleared off it, exposing a brighter series of yellow, red, and blue.

"This place is amazing, isn't it?"

He turned around to the familiar voice, catching sight of the other occupant he recognized by voice but not form as he hung in the shadow of a pillar.

"What are you doing up here, Sam?"

Anders stepped into the center of the room where some of the light spilled onto his skin. His head shook as if he was lost in thought while he looked around. "I don't know… I was standing down there and I just looked up and saw the mountain and felt like I'd been here before, you know?"

The Chief nodded as he looked up to the immaculate ceiling that resembled all the temples he could remember seeing in his youth. "I had the same feeling. Like I just knew it was here, something was pulling me up to find it. It just feels…"

"Familiar?" Sam finished the sentence for him and across the open space, Galen nodded. That anxiety began spreading in his body all over again, just as it had in those days and weeks after they escaped the cylons the last time. Something had happened when he was out in that Viper, something he couldn't explain. Just like that experience, there was something about where they stood that he also couldn't explain. He watched the Chief of the deck from where he stood, a new feeling suddenly overwhelming him. If he had been inexplicably drawn here and Tyrol had felt the same thing, what did that mean? "Do you know what this place is?"

"It's the Temple of Five." There was no question in his words. Galen paced, taking in the details of not only the mandala design repeated in several spots but the ancient carvings. "The 13th Tribe stopped here on the way to Earth. We need to call Galactica."

—

Though the Colonials had been lulled into an artificial comfort zone at not having seen any real cylon activity since the fight that had claimed Pegasus, their luck had run dry when a series of base stars jumped in amongst the fleet. The civilian ships had fled immediately, but Galactica remained behind, with Adama and Roslin unwilling to leave the remaining ground crew behind to preserve their own hides. Down in the mostly dismantled algae settlement, Kara took charge of their meager numbers.

"You all know your jobs and positions. Kat and I will be flying between each observation point with news of any sightings while the rest of you hard-wire in." The group of people dispersed and she couldn't help but notice the absence of a few faces. Kara approached Lee. "Where the frak is Sam?"

Lee kept his eyes down on his own weapon, pushing a new magazine in. "Not a clue, but my guess would be up at that temple the Chief thinks he found."

Her teeth pressed into her lower lip, worrying over the skin there. "Most of these people are civilians. They haven't got a clue what to do."

"We'll give them guns, tell them where to point, and hope we figure out something first," said Lee. He slung the weapon over his shoulder and stepped to the doorway. They were the only two that remained. "Be safe out there."

"You're the one who's going to be lying in the dirt, Apollo. I should be saying that to you." Kara tried to make light of the situation, but nodded to him to let Lee know she understood the real meaning of his words. "Be safe." She was alone in the room once she let out a shuddering sigh. "Lords of Kobol." Kara didn't even finish the statement. If the Gods didn't know how she was going to finish that statement by now, she really was on her own.

—

With the crew paired off and camped at their observation stations, Kat and Kara both sat at the front of the Raptor as it skimmed through the atmosphere.

"Just keep going north of here to the next one, Kat," Kara said from the co-pilot's seat, letting the lower ranking officer man the controls. This was Kat's ship technically, Kara just happened to be with her on her last trip down. Though their flights so far had been rather dull despite the tension in the air, it couldn't remain that simple. They rounded a hill when Kara's eyes caught immediately on the shine of chrome. A pair of missiles headed their way and the ship jerked up in response. Kat was already reacting to the oncoming storm and though it wasn't really the time or the place, pride swelled up in Kara's chest at the girl's ability. She knew she had something to do with it.

There was only so much that could have been done though, and in an instant everything changed. The ship was hit and Kara felt them fall into a spin as command was lost. She reached for her own set of controls, fist pounding into the button at the console until her side of of the ship powered up and allowed Kara to make an honest attempt at leveling the Raptor out. It was chaos and she reacted purely on instinct as fire broke out over the electronics before them. Smoke filled the cabin and all she desperately tried to do was give them a fighting chance. The gauges were completely shot, not that she could even read them, so Kara was left to guide the bird down solely on feel. When the impact came she was certain she'd died, crossed over, and outside the Raptor door would be Elysium waiting for her. Or maybe not, she hadn't exactly lived a good life.

"Kat? You okay?" Kara called to the girl beside her, but first pressed her arm into one of the buttons that triggered the release of the cabin door. The smoke was filling her lungs and she'd be lucky to survive a few more breaths unless oxygen had a way in. It cleared just enough for Kara to survey the damage around them. The front glass was cracked, a gaping hole leaving jagged shards of glass exposed, though the fire had put itself out. She reached to press into the harness release of her seat and was stunned by the consuming pain that spread through her. Kara drew both of her hands up in sync with one another, her head refusing to process what her eyes saw. Her gloves had all but completely melted, flesh exposed where the material had torn or been eaten away by the flames she'd endured in her struggle to keep the ship somewhat afloat.

Tears welled up in her eyes as everything came into focus. The pain hit her like a ton of bricks all at once and without question, it had been the worst she'd ever felt. Forget the gunshot on Caprica or her aggravated knee injury from when she had crashed on that moon. Gods, even forget the slam of her hand in the door by her own mother. She was sure there was a broken finger or two in the heap of seared flesh that was now her hands, but it paled in comparison to the consuming burn. At the end of her wrists were just lumps of skin and pain now, she could no longer even distinguish the individual fingers through feel alone. Her cheeks were damp with the result of her own pain and fear and Kara turned her head back to Kat, suddenly remembering she wasn't alone in the ship.

"Kat," she croaked out at her. The pain was endured as she forced herself to nudge her hand into the seatbelt release finally, crying out as the pressure only increased what she thought surely could not get any worse. Kara nearly fell out of her seat as she twisted towards where her pilot sat. "Kat, get up!" She was screaming at her now, prodding the body with her forearm. "Get the frak up!" Another yell and this one was muffled by her own cries. She could see blood already pooled on the floor, a thin river of it spilling from where Kat's flight suit was torn apart, exposing equally mutilated flesh. "Kat!" She was quieter now, tears falling rapidly and Kara forced herself to endure the pain as she made her hands reach to turn Kat just enough to get a look at her.

Her brown eyes were open but vacant of any life, a smear of blood down her chin from where it began in her mouth. Her hand shook uncontrollably and she attempted to try to feel for a pulse at her neck. It was fruitless, of course, not just because her hands were completely useless, but because she already knew the truth. Kat was dead. The wound across the entirety of her gut was beyond mortal and she refused to look back down to it, in fear of seeing beyond the blood and into the very organs of her body.

Kara reacted violently at the realization, vomit pouring from her mouth as she threw up in the space between the two seats. She retched for what felt like at least a minute, unable to control herself as she cried out in frustration and pain, anger and grief at the loss. When her stomach finally stopped convulsing, she pushed herself out of the seat, face twisted as even the pull of muscles in her arms caused muscles further down in her hands to ache. She had to get away from the cockpit, away from the smell of her burned skin and the carcass of what had been her friend, but was now just a warm pile of something that used to be human.

Starbuck collapsed onto the floor once she was in the main cabin, unable to think due to the pain, both physical and emotional. Her booted foot kicked at the nearby upturned emergency kit until the latch gave and the contents poured out around her. She tried her best to gather the metal box containing morpha injections in her hands, even using her teeth to desperately open it. She succeeded in that at least, but staring down through tear filled eyes, she knew there was no way she'd ever be able to get the vial inside the injector and administer it to herself. She was going to die here, she knew it. She was going to die inside that Raptor in the worst pain of her life. Her body shook both from shock and the tears she didn't know she was even still crying. A turn of her head was given towards the cockpit and all she could see of Kat, who she had left slumped against the bulkhead of the ship, was her gloved hand dangling limply from her seat and the puddle of blood commingled with Kara's own algae flavored sick.

Maybe she'd already died in that crash or exploded into bits from a particularly good missile hit. This wasn't Elysium, it was Tartarus and her soul was going to be forced to spend the remainder of its time in close quarters with a corpse.

Kara shut her eyes, willing her body to ignore the pain. It had no true effect though, and all she saw behind her eyes was the slack jawed face of Kat sitting only a few feet away from her. She sobbed out loud, giving a screech of anger, and slammed her hand into the floor. It only made the pain worse and she was absolutely lost in it, unsure of how long she had been there. One moment it felt like only a minute since the Raptor had crashed back into the soil, and then another moment it felt like absolute hours as she waited for her breath to stop. She eyed the gun on her leg and contemplated forcing herself to endure the pain for only a second in order to put herself out of her absolutely devastating misery.

It was during that thought when the rustle of brush and rushed foot steps surrounded the ship and she was neither quick enough nor strong enough to draw her sidearm in defense of herself. The sun blazed high overhead and behind the shape of the person that emerged, having the effect of darkening their features to her. Between that and the delirium that was overcoming her from the pain, it was hard for her to see who it was. "Lee?" Her voice trembled as she questioned the body before her, her mind going for the one person in the worlds she wanted to see right then. Even if she was imagining it, she would be happy to go to her death pretending to be in his arms.

"It's me, Kara," The voice was soft and soothing and he stepped up onto the ship, climbing in. Only then with the sun blocked out was she able to fully take in the face that had come for her. "It's Leoben."

Tears returned to her as she heaved with her sorrow. She wanted to die in some kind of peace and now even that last wish was to be taken from her. "Don't!" Kara screamed and it echoed in the metal surrounding them. "Don't frakking touch me!"

Leoben didn't listen, instead kneeled beside her as his hands went for the contents of the morpha container, the vials spilled out on the flooring. He loaded one dosage into the injector and stabbed it through her suit and clothes, down into the meat of her leg.

The reaction was immediate, her body relaxing at the sudden relief. She could breathe again, the pain not weighing her down. The physical relief, however, didn't blind her to the fact that she was now alone with the cylon she hoped to never see again. Kara hated that a part of her, even one percent of her, was thankful for the mercy he showed when he'd injected her with the mild anaesthetic.

"You have to come with me, Kara. You don't die here, this isn't where your destiny ends." Leoben pocketed the rest of the morpha, then reached for her as she batted him away with all the strength she had left in her body. Her arms swung at his own, even employing the use of her fists despite the slightly dulled flare of pain she felt when they made contact with him. He was a lot stronger than her though, even when she was in the best of shape, and Kara was no match. His arms hooked under her armpits, dragging her out of the totaled vessel. She resisted the whole way.

"I can't! I won't leave her here!" Her feet kicked at the wing of the Raptor, pushing the rest of her body against him in hopes to jar his footing. Leoben was prepared, however, and accommodated whatever she threw his way.

"She's gone. God will take care of her soul now, but you need me to take you to your next step, Kara." He had her completely away from the ship finally, attempting to help her stand up.

"You're not a human! You won't ever die so don't pretend you even understand where her soul's gone. You'll never know," Kara growled at him from where she sat in the dirt, refusing to using her legs to stand. She wouldn't give him what he wanted, wouldn't make it easy for him, it just wasn't Starbuck's way.

Leoben looked down to her, never before seeing Kara more like a child than she was right then. All those things he'd said to her, about her past and her mother, he could see the broken child she'd become because of it. He ached for her, even though he logically knew he had no parents and no understandable way to relate. "You can believe what you want, Kara, but you aren't meant to die out here, like this. You think that I'm just a cylon, just a machine. You never try to understand the things I see or the things I know about you." He crouched down beside her. "You're special, Kara."

Those three words brought back so many memories of her past, some happier ones from when she was very young, though those specific memories had faded overtime as she grew older. The ones that stung, the unhappier moments of her past, overwhelmed her. He dared to say that to her and though he was calm and kind, all she heard in her head was her mother's taunting voice. All she felt was every wound ever inflicted on her.

"No I'm not!" Kara lunged at him, attempting to wrestle him to the ground. Leoben was surprised by her and fell back, but his momentary weakness didn't last long. She reached for the gun at her thigh, only to find it missing. He had to have unholstered it from her sometime between now and that morpha injection in the Raptor. She'd been a fool not to notice.

He didn't treat her with force or violence, he even subdued her with an odd kind of gentleness that unsettled her. Leoben pulled one of the morpha injections from his pocket and mimicking his earlier actions, loaded it up and injected her with it. "I'm sorry to do it like this, but I need you not to fight me the entire way."

With a double dose of the medication in her, she became increasingly docile. Her head swam in the flood of pain relief, the rest of her body going nearly numb. Leoben hoisted her over his shoulder and began the long trek to where she needed to be.

—

From a few klicks away, Mathias watched with binoculars down at the scene. She and the marine with her had rushed to the sight of the crash following the smoke, hoping to rescue either of the pilots alive. They'd been too late, though, just catching sight of that particular skinjob hauling Kara's nearly limp body away.

She began the return trip with her partner not too far behind, rushing to where she knew was the closest hardwired observation point. "Give me Apollo," Mathias said into the comm, panting hard until he was on the line. "Captain, Major Thrace's ship went down a little while ago. I got to the crash site, but she looked to be injured and one of the cylons was already hauling her off. At this distance and with the weapons we've got, I couldn't be sure the shot I took wouldn't have hit her instead." She paused, listening to the voice on the other end of the line. "The raider isn't back that way, my only guess is he's coming towards you. Towards the temple."

—

Barolay handed off the receiver to Lee and he put it to his ear, unsure of both who it was and what information they were about to relay. "This is Captain Adama," he said, sounding professional and firm despite the chaotic nature of the situation they were in. Even without knowing what his father was dealing up above them, the situation was dire enough on the ground. The blood rushed away from his face on the news that Kara's Raptor had gone down. His ears rang, barely hearing the next words from over the crackle of the line. She was waiting for him to respond, he could tell that much, and Lee barely choked out the words. "Where were they headed?"

He didn't wait for any more information after the marine had indicated her assumption. The temple. The cylon was bringing her up the side of the mountain and into the temple. Lee glanced to his left, catching sight of Tyrol with the box in his hand that would light up the temple with the flip of a switch. He and Sam had both been a pain in his side since they'd met up with them, the other two insisting they do everything to preserve the temple rather than blow it so the cylons couldn't have it. Jean screamed at them to push the button, to get it over with, and Lee's eyes swarmed with panic. What if Kara was already inside?

"Stop!" Apollo yelled and reached for the box, ripping the wires out of it so there was no accidental flip of a switch. Everyone stared at him with confusion, even the two men who had vehemently protested the makeshift plan. "We have to go back in." Lee jumped over the mound of dirt and rocks they'd pushed together in the mountainside to provide some kind of cover. He took off running back towards the entrance, Sam and the rest of them following soon behind him, shouting the entire way.

—

Inside the temple, Baltar and D'Anna pulled the charges out of the explosive packs affixed to the walls. Nearby, one of the Ones calmly paced around the perimeter of the room, clearly far less interested in the surroundings than the cylon and human pair beside him. He looked up when their silence was interrupted, expecting to see some of the Colonial military storming in and ready to send them back to their resurrection ship. Unlike some of his brothers and sisters, he didn't really mind the dying part. Sure, it wasn't fun, but he wasn't particularly attached to any one body of his. If he died, he'd be reborn, and then he would move on. It was simple.

Leoben came through the doorway, fatigue setting in as he lowered Kara to the ground. During the final stretch, the first dosage of morpha had begun to wear off as her body metabolized it rapidly. She'd become aware and fought him as best she could, which wasn't very well at all, but it had served to make the last portion of the journey something of a struggle.

"So that's where you went to," the One said, his hand motioning over to the female human on the floor. "I thought your obsession with her was over with."

"It isn't an obsession," Leoben ground out, for once displaying something of anger with the model that acted as the de facto leader of them all. He kneeled beside Kara, paying no mind to the One, Three, and former President of the Colonies. "We're here, Kara."

She was weak and barely awake, the fight having gone out of her once Leoben had settled her on the floor a minute earlier. "I won't play your games anymore, I know how you work."

"These aren't games." Though he still had the same soothing tone, she would have sworn he seemed a bit offended by her accusation. "Don't you see, Kara?" He asked and slipped his hand just under her chin as he directed her vision across to one of the carvings on the wall. Rather than look to the symbol, Leoben kept sight of her face.

Kara blinked quickly, squinted through the haze that fogged her, eyes locking on the mandala staring back at her. It wasn't immediately that she recognized it, but when she did, her eyelids spread apart wide, mouth hanging slightly open. She looked back to Leoben, angry at his self-satisfied smile he wore in honor of her obvious recognition. "Why did you bring me here?"

"No, Kara, you brought us all to this place. It was meant to be, don't you feel it?"

For one painful moment, Kara felt something kindred between her and the cylon. "I don't know what it means, Leoben." In a strange way, she felt as if she failed both him and herself.

"You will." He smiled. This was perhaps the happiest moment of his existence. It wasn't love from her, but it was close enough. She wasn't fighting him and the intimate tone she used said a million things. For now, it would be enough.

From the dais, D'Anna's voice rose in frustration while Baltar stepped back in bewilderment. "I did as the hybrid asked! I'm the chosen one!" There was anger in her words, but mostly a sense of abandonment and desperation. For some time now she had been dreaming of the images of the final five cylons when she stepped into that gap between one body's death and another's life. It consumed her completely and everything she once thought herself to be was given up to pursue what she felt and knew to be her destiny. She was to know the faces of the remaining cylons, some that she considered to be Gods.

"Maybe you should calm down, you know, breathe. It'll come to you," Baltar said, hands flowing through the air in an effort to calm her down from the sudden ledge she had figuratively climbed upon. "Just focus."

Looking up to the ceiling of the temple, she closed her eyes and did her best attempt at achieving some kind of inner peace, as if that would help them to reach out to her. She balled her hands into fists, trying to tune out all the other occupants in the room. "Let me know who you are! Show me your faces!" She had journeyed all this way, only to be left behind in the end.

"Hey! Shut the frak up already." Sam shouted from the doorway with Galen beside him, D'Anna's head whipping around to lay her sights on them. It served a good enough of a distraction, as Baltar, Leoben, and John also turned to see the intrusion. Lee, Jean, and the remaining marines and crew burst in through the other entranceway. Though Lee knew he was technically in charge of the crew of people that remained, he couldn't find it in himself to lead them at that moment.

His eyes burned into the sight of the Leoben model crouched beside Kara's crumpled form. It was New Caprica all over again to him, and he ran forward with every ounce of speed he had, turning his body into a weapon against the stronger machine. Lee's body impacted against Leoben's, knocking him down and onto the stone floor, though Apollo's own body followed, unable to stop the momentum. They struggled against one another, Kara watching from only feet away, weak and helpless. Lee had the upper hand, straddling the cylon's body as his fist pounded once then twice into Leoben's jaw, artificial blood spraying across the floor. Every hit he delivered was payback for every one Lee received at the hands of him or one of his copies, for every word he'd ever said to Kara that made her doubt herself. He was lost in the blind rage of it until Kara's voice cut through.

"Lee! Stop!"

He didn't even take time to process the words, just acted as if he was the one who was a robot, accepting his orders blindly and without question. Chest taking heavy breaths, he rolled himself off the cylon who still alive but not fairing exactly well as he choked and coughed on his own blood.

"Kara? Gods, are you all right?" Lee crawled over and he wrapped her in his arms, unable to take the time to check for injuries first. She yelped in pain and he released her instantly, pulling back just enough to take a look at her. Forget the way she'd been after four trips through the radiation cloud and suffering from severe malnutrition, this was the worst he'd ever seen her. Kara was pale, as if she was frozen through and through, but her skin was covered in a thick sheen of sweat. Splotches of blood covered her uniform and it was torn in some places, adding to the rest of her disheveled appearance. She was barely hanging on by a thread, he could tell, and that was even before he caught sight of where the real damage had been, her hands. "Someone get me a frakking emergency kit, anything!" Lee yelled back to the rest of the room, unaware if they'd taken it successfully or the rest of his team had fallen to the cylons. He demanded the focus of her eyes, hands cupping her dirty cheeks. "Stay with me, Kara. It's all over, I've got you."

They had, in fact, overcome the cylons. Cavil's body was bloody and lifeless. D'Anna and Baltar were both also on the floor, though just unconscious as the rise and fall of their chests indicated. Leoben was still alive, but only barely, a marine having bound up his hands behind him as a precaution.

"Leoben, he has morpha in his pocket," Kara pleaded with Lee as he cradled her in his arms. That dulled sensation was starting to fade away now, bringing back the sharp sting of all her pains to the surface. The nearby marine searched Leoben for the items and brought them to Lee, who assembled the proper dosage and stabbed the needle into her skin. It killed him to see her like that, and just her behavior told him what she had gone through. She had pulled herself back from certain death on that moon despite her injury, fought her way through Caprica and back. She'd survived being the last ship off of a battlestar with a collision course set for a cylon baseship. But now, right now, Kara Thrace was absolutely physically and emotionally wrecked.

Sam helped tie up Baltar and D'Anna, another precaution, his eyes kept on Lee and Kara as they sat together on the other side of the room. He wanted to go to her, make sure she was all right. Though she was his wife, it suddenly felt like it was no longer his place to do so. Lee had her now and Sam knew at least she would be safe.

"Kat's dead," Kara whispered softly against Lee's shoulder. He said nothing but held her a little tighter.

"Captain," Tyrol said from a few feet off. "You're not going to believe this but…the sun's gone nova. We need to get the frak off this rock now."

With hopefully the worst behind them, the weary group began preparations to make it back to the set of evac Raptors at the bottom of the hill with a few extra bodies in tow.


	13. Chapter 13

Kara woke to the low thrumming of nearby machines and otherwise silence. The scent of antiseptic was in the air in the semi-sterile environment and though she hadn't ever been happy to be there before, she was immediately thankful to be within the confines of Galactica's Life Station. It meant she was safe and taken care of, even if the person keeping watch over her would be Doc Cottle. If she had to be near him to be away from that planet, she would take it.

Her eyes opened to the lights of the room, noting someone had thought to dim the one overhead for her. For that she was more than thankful. Though all the lights on Galactica tended to be harsh and unforgiving, the ones in the medical portion of the ship seemed to be particularly awful to endure. In all likelihood, these were the same lights that were throughout the rest of the large vessel and it was just the general mood of Life Station that tampered with her perceptions and memories of it. Being here usually wasn't a good thing. There weren't many happy memories associated with such a place, just painful ones: her own injuries, someone else's death. The birth of Hera had been one hopeful moment in time, even if she and Sharon weren't close back then and her feelings at the time had been iffy regarding the hybrid child. She had been happy for Helo, at the very least, but that happy moment passed quickly like all the others, replaced by the news of Hera's death at barely a day old.

She tried to sit up higher against the slightly reclined bed, pushing her elbows into the mattress for help. It was a struggle and she barely managed to scoot herself up an inch or two before giving up. She turned her head to the side in something of frustration, finding Sam dozing in his seat by her side. Sammy. Kara smiled faintly as she watched him, the black tattoo on his arm visible to the room as he only wore the set of double tanks on his upper body. She couldn't remember much of what happened after they made it back to Galactica since she had Lee use the last morpha dose on her at some point in flight on their return home. Their entire exodus from the algae planet was coated in some kind of fog for her, partially due to the medication, but also because she had been content in her exhausted state to let all the others do the work. They'd managed to get back with the things they could quickly pack up while she'd all but been slumped in the corner of the Raptor fighting sleep with Lee desperately trying to keep her awake until they got her proper medical attention. Where was Lee now, she wondered, but guilt stabbed at her. Her husband was beside her, that should have been enough.

"Sam," she said, a little rough. "Sam." Kara repeated it, her voice louder and firmer this time. A couple of feet away, his body jerked up at nearly full alert. That was a learned behavior, she knew, something he'd acquired in the months he had been trapped on Caprica, ready to die at any moment. Sometimes over their year of marriage, when he'd come to visit her on Pegasus, Sam woke just like that in the middle of the night, ready to strike or be struck. Nightmares, he'd always say, and would pull her close to find comfort as he tried once again to sleep.

"Kara," he moved his chair in closer to her bedside, sitting right against it. "Need a nurse?" Sam instinctively went to take her hands to stroke them in a soothing manner, stopping abruptly as he saw her bandaged appendages and remembered just why she was there. He settled for stroking his fingers over her exposed forearm.

"No, no, I'm okay." For those two weeks collecting algae and the night she'd spent with Lee before it had all begun, Kara hadn't let herself feel guilt over what she was doing behind her husband's back, but very much in front of the Gods. Sitting here with him, though, when they were nothing but quiet instead of their usual argumentative selves, all of it washed over her. This was Sam. Stupid, adorable, Sammy. The man she'd returned to Caprica for and who comforted her the first time she returned to her home planet, after Lee had pushed her away and all but called her an outright whore for her night with Baltar. He'd done nothing but stand by her through most things and she repaid him by sleeping with someone else. She tried to keep a neutral expression, but with the recent events still weighing on her, it proved most difficult.

"Hey — hey. What's wrong? Shh." Sam comforted her and leaned in to kiss her brow. All she thought about was when Lee had bandaged that very inch of skin for her and all the times he'd kissed it since then. Those thoughts only made it worse for her and when Sam pulled back, he could see the emotion in her eyes. "What's going on Kara?"

Kara shook her head, sniffling to herself. Her hand rose to wipe away her tears, but was reminded of her injuries when the white gauze came into view. It only made things worse for her and what hold she had on herself was further lost. She really hated the person she'd become over the last two days. She was nothing but weak anymore.

They were interrupted when the privacy curtain pulled open. Sam turned his head to catch sight of the visitor, though he assumed it was Cottle or Ishay on hourly rounds to check up on the patients currently in sickbay. It wasn't either of them, in fact, it was Lee with his flight suit tied around his waist. By the way he looked, Sam would even venture a guess to say that Apollo had just finished CAP, not even stopping by the head first before coming to check up on Kara. Lee had been careful to avoid Life Station when he knew Sam was there, but had obviously miscalculated this time.

"Sorry, I'll—" Lee struggled with his words, eyes darting back and forth between the husband and wife. Kara turned to him and he saw the expression that marred her features. "Just wanted to check up on the CAG," he offered his pathetic excuse to her but mostly Sam, though he knew there was no way the other man would buy it. Lee nodded his head to Anders in something of a peace offering between them and backed out, pulling the curtain closed. Once the barrier was in place between them, he turned and left Life Station, cursing under his breath the entire way.

Sam's countenance had changed in those few moments and he moved to sit on just the edge of her bed though Kara wouldn't look his way. "I know about you and Apollo," he spoke, though he was mostly bluffing. He had no proof of something going on between them, just the feeling in his stomach and his heart when the two of them were around one another.

Kara froze in place, still not bothering to look back to him. She steeled herself for the conversation she knew was coming. "What about us?" A seasoned liar, she feigned innocence.

"Don't lie to me, at least have the courage to own up to it." He was angry but it didn't show for much in the volume of his voice.

She finally turned her head to look up to him. "What do you want me to say, Sam?" The tactics changed and Kara gave up the somber attitude for one of slight aggression. If he was going to push her, she was going to push right back. "Could you try to pick a better time to have this fight? Say, when my hands aren't covered in second and third degree burns? You've got great timing, Sammy."

"Just frakking don't, Kara." His teeth clenched as he raised his voice, quick to restrain himself so they didn't disturb the other patients and attract attention to themselves. "I knew what I was getting into when I married you. I could even tolerate you frakking some other guy, but him? Not Apollo." His head shook to demonstrate his point.

"It was just a frak, it only happened once." Kara admitted to her infidelity in their marriage finally and some weight was lifted from her, but was soon replaced with the crushing guilt over the pain she knew she was causing him.

"What was your plan? Frak him, pretend nothing happened? Or were you going to just drop the divorce papers in my lap one day?"

"Marriage is a sacrament, Sam."

"And it means nothing if you act like you aren't married!" Silence extended between them, both staring the other down. "Can I talk to Kara for once, not Starbuck?" The glare it got him was absolutely devastating and for a second, he regretted saying it all together. "If it was anyone else, I would know it meant nothing to you. But you and him… it's different. You know, a few days after you saved me from Caprica, I asked around because I thought maybe you and him had something going on. Everyone told me no and I was stupid to believe them. Maybe you weren't openly frakking back then, but there's always been something between you. I'm right, aren't I?"

Kara almost rolled her eyes and told him to frak off, but thought better of it. He was getting dangerously close to the truth of it all though, which was something she didn't even admit to herself easily. It made her uncomfortable to realize Sam could know her like this. Even when they were happy together, part of the appeal of Sam was that he didn't know much about her. He didn't know about all the details regarding Zak and certainly not about the complications with Lee. He didn't know about her mother or about how frakked up she certainly was. Sam was Sam. He was easy, a comfort, secure. Lee was the complete opposite. He was difficult, and while a comfort in some ways, he challenged her through and through. And secure? All they did was fight and be at one another's throats constantly. But Gods, she had never gotten him off her mind, not in all the years since he'd showed up at her front door with a bouquet of flowers, finally ready to meet his brother's girlfriend.

"I meant what I said, marriage is a sacrament from the Gods. I won't break it. Not even for him." That was her fear talking and taking over now. She'd thought about walking away from the marriage, even before that night in her office. She would walk away from Sam and finally let herself be with Lee, but the thought of actually going through with it terrified her, not because she didn't want it, but because she wanted it so much. All these years, thoughts of Lee had been her fallback to think about. Maybe one day it would be perfect. She couldn't stand to lose the hope if they went through with it and it all ended up a miserable mess. That, plus Lee would never be content to just let Kara share what she wanted to when she felt like it. He would push her until she was raw and knew everything about her. Kara wasn't sure she was ever going to be ready for someone to know that much about her. Even with Zak, as much as she had adored and loved that man, she kept a comfortable layer between the truth and him. He had been perfect and she hadn't wanted to ruin him with all her baggage.

Sam sighed beside her, his form visibly settling as his muscles gave up the fight. "I love you, Kara, but I don't want this unless I can have all of you." His blue eyes focused on her and though she so very much loved them, but she knew part of that reason was because when she saw his, she saw Lee's as well. They weren't the same shade, but it was about as close as she was going to get. "I'm going to give you an out. I want you to think about us and about him and make your choice. Whether it's me, or him, or no one at all." This out was as much for her as it was for him. He didn't know what was happening with himself, if he was a cylon or human or just plain losing his mind. She felt her guilt and he felt his. What if he was a machine after all? Was it fair for Kara to be tied to him? He wasn't giving her the full story about his suspicions and doubts, but it was all he could give her at that moment in time. "If you come back to me, we'll stay married, we'll move on and I swear on the Gods I'll never even think about you and him again. But it's a two-way street, Kara. If you're with me, whatever you have with him is done, over with for good. It isn't fair to you, it isn't fair to him, and it sure as hell isn't fair to me."

"Sam…" She didn't have words to express what she was feeling.

"If you want to be with Lee, then you have to tell him. I look at him and I actually feel bad for the guy," he laughed briefly and quietly. "He's in love with you and he knows it's wrong. I know that look he's got, because you give it to me too sometimes. If you want Apollo, then just go take it. You deserve to be happy and it's taken me a long time to acknowledge it, but maybe you aren't happiest with me anymore. I won't ever be friends with him, that's for sure, but I can figure it out."

Her heart broke as she listened and watched as he spoke. Every bad decision she'd ever made that set this all in motion came back to her. Frakking Baltar that night and upsetting Lee. Running off to Caprica on a whim. Frakking Sam for the comfort of it and nothing more. Refusing to acknowledge what was growing between her and Lee once Sam was back. Saving him, that was one thing she didn't regret. Marrying Sam just to save herself from the possibility of ever having to make a decision on what to do about Lee. That night two weeks prior, she felt guilt over it, but refused to regret it. She was guilty for hurting this man before her, the man who took vows before the Gods to love and honor her, and for that she would be eternally sorry, even if she never said it aloud. Kara closed her eyes despite the tears coating her eyes. She was sorry, but all she could see was the way Lee looked above her. How happy, absolutely content, he'd been when she allowed him and even asked him to tell her how he felt about her.

Kara felt him stand from her bed, the mattress returning to its original shape when not weighed down. She was too much of a coward at that moment to face him so she kept her eyes clenched tightly closed, feeling the kiss he laid to the top of her head and the caress of his palm against her cheek as he did so. The displacement of nearby air and echo of the tug of the curtain signaled his departure. When she was finally alone, she turned herself onto her side and buried her face into the pillow to try to find sleep.

—

Though in the past Kara had alway fought to escape sickbay even before she'd been cleared, she didn't argue with Cottle this time. She was avoiding the reality of a series of situations that had sprung up around her. First, there was the question of Sam and Lee and the impossible choice she was being asked to make. Then there was Leoben. No one had mentioned the cylon to her since she last saw him in the temple on the now obliterated planet. Whether it was a conscious choice or not, and she was willing to bet Lee had orchestrated it on purpose, Kara had been kept in the Raptor devoid of their two cylon prisoners and the former President. She assumed he had survived in the end and been brought up to the ship, rather than allowed to merely die and download, but the subject hadn't come up and she was doing as little interacting with anyone else as possible.

Sam had come to visit her every day since he'd given her the gentle ultimatum and most of the time she pretended to sleep even as she listened to his even breathing from beside her bed. Lee had stopped by as well, but he was all business with her. He had taken over CAG duties again, though he was careful to note to her that it was a temporary situation. When she was well enough and recovered, the position would be hers once more. Lee usually brought paperwork along with him and he kept his nose buried in it while silently enjoying the terrible company she made. She knew it was killing him to keep his distance, but as much as she may have cared about him, what she really needed was that cushion of space between them. She had to keep a clear head.

Cottle had just been in to check on the healing process of her hands when the curtain rustled. Kara held her breath, fearing it would be one of the two men she was dutifully avoiding. The appearance of the Admiral was a pleasant surprise, since she was yet to see him. His absence had hurt her, though she knew he had his hands full since they'd departed from the company of the cylon fleet. "Admiral," Kara saluted lazily with one of her bound hands.

"At ease," Adama said, but his voice was gentle and not at all military-like. "I'm sorry I haven't been down sooner." The apology was genuine and he took in the sight of her. She was still a little worse for wear, especially after enduring the pain of having her healing skin irritated by fresh bandages so she didn't develop an infection. That was the real concern with an injury like that and Cottle had her pumped full of antibiotics in an added precaution to protect her. Like most of her visitors, he sat down on her bedside. His hand extended, brushing the hair away from her face despite how badly she knew it needed a washing. "I do love your hair this long."

"You're a sap." Kara let her body and head relax back into the inclined half of the bed.

"That may be so." He smiled wide at her and all her worries fluttered away for the briefest of seconds. It was a relief. Just as Cottle and his terrible bedside manner brought her security, so did the man that had become her surrogate father figure even before the fall of the colonies. "I've had Lee covering your duties while you get better."

"I heard."

"We can airlock him together if he doesn't want to give them back." A smile cracked over his lips and she returned it. It was truly the first time she'd smiled in days and felt something close to at ease. Of course the Old Man would be the one to do that for her.

"Why isn't Anders with you?"

The jovial mood quickly faded and Kara's eyes looked beyond him. "Trouble in paradise."

"Ah." It wasn't even a word but it expressed a great deal to her. Adama was very unlike his eldest son. He didn't push, at least not when it wasn't absolutely necessary. "I was wondering why you've had that married billet this whole time yet you two were still in your bunks." He raised an eyebrow at her.

Kara avoided his gaze. Though she knew he sometimes looked through the paperwork that passed through the ship, she hadn't expect him to notice that she had in fact been issued quarters for her and her husband. Come to think of it, she realized he was probably the one that went out of his way to make sure she was given that comfort after things settled down on Galactica. Not only was she married, but she was one of the highest ranking officers left in the fleet. Having private quarters was an honor that she deserved, or at least he clearly thought so. He was probably also the reason she hadn't been forced out of her bunk by another pilot looking to move on up to the senior quarters. Adama was always a step ahead. She both loved and hated that about him. "It's just been complicated." She left it at that. Putting aside that she didn't have a clue about what to do in regards to Lee and Sam, the last conversation she wanted to be having was one with the Old Man about how she had now frakked both of his sons.

"Well I'll keep it open as long as I can. Space is tight on the ship now, but no one's asked any questions yet." Not that he couldn't do as he pleased. He was Zeus as far as the fleet was concerned, after all. "Cottle tells me you can leave whenever you want. I didn't think it sounded like you to still be here when you were free to go, but now I assume this complicated you mentioned might be part of it." He saw the expression she wore and opted to move on and not push her anymore than he already had. Kara Thrace could be like a stray dog sometimes. A gentle hand was necessary, but as gentle as one could be, most stray dogs snapped if you came too close. He was approaching that line. "I want to have a ceremony for Louanne Katraine when you're well enough."

She quickly looked up to him. Gods, she hadn't even mentioned her to anyone since she'd told Lee about her death. That had to have been how Adama found out, although her lack of presence would have been clue enough to figure out she hadn't made it off the planet. "Yes, sir. I'll be out of here today, then."

"Take as much time as you need." Adama kissed her forehead and stood up, straightening his uniform as he turned back into the Admiral instead of just the Old Man that had given her a shot all those years ago. "But I do need your report on everything that happened. Either have someone write it for you, or wait until you can. Either way, Tigh will be expecting it."

—

True to her word, Kara left Life Station later that day, though she was on her own. Ishay had suggested calling someone to help her back to her quarters, but Kara wouldn't stand for it. She didn't need anyone. Starbuck never needed anyone. Faced with her first hatch, however, she had the unfortunate realization that she really did frakking need someone. It took a couple minutes of lingering by the entrance to sickbay for someone to enter and she slipped out before they door was sealed behind them. She hurried, not wanting Ishay to notice and give her that smug look of satisfaction she was learning from Cottle. So doors were an issue. Starbuck still didn't need anyone.

Luckily, the door to her bunk room was open. She ducked her head in a hello to Hot Dog, heading straight for her locker. The knob there wasn't difficult and she managed to open it by careful maneuvering of a wrist. She was doped up for some of the residual pain, but the severity of it had faded as the days passed. Handling things with her bandaged hands still wasn't the best idea, though she soldiered on nonetheless. Gathering her clothes was easy enough and she simply shoveled them into one arm held tightly to her chest. Her towel was added to the pile and the bag containing her shower items hooked over the other arm. She had the sudden understanding for how difficult it was for anyone who had ever lost a hand.

How she intended to take a shower and actually get herself clean, Kara hadn't thought that far ahead. Her head was so clouded with her determination to get by on her own that she wasn't looking or thinking more than two feet ahead of her. She made it to the head but paused, hearing the raucous chatter from inside. Starbuck didn't need anybody…but she sure as hell wasn't going to take a shower with half the room staring at her struggling. A detour was implemented, heading a deck down to where her private quarters had been located this entire time. She'd been there once and only once, stepping in to look over the expanse of the room and trying to imagine her life in there. She had tried so hard to imagine Sam there with her, but as usual, her mind had gone to Lee Adama in some imagined scenario. Despite his admitted love, Kara couldn't see Lee ever settling down with her and playing house in reality. Well, there wouldn't have been much of house playing. Mostly they would have christened every single horizontal and vertical surface. Still, her and Lee sharing a small space together would probably have led to their early deaths.

Upon reaching the hatch, she was already tired, worn out from her previous injuries and the fact that she'd spent most of her recent time in a bed with little real movement and exercise. She tried to press her hand into the keypad beside the door to punch in the code that would unlock it. A dull burn radiated through her hand and she was unable to push the numbers correctly, her bandage always brushing into a neighboring button and ruining it in the end. She raised her elbow in a fresh attempt, bag still dangling over her arm and weighing it down, determined to get it right. It was an honest attempt and she nearly had it until the flesh of her elbow nudged yet another incorrect number and the process had to start all over. "Gods damn it!" Kara pounded her arm against the bulkhead. Starbuck didn't need anybody, she told herself.

A few crew members down the hall paused briefly to look at the woman and her outburst but kept moving on. She would absolutely not ask for help.

"Need help?" Frak.

"No, Lee, I don't need your frakking help."

She was in a mood, but Lee didn't abandon her, instead he raised his hand to the data pad beside the door and input a string of numbers. The locking mechanism inside sounded and the door released, able to be pulled open. He did that for her too, spinning the wheel rapidly and stepping aside to let her in. "Don't tell my father I know his access number." It wasn't a real request, or so the smile on his face said. "What are you doing down here anyway?" Lee followed her inside, perhaps against better judgement.

Kara barely made it in before the pile of clothing and towels fell out of her arm and onto the nearby standard issue military table. That one item was probably older than her by a decade or two. "I needed a shower."

He wrinkled his nose, as if her stench offended him. "You still never worked out that proper hygiene thing." Lee was keeping her at a distance with the words chosen and he wasn't sure if it was done for himself or for her. He hadn't been clueless and not noticed the space she'd put between them. As much as it made him want to shake her, he respected it despite not understanding it entirely. Since they'd returned, that fear had coiled up tightly in his stomach. The algae planet was a bubble for them from reality and now they were back. They were back and so was Kara's real life with that husband of hers. Lee knew he very much did not factor into the picture. He leaned over to pick up the clean sports bra she'd dropped, setting it on the table besides the other items. "Is this place yours?"

Kara headed to the side of the room where the small bathroom was. It wasn't much, but it was enough to be considered absolute luxury on the ship. A toilet, a tiny shower, and an even tinier sink all cramped together in what barely would have been considered a closet even in her rat trap of an apartment in Delphi. All she wanted to do was get away from him, away from Sam, away from thoughts of how they couldn't even properly send Kat out the airlock, her casket draped in a flag. They probably should have been conserving items like that, but despite how little resources they had remaining, they needed to preserve what humanity they had left in them. Everyone deserved as close to a proper burial as they could afford right now. "Yeah."

"But why have you been in—-" It all dawned on him suddenly and he stopped to nod to himself. Of course, his father could have just granted her the space for her to get some recovery in private, but he knew how tight space was on Galactica with the refugees and Pegasus' crew having come over as well. This place wouldn't have remained empty on the off chance someone needed it. It had to have been hers from the start. It was for her and Sam, a fact which made him both ache and hope. Ache because this was for her and her husband. Hope because she'd never let Sam see it. "Do you want me to turn the shower on for you?"

"Forget it." She sank down onto the edge of the neatly made bed. Kara raised her hands in an expression of hopeless defeat. "I can't do anything anyway. I just wanted to wash my hair, I feel disgusting."

Lee paused. He could think of a million ways of getting her clean that involved them both with a lot less clothes than they currently had on. He'd probably get a knee to the groin — as a substitute for her inactive fists — for even suggesting it. A smile quirked over his lips at the thought of it, not because he enjoyed the thought of pain, but because it was just a truly Kara-like thing. He stepped into the small bathroom and turned the faucet on at the sink, letting it run until it was hot. The cold water handle was turned just a little so the scalding temperature was not nearly as lava-hot. He reappeared in the main room, pushing and rolling his sleeves up to the elbows before he dragged one of the small chairs at the table into the bathroom, putting the back of it to the edge of the sink. When he came back, Kara was eyeing him, still not putting the pieces together.

"Let's go, Thrace." There was a coy smile on his face and his words sounded suspiciously like an order.

"If you think I'm getting naked for you to ogle and soap me up, Adama," she said, putting extra emphasis on his last name, "You've got another thing coming." Despite her protests, she obliged and followed him in. He stood beside the sink, body sandwiched into the small space left. One of her towels was draped over the shoulder of his blue uniform, the shampoo bottle open in his hands as he waited for her. Kara was still, body unmoving as she watched him. She thought she knew him pretty well, but sometimes Lee Adama still surprised her. Kara stepped forward and sat in the chair, relaxing until her head came to rest over the lip of the sink.

Starbuck didn't need anyone… but sometimes it was okay to want someone.

She felt Lee gather the long mess of her hair and run it under the tap. He cupped his hands together to collect some of the water and release it over her scalp where the stream of the faucet unfortunately didn't quite reach. When it was thoroughly damp, he squeezed some of the shampoo into his hands, careful not to take more than he would need, and began to work it through her hair from roots on down. His hands were gentle, but strong, and Kara shut her eyes to enjoy the sensation of the massage he was giving her without even knowing it. She'd been cutting her own hair since she arrived on Galactica as a lieutenant, and as a result, it had been forever since someone other than herself had done this job. She could vaguely remember a weekend Zak slept over and they had showered together, but he hadn't taken on this work for her.

Lee rinsed the soap from her hair and then worked a small dollop of conditioner in. He'd been foregoing that luxury since the cylons has returned to the colonies, knowing the females in the fleet needed it far more than him. When that too was rinsed out, he shut the water off and helped her to sit up, wrapping the towel around her hair while rubbing some of the excess water out. Kara had been quiet since they'd begun, in fact neither of them had said a thing. At any other moment, it would have bothered him and made him think something was wrong, but just like the night they shared together, it meant everything was absolutely all right.

"Thanks," Kara said quietly, turning her head back to look at him.

"You're welcome." Lee followed her to the main space and went through her bag of shower items again, pulling out the hairbrush that had seen better days. She was already on the bed when he turned back around and he sat beside her to finish drying the tangle of blonde. Once satisfied, he ran the brush through it, starting at the ends and working up when he flushed out the lower knots.

"When I get these bandages off, you have to let me cut your hair."

Lee laughed out loud and unrestrained, having to pause in his work. "I'm not letting you anywhere near me with scissors. I'm not you, I'm not frakking insane."

Though he couldn't see, she smiled wide. "We'll borrow clippers from someone. I was the only reason your brother's hair was ever regulation."

The mention of his brother was bittersweet. Between Kara and his father, they hardly ever talked about Zak. Sure, things were particularly busy as of the last few years, but he could count the number of times his deceased brother had come up across both of his hands. "He was a lot braver than me."

She nodded faintly. "He was so proud of you, though. Sometimes he talked about you so much I swore I knew you before we actually met."

Lee did his best at keeping working. After all, she did have a lot of hair to get through, but mostly it was an idle distraction. "I was more proud of him. Sometimes I still forget he's gone. Even with everything that's happened and all the people we know that are dead, I forget. Someone does something and I can't wait to call him and tell him about it." He set the brush down and ran his fingers through her freshly combed hair. That action was for him instead of her. "He would be proud of you, too."

Kara leaned back into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, loosely cradling her form against his own. "I miss him all the time. Everyday."

"So do I," his voice shook as he spoke just above a whisper. Lee's control wavered but this wasn't the time or the place to let it out.

"Lee?"

"Hmm?" Eyelids closed, he simply enjoyed breathing in the smell of her soap. Lee ran his hands along both of her forearms in unison, stopping once his fingers touched the beginning of her bandages. Since they'd dressed and headed back to their bunk room after the events in the CAG's office, this was all he had wanted: just to exist in close proximity to her.

"I'm going to leave Sam. For you." She didn't make any effort to move from his arms. Things were so much simpler for her when she didn't have to look him in the eyes.

The motion of his hands stilled on her, palms growing clammy as he let her words soak into him. As much as he had wanted it, Lee had never truly thought the day would come. Even when they laid together in the sand of New Caprica, he hadn't thought far enough ahead to imagine what their future would be like together.

There were a million things he wanted to say to her right then. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but she already knew. He could have thanked the Gods in a moment of sudden spirituality. He may have even pushed her down against the bed right then and there and proven it all to her. Lee knew, though, that nothing would ever properly express how he felt at her admission, so he wrapped his arms back around her, squeezed her, and kissed the side of her head.

He didn't speak at more than a whisper, "We'll be happy."


	14. Chapter 14

The cylon prisoners, on return from the algae planet, had been locked away deep in Galactica's brig. Baltar had been given space in hack as well, far removed from the Three and Two. The last thing anyone wanted was for the two cylon models to conspire with the barely human traitor, and as such they were kept in the quarters that had once belonged to Sharon Agathon. It was deemed to be the stronger, safer, and better guarded of the jail facilities, and since their arrival they had been kept under close marine guard and surveillance. Adama had allowed Leoben some medical attention when he was first brought in and one of the less experienced medics patched him up, only doing the minimal amount for his injuries. No one was about to let Cottle into the same room with the cylon, out of fear the Two would snap and harm one of humanity's only remaining medical practitioners. Time had passed, however, and Leoben healed well enough, with both of them subsisting on the same algae fed diet as the rest of the fleet. Despite the fact that their only company was each other, D'Anna and Leoben hadn't said much of anything throughout their stay and that much left everyone else fearing the worst.

Sam nodded to the marine at the doorway as he stepped in. They were friends, in fact had been drinking at the newly established Joe's Bar the night before and because of it, Sam knew he wasn't very likely to stop the ensign from going about his business. Anders approached the enclosure, looking in at the two skinjobs kept like caged animals. It reminded him of a pet store from back on Caprica, with people walking by and watching the creatures kept inside as they tried to pretend they weren't held captive. He picked the phone off of its cradle and knocked one end of it against part of the wiring on his side of the glass. D'Anna tilted her head up to the commotion, noticing his eyes locked on her. With a glance to her brother who was either asleep or in meditation along his cot, she stood up and met Anders at the wall, picking the receiver up with her cuffed hands.

"Come to interrogate me, have we? I already said I won't talk to anyone who isn't the Admiral." She was smug for someone with so little to call her own. Sam wondered for a moment why she and the other cylon didn't just kill one another and allow for the downloading process to happen. Perhaps they weren't sure if they were in range of a resurrection ship and actually feared death for once. Or perhaps they both did want to be there.

"No one sent me." He stared across to her, a challenge in his voice. It was still strange to look at this woman, someone he'd see on the news for years prior to the Fall. She had been a cylon that entire time.

"Then I'm not interested." She made move to release the phone from her hand.

"Wait!" Sam interjected and she paused her actions, curious at just what he had to say. "I came to ask you about the Final Five."

D'Anna gave a hmph as she shook her head. "I don't know anything about them."

"You see, that's where I know you're lying. I heard you in that temple, you were there for a reason. You thought you'd be able to see them. Why?"

She paused, not sure if she wanted to give away what little information she had. It was a bad tactical move on her part, but the curiosity as to why this man was asking outweighed all the rest. "I've been having visions of them each time I download, of the five remaining cylons. The hybrid on our ship told me they would be revealed to me at the temple." Her face grew stern. "They didn't show up."

"I don't understand—how do you not know who they are? Haven't you seen them?"

"They aren't like the rest of us. There aren't just copies of them doing all the work like us. We were programmed not to think about them. Someone did that for a reason, but I defied my programming." There was a note of pride in her words as she spoke. She was a cylon, a pretty devout one at that, and still she was proud of something so very unlike a cylon. She was proud to be an individual.

"What do you know about them?"

"I'm beginning to think someone did send you to interrogate me…" Her words trailed off. "There's nothing to know. They don't want to be found and they won't show themselves to us."

"Do they know who they are?"

"You mean, are they sleepers like Boomer was? I've no idea. And why are you so interested in finding out who they are?" D'Anna took the control away from him that he'd been wielding.

Though it was an obvious question, it was one he didn't prepare himself for. "I was just curious." He returned the phone to the holder and walked away, not willing to potentially out himself for whatever he was if she chose to pry.

From the window, D'Anna stood with the phone still in hand as she watched Sam leave. "Right."

—

Across the ship, in the quarters formally reserved for Major Kara Thrace and Ensign Samuel Anders, Captain Lee Adama sat with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were shut like he was in a form of meditation, and he was. But instead of asking the Gods for safe passage for the rest of his people to Earth, he was silently praying he came out of the next ten minutes with both of his ears and a distinct lack of spilled blood. Kara came back into the room, fists on her hips as she eyed him as he sat in the low backed chair like a child, forced into the corner in a time out by his mother. Kara had never endured that kind of punishment for her wrongdoings. When she was little, her father had always rescued her from her mother's discipline and when her father had left, she was more used to greeting the feel of her mother's open hand on her cheek to teach her a lesson. Regardless, she tapped her barefoot on the cool metal flooring, desperately longing for the carpeting she used to have in her quarters on Pegasus. This was certainly a downgrade.

"Don't look so scared." Kara teased him with a smile on her face, though he couldn't tell with his eyes tightly closed. Her bandages had come completely off a few days before, though the skin and muscles weren't what they had been at one point. Cottle had ordered her to a strict regimen of physical therapy on her hands and she had grudgingly listened, though she told herself it was only to get her back into her Viper as soon as possible. She ran her fingers through the swath of hair that were her lengthening bangs, simply enjoying the feel of it for the first time in forever. "I'm doing you a favor, Lee. I'm surprised Tigh hasn't thrown you in hack yet for this mess."

Lee kept quiet and still, but cracked a smile as she talked. "Excuse me for being a little busy with hauling algae and saving you from our favorite psychopathic cylon." There was humor in his voice. Though they hadn't really talked about Leoben since she'd come back, he knew well enough that they had at least returned to the point where they could joke with one another about it.

"Excuses." Her word faded as she disappeared into the small bathroom, then returned, clippers that she'd borrowed in hand. "You don't want to know what I had to do to get these." There was a hint of something in her voice that reminded Lee of how she sounded when she was trying to get him to forget about paperwork and undress her instead. Since her declaration regarding her marriage, he had fallen awfully behind in his duties.

"Just do it already." Lee was still in the same spot, having not moved even an inch. It wasn't that he didn't trust Kara with his life, because he absolutely did when she was out in a Viper or he needed someone with a good shot to have his back. He just didn't trust her with this, especially not when her hands were only just learning proper function again. The promise had been made though, and she intended to make him keep it.

She stepped behind him and draped the towel over his shoulders, before turning the mechanized sheers on. The soft buzz filled the room and with one hand, Kara secured his head in position. "No moving, Captain." Kara ordered with her best CAG voice, something he had grown familiar with again over the last few days as she slowly took the position back from him. Though she wouldn't be flying just yet, she had argued there was no reason why she couldn't boss her nuggets around and fill out a roster just fine. With the proper attachment for length on the clippers, she ran it through the hair on the side of his head. She felt Lee hold his breath. "Gods, Lee. You're such a frakking baby."

"No talking, just focus." He gave his order right on back to her. She was his superior, but there was no fear in her pulling rank on him in the quarters they retreated to when they needed a small amount of privacy together. They'd kept their bunks, of course, but tended to end up within these walls more often than not. Lee was even beginning to wonder when the masses would catch on, not interested in fending off those rumors quite yet. This was just theirs right now. He didn't want to share it with anyone.

Kara kept working, tongue stuck out of just the corner of her mouth in a habit stemming back to her childhood. "Did you hear about Hera?"

"Mmhmm," he said, opting for the sound rather than the nod of his head as he felt her starting on the other side. "I'm not really surprised about it, but I am at the same time. Roslin would do something like that."

"I understand why she would think taking Hera away was a good idea…" Her thought came to a pause as she changed the plastic piece out for another that would allow for increased length at the top of his head. "…But taking away a baby from its parents? I wasn't too thrilled on the idea of a half cylon child, but even I wouldn't have the brass to do that." She stopped, considering her words. "Not to Helo. Not to Athena."

"But back then, she was just another Sharon. If it happened now, I don't think it would go down the same way. Maybe I'm putting too much stock in the President."

Kara ran the clippers over the top his head in smooth, steady motions. "I can't imagine how it was for Helo. There he is, just trying to keep things together down in Dogsville with the new Sagitarrons brought on board. Arguing with those people to try to get them to let the doctors even help them and that woman just shows up for treatment with Hera. Parading her around and calling her Isis. Thank the Gods Laura didn't have the foresight to make up a fake birthdate too. I think Karl would have thought he was going crazy if it wasn't for that clue."

"It isn't anyone else's fault, though. Roslin told the woman some story and let her adopt Hera. It wasn't exactly legal, but we haven't really had the proper paperwork for anything since the end of the worlds." That much was very true. While during those first few months while they fled from the cylons everyone had tried to maintain their normal lives as much as possible, that entire charade had long since gone out the window. Now they were scraping by, and barely at that. "Hera's with her parents now, that's what matters."

"Have you seen your father recently? What Laura did cut him pretty deep, Lee."

"Roslin and my father? Don't make me think about it." That inner child in him was again brought out.

With a final pass over his scalp, Kara turned the handheld machine off and set it on the table close by. Her hands ran over his hair, short and tightly cut, relishing the tickling sensation it gave her healing nerves. Just about the only thing she would miss about that hair was the feel of her hands pushing through it. She stepped around to his front and tugged the towel off, balling it up so the freshly cut scraps of hair wouldn't litter the floor of the room. He opened his eyes to her, having held them closed the entire process.

"You look so young, I almost feel bad about frakking you this morning."

His lips upturned as he uncrossed his arms and ran his fingers through his hair. He couldn't be sure of the look of it without a mirror close by, but it felt right, at least. Lee hadn't been a fan of his outgrown hair either, he just couldn't be previously bothered to find the time and effort to get it done. As much as he teased Kara and feared the outcome of letting her do this for him, he did appreciate it. Moments like these were the rare times he was allowed to see another side of Kara that reminded him so much of the girl he had met all those years ago. The girl he had known when Zak was still alive and not the even more tormented version she'd turned into once the accident had claimed his brother's life. "You would never feel bad about that."

A coquettish roll of her eyes and smile was given to him as she stepped away to clean up the mess she'd created. "I could. Maybe."

Lee went to the bathroom to look in the mirror and assess the damage. His own image surprised himself. It wasn't the man he'd been seeing in the mirror since he'd left New Caprica. It wasn't even the man he'd seen during the year of peace they'd had down there, when he hadn't been getting his hair cut nearly as short as it was now. It was the strangest feeling and all he could do was stare at himself, blinking as he ran his hand over his face and then over his hair.

"Do you approve, Captain?" She appeared behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder while her hands slipped around his middle to meet on his stomach.

"Well it isn't as good…" He started, but felt her teeth gently bite into his shoulder. Lee laughed and shook his head, catching her eyes through their reflection in the mirror.

Her hand pushed under the bottom of his tanks, caressing the hard plane of muscle and thin line of hairs that started below his navel and disappeared down past his waistband. "You don't have CAP for another two hours, Lee. I know because I made the schedule myself." Kara's voice sang into his ears, his body already warming at the very thought of what she was suggesting.

"Don't you have physical therapy soon?"

With her eyes still locked on his own in the mirror, she kissed his shoulder and side of his neck. "If we put my hands to good use first, I can be late." As if to strengthen her case, her palm ran along the front of his trousers. Lee needed no further convincing and turned around in her loose grasp, hoisting her up in his arms as he took her back to bed.

—

Afterwards, with no regard for the time, Lee lay beside her, both of them completely exposed. His head rested against her stomach and his fingers traced shapeless patterns across the skin of her hip. The time since she'd made her decision about Sam felt like an absolute dream to him and he knew it was the same for her. This was everything he ever wanted, and nothing, not even a breath of it disappointed him. Perhaps the only point of contention had been on whether or not they let the people around them know about what was happening between them, but they both agreed in the end not to say a word. At least for now.

Kara's hand slid along his shoulder, repeating a circuit that brought her digits up along his neck and over his scalp, then returning in a loop. She was memorizing him so when she was alone in her bunk late at night to keep up appearances, she would be able to think of him with every accurate little detail. Already she was starting to properly commit to memory all the freckles along his skin, though she favored some more than others. There was one along his hip she had been particularly fond of and every time her mouth trailed that far south, she had to stop to appreciate it.

Unbeknownst to either of them, Lee had already done much of the same with every discolored freckle and mole that was scattered across her pale skin. And just like Kara, Lee had many favorites, like the one on her inner thigh right at the junction of leg meeting pelvis. The first time he'd seen it, he knew that he was one of only a few men who had ever come to notice such a tiny little thing on her. Getting so intimate with that bit of flesh was not something every man she'd been with had done and Lee took comfort in that. Now before each time he tasted her between her thighs, Lee kissed over that freckle in a silent moment of private adoration for her.

His fingers continued their patterns, eventually getting sidetracked to trace over the pair of scars on her left side. He recognized the higher one as the gunshot she wrote about in her report when she settled down after her return from Caprica. It also bore a striking resemblance to the mark on his shoulder, left behind after she'd unintentionally caught him in her friendly fire back on Cloud 9. The second scar though, that was the one that scared him. That night on New Caprica, he hadn't gotten close enough to this region of her in the darkness, not that he would have noticed it with the alcohol in him. But now he'd noticed it, and all he could hear in his head was Leoben's echoing voice in that detention cell, telling Lee about what he had done to Kara back on that planet. The pad of his index finger traced over the line of the silver scar, trying to conjure up any other reason for it. He wanted Leoben to be lying more than anything else. "Tell me about this one."

Kara glanced to him from where her upper body was barely propped up on the two pillows afforded the bed in her quarters. This was a game they had begun to play on occasion after they were satiated and exhausted. He would trace over the series of scars on her knee and ask about them, then she would regale him with stories of her days as a teenager when she thought pyramid would be her life. It would be her turn afterwards and she would ask about some faint line on his elbow. Lee would return the favor to tell her about the time when he was six and at Grandpa Joe's cabin on the lake. He got scared of the fish they'd just pulled in on his line and he had fallen onto a rock amidst the commotion and excitement. They had other scars though, more recent ones, and both understood that they were off limits in an informal agreement. He didn't ask about the scar on her abdomen. She didn't ask about the couple she knew were fresh from New Caprica. Until now, neither of them had broken the rules.

What Kara really didn't want to talk about was what had transpired on Caprica those years before. Most of the time, she thought she put it behind her, but every rare glance of it she got brought up a whole world of emotions she assumed were long since buried. "Mm, how about you get on up here instead. I can make it worth your while, Apollo."

He lifted his head as his body twisted so he could take her into view. "I want to know."

"You really don't, Lee." She shook her head faintly. This was one of the moments when she preferred Sam, though it was for a rather cowardly reason. Sam always let things go and Lee had the habit of quite the opposite.

Lee crawled up to her, kissing his way there until his head rested on the same pillow she occupied. They were close now, perhaps even too close, with their noses a hairsbreadth apart as they faced one another. "I want to know." Gently, he repeated the words and cupped her warm cheek, still pink with the aftereffects of their time together. Starbuck was a hard sell when it came to things like this, but he was doing his best.

Kara shut her eyes and let out a deep breath that warmed his skin. It served both to steady herself and buy her some time. "When I got shot on Caprica, I passed out. I woke up in a hospital there by myself. There was a doctor, or at least he said he was, but now I know he was one of the fourth models."

Lee listened, not prodding her along so she could tell it at her own pace. Her words pained him, especially the mention of the specific cylon who kept her in his care. Leoben had said the same thing. The likelihood of Leoben's words just being another lie began to dwindle.

"They sewed up the gunshot and took care of me. Then I woke up one day with that scar and he wouldn't tell me what it was really from. I overhead him talking to another cylon, one of the blonde ones, in the hallway about it."

Lee leaned in to kiss her cheek, providing the comfort that would help her along.

"I saw Cottle after Kobol. They took the ovary out… for Gods know what. To experiment on, to try to grow little half cylons in one of their farms. I don't frakking know."

The anger and hurt swam under his skin. He knew what happened on Caprica couldn't have been easy to deal with, but when she returned to the Astral Queen, he never would have suspected something of that nature. All of a sudden, that torn look on her face as she sat in the locker room bouncing that pyramid ball made a whole lot more sense. "You've still got the other one."

"I'm not ever having kids, so it doesn't even matter. It's the thought that it was taken from me at all that bothers me."

Lee never would have expected it from himself, but his heart broke a little at her mention of children. He hadn't ever wanted them and never thought of them for more than a handful of passing moments in his life. Even with Gianne, especially with Gianne, he hadn't been able to see himself as a father, which was why he was so surprised with the hollow ache he felt in himself at her casual admission. "Not even down the line, on Earth?"

Kara opened her eyes and looked at him. "I'm doing humanity a favor by not continuing my gene pool." Now uncomfortable with the intimacy between them at such a close space, she turned her head to look back towards the ceiling. "If you think I'm going to settle down with you now or something, Lee… just give everything up to be your barefoot and pregnant girlfriend, you should just leave right now."

"Did I even say that?" Lee picked his head up off of the pillow, letting his elbow prop him up. "Gods you try to pick a fight with me over everything, Kara."

"It was what you were getting at."

"No, it wasn't." He was stern as he spoke stiffly. "I was seeing a girl a few months before the cylons showed up, her name was Gianne."

Kara nodded absently. "I remember, your father mentioned your mother telling him about it once. She thought you two were going to get married, or so I heard."

His mother would be the one to make that assumption. Gods he hadn't even thought about his own mother in months. "We weren't, it was just something we had when I was planet side, but," he sighed with a shake of his head. He hadn't told anyone about this other than Shevon, another black mark on his sad existence. "She got pregnant and I left."

Her head turned sharply to look at him. "Never would've thought Mr. By-the-book would have the balls to walk away."

"I'm not proud of what I did. I just… panicked. I didn't want to be a father and certainly not with a woman I was just biding my time with. I don't know what I would've done in the end, but it didn't matter anyway, because they both died that day with everyone else. I can't even say in hindsight I would have stepped up to do my job, because I know who I am, or at least who I was back then. Now when I think about Earth and if we ever get there, when I think about having the chance to not run or fight for our lives anymore and to just be whoever the frak Lee Adama really is, I think maybe I want that. I could want to be a father. Maybe one day it'll change for you too."

Kara watched him from where she lay. They were closer than they ever had been before, but she still wasn't used to him being so open with her about things like this. Out of the two of them, he was always the one to bend first, that much was true, but since he'd returned from New Caprica, things had changed. Since she'd made her vague sort of commitment to him in this very room, he'd only become even more open. She would never say it aloud, but it meant a tremendous amount to her to know she was trusted with someone else's secrets. "Do you miss her?"

Lee's eyes came back to her quickly. "I miss everyone sometimes." It was the understatement of the millenium. When the attacks had first happened, all anyone seemed to talk about was those that they'd lost. Then they all quickly realized their existence was walking a fine line and making do with what they had was far more important than mourning all they had lost. "Sometimes I think about what would have happened if the world didn't end. I'd be a father by now. I don't even know if it was a boy or a girl." That part seemed to sadden him the most, because it took such an abstract idea of a baby and made it real. Not just a child, but a son or a daughter.

She saw the look in his eyes as he mentioned it and this time it was her turn to cup his cheek despite how irritated she'd been with him only a few minutes earlier. "You would've gone back to her and done the right thing, you would've been a father." Her words were for both of them. For him because she knew he needed the reassurance that he would have done the right thing for his child. Lee needed the comfort of knowing there wasn't such a huge hole in his character. And for Kara, the words put distance between her own father and the type of man Lee was. Her father had left, she wouldn't let herself think of Lee in a similar way.

"I miss everyone," he said just above a whisper. "But I wouldn't be with you if all of this hadn't happened. I always wanted you." There was a brutal kind of honesty in his words.

"Lee…" It was something of a warning to him, not wanting to dredge up the past and how things had transpired between them when she was still with his brother. It was also because what he said struck particularly deep inside of her. She had always wanted him as well, but that was something she would never admit. She loved Zak too much to admit aloud how she felt back then.

"I love you."

Kara nodded as he said it, pushing herself up on her own elbow to lean in and kiss him. She didn't need to say it in return, he knew. "Maybe someday." Her eyes found his. "When we're on Earth, maybe we'll have a few." Later, she would look back at this moment and shake her head at herself for being so sentimental with him.

"Maybe," Lee repeated and kissed her again.

—

The following evening, after a steaming bowl of algae for dinner, Lee brought Kara to Joe's Bar. She'd been there before in passing to see Lee's hard work and dream come to fruition once it had opened. The Kara of yore would have loved nothing more than to be down at that bar every night, pounding back shots and playing triad with the rest of the pilots and crew. Since her turn at Commander and especially since their passage through the radiation cloud, Kara found herself abstaining from most of the debauchery that had defined her life. She could still get drunk with the best of them, but at some point most of the desire for it had left her. It hadn't been something she'd thought on recently, but she idly wondered when she had in fact gotten so soft.

The bar was busy, packed even, but that was to be expected for that time of night and the fact that it was still considered to be brand new by all their standards. Then again, their standards of new were very loose these days. Having a pair of socks without holes was good enough to be considered new. Kara said her hellos to the familiar faces she passed, some were merely her fellow pilots, but every now and again there was a member of crew that had served under her and done her proud, especially during the exodus and rescue.

"Shouldn't you be at home, Helo?" Kara smirked at him while peering down at his cards from the triad game he was currently engaged in. "Athena's got a pretty good right hook with your name on it, I bet."

"Nice to see you around again, 'buck." Helo ignored her friendly jabs as he looked to her, then made a deliberate motion of looking to Lee standing beside her. "And Captain, what a surprise to see you two together."

Kara's cheeks warmed. Most of the crew were oblivious, or at least pretending to be. Helo, on the other hand, had never managed to get that memo, as one of his favorite past times was teasing Starbuck in addition to calling her out when no one else would. She knew he would never outright bring her relationship to the forefront of conversation around everyone else, but it didn't stop him from having his fun with it. She let her eyes shift to the rest of the table where Duck and a few other crew sat, cards in hand and their pile of collateral in the middle. "His cards are crap, he's got nothing." She winked to them and stepped away, heading for the bar.

"Frak you, Starbuck!" Helo called behind her, a heavy laugh in his words.

Lee had stepped away amidst the teasing shared between Karl and Kara. While he was friends with Helo, they weren't as close as he knew Kara was with him, so Lee let the two of them duke it out punch for punch. He was at the bar when Kara stepped up, her hand slyly sliding over his backside for only a moment. Lee turned back to her with a smile, a pair of glasses in his hands. "What if you had the wrong person?"

The cup meant for her was taken from his hands and she sipped at it once. "I couldn't miss that bald spot I accidentally gave you when you let me cut your hair."

His hand rose immediately, trying to feel for a place where the length was noticeably uneven. Her wide smile told him he'd been played and with his own smile, he spoke. "Very funny."

"You should've seen your face."

Lee downed a mouthful of his drink of choice before giving a nod of his head towards the other end of the bar. "I've got something for you." Were they alone, he would have taken her hand and pulled her there himself. He pushed through the crowd of people lingering around the bar for their drinks, looking back occasionally to make sure she followed.

Ahead, Kara could see a clearing of space despite the dense population. Only when she arrived at where Lee had stopped, did she understand it. Before her was just about the most rickety piano she'd ever laid her eyes on. There were clear water marks on the top where someone had rested a perspiring beverage for an extended period of time. Under one of the legs, she could see a wedge of scrap metal stuck to even it out so it didn't teeter when being played. It was a horrible looking thing, but also one of the last in the universe.

"Don't get excited — it's barely in tune. Believe it or not, we don't have a piano tuner on any of these ships." It was said with humor but there was an undercurrent of sadness to it. "I found it on the Prometheus."

Kara raised her brow to him. "I'm sure your father wouldn't be happy to know you used the black market for such a big ticket item." They all used it from time to time, though it was one of the most unspoken things amongst the crew. It was fine for acquiring small items like soap or clothing, but an item like this tended to be easily noticed.

His shoulders shrugged and he placed his hand on top of the discolored wood. "Helo told me your father played piano." Lee wasn't sure just how of a forbidden topic her father was, so he broached it slowly. "Cottle said it would be good for your hands."

Her hands pulled in closer to her chest at the very mention, even with the glass still in her grasp. She was torn on what he'd done for her. Kara hadn't played the piano in years, decades almost. Once her father left, her mother had put an end to any talk of it and certainly an end to playing it. That piano of her fathers had sat in their living room for years, untouched and neglected. Why her mother didn't just get rid of it, she had absolutely no idea. When she was older and would get home from school before her mother would get home from her dayshift, she used to pull the cover off the keys and ghost her fingers over the notes. Actually pressing them was to scary for her, both because of how it made her miss her father that much more but because of the fear that Socrata would return early and find her daughter in the middle of tapping out a few notes. All of that aside, her heart was full to the brim at what Lee had done. She'd never told him about her father or about playing when she was young, but he'd taken something he learned about her from Helo and run with it. Joe's Bar didn't need a piano, Lee had done this just for her.

"I can't play," Kara lied.

Lee's brow furrowed. He hadn't expected that. Maybe she wouldn't have remembered much, but he had been certain with a pianist for a father, Kara would have at some point learned to play. "I took a few lessons when I was young, I'll help you."

Him helping her had been the theme of the last few months. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate it, just that it made her uncomfortable to allow it. "I don't remember, Lee. At all." She remained firm in her position figuratively and literally.

The change in her stance on the piano pleased him, despite the walls she was putting up. It was something. Lee set his glass down on the piano top and sat on the left side of the bench. His index finger dragged across the white keys quickly, letting the notes sound out in the crowded room. No one seemed to notice or care. Lee would wait her out.

She watched him, biting her lip in silent decision making. Her glass soon joined Lee's up top and Kara sat beside him, though her hands remained in her lap. Lee couldn't help but feel like she was physically afraid of it and he wondered just what had happened to cause it. "You weren't lying about this being out of tune."

"I thought about opening it up and trying my hand at it, but…" An exaggerated cringe fell over his features. Lee was good with fixing a Viper, but trying to fine tune an old instrument when he knew he was practically tone deaf? Not a good idea at all. He pressed a C key, tapping it a few times before moving on to nearby notes. It was one of the few things he remembered off the top of his head, a simple children's song he had learned with his mother at only a few years old. "Music was never my specialty." His shoulder bumped into hers.

"No kidding," Kara smiled mostly to herself. She raised a hand to the keys but hesitated, pausing the movement in mid air only an inch or so off from the keys. With a sudden breath of courage, she finished the motion and rested her fingers against a series of white keys, though not with enough force to actually make them resound. "You should have heard my father play." Kara offered the comment out of the blue.

Lee nodded as his fingers continued to pluck out notes.

"He played at the opera house in Caprica City before I was born. For awhile I listened to the recording of it everyday after he left." Her voice was a mixture of happiness and sadness as she watched the tips of her fingers drag just along the shiny white surface. "He was away a lot to play, but when he was home, he'd sit me down at the piano with him to try to teach me. He had more patience than all of Caprica." She wasn't quite sure what was pushing her to share these details of her life with him, perhaps she still felt she owed him from his own admissions the day before.

"Do you remember any of it?"

"Not well." Her hands rested on her lap and next to her, Lee feared she had already given up. "Everything he wrote was too difficult, so he'd make up all these little things for me that he knew I could do. We had this one song we worked on for the longest time to play together." Kara stopped, the silence existing for a deceptively long period of time.

Lee's own movements stopped as well and for the first time since she sat beside him, he turned his head to catch sight of her. "Teach it to me."

"I can't, I don't remember it well enough." She spoke quickly and it gave away that they were just excuses, and not even good ones at that.

"What you don't remember, we can sound out." Lee was determined to not let the night end in failure for them here. It wasn't even about how much trouble it was to get this piano on board or what it had cost him to get it. It was about getting something for her. This was for her, since Lee knew she wouldn't have accepted anything like this from him under other circumstances.

Her hands drew back to the keys, both of them this time, and once her fingers were in a familiar position she pressed at them lightly, listening for the familiar sound of them being in harmony together. It was difficult with the background noise, but she was thankful for it nonetheless, as it brought less attention towards her and Lee and the corner they had tucked themselves away into. "Like this," she said and moved to take his own hands and position them an octave lower on the appropriate notes. Her fingers covered his own and she pressed down until the proper chord rang out. After the initial test, she repeated the process, this time banging out some kind of rhythm.

"I think I understand. Show me what's next." Lee wasn't about to let this fall through his fingers just yet. As long as she was willing to sit here with him, so would he. Kara's hands tested out the next set of notes, struggling to find the proper blend and balance. When she was sure of it, she repeated the process of manipulating his fingers and pushing them downward. Lee caught on quick enough, mixing the first chord into the next in the rhythm she'd set for him.

On her half of the keyboard, Kara plucked at a few of the keys on their own, eyes shut to help her head focus. She wasn't on Galactica or in Joe's Bar. She wasn't a pilot or in the military. She was seven years old and sitting beside her father, her feet not even touching the floor. She could sense the way their home smelt at the time, the warm temperature so unlike the chill of Galactica's air. More than anything, there was peace inside of her as she listened to her father explain away what they were doing. Just as she'd shown Lee how to play the right notes, her father's hand directed hers over her own keys.

She came back to herself soon enough and Kara's fingers tapped at the series of notes until the familiar tune rang out. A nod of her head was given to Lee and he started his own half of the song until she joined in, both of them moving achingly slow together to make sure it was perfect.

—

From a seat at the bar, Samuel Anders looked up. There were plenty of voices and clinking of glasses around him, but the sound of music cut through it all. Tory, the woman he'd been drinking with, lifted her head at nearly the same moment and looked out to the crowd of people. He left his drink behind and stumbled through the people to try to find its source. She followed behind him, not even entirely sure why.

Ellen Tigh sat atop her husband's lap, laughing loudly and vibrantly as her arm curled around his neck. They'd spent the better part of the night drinking, one of their favorite past times. She wasn't the same Ellen that had left for New Caprica, everyone knew that place had changed her just as much as it had her husband, but she was still very much herself. Tigh laughed with her and the rumbling of his chest shook them both. Ellen kissed against his ear, nibbling on the flesh there perhaps a little too provocatively for their surroundings but she was never one to care. Though she was lost in the moment, she stopped suddenly and raised her head. "Do you hear that, Saul?"

Tigh focused for a moment. "I haven't heard a piano playing in forever."

"I know that song." Though she was enjoying the time with her husband, she stood from his lap and tugged at his hand to pull him from his seat along with her. She took the bottle of Chief-brewed hooch they'd purchased along with her, tugging Saul along the way.

Galen was drinking alone at a table in the back of the bar when he heard the notes ringing in his ears. It had been a particularly bad night with Cally and he'd retreated here despite the hour he had to be up in the morning. He was determined to ignore everything, from the people around him down to that frakking music that tugged at him. Try as he might to stay in his seat, something inside of him won out. The rest of his glass was downed in a single gulp before he stood and followed the sound.

Sam paused just behind where his wife sat with Lee Adama. Everything in him burned at the betrayal he felt, though he knew he had given her permission and well wishes on her journey to be with him. Boy, he suddenly regretted that decision. What became more important than the fact that she was with the other man, was what the two of their huddled bodies were playing together, each time a little faster and more confident. Every loop extended the music a second or so longer as Kara banged out a few more familiar notes as they came back to her.

Why did the music sound so familiar? It wasn't just the pull of an old favorite tune he hadn't heard on the radio in years. It wasn't some old childhood song. There was something about it, like it was on the edge of his mind but he couldn't quite recall it. Like it was just outside his peripheral vision and every time he turned his head to catch it, it had moved just enough away to never be seen. A word on the tip of his tongue, never to be figured out. He didn't move to say anything or disturb the couple together, more intimate in their behavior than he had ever felt with Kara, even the day they got married.

He looked up from where his eyes had burned holes into the backs of their bodies to see a number of other equally enthralled faces standing amongst the edge of the crowd of oblivious bodies. Ellen and Saul Tigh. Galen Tyrol. Beside him, Tory stood, eyes locked on the piano though she looked distant, as if trying to recall something deep within herself. Sam thought nothing of it at first. A coincidence. Then he counted. Himself, one. Tory, two. Ellen, three. Saul, four. And the Chief? The man that had also been called to that temple on the algae planet? The Chief made five.


	15. Chapter 15

_Caprica: Nineteen years before the Fall._

Though his career hadn't been what it was only years before, Dreilide managed to keep himself busy in Delphi, no matter how small the option presented. Every time he played, he dreamt of the opera house and how at that time, the world seemed at his fingertips. It had been too good to last, of course, and even the small amount of fame he'd felt the years following it had faded considerably. He was just like everyone else once again. It wasn't this fact that bothered him, as even when he was living back in Caprica City all those years ago before Socrata had stepped into life, he had been happy. Not the happiest he'd ever been, but there was happiness in him regardless of all the rest. What he felt now was disappointment, not because he'd failed himself in some manner, but because of the daughter and wife he had at home. Socrata had always supported them when necessary, just as he had done when he was able to, but the recent months had begun to leave the burning sting in him that he just wasn't pulling his weight. He knew it, and more importantly, his wife knew it.

He took the one-off job at the small bar in downtown Delphi for the cash in it. It hadn't been good, but it was something. It was still better than what he'd gotten paid to pound out the classic selections in that restaurant nearly a decade ago and the drinks on the house didn't hurt either. The bartender nodded to him as he laid the glass of whiskey down. It reminded him far too much of his life before Socrata, a time he spent wandering without any real focus on whatever kind of future he had in store for himself. He shut his eyes as he sipped the alcohol down, his sense of sound focused as he turned one of his other five senses off.

Across the room he could hear something of a private celebration in progress and though it wasn't his place, Dreilide listened in anyway. The tone of voice alone told him they were on their way to getting drunk and putting the world behind them. He envied them for one sliver of time. He replaced his empty glass on the bar and stood to head towards the back room where his belongings were stashed, passing the celebrating couple on his way out.

"Back to the fleet! I shouldn't be happy since it means you're leaving me," the woman's voice was louder than she needed to be, but it was only half the alcohol's fault for the raise in volume. She poured another shot for herself and downed it quickly, her hand fluidly patting at the cheek of the gentleman beside her. "But I could get used to being a Captain's wife, Saul." She purred into the air around them, her hand rubbing over the man's thigh.

Her partner laughed robustly, an indication of the amount he'd had to drink but also his true excitement over the situation. "Gotta hand it to Bill for pulling this off, I really owe him one."

"I could think of a few ways to thank him," she said and laughed out loud at her own suggestion, planting a sloppy kiss to the man's mouth to quiet his disagreements. "He is a good looking man for a Tauron…" Her voice drawled but she simply kissed him again, a tactic that clearly worked on the company she kept.

"He's a married man with two young boys, keep your hands to yourself, Ellen." Despite the fact that such a conversation would have led to a serious disagreement between other couples, it seemed as if the back and forth was second nature for that pair in particular. They were unrestrained, free, and Dreilide couldn't help but note, probably alcoholics.

Only as he was about to slip beyond the black curtain that served as a form of separation between the main floor and a series of back rooms, did Dreilide freeze in place. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as his body figured something out ahead of his brain. His breath quickened and his blood rain cold. It couldn't be. He lingered for a moment, listening to the couple talk, a familiar sound and cadence to their voices. He glanced back to them, only a few feet off, and turned on his heel to head for the table they presently occupied.

"Saul?" He interrupted without thought, giving up the general slickness he usually chose to carry and lead with.

Across from him, Saul Tigh reluctantly drew his eyes away from the woman beside him and the fact that the strap of her dress had been sliding slowly off her bare shoulder. "Yeah?" He was gruff, taking on a new tone when addressing the stranger.

"What are you and Ellen doing here?" It came off as more of an accusation than he would have liked, but he wasn't having the easiest of times keeping calm.

Ellen turned her attention away from her bottle to the intruder. "Hey buddy, either sit down and have a drink or go the frak away." She was already pouring him some of their pre-purchased alcohol in one of the nearby glasses and pushing it towards him.

Saul laughed at his wife's outburst, drinking his own shot before turning his attention back to the third party. "Should I know you?" The delivery would have had the effect of letting the other person know they were intruding and to quit while they were ahead. Saul Tigh was not a tiny man and anyone else not looking for a fight would have taken the hint to back down and bow out.

Dreilide's breath stilled instantly at the question. "Saul, how can you not remember me?" There was concern in his eyes and he turned his attention to Ellen and where she sat leaning over the table, arms pressing inward to emphasize her breasts while she casually licked her lips. "Ellen, tell me you know who I am." His hands were pressed into the flat of the table as he stood slightly bent over to lean against the surface.

"I could get to know you if that's what you want." She winked and laughed before taking another drink. "What's your name? And don't worry, Saul here doesn't mind who I talk to." Beside her, her husband laughed into his beverage.

"Dreilide." One hand rose to rub the confusion off of his face. "We spent, God—years together! And neither of you have an idea who I am?" Like a broken record, Dreilide was very much stuck on that one thought and the implications it held.

Saul was the one to talk now, that voice reserved for intruders claiming dominance again. "Never seen you a day in my life." He slipped his arm around Ellen's shoulders in a primitive display of ownership, clearly feeling slightly threatened by the other man's presence and just how much attention his wife was paying.

Dreilide dipped his head in a nod to both of them, standing taller and straighter as he let his eyes take in the couple before him one final time. "My mistake."

He left even quicker than he came, gathering his coat from the back and heading home in a flurry of rapid thoughts that were all consuming. When he arrived back at the small apartment, he was too far lost in his thoughts to even notice that Socrata had waited up for him and was sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of tepid coffee. His coat was abandoned over the living room couch and he went to the piano, opening the bench and the hidden compartment there. Dreilide shuffled through papers, pulling out a small leather bound notebook and carried it in his palm to the kitchen where he went immediately for the phone.

"You're back late," his wife said from her seat.

He nearly jumped at her presence, hand clutching the book to his chest as he replaced the phone on its hook. "Frak, did you have to do that?"

"You're the one who didn't see me." She stirred the spoon in her mug idly. Her mouth was stiff, as if it was literally chewing over the words she had carefully been forming. That was never a good look.

Though he didn't want to stop what he was doing, he knew better than to ignore a moment like this with her. It had been a mistake of his in the past that had only worked out to create even larger problems that benefited no one in the end. "What's going on?" He slipped the small book into the pocket of his pants and approached the table, pulling a chair out and moving it closer to her. He sat beside her and reached for one of her hands on the table, but she pulled it back and just out of his reach. Another bad sign.

"I was offered a promotion."

"Then why are you upset? You've been waiting for this forever."

"It means I have to go to Picon." And there it was. She was strictly business in her tone, her inner marine coming out.

His face fell at her words and he pulled his own hand back, body slumping in his seat. More than anyone, he knew how much she'd been waiting for the chance to again start climbing the ladder of her career. There was nothing there for her if she remained stagnant. The whole point was to go as far as you could until the day you died or were forced into retirement. Now, she was barely over forty and hadn't gone much of anywhere since their daughter was born. "What are you going to do?" He asked more out of courtesy than anything else.

"I want to take it, Dreilide."

His eyes were downcast, staring at his shoe clad feet and her bare ones. "You know I can't go with you, you know my work is here."

The spoon she'd been using to stir as a distraction came to a harsh stop with the clink of metal on ceramic. Socrata's body became rigid at his words. "Nothing is happening for you here. I've got a chance I need to take and you want me to sit around doing nothing so you can make a couple cubits playing in bars again. It was cute when we were younger, Dreilide, but not anymore."

The words hurt, but only because he had been thinking them about himself as well. She was right, of course she was, but he wasn't yet ready to give up on what he had. "Another offer will come up, something around here. Something else will come up." He tried to reassure her though it wasn't his promise to make. "Please." Dreilide's eyes rose to hers and he knew they were thickly coated in fresh tears.

It broke her heart completely to see him that way. This was the only man she'd ever come close to loving in her life. The person she supported and supported her right back. His was the face she saw when she looked at the daughter they were never supposed to have, but she was happy that they did all the same. More than anything else, she loved him, so for her to have to tell him something like he should consider giving up on the dream they mutually shared for him not only hurt him, but her as well. "You're hardly around anyway. You leave me to take care of Kara alone all the time. Most of the time I don't feel like I have a husband."

He blinked, pausing before he reopened his eyes to face the reality of the situation that had been brewing between husband and wife for years now. "Please, Socrata. Everything will be better. I'll be home more, I'll do whatever you ask. You just can't go." His voice showed a hint of desperation as he pleaded with her.

Socrata had to look away from him, eyes focused on her fairly untouched coffee mug. The tears hung heavy in her eyes, threatening to spill forward. She'd known for days about the promotion and transfer, but hadn't been able to bring it up to him. It was going to tear them apart, that much she knew. She didn't want to be the reason for it. "I don't believe you." Her head shook as she reluctantly admitted it, her hand rising to wipe away her tears without drawing too much attention to them.

Dreilide slid to the edge of his chair, one of his knees sliding between her own, allowing him to get as close to her as possible from the position they were in. He took her head in his hands and held her steady. "You can't go." His own tears streaked down his cheeks as he faced down the very real possibility of losing both his wife and his daughter. "I love you, Socrata, I can't not have this. I don't know who I am without you anymore, don't you understand?"

She hiccuped as emotion took over, still not wanting to look him directly in the eye. It made her words that much harder to deliver, her potential choices that much harder to justify. "I love you, but I'm tired. I thought things would change and nothing has. I can't spend my whole life waiting for you to come back."

He shook his head to himself as he listened, trying to refute her claims and fears nonverbally. "Please." He whispered his plea.

"Just come with us. Do something for me. Come with us." Socrata met his eyes finally, a small bit of hope written in them.

Had it been an hour earlier, had it been a week before, he would have told her yes. Yes he would go to Picon and raise their daughter while she worked. Yes he would follow her to the end of the universe and beyond that, but Dreilide knew the situation had changed suddenly. Even if he gave up the piano, there was something else tying him to Caprica. Because of that, he couldn't leave, but he wasn't about to try to explain it to her. That was one part of his life Socrata couldn't and wouldn't ever know about. "I… I can't."

She pulled away from him, his words having the effect of a slap on the face to her. "I've given up everything for you and for her." Socrata slid her seat out and walked away from him, anxiously pacing in the open space between kitchen and living room. "I don't have anything anymore."

Dreilide followed her, not willing to led the chips fall where they may. If he didn't do something, he knew his wife would be putting in her formal acceptance of the position in the morning and be packing up her things later that night. "You have us."

Socrata considered his words, drawing her hands to cover her face as she stopped her movements. She bent forward slightly, the heavy sobs muffled behind her hands. He approached her only a second later, his arms wrapping around the slim body that belonged to his wife, holding her close as his own softer cries equally consumed him. "Just stay, I can't lose you both." The words of comfort soothed him as well as he rubbed her back more intimately than casually. The weight of her body pressed into him and he took on the burden of holding them upright for both of them. "Please." Dreilide kissed her scalp.

"Don't make me the bad guy, Dreilide. Don't do it."

"I'm not, I swear, I swear I'm not. I need you and I need Kara. We're happy here, aren't we?" He feared her answer. What if she admitted that their years here hadn't been on the whole, happy? "I'll be better for both of you. Just don't go." He felt the shuddering of her body. There had only been a few times he'd ever seen her as distraught as this, and only this time did he really think she'd make the decision that would keep them apart.

She pulled back from him, wiping quickly at her tears with both of her hands. Her eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed, cheeks splotchy and pink. "You don't see your daughter's face after you leave, you don't know how much it hurts her when you go. You only see how happy she is when you come back. You never see how hard it is for both of us when you aren't here." Her back was given to him and she stepped a few paces off, arms folded around herself in a manner so similar to that first time she'd been in his apartment in Caprica City. All at once, she was that younger version of herself. Slightly unsure and terribly afraid to trust someone. "We'll stay."

Had this been ten years ago, Socrata wouldn't have even consulted anyone else on a decision she made for herself. Her ability to let him influence her was a new personality trait and she still wasn't sure if it was for the best or not. The truth was that she didn't even really want to go to Picon. The allure of a promotion, of finally being recognized again after so long, was the only thing that made her even consider it. She realized now that perhaps she was waiting for him to convince her to stay. They fought and didn't see much of each other and even when they were both around, they had their daughter between them. What she needed now was just Dreilide.

"You won't regret it," he spoke quietly with his eyes on the hallway and their daughter's shut door, thankful Kara hadn't woken up despite how loud their voices had gotten in the heat of the argument. Dreilide pulled her into his arms again, one hand holding her close while the other stroked back her loose hair from her face. The last ten years had aged them both, but when he looked at her he still saw that woman in the bar or the one that shared his bed the first night. Without question, she would always be the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. "Do you remember that night we met for the second time?" He didn't wait for her to agree or not before continuing on. "I knew I was going to spend my life with you even back then."

Her expression softened. She had never been one for hollow reassurances like this. Socrata was the definition of practical, or at least she had been, but years of the way he spoke to her like this had swayed her. Now they were what she lived for.

"You've given me everything, Socrata. I never," he paused as he shook his head. "Never thought this was what my life would be like. It doesn't mean it wasn't what I wanted though. You'll never know how long I wanted this." His hand brushed through her hair again, committing the feel of it to the recesses of his mind. "And Kara," he had to stop again as just the very thought of what his life would be like without their daughter flooded his mind. "She's the best thing you and I will ever have done." Dreilide's voice lowered down to a whisper. "I love you, Socrata Thrace."

"I love you." She returned the whisper and buried her face into the side of his neck, enjoying the pressure of his arms around her. "I hate it when you go." Socrata confessed to him timidly.

"I know and it'll change, I'll change." He wasn't sure if he could keep the promises he was making, but he made them anyway. At that moment in time, there was nothing he could deny her.

He craned his neck and kissed at the space where her jaw met her neck, the easiest part of her in reach. She lifted her head a moment later and their mouths met in a hungry, frenzied clash. They both knew how close they'd come to not having one another anymore and what a fine line they still walked together. For now, they'd push it from their minds and give in to everything else.

—

Sometime later in the night, Dreilide crawled out of bed with his wife. He pulled the fabric of his boxers on to cover his nude form before pulling the abandoned tangle of his pants up from the floor. He searched through the pockets, first one then the other, until he found the tiny bound notebook he was looking for. With a glance back to Socrata to be reassured she still slept, he slipped out of the room in as close to complete silence as possible.

The apartment was dark, save for the light in the kitchen, and he took the cordless phone from its cradle and sat at the table. It was where his wife usually sat, her cold coffee from a few hours before still remaining. He took a deep breath before setting the phone down and opened the notebook, sifting through a series of earlier pages in the well worn journal. When he found what he was looking for, he reached for the phone again, inputting the series of numbers for the long distance call. A polite person would have respected the timezone differences, but he knew no matter what time of night or day, this was a call that had to be made. It rang once, then continued on in a steady rhythm. Dreilide had all but given up to move onto the second number when he heard the lift of the phone on the other end as someone came to finally answer it.

"Hello?"

Maybe he shouldn't have called, he thought, but the nagging pain in his stomach told him it was the right thing to do.

"It's Dreilide."

The voice on the other end didn't respond right away either and reluctance was heavy in the woman's tone when she finally did speak. "What's happened?"

"I ran into Saul tonight."

"What? Here?" The voice was now a mix of disbelief and panic. "What did he have to say?"

"Nothing. He didn't know who I was." The brief exchange with the husband and wife earlier in the night still haunted him.

"Oh God." The emotion she showed echoed his own. "Are you sure it was… him? Maybe he…"

"No—you know they never would have. Ellen was with him too and she didn't have a clue. They were drinking—"

"That sounds like them," she said.

"You don't understand. She kept talking about how he just got reinstated as a Captain in the Colonial Fleet."

"Then what we expected to happen has happened." There was a sense of defeat in the voice on the other end, something that was equally apparent in Dreilide's own.

"It could mean nothing," he offered on a whim.

"Yeah, it could, but we agreed what, seventeen, eighteen years ago? If it came to this, we had a plan in place."

Dreilide shut his eyes tightly to avoid the reality of it. "Things are just… different now."

"We've all moved on, but you called me, Dreilide. You already knew what was coming by calling here."

"Yeah—" His words were cut off as he heard the creak of floorboards. Eyes opening quickly, he looked towards the sound and the darkness, only to find Kara's slowly approaching form. Dreilide held the phone away from his mouth. "Hey baby, what are you doing up?"

A sleepy yawn left his daughter's mouth. "I heard you talking. It's late Daddy, why aren't you asleep?"

"I had to call an old friend." His hand motioned her close and he pulled her tightly to him with one arm, kissing the crown of her head. "I'll be done soon. If you go back to bed now, I'll come lay down with you when I finish, okay?"

She clung to him, her tiny arms around his neck. "I want to stay up with you."

A quiet laugh left him as he rubbed at the back of the yellow pajama set she wore. "I'll only be up another minute. Go get in bed, I won't take long, promise." He kissed her head again as she pulled reluctantly away from him.

"Only a minute!" Kara admonished him before retreating back to her room.

When he heard the click of her door shutting, he brought the phone back to his ear. "Sorry, my daughter woke up."

"You have a daughter?" She was surprised, shocked even. "You never said last time we spoke."

"I know. She's six now."

"Do you know what a miracle that is?" The question was rhetorical.

"She really is. You wouldn't believe the half of it, she's perfect." That fatherly pride took him over for the briefest of moments before he was pulled back to the severity of the situation.

"I don't envy the position you're in then, but we have to meet, all of us."

"I know, I know," he sighed heavily into the phone.

"You go be with your daughter, I'll make the arrangements and ring you back with the details. You did the right thing tonight."

"I'm not sure about that." They exchanged the briefest of goodbyes and hung up. Dreilide took the notebook and tucked it back away in the compartment of the piano bench, then made his way down the hallway. He stopped at the first door, Kara's room, and opened it to step inside.

"That was more than a minute," her tired voice quietly spoke as she looked up to him, only barely seeing him in the moonlight that came through her window.

"Mm, I'm sorry. I'll make you and mom pancakes in the morning to make up for it. Now move on over."

Her childish giggle rang out in the room as she scooted over towards the wall side on her single bed. Ever since they had upgraded her out of the tiny little thing she'd spent her younger years in, Kara most loved the fact that it meant she could con either of her parents into laying with her at night until she fell asleep. It wasn't an every night thing, but it worked often enough.

Dreilide laid down, pulling a small stuffed animal out from under his back as he tossed it towards the foot of the bed. Kara nestled in against his side and his arm wrapped around her, holding her impossibly close.

"Love you, Daddy."

"I love you, too."

Their exchange was the last thing either of them said before they fell into sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

With the radiation from the gas giant below them doing a number on DRADIS, the importance of CAP became even stronger than it usually was. With the exception of during a jump orthe middle of a dogfight, the fleet was always circled by the watchful and protective eyes of the air patrol. When Pegasus had joined them, some of the weight had been lifted from Galactica’s shoulders with the influx of extra pilots and ships. No matter where the ships came from, though, there they were. The guardian angels of the remaining band of humans traversing the universe looking for a safe haven. Somewhere to call home.

  
Everyone who was physically fit for duty was put to work guarding the fleet during the refueling mission whilst in the cover of the radiation cloud, most on double shifts, and some even tripling up to keep them covered. Kara was out alongside Hot Dog, taking in the sights of the clouds that so very much reminded her of the Twelve Colonies that were now nothing more than tombs to the billions that died there. Both of their ships flipped upside down, or at least relatively when compared to the planet below them, and Kara smiled at the very sight of a blue sky again. It brought back a widespread of memories for her, from days at the park when she was barely in school, to the wind whipping through her hair during a pickup pyramid game when she was still an instructor at the academy.

  
“Only thing I miss from New Caprica,” Hot Dog said over the comm.

  
Her barking laughter erupted over the signal that rang through not only the CIC, but also the other ships circling around the fleet on the opposite end, Apollo among them.

  
“Nothing could make me miss that shit hole.”

  
“You mean you don’t miss those pristine, warm beaches?” Lee’s voice cut in and though he wasn’t flying beside her, it had the effect of lighting up her entire face.

  
“I guess we just remember that place a little differently, Apollo.” Kara’s ship broke away from Hot Dog, accelerating to pull ahead of him. “Hot Dog, I’m losing my mind out here, I’ll be scouting up ahead so I don’t fall asleep at the stick.”

  
“Starbuck, at least wait for me to catch up!” He called out, remembering one of the first times they’d ever flown together, when she was still a lieutenant and he was a fresh nugget. She’d ordered him to head back with Chuckles and Kat, but he didn’t listen, instead choosing to fight off the cylon Raiders with her. That day she had gone down on that moon and they all feared the worst, that she was dead. They’d almost left her behind, in fact, but Starbuck had pulled off one of the miracles she was known for and brought herself back to them in the end.

  
“Easy, Hot Dog, I’ll be fine out here.” Kara reassured him. Though they hadn’t gotten along on his first day when he’d earned his call sign, he had proven himself time and time again to her. He was there to back her up with those eight cylon Raiders when he shouldn’t have, he was there during the exodus, and all those times in between. Though they often could light the other one up with a petty jab here or there, what mattered was all the times they’d been there for one another in the cockpit. He was reliable and he was her friend.

  
She sped through the cloud covering, moisture spraying over the clear cockpit canopy. It really was beautiful, she’d give Hot Dog that. For the first time in a long time she was transported back to her days at the academy, teaching her students in the simulators, and once they’d gotten more advanced, a couple rounds out in the real thing under a watchful eye. Despite how much she loved the feel of her bird out in the deep of space, one of her favorite sims to run had been a tutorial in flying within the atmosphere of a planet. Caprica had been the planet of choice for that particular program, and the skies and oceans were always blue, puffy white clouds added for effect.

  
Kara was deep in thought before she realized how far she had gone, the clouds getting thinner and darker until they were gone completely. She slowed her ship down some and drew it in an arc as she peered out the side of her window and down into what looked something like the swirling graphical interpretation of a hurricane they used to show on the evening news back when things like the news and weather channels existed at all. It wasn’t just a passing weather pattern, that much she knew, but some innate part of the gaseous planet that she didn’t fully understand. She was drawn to it for reasons unbeknownst to her and she kept her Viper going around the perimeter of it in a circle until the immense details of it started to make sense. Though the colors were muddled, she would never have been able to forget the pattern it created, even if she hadn’t seen it weeks earlier in that temple Leoben had dragged her to.

  
Kara knew that mandala from the wall of her apartment after Zak died and all the drawings and paintings she’d done since she was able to hold a crayon. It had followed her everywhere and while she had been content to see it as a symbol of herself for most of her life, seeing it now spinning before her, her stomach clenched. Nausea rose in her and it was all she could focus on, not how fast her ship was heading down towards the blend of color or the voices coming over her radio. The hand not on the stick in front of her balled up into a fist in an attempt to channel her sickness out of her. Her eyes were shut tight and only as she felt the G force increasing exponentially on her did they open, finally able to turn her senses back on.

  
“Pull up, Starbuck!” Apollo yelled into her ear.

  
“Starbuck, Actual, you’ve got to pull up. You’re too close to the hard deck.” The Admiral’s voice was heavy with worry and she could tell they’d been trying to get through to her for awhile now.

  
“What the frak are you doing, Starbuck!? Pull up! Do you read?”

  
Her hand released from the fist it made and reached to grip at the stick between her knees, aiding her main hand in the maneuver. It took everything she had and her muscles clenched and burned as they pumped full of lactic acid at the sudden rush of overuse.

  
“Wilco!” Kara called out, hoping they could read her because she wouldn’t have the strength to repeat herself even once. Her Viper rose at a steep incline away from the mess of gases below her until her gauges began to settle out and stop aimlessly circling around. When she made it to a height of relative safety, she aimed her ship back towards Galactica and let her chest heave with the sudden influx of exhaustion. There were calls to her across her comm and she couldn’t bring herself to respond further, though she knew by the tone of their voices they could at least read her returning home.

  
She landed, coming in hard and hot for someone who didn’t have any cylons on her tail. Her mind was simply elsewhere, though she couldn’t even be sure where it was. She didn’t want to deal with the consequences of what had just happened, especially when she wasn’t even sure what had occurred in those few minutes when things went to hell. There’d be the looks from everyone she passed, the deck crew having been alerted to the situation and her early return home. Lee would undoubtedly want to talk about it when he got in and she knew that even the Old Man would want a few words with her over it. He didn’t often push, but this was going to turn out to be one of those times.

  
Kara handed her helmet to the crew member that approached her first, brushing quickly on by them before they could get a word in. This wasn’t protocol and even as CAG she had to follow the rules. There was paperwork to fill out, especially considering things hadn’t gone without problem, but all she could find herself doing was running out of the hangar deck, a very specific destination set in her mind.

  
The normal pleasantries gone from her system in that moment, Kara pushed past the marine on guard at the entrance to the brig that held the two cylon prisoners. She was on a mission and there was nothing that was going to stop her. She picked the phone up and hit her fist into the fencing to attract the attention of either of the two inside. D’Anna picked her head up to look at her and Kara wanted to smack the smirk off her face like nothing else. She’d been itching for a fight as of late and the punching bag in the gym wasn’t quite cutting it like it used to. Leoben looked up from where he lay across his bed, legs crossed at the ankles and arms folded up beneath his head. The smile he wore sickened her and for a moment she considered leaving, not giving him the satisfaction of knowing that she had made a choice out of free will to visit him.

  
Leoben took his time in approaching her waiting form. He held the phone to his ear and his smile spread across the width of his face. “I knew you’d come.”

  
“Cut the crap, Leoben.” The intensity of her words even surprised her. She was at war with herself internally, fighting between a fuming kind of anger and absolute bewilderment. “Why did you bring me to see the mandala?”

  
“I thought you’d come sooner, actually, but you came and that’s what matters.”

  
“Answer the frakking question.”

  
“Since I was born—” Leoben started.

  
Kara cut in, despite how much she wanted to hear what he had to say beyond his first few words. “You’re a cylon. You weren’t ever born. You don’t have parents. I know you like to pretend you’re human but even you can’t really believe that.”

  
“I was born, maybe not the same way you were, Kara, but one day I breathed my first breath. One day I suddenly had life that someone gave me. They weren’t what you had, but they were my parents nonetheless.” His hand rested against the glass holding him in, much like he had when they first met and he was destined to die only a moment later. “God put that image inside of me. He sent it to me so I could be your guide when the time came.”

  
Her irritation rising, Kara took a step back from the glass, as far as the cord of the receiver would allow. They had a physical barrier between them and yet it didn’t feel enough to her in that moment. “I want facts, not any of your poetic bullshit.” She made move to hang up on him when the sound of his voice on the other end had her pausing, taking it in.

  
“I know this is your destiny, set for you from the day you were born, maybe even before then. This has always been where you were headed. I told you when we met that you’d take us to Earth and you will.”

  
“You’re wrong.” With her final words, she left the phone dangling limply by the metal wrapped cord that connected it through to the people in the cell. She repeated her path on the outbound trip, passing by the guard again without acknowledgement. Barely through the doorway, she was cut surprised by the addition of another person and their familiar face.

  
“Gods, Lee.” She kept walking and he followed behind her, no further back than a step or two. “Am I supposed to write you up for coming off CAP early?” In other circumstances, it would have been a joke they both would have laughed at, but her tone was absolutely seething in the delivery.

  
“The Admiral let me come in,” Lee said, actually feeling like he needed to give her an excuse. Perhaps he had been taking advantage of their relationship together for months now with the relaxed treatment she gave him. She was the CAG and her superior and their intimate relationship rarely had him showing her signs of earned respect. “What the frak were you doing in there with him?” His words bit out at her, not caring about the people they passed by. He couldn’t care less about what they thought regarding his eagerly rising temper or just what it meant for the relationship that currently existed between the two of them. She was his focus, absolutely and completely.

  
Kara led them to the bunk room to begin pulling off her flight suit, something they both still wore zipped up to the throat. She was on a warpath, that much was certain, and the Kara he saw before him was so unlike the one he’d gotten to know late at night and between shifts.

  
“Give me the room,” he stated aloud to no one in particular. It wasn’t crowded but the others filtered out quick enough, eyebrows raised at what was transpiring between Starbuck and Apollo. “Answer me, Gods damn it.”

  
“You don’t get to boss me around, Lee.” Kara had most of the flight suit off as she spoke. “Who I talk to and what I talk to them about isn’t any of your frakking business. You’re not my keeper.” She threw her flight suit into her locker, not caring that it fell to the floor of the small closet in a heap rather than being properly hung on the heavy duty hanger provided for it.

  
“It is my business when you get like this afterward. It’s my business when it’s the first place you go to after you nearly die out on CAP. It’s my frakking business when something’s going on with my girlfriend and she won’t even tell me about.” He discarded his flight suit on his bed and put his focus completely on her, no distractions.

  
She scoffed at his term for her, head shaking furiously as her fear over what had happened in her Viper turned to pure rage in a manner of protection for herself. She hadn’t felt like this in forever. “I’m not your frakking girlfriend, Lee, I belong to myself.” It was a cheap shot, and though she didn’t really believe it, she said it anyway.

  
He tried not to show how much the words stung him and made an attempt at reassuring himself that she was just angry. She was angry and that was why she was saying the things she was. It didn’t make the sting of it any easier on him, but he pushed it aside. “Fine, you’re not— we’re not— whatever the frak we are. Kara you almost died out there—” His tone was heavy with his fear from earlier, his body still shaken from what he’d only heard about over the wireless. What bothered him most about it all was that he wasn’t able to get to her in time. She could have died and he wouldn’t have been fast enough, wouldn’t have been strong enough to pull her back. She had saved him more times than he could remember and he hadn’t been there when she almost went too far.

  
“I didn’t, I had it under control.”

  
“Like hell you did! You were fine one moment and then you were gone. You didn’t answer, you disappeared off DRADIS for awhile, CIC was reading you going down towards that planet.” To him and to everyone, it seemed like she had finally been pushed too far and intentionally forced her ship to the limits it was capable of, hoping not to make it out in the end. The feelings he had after the blackbird resonated deep in his chest and Gods, he hoped that despair he felt back then wasn’t what was inside of her.

  
“It was an accident, that’s all it was, Apollo. Every time we go out there, we just barely make it back, so this time was no different than all the others.” Kara hadn’t made move to pull any more clothes on, instead still standing in her briefs and tanks, just as Lee was across the room.

  
Lee shook his head, turning slightly from her as he drew his hands to his face. Thumb and index finger pressed into his closed eyes as he tried to steady his breathing, as fruitless as it was. “Why’d you go to Leoben?”

  
“Because of what happened in that temple. He brought me there to see that symbol.”

  
“I don’t understand.”

  
“Lee…” She started up again, furiously digging through the dwindling number of items in her locker until she found the old cigar box that had long since been empty of anything to smoke. Holding one side of it to her belly for support, her other hand opened up the lid and sifted through the small items in there. When finding the stack of pictures she sat the box down and stepped up to him, closing the gap despite how bad idea that was when both of them were angry at one another. She shuffled through each piece of paper, identical in size and shape, until she held up one to him. Lee could recognize it as that apartment of hers, though the walls weren’t as bare as they’d been when he last saw them. He almost didn’t recognize the shape at first, instead choosing to take in all the other details of the photograph.

  
“I’ve been painting that image my entire life, since as far back as I can remember. My parents’ fridge used to be covered in them and I don’t frakking know why. I painted this one after Zak died.” The last sentence seemed to sober her, washing away some of the dripping anger. Mention of Zak tended to do that to either of them. “I don’t have a picture of it with me, but, you know that’s what was in the temple. You saw it, everyone saw it. Leoben knew I needed to see it for myself.”

  
Lee tilted his head barely to her, taking the photograph in his hand as he let it seep into him. “It’s a coincidence, that’s all, Kara. Don’t let it bother you.”

  
Kara smacked her hand into the metal of the upper bunk. “It’s not a frakking coincidence. I draw that my entire life and we just so happened to get chased by cylons out here and we find that same symbol?” Kara walked away from him, tossing the excess photos onto her bed lazily. “When I was flying out there today, I saw it again.”

  
“What?” Even he was surprised by it, absolutely shaken.

  
“The mandala, it’s here too. It’s part of the atmosphere of the gas planet we’re orbiting. I found it when I was flying. I saw it and I just got so overwhelmed, Lee. I couldn’t think about anything else other than what the frak it could mean. How me, a world class frak up and nobody, could be tied to all of this. I don’t know what happened out there but then I heard you and everyone screaming on the wireless and pulled up before I went too far in.” She was clinical in her description of the events that had happened, but Lee knew she wouldn’t include this many details on the formal report she would have to make herself right. Maybe she’d include a mysterious malfunction of some sort, but there would be absolutely no mention of that mandala.

  
“It can’t mean anything, Kara. You were a kid, you drew it and you liked it and kept it up your whole life. It’s a coincidence and nothing more.” Lee knew he was speaking as much for himself as he was for her. This was something he couldn’t explain away, but he desperately needed to for both of them.

  
“It can’t be a coincidence. It’s not.” Both of her hands gripped into the upper bunk and she rested her head into the cool metal there as her body hunched forward slightly. It was refreshing to her in a million ways, for a second taking her mind off of everything that had happened in the previous couple of hours. She felt like she was losing her mind, all because of a couple of splotches of color she dreamed up as a child.

  
Lee replaced the photograph in the cigar box, tipping the lid shut as he crossed over to meet her. His hands rested over her own knuckles, white from so tightly gripping at the bunk. The front of his body pressed into the back of hers, chin resting on her shoulder as the sides of their head also ran parallel against one another. “Even the best get rattled sometimes.” Lee kissed her cheek, her neck, her shoulder. One of his hands followed the length of her arm down to her side before sliding around to her front, hugging her close.

  
“Don’t coddle me.” Though her words said otherwise, the relief she felt at just having him close was palpable.

  
“I’m not,” he whispered and a shiver ran down both of their spines.

  
She released her hands from above her, turning in his arms. Fingers gripped at her tanks and lifted them up in one smooth motion, then quickly repeated it with his. Lee’s arms raised in a gesture of silent obedience, following her lead. Though he wanted her, and that was a constant in his life no matter the time or situation, he made the choice to let her play the dominant role, much as she had their first night together after New Caprica. Kara slung an arm around him, her other hand going to his cheek and he met her move for move. Lee’s hand was on the opposite side of her face, the other palming the small of her back to press them hip to hip as they kissed. She wasn’t content to stay still for long, however, and her hands slipped down his sides, fingers quick to slide between his skin and the fabric of the underwear he wore. She worked them down as far as she easily could, then felt his hands repeating the same on her, the cloth of her own briefs sliding down her thighs.

 

She turned their bodies until he was the one closest to her rack and nudged at his well muscled abdomen until he took the hint. Stepping out of his briefs, Lee sat down on the thinning blanket, Kara coming with him as she left her underwear behind. His hands were eager, shoving her bra upwards until she gave in and allowed him to remove it from her. She was hungry then, straddling his lap with her spine arched forward so they could still fit in the tight space her bunk offered. Gods how she wished they were holed up in that billet right now, with all the space in the worlds.

  
Their lips met, rough and hard, her fingers digging into his shoulder as her hips began to rock against his own, her body tapping into that primal urge and need. From beneath her, Lee squeezed at her backside one handedly as his mouth dropped to her neck and then to her breasts where he took a nipple into his mouth. The hardened peak was already there, but he persisted anyway, his teeth tugging against it until he heard the softest of moans roll out of the back of her throat. Her eyes were shut suddenly as she let the sensation of his mouth consume her. Though she had always expected Lee to be something of a good lover, Kara never imagined the oral fixation he seemed to have and loved rewarding her with. After he switched to the other breast, treating it equally as roughly, her hands pressed to his chest and pushed him backwards until the length of him was laid across her rack.

  
Their coupling was urgent now, even more so than they usually were, and Kara wasted no time in getting him inside of her. Having felt him swell and press against her inner thigh long ago, she reached a hand between them as she rose up higher on her knees, holding him still as she lowered down onto him. He’d been inside of her a countless number of times since she’d committed to leaving Sam for him and still she wasn’t used to the sensation. Her hands pressed to his abdomen and Kara took him inside of her as far as her body would allow. Despite their rushing only moments before, she stilled for a few seconds here, eyes locked with Lee’s while they were as much joined into one person as they ever could be.

  
Using his body for leverage, Kara began to rock them, the pace starting slow then galloping faster with each push of their bodies back together. It amazed her how sometimes she could be so close already without any manner of real foreplay involved, and as she felt him rub at that place inside of her, Kara’s body already began to shudder with an upcoming release. One hand rose to be placed against the artificial ceiling created by the bunk above hers to both steady herself and provide an additional amount of force which she used to greet him back inside of her. Kara panted, no longer able to keep her eyes open as her body vibrated with the cocktail of hormones.

  
Lee watched from below, hands back on her hips to help them move together. She had intentionally taken control of this one, pushing him back to the bed to force him to sit out most of their current lovemaking. He usually wanted to kiss her, every inch, but this time allowed himself to take in the sight of her, completely free and lost in what was happening. She was beautiful, as always, even when the words from their previous argument still filled the room. Never before in his life did he feel such love for another human being and never before did he even think this kind of feeling even existed.

  
Kara’s hands were replaced on the planes of his chest as she came quickly, fast for even her. It wrecked her as it tore through and she was unable to stifle the moan of his name she exhaled out at the start of it, and repeated on through the very last second of her orgasm. Lee didn’t have the willpower to hold his back, especially when faced with the rhythmic contraction of her around him as her hips bucked into his. He released inside of her and Kara’s hips slowed all but to a stop after she felt him go.

  
“Frak me,” she said as she tried to regain her breath. With great reluctance she let him slip out of her, feeling the immediate absence of not having him inside of her any longer. It was then that she realized her thoughts of home had recently changed. Years ago, home had been Caprica. Then with the destruction of the Twelve Colonies, it had become Galactica. When Adama named her commander, home had quickly shifted to Pegasus before she came to define it as Galactica once more. Now her home wasn’t this ship or this bunk room, home was that moment when Lee was inside of her and everything else in her life faded away. There were no worries or concerns, no nagging thoughts of her past or responsibilities. The only thing she could focus on for those minutes was Lee and just how much she needed him. Kara laid next to him on her side, her head nestled against his shoulder. Her palm went to his chest, resting over his lung and his heart, like feeling it beating would somehow channel him into her and she would never have to be without him again.

  
“I always imagined what it would be like to have you in here,” Lee said with something of a laugh to his voice.

  
“Mm,” was all Kara got out, her head far, far away from their rack space. She kissed at his upper chest, the most easily reachable spot before her, letting her lips linger there for an extra breath. With most of her senses dulled, she could swear she was a part of him now, her breathing synced up to his.

  
Feeling a slight stab in her skin the longer she lay, her hand reached between her heavy body and the mattress, pulling out a few of the pictures she’d thrown there earlier. She moved to tuck them into the shelf above their heads, but her eyes caught on them and she knew she suddenly didn’t have the energy to put the photos away just yet. Most had been pictures of friends from back in the day, people from her class at the academy that were long since dead. The one on the top of the pile, however, was older than all the rest. Lee’s attention turned to her, craning his head just enough to catch sight of what she was staring at in her silence. His fingers reached for the photo, not to take it, but to turn it a little more.

  
“Is that you?”

  
She nodded against him, unable to take her eyes off the picture of her parents and herself, only a few years old. Most people looked happy in photographs, plastering on smiles for the camera. This photo though, the looks they wore were completely genuine. “That’s my mother, my father. I must’ve been three or four.”

  
“I can’t believe that hair, I’ve never seen hair that white.”

  
“It was like that for years.” Her voice was somber, almost detached and dream-like. “My dad left when I was seven.”

  
Though Lee’s own father had left his family, it hadn’t been a permanent thing. William Adama didn’t often come home to see his sons and his ex-wife, but he made the few necessary trips each year and at least remembered birthday cards. For Kara, he knew it wasn’t the same. “You never saw him after that?”

  
“No, it was like he just disappeared. When I was older, I used to search for his name everywhere, thinking maybe I’d catch him playing at some club and could just show up and surprise him, but there was never anything. I thought maybe he died, but I could never prove it. If he wasn’t dead before, now he is like everyone else.”

  
“Your mother never heard from him?”

  
She made a sound of disgust but was unsure of where it had come from. “No, and she made sure I knew just how much he’d abandoned us.”

  
He sighed and kissed her head, his arm curled around her and rubbing over her skin. Kara’s hands shuffled through a few more photographs, stopping as she was faced with one of her and Zak. Lee didn’t know when it was from exactly, but based on the uniforms they wore and the setting behind them, Lee was safe to assume it had been taken somewhere on base when his little brother was still only a cadet. The smiles they wore made him ache, not only for the loss of his only brother, but because of how happy they looked together. He helped hold the photo up, running his thumb beside his brother’s face like it would make it real.

  
Kara withdrew her hand as she kept her eyes on the image, reaching for her dog tag. Her thumb behaved similarly to his, stroking along the warmed metal of the ring Zak had given her in promise of their engagement. She had never thought of herself as the marrying type, but when he’d asked her, Kara couldn’t do anything but say yes. She didn’t want to do anything except be his wife. Tears covered her eyes and she took steady, deep breaths.

  
“How’d he ask you to marry him?” Maybe it wasn’t the time or the place, but Lee had a lot of questions from his brother’s final months that he had never been able to have answered before.

  
“What?” Kara was caught off guard by it. She hadn’t thought about that day in years, hadn’t let herself even wander to it in comfort. “He came over a few weeks before he finished academy and just asked. Like he’d never been so sure of something in his life.”

  
“And you said yes, right there?” Part of him envied his brother so much for getting to know Kara as she had been.

  
“I said yes and he said he didn’t even have a ring yet, so he took the one he wore off and gave it to me.” A soft laugh left her as she recalled it. “I had never been that happy before.”

  
Lee’s eyes closed as his own tears grew. “Kara,” he said, his voice quaking. “I’m sorry I’m not him.”

  
Everything in her body stopped. The stroking of her thumb over the ring. Her breath. If she could have stopped her heart manually, it, too, would have ceased to be alive at that moment.

  
“I’m sorry I can’t be him for you, I know you wish I was. I know everyone wishes I was.”

  
Kara pushed herself up, her head lifting to look at the features on his face. Her elbow supported her as she laid on her stomach now, her other arm draped over his chest. “Is that why you think I’ve been with you?” She wasn’t sure if she was more angry or absolutely heartbroken at his words.

  
Lee was like a statue, nothing on him to tell her he was alive other than the breaths his chest expanded with.

  
“Frak you,” her anger won out as she pushed herself up even more, hands groping blindly around her for that sports bra she had allowed him to pull off earlier. “Is that the kind of person you think I am? I know I’m a frak up, but that—” Her head shook as bile rose in her throat. She loved him, and much like Zak had been sure when he asked her to marry him, she was sure about how she felt for Lee. The idea that he could even think her intentions with him were simply to find a close replacement for the man she lost made her absolutely sick.

  
“Kara.” Lee sat up after a moment, reaching for her arm to gently still her. She wasn’t having any of it though, and pulled her limb away from him before tugging on her bra and adjusting it into place. “I don’t think it—I just…” Lee choked on his own words, not even sure if the proper thing existed to say in such a moment. They’d just finished making love, or at least that was what he’d call it, and he brought up his dead brother, her dead fiance. He never said he was the king of smooth moves.

  
“How can you mean anything else? You think that I’m with you because I still want Zak. Makes sense, right? Can’t have the one I killed so I’ll settle for his brother.” Kara climbed off of him and when her feet were on the floor again, her first action was to pull her briefs on. Years of sharing co-ed showers had made her lose her modesty, but being naked in front of him now felt completely different. She was vulnerable to him physically and emotionally, and she hoped that putting on layers of fabric would fix both of those points of weakness between them.

  
“That’s not what I said!” Or maybe it had been, he thought, just in different words. “Frak,” Lee cursed to himself instead of at her. “Let me fix this!” He yelled, losing control of himself just as quickly as he lost control over the situation.

  
“There’s nothing to fix, you’ve made yourself very clear.” Her tanks were on again and she reached in her locker for a pair of pants, not caring if they were clean or not. The green fatigues were quickly pulled on and Kara forced her feet into her boots, not bothering with socks or tying the laces. Next to her, Lee pulled his underwear on, but didn’t make a move for anything else. “This is Baltar all over again, except this time I didn’t even do anything.”

  
The hatch at the end of the room opened and due to the heated argument, neither of them cared. A couple of pilots, fresh off CAP and still in their flight suits entered, their conversation all but immediately stopping as they took in the sight of what was before them. A set of tanks were scattered over the floor and by the look of how Apollo was dressed, they’d been hastily removed from him. The tension between the fleet’s best pilots filled the very air that surrounded them all and though in other circumstances, any one of these pilots would have been happy to run off and get the rumor mill started right away, there was a severity to it all that had them hesitating.

  
“Kara, I love you, you know that. So please, let me explain what I meant.”

  
“I can’t even say it back to you because you’ll just think—” Kara’s head turned sharply to look at the other bodies that had joined them, unbeknownst to either her or Lee. Her eyes widened as she froze, overwhelmed with both what had happened with Lee and now the new element introduced. This wasn’t how she meant for anyone else to find out about her and Lee, if she even meant for them to find out at all. The frat regs were practically nonexistent these days, so it wasn’t the worry of getting written up for her behavior that scared her, but what finally acknowledging her relationship with Lee out in the open would mean regarding everything else.

  
Lee’s head turned as well to take in their friends and fellow pilots, who had wisely started to pretend to go about their business, although they did a terrible job at miming their actions. “Kara,” his voice was low this time, despite knowing he would still be heard by the others.

  
“No,” she bit out, hands raising between them. “You blew it, Apollo.” As of late, the use of his call sign had been for one of two reasons: they were out on CAP and observing protocol or she’d made some cheeky comment to him meant to elicit a smile. This was neither and Lee didn’t mess the grating tone she used on him. Kara pushed him back suddenly, his body nearly falling into the table in the middle of the room, as she made a beeline for the exit, not looking to any of the others as she departed.

  
Lee watched her go, wanting to follow but his body and mind still flooded with trying to figure out what had happened in so little time. He stayed like that for Gods knew how long, eyes watching her body disappear through the open hatch and down the long hallway until she turned a corner and was out of sight. When she was completely gone, his fist pounded into the table as he yelled. “Frak!”

  
The other pilots, Hot Dog and Duck among them, filtered out not long after that, leaving Apollo to himself for the solitude they knew he much needed.


	17. Chapter 17

Kara tucked herself away at a table in the back of the rec room, desperately wanting to avoid everyone else. She had contemplated seeking the comfort of her billet or office, but had a feeling Lee would check both of those places for her first. More than she wanted to avoid the eyes of her fellow pilots and crew, she really needed to avoid another confrontation with Lee. His words stirred in her head even now. Maybe she had overreacted. She tried to convince herself of that notion, but the hurt in her chest still felt awfully strong for her to really believe it. After she cooled down further she might be able to, but at that moment in time, she was content to immerse herself in all the rest.

Footsteps approached and she kept her eyes shut until the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor was added into the mix. Just what she frakking needed.

"You okay, Kara?" Sam's voice joined in and by the volume of it, she could tell he hadn't taken either of the seats directly beside her. That was probably for the best.

"You know me." Her eyes opened as her words finished, hoping they didn't giver her away to the man she used to call husband. Since Kara had given him the answer to his proposal, the two of them had done their honest best at avoiding one another. She saw him at pilots briefings and even on the deck, but other than that, they had been strangers to one another. It pained her treat Sam that way, but she knew even she didn't deserve to have both Lee and Sam in some manner. If he wanted the space, she would gladly give it to him.

"Yeah, I do, which is why I don't think you are." A lopsided grin was worn as he looked to her. Though she hadn't seen him outside of their duties, he had seen her, specifically that night in Joe's Bar when she and Apollo had been nestled together behind the piano. His betrayal at the image of them together had been quickly overcome by the appearance of the other four people who seemed to be just as entranced as he was. Despite the mutual pull they all felt, however, nothing had changed among them. During his free hours, Sam had spent an inordinate amount of time trying to question both Galen and Tory, reading them to see if they gave anything away. Although he knew they could have been pretending not to have a clue, there hadn't been a single hint that either of them knew the significance of that night in the bar. There had been no switches flipped that evening, but that didn't stop Sam from wondering if there ever would be.

"I heard about what happened today, Kara, out on CAP."

"Gods, does the entire frakking fleet know? Even I frak up sometimes," Kara said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"We all worry about each other, that's all it is."

"Yeah." Abruptly, she stood from her seat and made motion to leave. "I've got somewhere I need to be."

"Wait—I meant to tell you, I got word today that the marriage was dissolved. You know, officially," he thought she would have been pleased to hear it, which was the only reason he offered the information.

It had the opposite effect on her, though. She had signed all the papers when presented with them by Sam weeks before, but hadn't let her thoughts wander to it. Out of sight, out of mind. Now, after just frakking and fighting with Lee, another testament to her personal failures was brought to the forefront. Kara felt the stirring of nausea start in her stomach and her throat. "Great, thanks for taking care of it, Sammy." With that, she continued on her way out.

—

"Starbuck?"

Adama and Roslin walked side by side down the halls of Galactica, headed for his cabin, when the pilot had passed by. Though he wanted to discuss the earlier events of the day with her, he hadn't been able to find the time, nor able to find her, to talk about the issues at hand. Kara's speed slowed and she eventually turned around, head nodded in a demure greeting to the both of them.

"Admiral, Madame President."

"We were just about to have dinner in the Admiral's quarters, perhaps you'd like to join us?" Laura's eyebrows rose to the other woman as she spoke. "Maybe bring Captain Apollo with you?"

Their eyes met and Kara could see that the woman that had also been something of a replacement mother figure for her understood more than she let on. Her choice of words were absolutely deliberate, as was the manner in which she chose to deliver them.

"I wish I could, but I have CAP again in an hour. Maybe Apollo can join you." Kara didn't bite on what Roslin was fishing for.

"Tomorrow, then," Adama finally interjected into the conversation between the females. "We haven't had a big dinner like that in ages. Remember when you used to come over from the Pegasus twice a week?"

The memory brought a smile to Kara's face. "Still surprises me that you can cook." Back then, they had been eating food not based on algae and she'd found a ravenous desire in her evening meals. Truth was that anything the Admiral cooked would have been better than food from the mess hall that was mass produced and barely lukewarm by the time she got to it.

Adama reached out his hand to rest against her upper arm, squeezing it reassuringly. "Are you all right to fly, Kara?" He stepped away from Roslin just a hair, hoping to create a sense of privacy and intimacy between the father and daughter pair they made.

His concern touched her and though she looked away for a moment, she nodded when their eyes caught again. It was hard to look into his eyes when all she saw there was Lee. "Yes, sir."

"I'll see you tomorrow for dinner then, that's an order." He stepped back, letting the space fill between them once more. "Bring my son around if you can, I haven't seen much of him lately." His head turned to Roslin and they shared a knowing look that was not missed by Kara.

Her cheeks warmed as she felt the rush of blood to them and she hoped to the Gods it wasn't as visible as it felt. Though she couldn't be sure what the Admiral meant or thought, there had been something in that look that told her everything. Maybe she and Lee hadn't been as careful as they thought they had or maybe Adama just knew his two children incredibly well.

"I'll try," she answered quietly.

"What do you hear, Starbuck?" Adama asked.

"Nothing but the rain." She nodded to both o them again and turned to head back to her bunk.

—

Hours after the fight, Lee finally put himself back together and abandoned the rack. After Kara and the other pilots had left, he'd sat on the edge of her bunk, going over every detail of just what had happened between the two of them. Things had been going so well, he inwardly cursed himself for being so foolish to think that things could continue that way forever between him and Kara. He promised her they would be happy and he had been good on his word, at least up until now. When his privacy had finally been ended again, this time by Showboat looking desperately in need of sleep, Lee forced himself up and began to pick up the mess he and Kara had created together. He gathered all the photos that were scattered over her bed, taking the time to study each one as he created the small stack and slipped them back into her cigar box. Though he wasn't sure of the exact spot that box belonged, he replaced it in her locker and shut the door, knowing Kara wouldn't want her personal belongings to be left lying around as they had been in the heat of the moment.

He kept busy during the hours of the afternoon, turning to the CAG's office, hoping to find here there on a slim chance. She wasn't there, as he expected, but he chose to stay anyway, starting on the layers of paperwork that cluttered her desk. Even though it wasn't his position, he had never fully given back all the duties to her since she made her recovery from her injuries. It wasn't that he was trying to keep her from returning to all her glory, but more that it was a way to help her and be beside her at the same time. Even if she wasn't there all the time, perhaps flying out on CAP or training a couple of the new nuggets, Lee would return to that desk and finish off what he could. Later, she would see his script over the pages and he liked to imagine her smiling as she realized what he'd done for her in silence.

With a glance to the clock on the wall, Lee cursed to himself and pushed the series of papers together, quickly moving to abandon the work he was currently in the middle of. His feet pounded down the halls on his return trip to the senior pilots' room, hoping to catch Kara there. Luck was on his side, because when he pulled the heavy door open, he caught sight of her familiar backside tugging her legs through the thick material of her flight suit. She turned her head at the sound, long braid whipping over her shoulder. Lee knew she saw him, but still she said nothing, instead proceeding on her familiar routine of getting dressed to be shot out into space.

"I'm sorry," he offered in peace to her as he approached, shutting the door behind him to secure them both in the empty room. "I know what I said before, but it wasn't meant how you took it. I've just…" He had been trying to form the proper words for hours before and still nothing came out right.

"I don't want to hear it. I've got CAP and you need to get some sleep before yours later on." Her movements didn't stop once as they both spoke, zipping up her flight suit to the throat.

"You're really going out there again, after everything that happened this morning?"

"I'm the CAG, I can't back out when we're all already worn this thin, Lee." There was some reluctance in her voice, but she tried not to let it show, especially not to him.

"Someone else can—"

"No!" She cut through his tirade, hands equally slicing through the air between them to emphasize her point. "I've got to go out there and I have to go see that mandala again. The Gods brought me here for a reason. I can't let it go." Kara spoke with conviction to her words, and even Lee, who was a proud atheist, had a hard time not believing in what she said.

"The Gods don't exist, Kara! We're out here on our own. Don't go out on a suicide mission looking for something that isn't there."

Her gloved hand reacted without a second's hesitation, letting the open palm slap against the expanse of his cheek. "Don't belittle what I believe just because you don't believe in anything!"

The slap stung him, but he didn't let it stop him any. "You want me to believe in something? Fine! I believe in you. You're the Gods damned strongest person I've ever met, Kara. Don't let Leoben manipulate you into this."

Kara had heard enough and halfway through his final set of words, she already began moving towards the hatch. Lee let her go, not because he had given up on her, but to pull his own flight suit out of his locker. He stripped down with the kind of speed he only had when the claxons were sounding and the ship was set to condition one. With his flight suit half on, he jogged the same path he knew she would have taken down to the hangar deck.

—

She was already in her Viper by time Lee got there, being loaded into her tube to await her signal from CIC. The current CAP was on their return trip in and it would be only minutes before they landed and were replaced by the fresh batch of ships. Lee's vision swam as he looked around the deck, catching sight of Duck and the helmet tucked under his arm as he stood beside his ship, going over a last minute final checklist.

"Duck!" Apollo called out and ran towards him, his own helmet at hand. The other man's gaze found his, looking both alarmed and confused.

"What's up, Captain?"

"I know Kara put you on this shift, but I need to go in your place."

Duck's brow furrowed. There would be hell to pay for not only defying the CAG, but also sending confusion up to the CIC when the incorrect pilot was heard over the comm. He was about to deny Apollo, when he looked to the other open launch tube, a dawn of realization hitting him. His partner for the upcoming CAP was Starbuck and after the way he'd caught the two of them fighting, Duck understood the request Apollo was making. The rest of the pilots had begun to have their suspicions once again about Lee and Kara once word got around that Starbuck's marriage was going to be dissolved, but there had never been any solid evidence or proof.

Duck hadn't been one to think about it, especially not since New Caprica had so irreversibly changed him, but when confronted with the sight of Starbuck and Apollo earlier in the day, barely dressed and her rack a mess, he knew the inkling to be true. They were together and had been for some time. Not only that, but there was something wrong with Kara, something that would drive Apollo to outright ask for the favor and all but confess to the nature of his relationship with her. Duck thought of Nora and everything he would have done to save her, had he the chance once more. He would have broken every regulation to save her from the death she'd fallen to on that planet. With a nod of his head, he spoke. "All right, but the Chief isn't going to let you pull your ship without the switch in writing, so you'll have to settle for mine."

Lee nodded and went to move to climb up the ladder, stopping at the top step as he looked down at the other man. "Thank you." With that, he sat down in the Viper, pulling the metal collar on and then his helmet, checking to make sure it was secure. Duck helped shut the canopy then pulled the ladder away from the ship and moved out of immediate sight. When the nearby crew member saw the cockpit ready to go, she motioned to another for the ship to be pulled in to the appropriate tube. Duck said a silent prayer that all would work out in the end. It would be worth the risk of a few nights in hack.

Inside the Viper Mark II, Lee closed his eyes, hoping the ruse wouldn't be exposed by whomever was in charge of personally sending him on out. He was careful to keep his helmet aimed slightly away from the viewing room to his right, listening to the talk over the wireless. It was Dee on the other end. He heard Starbuck make a comment over it and though others might have been clueless to it, Lee heard the strain and anxiety in her voice.

"CAP cleared for launch," Dee said.

A slow countdown started in his head as his hand gripped around the stick, feeling the comforting thrum of the Viper around him. With the sudden increase in G force, his Viper, or Duck's Viper as it truly was, was off and away, shot out the side of Galactica's ship. The clouds were soon visible, just as they had been each and every time he circled around the gaseous planet below. He could see Starbuck's ship ahead of him and that alone brought him relief. She was here, she was close, and he could protect her.

He was thankful for her radio silence, but it was so unlike her that it also startled him. CAPs with Kara had always been the least painful, based on how much she liked to talk and tease everyone else. When all you did was fly in a glorified circle around a series of ships, anything that broke up the monotony was welcomed. Lee was careful to continue flying slightly behind at her side, allowing her to lead the way and also not simply glance over to see his unexpected face where she should have seen the other man's. The further out they got, the more reassured he became. She was flying textbook now and nothing said otherwise. That was, until, he heard her flip over to the private channel between their Vipers, intentionally blocking out the CIC.

"Duck, I'm just going to fly ahead a little off course. I'll be back, I'm tracking you on my screen."

That move was against every regulation in the book. You didn't leave your wingman alone. Did she really think Duck would have allowed her to abandon him, especially after what happened on her prior trip out? Before he could even respond, he saw the lights of her engines burn even brighter before her ship accelerated off, pulling away from him.

"Frak!" He yelled to himself in the ship, trying to take off after her with the same amount of speed. Though he had flown in Mark IIs heavily over the last few years, he had grown too accustomed to his own Mark VII and all the slight differences. It was just enough to let her get ahead of him and out of sight. The jig was up, as far as he was concerned, and he flipped his comm line on to the main channel. "This is Apollo, Starbuck's pulled away from me, I've got no visual. Repeat, no visual."

"Apollo, Actual, what are you doing out there?" His father's voice was angry. "That isn't your ship!"

"I couldn't let her go out again without me, Dad." He had no time for protocol or call signs as his ship tore through the clouds in an attempt to follow Kara wherever the hell she was headed.

"Starbuck? Where the frak are you?" Lee yelled into his microphone, hoping she would still be able to read him.

Kara was so focused on finding that mandala again that she ignored the first few exchanges over the wireless coming into her ear. All she knew, she needed to get back there. She needed to find some kind of understanding for why she had been brought here and why the swirling image had been with her for her entire life.

"Starbuck!"

She swore she heard Lee's voice and it wasn't until she came out of the clouds and over that same spinning mandala made of gas that she actually realized it was in fact his voice.

"Apollo?"

"Kara! Gods, Kara! Where the frak are you? You keep blinking on and off of DRADIS."

She was confused as he spoke. "What do you mean? Are you in CIC?"

"I took Duck's ship." Lee confessed and part of him felt ashamed for not trusting her.

"Why the frak would you do that?"

"I need you to come back."

Adama's voice cut through their conversation that had been broadcast to the entire chamber of CIC. "Starbuck, you're approaching the hard deck again, if you don't pull up soon, you won't ever be able to. This is an order, come on home." He looked over the sea of faces in the room, every single one torn with worry just as they had the last time Kara flew out and encountered a similar scenario. It was worse now, though, that much they knew.

She heard the Old Man's voice tangled with Lee's, but was unable to take her eyes off of what was below her. There was something there and she had to know what it meant.

"I've got visual. Kara, I'm coming to get you." Lee pushed the ship to its absolute limit, diving down towards her as he felt the increase of pressure in on him.

"Lee," she said from her own Viper. "I've come all this way, I have to know what it means."

"No, no. Remember what I said? I believe in you, so I need you to come back, okay? Just pull up while you still can." Tears clouded his vision as he watched her ship from how far off it was, unable to make his own go any faster to catch up to her. As the seconds ticked by, he could feel her physically slipping through his fingers.

Kara closed her eyes and all she saw swimming in the darkness was every single time she'd drawn that mandala, the carvings of it in the temple, and now the largest manifestation of it as her ship careened towards it. "I'm sorry about before, Lee, about the things I said." In those moments, she surrendered to everything inside of her that had always wanted to come out. There was no anger, no rage, no abandonment. Nothing else was clouded over and everything made sense.

"I don't care about it, Kara. Please, Gods, please, come back."

Lee's begging was blared over the wireless and every body in the CIC stood achingly still, not able to understand just what had happened to push Starbuck so far. They were also witness to an incredibly intimate moment between the two pilots, and even Tigh felt uncomfortable at having a front row seat to whatever Kara was going through and the confession of just what kind of relationship Lee and Kara had recently been sharing.

"Starbuck! Pull. Up." Adama ordered it into his handset. "Apollo, you bring her back!"

Far away, Lee ignored any and all incoming messages from Galactica.

"I love you, Lee. I just have to go. I need to know what it means. There's something there."

"You'll die! There isn't anything waiting for you!" His anger gave way to complete grief, tears flowing down his cheeks as he choked out his words. "I love you. Please. What about Earth? Who am I supposed be with when we get there?" All he heard in his ears was the quiet suggestion she'd made about the children they'd have when their lives had settled down. About the life they would finally be able to share.

"I'll see you there." Kara's words barely made it through.

In front of him, Lee saw pieces of her ship begin to be forced apart by the very pressure around her. It was like a dream, a horrible, horrible dream. Time slowed down as he watched her very ship get torn to pieces. He looked for her seat ejecting, but there was nothing there, and only a moment later did he see the sparks of an explosion. He screamed into his helmet as it happened, determined to follow her into it. Only the sound of his father's voice on the comm ordering him to pull up just as he had fruitlessly told Kara to earlier, prevented him from meeting his end along with the woman he loved. Later, he knew he would regret being the coward and not following her in.

"Apollo, we're sending out SAR to find her. She ejected."

His ship leveled out and though he had been ordered to return home, all he could do was circle around the mandala from a safer distance. This is where he saw Kara disappear and he couldn't quite bring himself to leave her just yet. They almost left her on that moon, he didn't want to leave her yet again.

"She's gone. Her ship's in pieces. No chute." He didn't even recognize his own voice as he spoke.


	18. Chapter 18

The return trip to Galactica was done in a haze. Later, Lee wouldn't even remember the seconds he took to land, his mind completely elsewhere from his physical body. When the Viper he had commandeered was towed off the lift and into the hangar, he couldn't find the energy to move from where he sat. So long as he stayed absolutely still, part of him was convinced this was all a nightmare. He'd wake up soon and Kara would be next to him, nudging him awake and telling him it was time for them to return to their bunks from the billet she still held in her name. She would kiss him and they would linger there for a few more minutes, groggy and content. Maybe she would even convince him for one last go and it would be rushed and quick, the two of them knowing time wasn't on their side. If he just closed his eyes in that cockpit, none of it was real.

The mood on the deck was the worst it had ever been, even more somber than the day of Flattop's one thousandth landing when he and a number of other pilots had gone to an early grave due to simple equipment malfunction. Though the people in CIC were the only ones to hear Kara's death firsthand, the news had spread faster than an incoming message of condition one. Starbuck wasn't just any pilot in the fleet. She had been the top gun, the instructor to every new nugget since the Fall, the CAG to all the current pilots, and even Commander to the half of the Colonial Fleet that was stationed on Pegasus under her watch. She had been all those things and a million more, from friend to a complete bastard, from a triad ace to the best person to drink with in the entire fleet. She had been a wife to one, a lover to another. There wasn't a single person who didn't feel the physical ache of her death. Even the colonists would soon feel the pain of having lost the military icon that had been known for her bravery and saved their lives a hundred times over.

There was a veil of silence in the hangar, with only mechanical sounds being generated. No one had the heart to say a word and no one especially had the guts to pull the ladder over to where Apollo sat entombed in the ship. Along with word of her death had come the rumors of just what had been exchanged between Starbuck and Apollo in her final minutes. They were friends and so much, much more. A number of times, there had been gambling pools on them, both surrounding them either frakking or fighting. Had the news of their relationship come out at any other moment, there would have been teasing and then money exchanging hands with the winners of the bet. Now, though, no one could even think of such a thing. Even without the romantic relationship between Lee and Kara out in the open, everyone knew how close they had been as friends. Her loss alone as a friend would have been enough to cripple Apollo, but for him to lose her as a lover, a girlfriend, whatever they were, was even more unimaginable. There was a silent understanding among everyone in that room, between those that knew him well and those that didn't at all.

Should the cylons have jumped into the nearby space at that moment, there would have been no question that the whole of humanity would have fallen to them. Every function on the ship ceased altogether in a communal moment of prayer for the former Commander's soul.

Adama, despite being plagued by his own grief, left Tigh in command of Galactica to make his way down to where he knew his son would soon be. The sorrow he felt possessed him for the loss of not only his daughter, but someone he had considered an equal. Tigh was his XO and lifelong friend, but Kara had been a Commander, one heartbeat away from his own position. When Bill had appointed her to that position long ago, he had no questions about who would have been the best person to lead the fleet to Earth and safety. Kara Thrace would take care of them all. She would have died doing it. Now, she actually had.

Nearly every head turned to the latest sound in the room, the shuffling of well worn shoes on the walkway composed of metal grating. Adama's moves were slow and determined and though he had always been a bastion of strength for every single person that still remained alive, it was apparent that the latest loss of life rocked him to the very core. There were no tears, at least not anymore since he had wiped them away on his walk over, but no one could be so daft as to say his face was anywhere near peace. Laura appeared behind him, having still been on the ship after their dinner in his quarters, and she followed him down the stairs, though made no move to interfere. She would be there for him when he needed her. This moment, right now, was not hers to have.

Noticing the Admiral's direction and intent, a quiet Chief walked with him, dragging the closest ladder with him towards the Mark II that sat powered down and lifeless. Without even a word, Galen understood the only place Adama could have been headed. He was thankful for the older man's sudden appearance because although he had dealt with a lot of death both on this deck and off of it, the Chief had absolutely no idea how to start fixing this one. Had anyone else died and Lee was in pain over it, Galen would have first and foremost called for Starbuck. Likewise, had Starbuck been suffering some kind of breakdown, Lee would have been the one sought out to come begin to fix her. Despite how much Starbuck and Apollo fought, they were there for each other when the other truly, really needed it. They were a pair.

Galen held the stairway in place for the Admiral as he first climbed it, then backed away to give them what little privacy was available. Silently, Tyrol's arms rose and expanded outward as he walked in a manner of rudimentary crowd control and everyone else understood. The orange jumpsuit wearing crew and all the others moved far enough away and pretended to amuse themselves with other things, while Galen returned to the arms of his tear stricken wife. The space between everyone and the Viper was more artificial than anything. They would still be able to hear anything said louder than a whisper and see the actions of the father and son, but it was the thought that counted.

The Admiral opened the cockpit, an action he hadn't done on his own in years upon years. There had once been a time when a ship like that had been his own and he had known all the parts. He could still name them all, could probably still fix most of the problems in fact, especially on the older models. Lee didn't move or respond to the sliding back of the glass and metal frame and for a second, Bill wondered if his son had died out there too. There was nothing, not even the telltale sign of him breathing in the loose fitting flight suit. "Lee," Bill said.

At only a foot or so away from Adama, Apollo kept his eyes closed. The squeeze of his helmet helped dull out what was already silent around him. He could barely hear a quiet call of his name and he tried to imagine it higher pitched than it was. Desperately, Lee wanted it to be Kara's voice coaxing him awake. Please, Gods, please, he told himself. Let it be a dream. The word repeated and he couldn't hide from it anymore, knowing it to be the sound of his father. Despite the more rational parts of him telling himself to climb up and out of the bird, he couldn't find the will or the energy to move.

Recognizing that his son wasn't going to be able to help himself, Bill reached in and unlocked his helmet from around his neck. He pulled on it gently, not wanting to hurt Lee, until it gave way and released. He barely set it aside and it luckily stayed precariously balanced on one of the less steep portions of the wing. The metal collar was removed next and this time he didn't care what happened to it, letting it fall to the floor with a clatter. He could see Lee's eyes were gripped tightly shut and it reassured him to see the use of muscle there, which meant he was at least conscious. "Lee."

His father called again and this time he responded, shaking his head faintly back and forth. It was all he could do as he replayed the last hour or so in his head. He should have stopped her from getting in that Viper. He should have done anything, even if it meant she would have hated him for the rest of their lives. There were a million ways he could have prevented her, from taking a wrench to her Viper's console or undercarriage to sealing her up in some storage locker and overriding the code until she came to something of her senses. Any idea, however ridiculous, was considered as he sat there.

Lee felt his father's hand on his shoulder and it jarred him from that fog he had been operating under. His gloved hands rose to his face, backs of his fists pressing into his forehead and his eyes, trying to mute the world further. It was no use. Everything hit him all at once as his chest shuddered with the consuming grief his brain couldn't even begin to comprehend. There weren't tears yet, but they were coming. "Tell me she's not dead, Dad." Lee breathed out.

He would have given anything, even his own life, to be able to bring Kara back and be able to tell his son that one piece of comfort. "You need to get out of there, Lee." He opted for the art of misdirection instead, hoping giving him something small to focus on would help him along. "Come on." Bill's voice was gentle, and from the cockpit, Lee wasn't sure if he had ever heard him that soft.

Apollo summoned up strength and courage, putting his hands on the side of the ship to hoist himself up. Adama climbed down the ladder to let Lee descend, but kept close should the boy stumble and lose his footing. Lee made it down just fine on his own, deceptively fine, and though his eyes were open, he made no effort to look his father or anyone in the eye. Lee's hand remained on the railing of the stairway with his feet on the deck and Bill could see that it was his son's lifeline right now. Something so simple was the only thing holding him together. He slipped his arm around Lee's waist to offer him another form of support so he could keep himself from falling apart for another moment.

Lee allowed him to help, but the second his hand released from that railing, everything crumbled anyway. He sank to his knees like he was weighed down by a ton of bricks, palms on the cool flooring as everything poured out of him. Guilt, grief, sorrow. He hated himself for a thousand reasons more than he usually did and he was completely overtaken by it. Tears flowed down his cheeks, sobs nearly making him gag. Lee was always a private person, especially with his emotions, but there was nothing he could do to stop himself now despite the people that still crowded the deck. They tried their best not to stare, but all took glances at the scene from the corners of their eyes, most of them shocked and deeply disturbed by seeing the Admiral's son fallen so far.

He coughed and felt vomit in the back of his mouth as he continued to surrender to his tears. Lee shook his head, trying to force away everything from him, but it had no effect. Amongst his cries, he barely choked out his words. "I should've followed her in." He repeated his mantra, wishing it to be true the more he said it. "I should've followed her in."

Adama's own eyes were wet with tears as he watched his son like he'd never seen him before. He had lost his mother and managed to cope relatively fine. He had lost Zak and been torn apart by it, but this volatile reaction was something he had never imagined. Perhaps it was the culmination of every ounce of pain Lee had ever felt but kept inside, finally manifesting when he was pushed over the edge by the death of the woman he… Adama didn't even know how to describe what Kara was to him. He said he loved her over the wireless and she had confessed it as well. Even he suspected something between the two of them and had briefly discussed it with Roslin once or twice before. But love? He had never truly expected it went that far deep for them and the knowledge of it only made his body ache more for the loss his son felt. "We should go, Lee." He leaned down to help his son up.

"I can't go. I can't. I should've died out there with her." Lee was speaking to no one in particular now, just to himself. He looked up to his father suddenly, his eyes bloodshot. "Let me go back out there. Please." And perhaps what hurt Bill most that his son either consciously or unconsciously echoed one of Kara's last sentences. "I have to go."

"You can't!" Adama was suddenly stern, a stark contrast to how soothing he had been before. He didn't mean anything by his tone, but rather hoped it would do something to shake Lee out of the loop he seemed to be stuck in. It had some effect, at least Lee stopped talking, but he nearly collapsed down again onto the metal plating as his body gave way to exhaustion.

Adama was thankful for the sudden appearance of Helo making his way down the stairway and heading over. The grief they all felt was apparent on his face, but Karl worked to keep himself together for the time being. "We should get him back to your quarters, Admiral," he said with a nod of his head down to Lee whose sobs had quieted down a great deal, but was still by no means capable of going anywhere on his own.

Both Bill and Karl crouched beside Lee, slipping their arms around his back while they each took one of his arm's over their shoulders. Lee supported his weight on his own well enough, but relied on them for some sort of direction and guidance. With the Captain between them, they led him in the direction of the nearest hatch and departed the hangar floor.

Once gone, the crews and pilots milling around took a collective breath. The sight of Captain Adama like that only minutes before would not be soon forgotten by any one who bore witness to it. The Chief, perhaps even more shaken since he considered Starbuck and Apollo to be his close friends, stepped towards the Viper and rested his hand on the nose of it. The moment lasted only a handful of seconds before he turned back around and addressed the crowd.

"Back to work, people."

—

Lee woke to his faced buried against a pillow, arm was sandwiched between it and the mattress. His fingers curled instinctively into it, grasping at a cool patch of fabric. He breathed in and smiled at the lingering scent of the shampoo that remained in the fibers.

"How mad do you think Tigh would be if I blew off the pilots' brief this morning, Lee?" Kara's voice sweetly sang into the room and he could swear it felt like morning. A real morning, that is, not the artificial ones they had on Galactica. There would be sun peeking in through window shades and actual breakfast food to be made. He would kill for the chance of having that with her just once. Lee felt her mouth pressed to his exposed back, lightly humming against his skin with each one.

"Not mad at all." He smiled as he spoke, knowing the XO would be furious if word got out that she had cancelled the meeting, or worse, simply just not shown up.

"Liar." She laughed into the back of his neck, warm breath tickling his skin.

Lee felt the bed shift as she climbed over him and laid her unquestionably still naked form along his back. The skin to skin contact was electrifying and he focused on the feel of her draped over him. Her hand ran along his side lightly with no real purpose except to comfort.

"Get up," Kara said with a childish whine to her voice. "You've been sleeping so much lately. I should stop wearing you out."

With his eyes still shut, his muscles flexed beneath her as if stretching to arise. "I'm up, I'm up. You don't have to make threats like that."

"Lee."

Though a second before she had been teasing and kissing him, filling the room with the sound of her soft laughter, there was a change to her tone. "Yeah?" He questioned, afraid to hear her next words.

"Why didn't you come with me?" Kara whispered against his ear and all of him froze instantly.

"Come with you where?"

"Why'd you let me die alone?" There was a sadness to her words though he could tell she wasn't crying.

"You're right here, Kara, what are you talking about?" He suddenly moved, turning on his side and forcing her to shift to lay next to him. When he looked, he expected to see her bare chested and hair spread across the bed they shared. He'd felt her skin against his, of that he was sure, but that wasn't the sight before him. Kara was in her flight suit, hair pulled tightly back and out of her face. She stared at him with vacant eyes, cold and unfeeling. Lee raised his hand to touch her cheek and just as he was about to make contact, his eyes opened in a different place, another room altogether.

He took a sharp intake of breath as reality dawned on him and the dream he'd left faded before he had time to preserve it in his memory. He wasn't in the small quarters they sometimes shared, he wasn't even in their bunk room. He hoped to turn his head to the side and see Kara beside him in bed, but Lee knew she wouldn't be there. She couldn't be there. She was dead, wasn't she? She had died and he didn't even know how long ago it had happened. Had it been hours? Had it been a year? Was he old and gray now and still dreaming of the only woman he had actually loved?

Lee sat up in the bed, finding himself only dressed in his military issued tanks and briefs. He looked around and saw his flight suit draped over a nearby chair. The quarters were familiar and it took him a moment to recognize it as his father's own, and this must have been his father's bed as well, then. His head ached for reasons he wasn't quite sure of and it only served to distract him from the pang of hunger in his gut. Bare feet were set on the floor and he stood up slowly and with determination, following where his body led him on autopilot back towards the main room of the Admiral's quarters. Half of him hoped to be alone but the other half prayed not to be, unsure of how he would cope with more loneliness than he already felt.

Adama glanced up from his desk and the tattered remains of the model ship he had ruthlessly torn apart after putting Lee to bed. He had held himself barely together for the sake of his son, but when faced with his own grief, the miniaturized wood vessel received the brunt of his anger. In time, he would put it back together once the healing process began, but right now he couldn't bear even the thought of it. Father and son shared a long look as Lee leaned in the doorway.

"How long was I out?"

Bill glanced to the nearby clock on the wall. "Three hours."

Lee had hoped it was longer. "Shouldn't you be in CIC?"

His father shook his head, looking back to the model ship before he stood up. "Tigh's handling it for now."

Apollo walked over to his father's bar setup and poured himself a large helping of whatever alcohol was in the bottle. He took a long sip of it and then headed to sit down on the couch. He didn't think he'd ever before been in such a state of undress around his father, at least not since he was a young child. Lee didn't care.

Adama filled himself a glass of the same liquor, though a noticeably smaller amount. "Why didn't you tell me about you two?"

Another drink was taken and the weight of the glass rested against his bare thigh, Lee's hand still holding it secure to keep it balanced. "What was I supposed to say? Just come in here one afternoon and tell you I'm sleeping with Zak's fiancee?" His worlds were fairly cold, but neither of them were going to start a fight over it today.

"She hasn't been his fiancee in a long time." Kara had been married between then and now, in fact. Married, subsequently divorced, and then apparently spending her nights with his elder and only remaining son. "How long?"

"Unofficially? Since we got to the algae planet." If she was here, she would have argued that it wasn't until afterwards when she made the decision to leave her husband for him, but Kara wasn't there anymore, and Lee chose the date he preferred. Then again, he had been hers long before then. "And once on New Caprica."

Adama's eyebrows rose at the last statement and he took another sip. "After she was married?"

"No. The night before, actually. She said we'd be together, left me on the beach asleep, and married Anders instead." There was now only a hint of bitterness to his voice when he described it.

Bill nodded in acceptance of the knowledge being imparted to him, though he knew Lee avoided looking his way anyhow. He thought back to the morning Kara was wed, the day after Founders' Day. He could recall seeing Lee that morning and telling him the news. Now, he finally understood the look that had crossed his son's face when he found out she had married the other man. "Is that why you two didn't talk that whole year?"

"Yeah," Lee said with a nod, drowning himself in more of the burning alcohol.

"Did you love her?"

His son didn't say anything at first and didn't even move. Lee stared into the liquid in his glass, entranced and lost in it. Out of nowhere, a soft laugh left his throat for only a second or two. "I loved her back when Zak was still alive, but I knew I couldn't have her. I've loved her for years, Dad." This was more than he had ever talked to his father about anything in his personal life. All the walls he built up were temporarily destroyed and at that moment, he hadn't the energy to build them back up.

"Kara—"

"Don't! Don't say her name." His outburst silenced his father altogether. He breathed a calming inhale and felt guilt for raising his voice to the man who was just trying to help him despite suffering from his own grief. Lee hunched forward, elbow on his knee and his face going into his hand. His palm and fingers covered his eyes, trying to block out the dim light of the room, but also the world that it came from. Thoughts of her washed over him, not just abstract thoughts, but specific memories the two had shared, and all of a sudden he was lost again just as he had been before. His other hand let go of the empty glass and it fell the short distance to the floor, clattering but not breaking. His newly freed hand mimicked the one already in use, covering his face.

Adama watched as his son broke apart for the second time that day. Even with all the sorrow he felt at losing Kara, sorrow that he had not even really begun to deal with yet other than the impulse that had made him toss and tear apart his prized model ship, the ache at knowing how much pain his son was in absolutely burned him. He let Lee have a moment before he left his glass on the counter and joined his son on the couch, resting a comforting hand to his son's back. Bill's eyes were thick with tears, but he attempted feigning composure, at least enough so that they didn't spill openly just yet. "It'll be all right."

"No," Lee coughed out. "Nothing will ever be right again." His body shook as he succumbed to his cries, though they were much softer and controlled than they had been on the deck. "She was the one good thing I had left."

Nothing the Admiral could say to his son would fix it or ease the pain. There were no magic words that would heal him instantly or even slowly. He leaned in to Lee and wrapped his arm around his back, giving him the reassurance that he wasn't alone.

"I dreamt about her and she asked me why I didn't go with her," Lee confessed in a small, strained voice.

His similar sentiments on the deck earlier had scared Bill more than ever before in his life, knowing what was going through his son's head. He just lost Kara, he couldn't afford to lose Lee too, especially not to a decision made in grief. "It was a dream, it wasn't her. You and I both know K—" he stopped, remembering Lee's earlier outburst. "She never would have wanted that for you too."

Even Lee had to admit the scenario he dreamt up was most likely just his guilt manifesting to torture him. It was true, Kara wouldn't have wanted him to die along with her, but that didn't make him feel like he'd made the right choice.

"What's most important, Lee, is that we don't let her be forgotten. Sometimes it may seem like the best way to move on is to forget. We've all forgotten billions of people already so that we could move forward and survive. She shouldn't be like them. Everyone here is alive and better for having her in their lives. I'm a better man because of her and I know she had that effect on you. We won't let anyone forget."

His father's words brought a sense of comfort, but pain at the same time, remembering that first night they'd met. Even with as drunk as he'd been, he could still recall everything either of them had said over dinner and then over shots once Zak had fallen asleep. He remembered the double dog dare and their almost mistake. He remembered Kara admitting she had no fear of death, but how she just feared being forgotten. She had died and Lee knew it was going to be his job to make sure her biggest fear wasn't fulfilled post-mortem. He wouldn't let anyone forget.

"What am I supposed to do now?" Lee lifted his head, sitting upright as he looked over to his father.

"Nothing, son. Right now we don't do anything."

—

Lee returned to his father's bedroom to find sleep again and Bill took the time alone to deal with his own pain. He sat at his desk, Kara's folder in front of him. It was the thickest of all the files he had on any of his crew, including those from Pegasus and those that had served decades in the Colonial Fleet. He recalled the looks he'd gotten when he personally requested she be placed on Galactica those years ago, a few months after Zak's death. Her reputation was already well known among the higher ranks, both for the sheer number of disciplinary reports she had and because she was the best damn pilot nearly anyone had ever seen. Adama liked to think that those who wouldn't admit she was the very best were merely lying due to some stubborn trait. In the military, those who fell in line were often the most rewarded and decorated. For Kara Thrace to be such a bad seed and a natural at flying was an anomaly most people didn't know what to do with. It had been an honor to welcome her aboard.

He sifted through the numbers of papers that pre-dated the end of the worlds, barely reading over the typed pages that were littered with the names of the dead. He stopped to take the card she'd made for his last birthday in his hands, opening it to see her smiling face, the fake mustache stuck on her upper lip. To the very day of her death, she had teased him about that hair growth she found so very offensive, smiling as she delivered every verbal jab. Tears slid down his cheeks as he put the card on the pile to finish going through the final items available.

The formal document that made her Commander of Pegasus was there, and that one slip of paper in particular made his heart ache. She had done him proud in that position, prouder than he even imagined she would have done. Her first year in command had been fairly quiet, but she had served it without any real complaint. The crew, still loyal to one another and Cain, had even softened to Kara as the months went by and she remained true to them as their figurehead. She had been fair and just, but nowhere near a pushover. While she had weak points like anyone else, Kara made it a point to learn what she didn't know from those that did.

There had been some outcry when she jumped up in the ranks, from those who especially knew her temper. Bill had even worried that her anger would be her doom in the position, if she were to fail. Her natural temperament hadn't faded over the course of her time in command, but she surprised everyone with how levelheaded she could be when necessary. There was no iron fist like in Cain's day, but it was unnecessary with the respect she garnered from those that served under her. Kara had done him proud.

A few tears stained the ink and he raised his hand to his eyes, wiping away what he could. Adama folded the file shut and set it aside, eyes looking to the picture frames scattered across his desk. They had remained unchanged for so long, filled with photographs of his sons at various ages, even a family photo that included both him and Carolanne. He'd added to them, though, and Kara's image now joined all the rest. He smiled despite his sadness at the photo of the two of them together in their dress grays, after the small ceremony held when she formally accepted the position of Commander. She had already agreed to it days before, but the tiny step of decorum was necessary for such a moment, in his opinion. The second, and last, photo of her was one of her with Lee from only a few weeks prior. Kara had delivered the picture to him herself and looking at it now, he didn't know how he had been so unaware to what was going on under his nose. Sure, he and Laura had commented on it here and there, but what Kara and Lee shared was so much more than he ever could have expected. He saw the love on their faces in the picture, their smiles pulled wider than he had ever seen before.

He was lost deep in thought when the knock came to his hatch door. "Come in," he called out. His hands wiped quickly at his cheeks, doing a poor job at hiding away the sadness that still showed there.

The door opened and a stream of light poured in from the hallway. Laura was slow in her movements as she came in, closing the door behind her. Adama felt guilty at the sight of her, having forgotten she was on board when things had gone to hell. He wondered if she'd stayed on board through the night or returned to Colonial One and then come back again this morning. He stood up to meet her halfway.

"Bill," she was quiet and gentle in her delivery. "How's Lee?"

"Sleeping, for now," his voice was just as soft and he told himself it was more to prevent waking his son than having to do with what he felt.

Laura's hand came to rest on his forearm, her way of offering herself as his friend for whatever he might need. "Sit down," she suggested, but it was something of an order. Bill sat on the couch he had comforted Lee on hours earlier in the middle of the night. Roslin sat beside him, not quite touching but not far either.

"Did you know about them?"

"No," she shook her head. "I suspected something… It wasn't my place to make them tell us about it if they weren't ready. But how are you, Bill?"

Faced with the telling the truth or lying, he followed his son's example. "Not well."

"I know she meant the world to you… I can't imagine. Kara and I weren't that close, but we had our moments. The rest of the fleet received word, they would like to have a memorial service for her if you'd allow it."

The last thing he wanted to be thinking about were the civilians on their own ships, but the fact that they felt pain at the loss of her touched him. She hadn't just belonged to him or to Lee or even Sam, Kara Thrace belonged to the whole of remaining humanity. Aside from Roslin or himself, or the scum like Baltar and Zarek, she had one of the most recognizable faces among the people who had heard tales of what she'd done for them. It reminded him again that this was not only their private loss, but a loss for everyone else as well.

"We should wait a few days, let everyone get themselves together." He nodded as he spoke, fist rising to his mouth and chin in contemplation. Laura knew what he meant, he needed time for himself and for his son to come to terms with the fresh wound. "I can't believe I've lost another child."

Laura's own tears formed in her eyes at his words. She, too, had faced the death of her family, even before the genocide. Children were different though, even when they weren't biologically yours. She pulled him into a hug and he accepted it, letting the tears come once again while he was in her tight embrace.


	19. Chapter 19

It was four days before Lee left the Admiral's quarters. Helo had gone the extra mile, making sure some of Apollo's belongings were brought to the Captain. Adama, for his part, scheduled private meals so neither of them had to dine with the rest of the crew, though Lee never ate much of it anyway. Lee was in his father's bathroom, spacious compared to any of the other private baths, and he set out his razor blade and soap. As he looked at himself in the mirror, Lee knew it was time to return to some kind of routine to at least take his mind off of everything else. This had been a morning ritual for him since his late teenage years and he couldn't recall the last time he had gone this long without shaving away the rapidly growing stubble. He reached down for the soap and drew the brush to his cheek to begin lathering it on, when he looked in the mirror above the sink.

Lee wasn't alone, but he wasn't startled by it either. Kara stood behind him, watching from over his shoulder with a coy smile on her lips. He could see the single tank top she wore, thick straps over her shoulders.

"You should leave it," she teased and moved around him to press her hip into the sink in front of him, just slightly off to the side. Her hand raised and rubbed over the scratchy feel of his jaw.

He blinked, but when his eyes reopened she was gone and he was alone in that bathroom, hand still raised. As he rubbed the foam on he wondered how long he'd see her like this, in his dreams and in his waking moments, like she'd never gone. Lee hadn't mentioned it to anyone, knowing they'd worry about his mental state when he confessed to seeing her during his conscious hours now. He didn't want to sit down with a therapist or someone far less qualified and talk about her with a stranger, someone that never knew her and would never understand Kara Thrace. Mostly, he didn't want them to drive her away from him. Maybe seeing her like this would mean he would never move on, no matter how many years were put between him and her death, but Lee knew he would never want to. There'd never be anyone else for him. If they made it to Earth, and Lee sincerely doubted they ever would, he knew he'd retire somewhere on his own rather than seek companionship and company in anyone else. The dream he had of Earth involved him and Kara, no one else could fill that void.

The razor slid along his cheek repeatedly until his skin was freshly shaved. Lee rinsed off the excess soap with warm water from his cupped hands and dried himself on one of the towels in his father's bathroom. He pulled his uniform off of where it hung on a hanger on the towel rack and began to dress himself. When he was done, he looked into the mirror, desperately hoping to see her behind him again. His picture in front of him resembled the man he had always been, but he barely recognized himself, like there was a detachment from his body and his soul. Yes, that was Lee Adama in body. In everything else, though, he wasn't there at all.

For the first time since that day he arrived for the decommissioning, the hallways of Galactica felt foreign to him. He knew every hall and passageway by heart, including all the shortcuts to get from wherever he was down to the hangar deck in case of an emergency condition one. Regardless, there was something off about the color, about even the very scent of the ship. He kept his head down as he walked, avoiding interaction and contact with everyone he crossed paths with. Lee stepped into the pilots' briefing room a few minutes before the daily scheduled meeting and all present eyes turned to him. From the front of the room, Helo's face read of shock.

"Sir," Karl said as Apollo approached.

"You don't have to fill in anymore, I can take over." Lee said his words with a forced kind of confidence, though his eyes were everywhere else but on the taller man.

Helo was at a loss for words. "Apollo…your father appointed me CAG."

That was enough to force Lee to look directly up to Karl. True, he had been hiding away and avoiding his duties, something that his father most likely wouldn't have allowed from anyone else. When Kara had been injured and off duty previously, Lee had taken over the position. Hell, the job had been his a long time ago. He only expected Kara's duties to be turned over to him and the fact that they hadn't been hit him incredibly hard.

"I'm sure if you want the position, he'll be happy to give it you," Karl offered.

Lee knew better than to think that his father had intended this as temporary. It had been a strategic action to keep his son away from the responsibilities of CAG. Anger burned through him and he wondered if his father had the nerve to pull his wings too, as a precaution. "No, go ahead. Sorry for interrupting." He gave a nod before heading back out, not once looking over to the sea of faces of his fellow pilots. He couldn't face them just yet.

When Lee found his father, Bill was back in his quarters alongside Roslin. They were both quiet, but he knew they were relieved to have him be a functioning member of society again so soon, or at least dressed the part for it. In previous experiences, Lee would have waited for the President to dismiss herself or he would have returned at a later time to see his father, but now he couldn't wait.

"Why is Karl frakking Agathon CAG?" From the way he said it, anyone else may have assumed he and Karl didn't get on. It was quite the opposite in fact, the two of them having grown even closer thanks to Kara's intervention.

Adama watched his son from where he was seated. "He's the next highest ranking officer."

"Which is why I'm asking why you didn't give it to me!"

"You have a lot to deal—-"

"What I need is to have my old job back, to be useful around here."

Roslin cleared her throat and drew the attention of the father and son. "Actually, Lee, I asked your father to put you on something else as a favor to me. I don't know if you heard, but Baltar's lawyer was recently killed. I've found another, but I need someone I trust to be in charge of his security."

Lee laughed outright as he began to pace across the room. "You want me to do anything that's going to help Gaius Baltar?" His eyes leveled with her as he stopped. "I'll throw him out the airlock myself."

She smiled tightly. "As would I… but he's entitled to a trial as a citizen of the Twelve Colonies. As President, I have to make sure he sees a fair trial, even if I don't agree with it."

"No."

"Lee, it has to be someone we trust," his father started.

"Make someone else be the frakking babysitter." His anger stirred with his grief and Lee left the room without settling what his father and Laura had started.

—

Lee walked the halls to bring himself back to some kind of calm. He had no destination in mind, but his body let the familiar guide him, returning him back to the bunk room that had been his home for the last few years. The door was ajar and he stepped in and around the other pilots in various states of undress. He mumbled a few hellos that were returned with more enthusiasm than he showed, and moved to the back of the room to a locker that didn't belong to him. He stayed there for nearly half a minute, hand poised at the door handle but unable to take the final step in opening it. Lee's eyes shut to steady his breathing that had gone erratic, finally taking the plunge and gripping his fingers around the small knob.

The door gave way and Lee faced down the number of possessions that belonged to Kara, or had, at least. In the event of a crew members death, usual routine was for their possessions to be sold or distributed in some manner, now that toiletries, clothes, and other trinkets were few and far between. They couldn't allow sentimentality to crowd a couple storage lockers with boxes of goods belonging to those who would never use them again when there were others who needed them far more than someone's ghost. Many didn't agree with the practice, and usually a few items always ended up missing before the belongings were released to the rest of the ship, but no one ever said anything when those small tokens reappeared on others' shelves. They all had a few items that reminded them of the people they lost.

Lee turned to the full room, his voice loud and booming to cut through the the friendly chatter. "No one touches her things, understand?" It was the first real thing longer than a single word he'd said to any of them since her death. "If anything disappears, a single thing—" He cut himself off before he finished the statement, not liking the way his tone was going. They understood the message, and just as he had been her friend, they had been hers at well. Even those that hadn't always gotten along with Kara wouldn't dare risk pushing Apollo that far.

"Got it, Apollo," Hot Dog said, speaking for the group. They were wise enough to not let their focus linger on him, instead turning back to their own clothing and racks to finish getting dressed or undressed, depending on which way they were going.

He reached his arm into the back of the upper shelf, finding that familiar cigar box in the exact spot he'd placed it after they had argued. With his hands full of the unknown, Lee sat down on the bed that belonged to Kara. He placed the box towards the foot of the bed and looked around him at the way the sheets and blanket were wrinkled and barely made, left that way after they'd made love and she laid in his arms afterward. Tucked between the bed and the wall, he could even see a sweatshirt of hers, and though he wanted nothing more than to pull it out and draw it to his face to breathe in her scent, he left it where it lay. Kara had placed it there and so long as her bed remained not perfectly made with corners crisp, he could live under the illusion that she was coming back. Maybe she was at the gym or down in the mess hall getting something to eat. Maybe in a half an hour she would come back and pull that sweatshirt on, curl up in bed and stare across the gap of the room at him in his own bed like they'd grown accustomed to.

Lee put his attention back on the items he'd taken from her locker, things of hers he'd never even seen before. As well as he knew her in some respects, Kara still had an entire world she was only starting to let him in to see. Lee took the box and set it on his thighs, the lid lifted and left hanging open away from him. The pictures were on top, he recalled stacking them and tucking them back into the space provided for them in his haste to clean up. The photos were set aside, though he took a moment to look at the picture on the top of the pile, the one of her and Zak that had led to his untimely outburst and their subsequent argument. A few days ago, he had looked at this picture and run his finger over his brother's face, drawing comfort from being marginally nearer to Zak's memory. This time when he looked at it, he didn't just see the brother he lost, but Kara as well. Now they were both only ever going to be memories to him and nothing more. Silently, Lee prayed to whatever Gods were listening that Zak and Kara were together finally. He hoped they were at peace and weren't alone.

He sifted through the rest of the items in the box, taking the time to appreciate every item, no matter how small and insignificant. He recognized a few hair elastics, a small stash of the last in the world she had acquired somewhere along the way as her hair grew long. Beyond them was a small medal usually given out in honor and recognition of time served to one branch of the military or another. Lee knew it couldn't have been Kara's, and he soon found a folded piece of paper addressed with her mother's name. With a father like Bill Adama, he had seen the inner offices of a number of retired military members, similar medals and papers framed together and displayed for all the guests who entered. This had been her mother's then, presumably taken after her death. A music chip was found next, her father's name printed across the plastic. He slipped it into his pocket for later, determined to enjoy it when alone.

As he went through each item, Lee was happy Kara had left the majority of her belongings from Pegasus on that freighter with all the ship's possessions before she barreled back towards New Caprica. Had she not, he knew there would be nothing left for him to look at and remind himself that she had in fact lived. That she had not simply been a ghost in the night, a figment of his wild imagination.

The last item of note in the box was another photograph, this one well worn. He removed it from the corner where it had been tucked away between other items, taking a look at the side exposed to him. It was a photo of himself, years younger, and he couldn't even recall the time or the place in which it had been taken. Beside him was Kara, though part of her was cut off as the paper folded back, capturing a third or so of her body with it. From this angle, the angle he knew it was intentionally folded to show, it was just a photo of the two of them, albeit with some distance between them. When he curled his finger to the back to pry up the missing piece of the picture, Zak came into view along with Kara's arms that were curled around him in the posed embrace. More tears came to his eyes, but this time not at the sight of his brother or the now deceased Kara. This time it was because he knew she had folded it that way, a long time ago he guessed by the sharp crease in the picture, so that when viewing it, she only saw herself beside him.

When he made that comment to her days before while they laid tangled in one another's arms, he had genuinely felt a sadness at not being the brother she loved first. He knew she loved him, it was hard to make Kara Thrace say or do anything she didn't truly mean. That didn't stop the feeling of inadequacy, however, and he unfortunately let it out to her. He didn't want to start a fight, didn't want to accuse her of what she took his words as. Instead, he wanted the reassurance only she could give him that he wasn't second best and wouldn't be for the rest of his life. A substitute. Looking down at the picture she had folded to capture the two of them together with Zak folded away, Lee knew he was an absolute fool for ever doubting her and an idiot for letting his fear get the best of him. She had loved him, completely and truly, and now he knew she had never, not once, viewed him as anything less than exactly what she wanted. For the first time since her death, Lee took comfort in knowing that for awhile, they really had been perfect.

The room cleared out around him, with the other pilots either climbing into their racks to get some shut eye, heading out for shift, or to find relaxation elsewhere on Galactica. Someone else entered, but Lee was too absorbed in his thoughts to give them any mind. As the shadow loomed over him, he finally raised his eyes to find Sam there, sullen and quiet.

"Hey, Lee." Sam used his name instead of his call sign, something he didn't regularly do, at least not to his face. This wasn't the time for being pilots though, this was the time for the two of them to share in their mutual loss. He pulled a chair out from the table and set it closer to Lee, sitting down and crossing his legs, one ankle over his knee.

"Hey, Sam." Lee busied himself with replacing all of Kara's sentimental belongings back into the box, finally shutting the top and placing it beside him, further into the safety of her bunk. The two living men that had claimed Starbuck's heart at some point had spent the time avoiding each other after the events of the algae planet. It was simply too uncomfortable for them to even pretend to be friends, even with Sam insisting he was at peace with Kara's decision.

They shared the comfortable silence, neither needing to say anything to express what they both felt. Sam opened his mouth to speak a few times, but swallowed his words back down each time.

"Do you think you could help me do something?" Lee's head tipped back just enough from his downward cast to look him in the eye.

"What do you need?" Anders asked with raised brows.

"Back up."

—

Lee's eyes locked with Leoben's through the wire fencing around the glass enclosure that housed both of the cylons currently held captive aboard Galactica. He motioned to the nearest marine guard and the young man stepped up, obviously nervous.

"Open the cell," Lee said.

"Sir, I'm not supposed to allow anyone—"

"Do you know who I am?" He had hated pulling the last name card on anyone, rather than relying on his own merits, but for this, he would allow it.

"Captain Adama, sir."

"That's right, I'm the Admiral's son and your superior. I'm giving you an order, open the door."

The tone Lee used startled Sam, having never been around to hear Apollo in such a state. He'd heard that CAG voice he used when trying to corral a rowdy group of pilots, or even him yelling at an incompetent deck hand for not fixing the required part on his Mark VII. This one, however, hardly even belonged to him.

The marine suffered a moral dilemma, obviously having not been trained for the type of situation and lacking the on the job experience needed to adequately make the call. Lee's patience wore thin and his hand reached for the keys hooked to the marine's belt, removing them and taking matters into his own hands. He was rough with the lock of the door and once it was opened, he tossed the keys back to the boy. Lee pulled the door open and stepped inside, Sam following behind him and closing the door to lock the two members of the Colonial Fleet inside with the cylons.

"Watch her," Lee ordered and Sam kept his eyes on D'Anna, though she seemed content to stay out of whatever was coming to Leoben. After being stuck in a room with him for that long, she had grown sick of her brother's constant companionship.

Lee's focus was on Leoben, just as it had been when he entered the room. The two of them hadn't been face to face since Lee had nearly beaten the cylon's skull in on the temple floor. Before that, Leoben had been the one to exude his dominance over Lee, last seeing one another as the cylon looked down at the beaten and bloody human who had resisted giving away the information on Kara Thrace he so desperately wanted.

"What did you say to her?"

"Who?" Leoben played innocent, or perhaps just dumb.

The pilot was having none of it, however, and in an instant Lee lunged at him in a fashion quite similar to the algae planet. He drove Leoben up into the wall this time, his forearm pressed perpendicular to the cylon's throat, nearly crushing his windpipe. Leoben struggled to breathe, but kept his eyes locked on his attacker's.

"You killed her," Lee accused.

Something Lee would have sworn was actual emotional pain crossed the cylon's eyes and he knew that Leoben hadn't yet heard the news of Kara's death.

"You tortured me for weeks to try to find her. You told me you loved her, and what do you do? You send her out to die. " Lee eased up on the pressure before relenting fully, though he quickly shoved the cylon back into the glass with all the force he could manage. The glass hadn't cracked but it sounded like it. Leoben drew his hand to the back of his head, his fingers covered in a bit of his own blood. "That isn't love! That isn't anything!" Lee yelled at him from only a few paces off.

Leoben's eyes avoided his, that action allow shocking Lee and Sam. When he looked back up to Apollo, his eyes returned to that well controlled state that seemed inhuman.

"She's gone to be with God. You'll see her again, Lee Adama. This is her destiny."

Lee spun back around at him, drawing his gun and pressing the barrel of it against the center of the cylon's forehead. "When a person dies, they don't come back! There isn't another body waiting for them, that's what you don't understand."

"Apollo—" Sam said from behind him. "I know what you lost, but we didn't come here to kill him." He was nervous, especially as he saw the marines outside the brig bustling around.

Lee ignored Anders, his focus still on the cylon and the weight of the gun in his hand. "I'm not going to kill him." A sense of calm settled over Lee and the manner in which he spoke. Though it may have seemed like he was backing down, it was merely the calm before the storm. He drew his hand and the gun away from Leoben, quickly bringing the metal back to the side of the cylon's head as hard as he could. While Leoben stumbled, Lee re-holstered his gun. His left hand gripped at the man's shirt, his free hand formed into a fist that collided with the other man's cheek.

It was a repeat of their entire brawl in the temple, except this time there was no Kara to protect and this time Leoben didn't even put up a fight. The cylon fell to the floor, letting his body become dead weight as Lee straddled his chest. His hand gripped into his shirt again, pulling him up for each impact of his fist, then releasing and allowing his head to smack back into the ground. A rage blew threw him and all he saw was red, his world punctuated by the staccato beat of his fist.

Sam froze, unsure of what to do. With a glance back to D'Anna who, though horrified at the beating her sibling, showed no intention to interfere, he moved towards Apollo in an attempt to stop him before it was too late. "Lee—Lee, you've got to stop!" Sam yelled, putting his arms around Lee to try to tug him off Leoben's bloodied body. Lee resisted, struggled against him, taking any last shots while he stood could.

Just beyond them, the door of the brig opened, the Admiral at the forefront with a few marine guards behind them. "That's enough!" His voice boomed throughout the small metal and glass room.

It was enough to draw Lee out of his trance, releasing Leoben and tumbling back with Sam to the ground. His uniform and hands were covered in the synthetic blood that belonged to the cylon and now with his eyes no longer clouded by his anger, he was able to see just how far he'd taken it. Blue eyes moved up to meet his father's own and all he saw there was disappointment.

"Take Captain Adama and Ensign Anders to the brig," he ordered the marines behind him. They didn't hesitate to follow the orders directly from the Admiral, pulling up each of the men and cuffing their arms behind them. Neither Lee nor Sam fought the marines, in fact they hadn't said a single word since Adama turned up.

Lee couldn't look at his father as the marines marched the two grief stricken men out and towards the series of jail cells that they would temporarily call their home.

"For Gods' sake someone get Cottle down here," was the last thing Lee heard his father say.

—

Sam and Lee shared a cell while Baltar occupied the other one available. With their backs to the wall, both men sat beside one another, knees bent and feet flat on the floor. They had been uncuffed once secure in their cells, though it wasn't much of a concession given that they were still confined to the bars that held them.

"What the frak happened back there, Apollo?"

"I don't know," he shook his head. He'd calmed considerably, returning completely to himself, on the walk over. "…But it was worth it." The expression Lee wore reminded Sam so much of one he'd often seen on Kara when she knew she did something wrong, but couldn't find it in herself to actually be guilty over it.

Sam sighed and leaned forward to rest his head against his knees. "How long do you think they'll keep us here?"

"Knowing my father…" The one regret Lee felt about his actions was that his father had found out. They had repaired their relationship so much and Lee had seen a side of his father over the last few days that he never knew existed. The two of them were closer than they ever had been and Lee knew he had set them back a great deal with his manic episode involving one of their prisoners. "…The rest of our lives."

Lee swallowed as he stared out of the bars, then glanced over to where the former President sat in his own cell, silently writing on the small pad of paper given to him. "I'm sorry I got you involved," Lee said to Sam, his attention turning back.

"I'm not." The words were confident. Even if he spent the rest of his life in that cell, Sam didn't regret agreeing to help Apollo get whatever kind of relief or comfort he got from pounding his fists into the cylon.

"Listen… if there's anything of Kara's that you want, you were her husband," the word made Lee pause, recalling the last night before Kara had married the man beside him. "You can have it." The thought of handing over Kara's possessions to Sam made him feel sick, but he was thankful for the help he had provided him without question. They also had been married once upon a time, and together for far longer than she and Lee had. He was deserving of it.

Sam sighed and picked his head up off his knee, letting it rest back into the cool metal bulkhead behind them. "I might come get a few pictures. The ones of us," he quickly clarified. "She hasn't been mine for a long time, Lee. I'm not even sure if she ever was." That was the realization that had forced him to give Kara the ultimatum to make her choice, once and for all. "I loved her, I always will, but even I could tell that her time with you was the happiest she'd ever been."

Lee listened to Sam's brutal honesty and it made his chest swell at knowing others had seen evidence of her happiness. So he hadn't imagined it all, then. A bittersweet smile pulled over his mouth the more he thought about it.

Sam's left hand rose and he patted the ink exposed on his arm. "I'll always have her with me. She'd want you to have the rest."

Whether Anders was just being charitable or honest, Lee didn't know. Either way, he was grateful for it. "Thanks."

"We were lucky to have her, weren't we?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, we were."

Both of their heads lifted up as the door from the hallway opened up. The Admiral stepped in, flanked once again by a different pair of marines behind him. His hand raised and both of them stayed a few steps back as he approached the bars that held his son and his daughter's ex-husband.

"You should both be ashamed of yourselves. You're members of the Colonial Fleet, start acting like it. I know you both have gone through something, but you aren't the only ones grieving right now."

Lee could see the pain his father's eyes once again. Just as he had lost Kara, so had his father. That was something he often overlooked.

"Sam, you're on deck duty for the next week. Lee, you'll be on security for Baltar's lawyer. You're both grounded until I feel I can trust you again." Though he didn't say it, Lee knew he was being ordered. This was the Admiral now, not William Adama.

"You're taking away the only thing I have left of her," Lee pleaded in a moment of weakness.

Adama turned and stepped back towards the door. He paused just before he left, his words quiet as he spoke. "No, Lee, you took it away from yourself."


	20. Chapter 20

Mid-morning in Joe's Bar left the place expectedly abandoned. It was the one time of day when things on the ship tended to be subdued and everyone at least pretended to be going about their own business and work. After lunch rolled around and everyone's bellies were stuffed with the algae based meal, it would slowly begin to fill up as people passed in and out. The population would peak just after dinner as everyone tended to wind down, at least those who weren't on shift. A steady crowd often existed through the middle of the night with those with the worst habits staying on at the bar until morning. By now, even those with dependency problems had gone to their racks or their jobs, leaving Lee alone with the barkeep.

Whiskey, or what passed for it these days, was his drink of choice, his glass resting on the top of the low backed piano he'd last sat at in happier times. Every now and again someone would sit down and tap out a few notes, perhaps even a tune they remembered, but this had been the first time Lee had the guts to approach the bench that he had shared alongside Kara. After that first night when he presented her with the gift to the bar, though he knew it was really for her, they'd returned every day at irregular intervals to further commit to his memory what she remembered as it came back to her. His piano skills were even rustier than hers had been, but she kept a surprising amount of patience with him.

His left hand pressed three fingers into the shape of the first chord, right hand assuming the part Kara had once played further down the keyboard. The song didn't sound right without her, and not just because an entire hand's worth of notes were missing from the melody. This song had been meant for two people, her father had written it that way, and something about it just screamed of all things Kara Thrace. It was like her soul was put to music, capturing all that she was, even though she'd only been a child when she first learned it from the man that gave her half of her life.

He played it at a slower rhythm than it was intended to get the hang of the pattern, as well as let himself enjoy it for as long as possible. With a crowd around, a bit of self-conscious anxiety would have built up inside of him, but with only the bartender for company, he paid it no mind. His eyes shut, imagining Kara's fingers pressing over his own as she had the first night, guiding him appropriately. When he reopened them, she was beside him, and like the tens of times he'd seen her over the weeks since her death, it didn't alarm him at all. He came here with the intention of drawing her out from whatever part of his mind was slowly unraveling, losing its grasp on reality, and it had worked.

"You're too slow," Kara said with the sound of mock frustration, the smile on her lips giving her away.

"Sometimes it's good to go slow," Lee suggested, though it was apparent he didn't entirely mean the piano.

"Mmhmm, sometimes," she nodded with a bite to her lower lip. That single action always had the effect of making him melt. She leaned into him, her hand perched on his shoulder as she whispered. "But you don't want to be boring, Lee."

He laughed to himself, cheeks flushing lightly with the blood that came to the surface of his skin. "Everything's boring to you."

She shook her head, her hand reaching to the keyboard to play the same part his right hand played, just an octave higher. Their fingers stroked over the keys in unison and Lee watched, eyes following. It was like their flying all over again, always able to read the other person entirely. Or maybe it was just because she was a figment of his imagination. That also could have been it.

"I'm proud of you," Kara said and at just the bounds of his peripheral vision, Lee could see the long strands of her hair hanging down around her face, shielding most of her from him. "You know I hate Baltar as much as you do, maybe more, but he deserves the trial."

There was something off about her. Maybe his brain was making her too gentle, but also maybe this was the person Kara really was, when unhindered with every emotional burden that weighed her down and churned her out into the abrasive person she'd grown into. He'd seen glimpses of this girl, of just Kara, and as much as he loved the brash woman she was, it saddened him so much to know the amount of pain she'd felt in her life. The things that had happened to make her turn out that way.

"Are you going to stay and help Lampkin?"

Her question had the effect of ruining the moment for him, because he knew there was no way she would have really known the lawyer now representing Baltar. She had died long before he was brought into the picture.

"I don't know," Lee said anyway, continuing the charade. "My father still hasn't offered me CAG back now that we found out Kelly was responsible for all the attacks."

"Do you even want to be CAG? Or do you just feel like staying with it because of me?"

Lee's hands stopped on the piano and Kara's paused as well. "It's the last way I have to be close to you."

Her head shook fervently, twisting her body slightly so she aimed in at him. "Lee, Lee, Lee." Kara's hands cupped his cheeks and he looked into her eyes. The detail he saw there was alarming, he would have sworn she was real. "I'll always be with you." Even the coating of tears over her eyes was believable enough. "Be the man you want to be, whoever he is."

Lee was about to respond to her when another voice resounded in his ears.

"Apollo, man, you okay?"

His eyes looked up to see Sam standing nearby. He didn't respond at first, merely blinking rapidly a few times, his eyes glancing around as if to find Kara hiding somewhere. She was gone. "Fine."

Sam didn't look as if he believed it, but he let it go, knowing the familiar pain both of them shared. They shared Kara in life, now they also shared her in death. "I was working nearby on the deck when I heard the piano. That song you were playing, Kara taught it to you, right?"

It took a moment for Lee to process the question. He fetched his glass off the piano top and finished what was left before replacing it. "Why?"

"Where's it from?"

Lee's shoulders shrugged. "She told me her dad wrote it and taught it to her when she was growing up. They used to play it together."

"So you're sure it wasn't some hit from twenty years back or something?"

His forehead creased as Sam spoke. "I didn't hear it until Kara, but I guess I could just have missed it."

"No, I'm sure you're right. It just seems… like deja vu." Sam backed off from the piano and headed towards the exit.

"Admiral give you back your wings yet?" Lee shouted from across the room.

"Tomorrow," Sam said and disappeared.

—

Lee took the rest of the day off, a luxury afforded to him since he was stuck in the in between. Without accepting the offer from Romo Lampkin, the Captain was truly assigned to nothing. Since the incident with Leoben, his only duty had been the protection of the lawyer, the terms of which had expired upon Kelly's arrest. Lee simply allowed himself to slip through the cracks of the system for the time being, although having complete freedom was somewhat daunting after having the majority of his life planned out before him. The closest he had ever gotten to a similar situation in recent years had been his time on New Caprica, but even then he had been bogged down with the amount of work that needed to be done. Had Kara been alive, he had no doubt who he would have spent his free time with. The lure of downtime no longer had much of the appeal it once had.

He laid in the billet still reserved under her name. Though he was sure someone had made note of the very valuable quarters being empty once her name came up as deceased, either no one had the nerve to report it, or his father still exercised his power of authority in keeping it free. Someone could have come in at any moment with their belongings and family in tow, ready to move in, but Lee sincerely doubted it would happen. On the slim chance it did, he already made the vow to himself that he would refuse to leave. Mathias would have to drag him out personally before he'd even think about abandoning the space that had unquestionably been 'theirs.'

Most of the room remained untouched since her passing, the few items they both had brought to the room over time still in the places they'd been. He could look at any item around him and recite who placed it there and when. Most of the things had been Kara's and their presence was bittersweet. Lee no longer kept the illusion up that he and Kara had maintained throughout their short lived relationship, where they both returned to their bunks at night to sleep as to not rouse suspicion. His bunk was more often empty than not these days, with him either crawling into the double bed in these quarters, or sleeping in Kara's still empty rack. He'd heard through the grapevine that a younger pilot had tried to move in and claim Kara's bed for himself, but he had been assuredly thrown out by the other more senior pilots. The news of it had made him thankful for the people he called friends. Time was passing though, and Lee knew within the next few days he would have to clear out her things, perhaps even his, if he could convince his father to let him make Kara's billet his. It would be a stretch, he knew, but maybe the Old Man would show that soft side for him once again.

After sleeping away most of the afternoon, Lee returned to the path towards his father's quarters, having made his decision. Part of the way there, he heard the rare sound of a child's laughter and soon spotted the origin of it. Hera Agathon, all of a couple years old, ran down the long straight shot of hallway and towards him. Far behind was Athena, chasing the little girl with a smile on her face. They hadn't been reunited for that long, but for the mother and daughter, it seemed as if no time had passed since their separation upon her birth.

"Apollo!" Athena yelled as she ran. "Mind helping out?"

Just as Hera was about to pass him, Lee scooped the girl up in his arms, her giggling only growing louder when she knew she'd been caught. Though he had never been around children much in his life, especially ones so young, the weight of her felt familiar as he held her to his hip.

When Athena finally caught up she nodded in thanks. "I'm not sure how a two year old can be faster than me," she said with a smile, her hand reaching out to brush through her daughter's messy curls. "Did you say hello to Apollo, Hera?"

Despite being in his arms, she suddenly took on an air of shyness, hiding her face into his upper arm and shoulder. "Hi," her quiet voice offered.

It brought a smile to him, as it would have done to anyone. "Did you have dinner yet?" Lee tried his best to interest the child, posing a simple question.

She nodded her head, hair bouncing along with her movements.

"Was it gross?"

The little girl laughed and nodded with much more enthusiasm this time around, her face contorting into something of disgust to illustrate her point. She'd never experienced real food as he had back when he was a child, but even she knew their algae inspired dishes weren't exactly pleasing to the palate.

It elicited Lee's own matching laugh and for that moment, everything else fell to the background. Hera had that effect on most people.

"Back to your mom," Lee said before handing her over to the small woman's waiting arms. Hera seemed a hint more comfortable there, but kept her focus on Lee, her curiosity getting the better of her. "She's gotten so big." He tried not to think of the daughter or son he would have had, and how much older they would be compared to the child in front of him.

"Tell me about it, heavy too." Athena smiled wide and kissed Hera on the forehead. "I think you've got an admirer, Apollo."

Lee's cheeks even blushed at the notion that a two year old could be enamored with him. It was ludicrous, all of it, but Hera's small smile told him it was true. "I'm way too old for you, Hera, but you should keep your eye on Nicky Tyrol." Both of the adults smiled though the toddler seemed disinterested in the suggestion, if she even comprehended it.

Athena rubbed her daughter's back. "She misses Starbuck," she finally let out and watched as Apollo's face lost the merriment it had only a second before. "Hera doesn't really understand death right now. Every day we remind her she's gone and every morning she asks if she's coming to play." It seemed to trouble the woman a great deal, even Lee felt for her, since Athena and Kara had become good friends after New Caprica.

"Did she come to see Hera a lot?" It was something Kara had never mentioned to him, at least not directly. Sometimes their nights together would be peppered with talk of the people on the ship, with Hera coming up occasionally.

Beside him, Athena's head turned to regard him. "She used to come everyday. You should've seen them together, Apollo, they both had this effect on each other. The only time I saw Kara as happy was when she talked about you."

Apollo took in what Athena was suggesting to be fact. As much time as they'd spent together, he couldn't believe he had somehow not accounted for a time when she was disappearing to be with the young girl. He now longed to see the two of them playing side by side, their equally split laughter echoing around them. For a rare moment, Kara would have just been free. The news that Kara hadn't been keeping her relationship as secret as she had insisted they do also warmed him. She had trusted the information with the friendship she had in Athena.

"I miss Kara too," he said simply to Hera, lightly touching her chubby cheek. Hera said nothing, but he knew she understood.

"Hera, Apollo was Starbuck's best friend," Athena added in, watching her daughter's face for recognition.

"Maybe I can stop by and we can talk all about her," he said with a hopeful tone of voice. Though Hera wasn't exactly up to the stage of telling fully coherent stories, any glimpse of the woman he loved through the little girl's eyes would have been enough.

"She'd love that, right Hera?" Her mother prompted her, but she didn't need the cue, her head already bobbing up and down while her fingers gripped into the fabric of her mother's shirt.

"Me too."

They parted ways at the next intersection, Athena and Hera heading back towards their quarters or perhaps daycare, while Lee continued on towards his father.

—

"I don't trust you to go back out there yet," Bill said from his desk. Before him was the model ship, still in pieces, though he had recently begun the delicate repair work. His focus was kept on the ship as he spoke.

Lee sat across from him, in one of the small seats reserved for guests in front of the desk. "Neither do I," he admitted, although it was rather difficult for him to actually get the words out. He'd spent the last weeks feeding his grief and his anger. Even that very morning, he'd woke up feeling much of the same. What had turned his day around had been what Kara said to him in the bar, or what he had at least imagined she said to him. She was his mind simply playing tricks on him, a way for his subconscious to help him make decisions and a way for him to manage to cope with how quickly things had changed. "You know, Lampkin asked me to help him with Baltar's trial."

Adama's eyes left the ship to look to his son. "You'd actually consider helping Baltar?"

His son shrugged his shoulders, posture leaving much to be desired. "You were the one who gave me your father's books," he pointed out. "I feel useless right now. I was a pilot and now I can't do that. I'm not trained for much else."

"No one is these days." Bill relaxed into the back of his chair, reflecting Lee's at ease form. The incident with Lee and Leoben had been the height of his son's madness, and though they had remained sore at one another for the days following, time had begun to heal the wounds. Both were cognizant of how much they needed one another, especially since now they truly were all they had left. "Are you going to take it?" The thought of his son representing such scum like the former President made him feel physically ill, but he knew ordering his son to stay out of it would only work to push him further towards it.

Lee hesitated at first, suddenly unsure of his decision. "No."

His father let out a sigh. Truthfully, Bill wasn't sure if he was relieved or afraid. On one hand, it meant his son wasn't going to defend the most hated person in the entire fleet who had, in one way or another, caused the death of thousands. On the other hand, it meant Lee wouldn't have the distraction he perhaps needed most.

"Roslin offered me something else," he said, noting his father's confused expression. Lee had been suspicious of the President's intentions, wondering if the Admiral had put her up to it, but he knew the truth now. "It's a lot like what I did back on New Caprica. Working with the civilians, hearing what they have to say, and trying to find a resolution without letting things escalate up."

This time, Bill's sigh was one of relief. He wasn't happy about how much it meant his son would be away from Galactica, but it was something. Though he didn't think it possible, Laura had surprised him once again. "What about after? Is this permanent, Lee?"

"Would there be a place for me if I came back?"

"Always."

—

As the weeks passed, Lee saw Kara less and less. At night, like clockwork, she would be in his dreams. Sometimes they frakked, other times they fought. On occasion, they simply just talked, and Lee always confessed every secret he kept and had never gotten to tell her before. It was cathartic for him, even if in the morning he woke knowing Kara had gone to her grave without hearing any of it at all. Her day time appearances came to a stop almost altogether, and though he was sad to see her go and still checked behind him in every mirror for her, Lee knew it meant that the part of his mind hurt most by her death was slowly starting to heal itself. He could heal, he told himself, but he wouldn't forget.

Lee's time was split around the fleet, and though he didn't wear his uniform when talking to civilians, he still spent his nights on Galactica. His bunk belonged to someone else now, as did Kara's that had been across from his own, while Lee called the billet home. When finally faced with the deadline to remove her things from where they'd been kept, it had taken him hours to finally collect it all, box it, and bring it back to the quarters that were now his. No one, at least not to his face, had questioned why he should get the quarters to himself while they were to remain in their racks. His father had justified it, not that he needed to, by saying that as Lee was no longer technically a pilot, he couldn't very well stay where he had in the past.

Every day of the week, Lee was on a different ship, listening to the more severe complaints from the civilians. Many of them remembered him from the help he'd given them on New Caprica and while he wasn't able to help them all, or even the majority of them, he knew that anything he could do for even a few citizens was enough to make it worth it. He was in a unique position, having been sent by the President and the Quorom, but also having his military background. He wasn't a politician and didn't see everything in the same polarizing way they tended to. Lee never made the empty promises like they did and he came through in the end when it was needed most.

Sometimes when he met with a civilian, they asked him about Kara. It was obvious after his few few days out that word of his rumored relationship with the former Commander wasn't just isolated to Galactica. Though it had made him uncomfortable the few first times it happened, Lee had grown used to it and looked forward to getting to talk about her with people who didn't know much about the elusive Kara Thrace. With their lives only a shadow of what they had been back in the Twelve Colonies, it didn't surprise him to know the people clung to some details about those that they didn't know. Roslin and Adama were practically Gods to the fleet, and Kara was added in after all she'd done for the people during the exodus. The kind words about her from complete strangers made him realize just how widespread her loss was felt.

From the front row in the makeshift court, Lee sat on one side of Roslin, watching the team of ship captains file back in with the verdict they'd debated on for the last few hours. His father was one of them and Lee tried to read his face for something that would give away what was coming. He hadn't, unfortunately, been able to make it out to any of the other days of the trial, but had heard plenty about it on the wireless and from the President. Lee kept his own opinion on the matter to himself, knowing his feelings of Baltar's innocence was an unpopular idea to begin broadcasting around. Though Lee had been on that planet, and endured alongside all the rest, his anger over the three months during the occupation had faded long ago. Maybe he was at peace with it all, but he understood that some others would never be. Whatever the tribunal decided, it would stand.

"Gaius Baltar, after carefully weighing the evidence, this tribunal on a vote of 3 to 2 finds you guilty. We sentence you to death by firing squad."

The crowd around him rang out, most in celebration over the verdict, while a small number expressed their outrage just as loudly. Some of the rowdier members rushed to take out their joy on Baltar in the form of his flesh, but the marines on guard quickly dragged the man off, presumably to prepare him to die.

—

Lee returned to his quarters afterward, pulling to loosen the tie around his throat. He had the sinking feeling that perhaps he had made the wrong choice when choosing not to work with Lampkin. Though his knowledge of the law was limited at best, he was certain his presence could have helped turn things around. He did understand the feelings of all the others that called for Baltar's blood, but that didn't make him feel any better about it now, once the decision had been made. Baltar was an idiot, scum of the earth, even, but had he been directly responsible? Lee wasn't sure.

Comfort came to him through the sound of the small music player as he laid down across the bed made for two, his suit jacket and shoes abandoned on the other side of the room. Putting on Dreilide Thrace's Live at the Helice Opera House became his new nighttime routine. His eyes shut as he listened to the now familiar blend of notes, hoping that when sleep finally took him, Kara would be waiting on the other side.

Just as he felt himself drift in towards slumber he was startled awake by the sudden absence of the music that was coaxing him under. He opened his eyes, chest already pounding with the implications as he caught the flickering of the overhead lights just before they shutdown completely. It could have just been equipment malfunction somewhere inside the ship, but Lee knew better. Where there was smoke, there was fire. Before he even understood what was happening, his feet were on the floor as he groped his way towards the closet, reaching in to feel for the flashlight he knew he'd seen there. He tried to turn it on and nothing happened, but a smack of it into the bulkhead seemed to right the connections and it came to life.

The small light was hardly sufficient to illuminate anything in the room and Lee stumbled over his own shoes on the way to the hatch door. He tugged it open, the emergency lights in the hallway helping to take him out of the darkness. Around him, crew ran with their own flashlights. Though he asked everyone that passed for any kind of information, there was none to give and it unsettled him completely. There normally at least would have been some kind of warning delivered to the entire ship, and the absence of it meant that even the auxiliary power was out. Just as Lee was about to move down the hallway to head up to the CIC, the claxons sounded, loud and offensive. Tigh's voice filtered in amongst the ringing. "Action stations, action stations. This is not a drill."

Without a second thought, Lee returned to his quarters, stripping down with a speed he hadn't seen since the first months after the cylon attacks. He tugged his flight suit out of the closet, his flashlight left on and abandoned on the floor now that power had returned to some degree. Lee grabbed his helmet and hit the ground running for where he knew he would be needed most.

When he arrived, the deck was in pure chaos, ships being towed into launch tubes while pre-flight checklists were forgotten in the emergency situation. Despite the energy around him, he paused, recalling the last time he'd been here in that very flight suit. It had been two months since he last donned it, spending the time first in Lee's locker in the bunk room and then the slightly more spacious closet of the private quarters. He could have stayed like that for an hour, thinking back to the all consuming grief he'd felt at having just left Kara behind, but another pilot bumped into him as they ran for their own ship, helmet already being pulled on. It gave Lee the nudge back into reality he needed, and he too ran down to the far end of the deck where his Viper had been last seen months ago, just as neglected as his flight suit.

An available deck hand brought it to the launch tube for him and Lee climbed in, pulling the metal collar and helmet on. It felt claustrophobic to him to be back within it's confines, his chest already pounding at the anxiety it reintroduced into his life. The rest of his body flew on autopilot, powering up the Mark VII once the doors closed behind him. He raised his hand, giving a thumbs up to the member of the crew that operated his tube, and it was only a second later that Captain Lee Adama finally met space once again.

—

"Admiral," Helo said from where he stood. "Apollo's in Viper 3."

Despite the situation they were already in, his face was stricken with Karl's words. They did need every pilot out there if the fleet were to have a fighting chance at all, but the thought of his son heeding the call scared him far more than everything else. Apollo was without question the best pilot they had since Starbuck's demise, but as his father, Bill knew Lee still walked a fine line of being stable enough to get into his own ship without a death wish. He wanted to call his son back, everything else be damned, but as his eyes locked with the position of Viper 3 on the DRADIS screen above him, he knew it was too late to bring him in. Even if he gave the order, he knew his son would never obey it. All he could do was hope he didn't take the opportunity to greet himself an early death.

—

Though the Raiders had yet to meet the fleet, Lee's DRADIS screen was speckled with the other colonial Vipers and SAR Raptors on their way to the fight. With the feel of the stick in his grasp, he wasn't sure how he had avoided getting into his bird over the last two months. Here, he felt closer to Kara than anywhere else, perhaps even more so than the bed that they had once upon a time shared. His eyes were on the spread of black space before him and only the alarm of a nearby unknown ship brought him back.

"Galactica, Apollo. I have a bogey at my ten, I'm gonna go check it out." Nerves coiled inside his stomach at being faced with what was most certainly a cylon Raider that had jumped ahead of the rest of the ships. He pulled on the stick in his hand and his ship veered to the left, leaving the rest of the group behind. He looked around through the canopy of his cockpit, trying to catch sight of the ship that had dropped off his DRADIS. More than likely it was jumping in and out, but he still felt the prickle of goosebumps spread over his flushed skin as he tried to track it down.

"Where'd he go, where the frak did you go!"

He continued to speed ahead, weaving his ship in and out occasionally so he wasn't such a sitting target as he flew alone and practically blind. Another ship sped overhead of his own, coming dangerously close. "What the frak!" Lee's heart nearly stopped, catching only a glimpse of a portion of the metallic object. Raiders were usually rather daring, but they didn't often play chicken like this.

Lee made move to press his finger over the comm switch to call back to Galactica and report on his findings, or lack thereof, when he spied something all too familiar out of the corner of his eye. Holding the throttle steady, his head turned to his left, finding Kara beside him. Though he welcomed the sight of her, he couldn't help but wonder about her terrible timing. He hadn't seen her like this in weeks now, but it made sense he would relapse when once again put behind the controls of his Viper. He hadn't told anyone about seeing her because he didn't want them to think he was losing his mind, although now faced with this vision, even Apollo had to admit at that moment he had to be closer to unraveling than ever.

"Hi Lee."

"Am I dead?" Lee asked, seriously considering the notion that he had already met his fate in the battle and she was there to greet him home.

"What?" Her expression changed instantly, horrified at his suggestion. "Why would you say that?"

"You're here," Lee said, forgetting he had left the line open.

Kara softened before his very eyes. "I'm sorry I disappeared, Lee… but I've been to Earth. I know where it is. I'm going to take us there."

His Viper continued to run parallel to hers as he watched across at her, reminded of all those nights in the bunk room when they'd stared at each other just like this from their respective beds. "I know you're not real, Kara," he said with much regret. "I'm dreaming you so you're just saying everything I want to hear."

"Lee! What the frak are you talking about? Didn't you hear me? I've been to Earth!"

She was more abrasive than the one his memory usually cooked up, but he paid it no mind. Maybe he was just getting better at perfecting his versions of her. "No," he shook his head. "I saw your ship explode, I watched you die. You're not real." His eyes shut tightly for a few seconds, looking back over to her when they opened. This trick usually forced her manifestations to disappear, as if he was refocusing himself. Kara was still there. Tears welled up in his eyes and anger poured through him because the last thing he needed right now was to see her and to be distracted by something that couldn't even be real.

"I don't know what you saw, but I'm right here. I swear to the Gods," Kara pleaded with him, suddenly unsure of herself when faced with the rejection he delivered. "Lee." She called out, her voice loud, until he locked eyes with her. "It was beautiful, just like we talked about it. Big blue oceans, fluffy white clouds." She watched him with tears pooling in her eyes. "You're going to love it. I promise."

Lee surrendered to her then. If she was leading him to his death, he would follow her right in. This time, he wouldn't be alone in the end.

His father's voice rang in his ear, deafening compared to the gentle sound Kara had used with him.

"Apollo, it's a trick. Whatever you're seeing it's a trick."

The blood drained from his face at his father's words. He tried to keep his bird steady but his hands shook, feeling the loss of control over himself at the implications of what his father said. "You can hear her?"

"It isn't Starbuck, Lee, you know she's dead."

His eyes looked back to Kara and her expression read of hurt and betrayal at what the Old Man was saying about her. For Lee, this glance to his left was far unlike all the ones he'd made in the last few minutes. Now she wasn't just a vision, now Kara was absolutely real. He could choose to believe it if he wanted to.

"Tell me something I don't know about you, something I would never know."

Whatever Kara thought of his request, she didn't verbalize her questions. She didn't even have to think about what she would tell him, the words just came out. "When you were on New Caprica, I used to polish my shoes every week, thinking about you sitting at your rack doing yours during those first few months." Kara paused. "And when we had to leave you behind, I'd pray to the Gods when I did it, asking them to take care of you for me."

He had no way of verifying it, at least not from his cockpit, but he was certain it had never been anything she had shared with him or even hinted at. If his mind was making this up, his psychosis had reached new and impressive levels.

"I'll tell you everything later. Don't lose me, Lee," she said as her ship pulled away and his soon followed.


	21. Chapter 21

Heading into battle, the fleet knew it was most likely to be their last. They were out numbered with the amount of basestars and Raiders nearby and their one hope of salvation, jumping to safety, was no longer a possibility as their FTL drives were still in the process of booting back up after the power down. Though the CIC was still awash with a mix of emotions, from fear of their sudden fate to betrayal by the appearance of the Commander they all heard die, the entire crew remained focused in attempt to preserve their lives a moment longer.

Out in space, the Vipers fought off the incoming wave of Raiders, picking them slowly off as they neared the civilian vessels that were left rather unprotected. A few lives had already been lost, and though no on could begin to comprehend what Kara's reappearance meant, they found comfort in the call of her voice over the open communication lines. She was beside them, taking out the so-called enemy, and watching all of their backs. If she was actually their opposition, she was doing a poor job of showing it.

Sam "Longshot" Anders launched out in his Viper in the last wave of pilots to join the fight. He had been both fearing and waiting for the day they would once again be in a dogfight with the cylons, for he knew that if he made it out of the fight, he would come with serene peace of mind or another nail to the coffin of his proverbial life. It all depended on the circumstances. His ship took off, sticking close to his nearby wingman at first, though once they reached the heart of the fight, all manners of regulation were lost. He took aim at the Raider heading for a Viper in front of him and fired. That newborn nugget panic was no longer with him like it had been months ago during the exodus and all the practice he'd had since then had greatly improved his skill and aim.

He took out another enemy ship and was about to go for a third, when a Raider swooped down over the top of his bird, slowing to the same speed as him. It wasn't like that first incident when the Raider had merely turned around by itself and made contact. This time it kept as close as possible as it flew backward, almost human in the way it seemed to need to get a better look. He nearly missed the other four Raiders that pulled up along side, flying as if they were guiding him in. The ship leading the pack opened the metal shielding just as it had done the last time, red eye running back and forth as it watched Sam. Though alarmed, he wasn't as unprepared for it as he had been previously. Going into this fight, he knew what was going to come and welcomed the possible answers it brought, although the implications of it were something else he would have to deal with.

Sam held his ship steady until the familiar process was over, and within seconds, each of the five ships peeled away and off, beginning the retreat. Around him, Sam saw the other Raiders starting to do the same and the calls on the wireless confirmed the phenomenon to he happening again. His chest ached with how close he'd come to death a second time, although now he wondered if death truly wasn't the end for him anymore. He heard Hot Dog and Apollo speak loud and above all the rest and then he heard a voice he never thought he would hear again. He heard Kara. The first time, he was certain he was doing nothing more than hallucinating her, but the second time confirmed it and washed away his doubts. Kara was here and suddenly Anders wondered if maybe the Final Five weren't the Final Six after all.

—

Despite the retreat from the cylon forces, the Vipers stayed out until the civilian ships began to jump away and Galactica put in the call for them to return for the battlestar's own jump. Apollo was the last to land, though he knew that was usually Kara's tradition. He couldn't let her be the final one this time, afraid if he turned his head away from her she wouldn't make it back on board. He watched her ship come in for the combat landing ahead of him, Viper bouncing and scraping along the deck just as his was. Before their ships had even come to a full stop, the landing pods fully closed into its resting state tucked into Galactica's sides, and the pull of an FTL jump took them away to safety.

The wait for their ships to be lowered down onto the main deck was unbearable for him and as soon as there was any amount of pressure available, he began unsealing his cockpit canopy and pulling his helmet off. Apollo didn't even wait for a deck crew member to tug a ladder towards his ship, instead sliding down off the wing, hitting the floor and heading down the deck to where he knew Kara's ship was to have been placed. The crowd thickened as he neared her and Lee forgot all his manners, pushing through with as much force as he could muster up. Despite how long he had imagined her and her ship beside his own, he still feared it would all be a dream. It would have been his longest imagining of her to date, but he wouldn't believe it until he could touch her, kiss her, breathe her in. His senses need to be consumed by her.

While he was still a few people back, he saw her long blonde hair fall out of her helmet as it was removed, glimpses of her taken between the windows made between the bodies of those in front of him. When he finally made it through, he didn't stop, not even for a second, instead throwing himself at her. Lee gathered her up in his arms, holding her closer than he ever had, even when they were undressed. His arms slid under both of hers, hand stretched up to cradle the back of her head and neck against his shoulder as his face buried into her hair. He had felt her before in some of the hallucinations, but only for a moment before reality sunk back in. As he held her then, he knew that while all his manifestations of her had been close, it had never been this vibrant. The color of her hair was just right, even under the deck lighting. The weight of her against him was just enough. Even the smell of her was perfect, so unlike anything he had even imagined in the last two months.

Kara's arms gripped around him in return and she felt the slight shake of his chest, alerting her to the emotion that was wracking through him. She pulled her gloves off and let them fall to the floor without worry, her palms smoothing down his back, even if he was in the flight suit. She had to be near him, had to be touching him. Fingers moved upward and she ran her hands through his hair, though she noted that it felt oddly different than it had the last time they had been there. It felt longer, it looked longer, but she knew it couldn't be true.

"Lee," Kara whispered as they held each other close. "It's okay, but if you don't let go of me, soon the whole deck's going to know." She didn't say what they would know, but from her whisper Lee would understand what she meant.

He released her only pulling back enough to look at her face. She smelled and felt real, now he needed to look at the face he'd dreamt of for years and make sure that, too, was perfect. "Everyone already knows, Kara." He said and touched her face, a finger starting at the corner of her eye where her skin creased, tracing down over her cheek bones to the corner of her lips.

"How the frak could they know? I know I was gone for a few hours, but when I left, no one had a clue." Her volume raised ever so slightly as she addressed the situation, fear in her chest.

"Kara," Lee started, bewilderment over his face. "You haven't been gone hours. It's been two months."

She froze, then smiled, shaking her head. "Stop frakking around, I'm sorry I made you worry."

Lee shook his head with conviction, his eyes showing the severity of his words. "Two months. I saw your ship explode. You died."

A laugh left her again, this time it was less convincing than the rest. "I don't know what game you're playing…" Her words were silenced as she noticed a commotion out of the corner of her eye, only to find Sam pushing his own way through. Unlike Lee, he did stop when he saw her.

"Kara," Sam said with reverence.

Lee released her with great reluctance and stepped aside. He wanted to be selfish, keep her to himself for the rest of their lives, but the past weeks and months had made her two former lovers grow closer in wake of her death. Sam needed this just as much as he did.

All at once, Sam stepped forward and tugged her up in his arms, lifting her from the floor as he did so, his height aiding in the process. He kissed her head and let go of her, smile wide over his features.

"I'm okay, Sam," Kara said, though her tone wasn't stiff like it had been in the time following their separation.

The reunion was cut short, however, as the crowd parted and the Admiral appeared, flanked by Tigh and a group of marines. Kara pulled away from Sam to step forward, hands on her hips in the definition of a pride. In that minute, she wasn't just Kara Thrace or Major Thrace, or even Starbuck. She was the Commander all over again.

"I did it, boss. I found Earth," Kara declared to him, her face alight with her news. "It's beautiful."

Across from her, Bill watched her with pain in his eyes. He wanted to believe this was the woman he knew to be his daughter. The ache from her death hadn't gotten any less or easier to deal with, he had simply grown accustomed to having it be part of his life. Despite how much he wanted it to be her, he knew it could not. It was a trick and a betrayal of the absolute worst kind. "Starbuck is dead. She died two months ago when her Viper exploded. You're not her."

Kara recoiled in hurt as she took in what he was saying. She moved back half a step, bumping into Lee as he had stepped forward, looking to protect her. "That's impossible, my ship's clock reads six hours and change. I'm alive, I'm here!"

"Put it under arrest and take it to Cottle." Tigh said, needing to speak for the Old Man and his crumbling sense of self, though Saul's own ability to deal with such a scenario was shoddy at best. He and Kara hadn't started off the best of friends, but that had changed since even before New Caprica.

Kara looked back to Lee for support, but she saw the truth on his face as well. He hadn't been joking half a minute ago. She felt as if she was losing her mind, but she knew what she saw, knew what she remembered.

The marines moved in, guns drawn as they circled around her, and Kara felt Lee step in front of her, arms spread wide as if to use his body as a shield. "Don't touch her," he warned without even thinking. Everything had happened so fast, he wasn't even sure what Kara's return could have meant or how it was possible. Despite how by the book and based on fact and logic he usually was, nothing mattered now that she had come back.

"Captain! Back away from her," the marine in charge warned him.

"Lee." His father said much gentler, as if to encourage him to fall in line.

"No one touches her!" From behind both he and Kara, a marine moved in and grabbed at her, tugging her back and away. Lee spun around, watching the expression Kara wore as she resisted. It wasn't anger or rage there, but rather the burn of being betrayed by the family she held dear to her. He moved forward to pull her back, but her hands were already cuffed behind her. Despite the guns being pointed at him rather closely, Lee paid them no mind, instead entirely focused on not letting her out of his sight. "Let me go with her." Lee pleaded to his father from where he stood as a pair of marines stepped between him and Kara. He could hardly see her and that built a panic inside of him. If he wasn't looking at her, she would disappear.

Though Adama knew better than to show weakness in front of the crew, especially when it came to treating his son favorably, he nodded in concession. "Take him with her," he ordered, and the troupe of marines led Kara and Lee, separately, off of the deck and towards sickbay. As Lee passed his father, he nodded his head in a small moment of thanks.

—

Kara didn't fight with Cottle through the lengthy and embarrassing physical she was required to endure, a marine standing guard only a few feet away through the process of it. She had just tugged the front of her gown closed when another guard Let lee into the private room she'd been kept in, not for her comfort, but for the safety of others, or so she presumed. She barely lifted her head to acknowledge him as he came close, her spirits that had once been lifted to new heights with her news from Earth having been trampled down upon by the treatment she received when she came back.

The pair of guards stood a few feet away by the doorway, though it didn't give the couple even a sliver of privacy. Kara sat perched on the side of the bed, bare legs dangling towards the floor. Rather than sitting next to her, Lee dragged the nearby chair to her bedside and sat on the edge of it, just in front of her. He leaned in, her knees parting barely to cradle his sides as his arms curled around her midsection. Lee hugged himself to her low chest, head resting there against her. Kara, though shaken by the events of the last few hours, wrapped her arms around him loosely, spine arched forward as she kissed the top of his head from above.

"I don't know what's going on, Lee," she confessed and all that confidence from earlier disappeared instantly inside of her.

"It doesn't matter." His words were mumbled against the thin fabric of the gown she wore.

She squeezed him tight in response, feeling the tears pool in her eyes. Aside from her memories of Earth, she could recall how things had been left with him earlier in the day. At least, it had been earlier in the day for her. The pain of it was still fresh, though she knew it wasn't the time to bring it up and apologize again, if there ever would be a right time for that. Kara released him and pried his arms off her and he allowed her without much resistance. His face read of hurt and confusion, but she shook her head and pushed him back into his chair. When he was seated in it fully, she slid off the hospital bed and onto his lap, her body perpendicular across his thighs. She hooked an arm around his shoulders, her other hand stroking over his cheek.

Lee watched her, one arm moving back around her as she settled into position. He couldn't remember her ever doing something like this with him, something so incredibly intimate without being provocative. His hand mimicked hers, cupping her cheek, content to be lost in her eyes for as long as he could.

"I know—" she paused. "I know when I close my eyes I can see the last few hours. I know what I saw. I know it was real. Then you tell me it's been months since you last saw me and I don't know what to think." Her fingers shifted from his cheek into his hair. "I don't want to believe it, but Lee I look at—" She choked on her words, clenching her eyes closed as she broke down. When they opened again, tears pooled at the corners. "I look at your hair. I know when I cut it. It was only a few weeks ago. I know how it looked when I last saw you and I know this isn't it." Her fingers stroked through his hair, like the touch of its added length would make it real to her.

"We'll figure it out," Lee insisted, because he knew they absolutely would. Whatever anyone else decided for her or about her, he would remain loyal. He had lost her once before and now he knew he could never do it again. He wouldn't survive it. "Kara," he whispered and she drew herself in closer to hear him, knowing that his words were intended for her and not the prying ears of the guards. "If it comes to it, we can leave. I know some people in the fleet, we can disappear from here. I won't let anyone take you from me again."

Kara withdrew from him after he finished, just far enough back to look into his eyes without getting dizzy from the degree of closeness. She knew what they believed had happened to her: she went down into the planet, the pressure crushed her ship, it exploded and took her with it. That wasn't how she remembered it. For her it had been a couple of hours, though she couldn't recall exactly how she had gotten from point A to point B. Regardless of it all, looking at him then she could see how much he had suffered with her gone. She hadn't been gone for a few hours, hadn't been just missing. She had been dead and he had watched her die. There would never be a way for her to understand that, at least without him dying, and she refused to even consider the notion of it.

"I'm here," she said to reassure him. Kara took his hand from her cheek and slid it just inside the front of the thin hospital robe until his palm came to rest against the skin just above her breast, but over her heart. "You can feel it. I'm not dead." She searched his eyes for some recognition of her words, that he understood. Instead she found his eyes heavy with his own tears, the very sight of which broke her through and through. Kara's hand was replaced on his cheek and she moved in towards him until their mouths met. She was gentle, but firm, lips parting to welcome in the taste of him again. For her it had been hours since they laid in her bunk together after they made love. For him, she knew it had been months and he had genuinely thought he would never experience this again.

His lips responded to hers instantly, hungry and yet restrained. In his dreams, he would kiss her, but never fully taste her. It was like eating without ever enjoying the experience of it. It got you full, but it wasn't as it should have been. This now, her mouth against his, was like it always was. The sense memory of her mouth reminded him of every moment they'd shared, from her dining room table to the kiss on the Astral Queen, from New Caprica to the night in the CAG's office before the algae planet. This was real, vivid, and full of color. He didn't care if the marines were watching or what they were thinking about it, if they were judging him for being in love with the woman presumed to be a cylon. None of it mattered.

Kara pulled back after a moment. She hadn't wanted to, but knew it was important he understood her intent. "I didn't die. I didn't leave you," she said at full volume. Lee nodded to her just barely and the softest of smiles came over her. "You're Lee, I'm Kara, and the rest of it isn't worth a damn. Right?"

"Right." Lee said and drew her mouth back to his to begin drinking her in again.

—

The Admiral's quarters were crowded, an increasingly rare sight. Lee sat beside Kara, though giving her the space he knew she needed for the interrogation she was to endure at his father and Roslin's hands. "Do we really need the marine guard?" He questioned, an eye on his father.

Bill shot him a look in response and Lee, wisely, chose not to challenge him on it.

"What's Cottle's verdict?" Kara asked.

Adama was silent as he set the folder with her latest medical report down on the coffee table. "Everything checks out." Though the chief medical doctor had given her the all clear, he couldn't begin to wrap his mind around it.

"So I'm not a cylon, that is why you had me tested, right?"

"Kara, nobody said you were a cylon," Lee started from next to her.

"They were thinking it." Her head turned to him from where he sat on the same couch they shared. Had she not been in the hospital room with him an hour earlier, she would have questioned him as well. Lee had come with her, though, defied his father and risked his life to not be broken apart from her. "Do you want to see every scar I have?" She put her attention back on Laura, Bill, and Tory, her mood slowly becoming unhinged at the accusation. "Every tattoo?" Her hands began to untuck her shirt rapidly, pulling up the fabric. Lee reached over to still her fingers and it was enough to cause her movements to cease. She took a steady breath and released her shirt, hands restless in her lap.

Bill watched from his own seat next to Laura. All he wanted to do since she returned was to hug her as a father would to his daughter, but images of Boomer and the raise of her gun flashed through his eyes at each moment. He loved her and he was scared of her at the same time, and for that he felt guilt. "We had to be sure, Kara."

Roslin remained the only one standing and it had the effect of showing her dominance over the others. "Let's go over it again until it makes sense. Tell me everything that happened."

The words spilled out of Kara, letting her anger take over her. "I flew into the storm, took some hits and passed out. When I came to, I was orbiting this planet. Its yellow moon and star matched the description in Pythia. I took these pictures in orbit," she said and gestured to the pile of captures take from the camera on her Viper. "The star patterns match what we saw in the tomb of Athena."

Skeptical, Laura kept up her act. "How did you get here?"

This time, Kara was subdued. "I told you, I don't know exactly. I remember taking the photos. Turning my ship in a reciprocal heading. And then… I'm not sure. I must've blacked out again. Then I was back with the fleet."

"And for you, all of this took six hours?"

She looked to Lee to summon the strength from him that she needed to get the words out. "I do not understand this time discrepancy either. All I know is I took the pictures, I was there, I didn't imagine it."

Lee reached to her and took Kara's hand. She didn't fight it, instead looped her fingers into his own.

—

"So it's not the same ship?" Laura asked, arms crossed. Around her, Bill, Lee, Saul and Sam circled the Viper Kara had rode in on.

"Unless she found a hell of a body shop out there, no Ma'am it's not." Tyrol said with great reluctance. He didn't know what Kara was or what had happened out there, but more than anything he wanted to give the President a reason not to doubt the pilot. It wasn't something he would have been able to cover up, not with all the differences that were plain as day in the ship. It may have had her name on it and number on the tail, but the metal of it was brand new. The paint was clean, crisp, and not a single scratch made to it. Even he hadn't seen one looking this new when they were mere museum pieces.

"Admiral, it's not just the outside either. This is the data from the nav computer." He turned on the nearby machine, displaying the information that should have been downloaded from the ship's hard drive. "There isn't any. It's just blank. There's no record of where this ship has been." Galen paused, waiting to deliver the next news. "I opened her up myself, sir. The ship's been outfitted with what I'd say looks like an FTL drive."

Everyone's eyes looked up from wherever they were.

"Viper's don't have FTL drives, Chief, certainly not Mark IIs," Tigh said from the back, though it was common knowledge to the rest of them, aside from the President. The blackbird, or the 'Laura' as it had been named, had been unique in that regard.

Tyrol nodded with a sigh and hit a button on the deck computer until a new series of numbers was brought up. "It isn't Colonial, I know that much. I tested the fuel in the ship as well, it's tyllium based, but not exactly the same as the kind we use. To put it straight, it isn't what we fueled her up with when she left, so even if this was the ship she left in, it would mean she fueled up somewhere else."

"Put her in the brig," Laura declared, making the decision so Bill didn't have to.

Lee came barreling down the ladder of the Viper, accusation in his posture. "What? So things don't add up and we're back to thinking she's a cylon? What about Cottle's test?"

"Cottle's test doesn't prove anything," Tigh said with regret.

Laura looked out onto the deck, a far away look haunting her. "She could have been a cylon from the very beginning."

The XO's voice resounded again, "Baltar's test was a crock, it failed to ID boomer."

"I know how you feel about her, Lee," the President directed her attention to the younger Adama. "But that is exactly what the cylons could be counting on here. What if she was placed here years ago and she sought you out?" Her eyes lifted to Bill. "She got the Admiral to think of her as a daughter, the Admiral's son to fall in love with her. Don't you understand how much control she has over both of you?"

"Enough!" Lee's temper flared as the words continued on out of Roslin. "She rescued you from that Gods forsaken planet too. You were happy that she came back for you when she and my father should have left us behind for dead. You were here when we mourned her death! And now this is how you talk about her? Like she just schemed up the last what, six years? Are you going to tell me my brother dying was some part of it now too?" He burned with the anger he felt inside of him. "If Kara Thrace wasn't part of this fleet, we all would have died that first day on our own. You don't understand a frakking thing about her."

Sam stayed quiet, feeling the odd man out in the situation. While the rest of them were the fleet's top officers, as well as the President of the Colonies, he was there merely as someone who had been close to her and perhaps could provide any insight into Kara. He had the feeling that by insight, they actually meant for him to share any moments in their relationship when her behavior could have suggested she not be on their team. With his own secrets, Sam had been wary of volunteering a single speck of information.

"That's enough, Lee," Bill's voice ordered and his son backed down.

The President paid Lee no mind outwardly, though inwardly she felt remorse for what her own logic was drawing her towards. "That cylon fleet had enough fire power to blow us out of the sky again, but instead they ran and jumped. And there's Kara Thrace suddenly back from the dead, having found Earth. Bill, she was in Command of Pegasus when the Raiders pulled back last time, and here she was again, the first time we've really fought them since the exodus. That can't be coincidence."

Sam's eyes raised, his skin burning with his own quietly kept knowledge. It was a coincidence, of that he was certain, at least regarding Kara. For himself, and what he'd witnessed during both of the fights, he knew the guilty party lay in him. He couldn't let Kara take the fall for what he was.

"If she could lead us off our course," Roslin started again.

Accusingly, Lee cut in. "Course? What course? The nebula was supposed to be another clue on the way to Earth."

"The nebula—" Laura interrupted. "—Was only a road sign along the way to Earth. We need to continue to follow it's path."

With his head shaking, Lee stepped away, pacing. "What if Kara is the clue we were supposed to find?" His atheism was well known to those who knew him, but after witnessing Kara's return, he had begun to doubt his lack of faith.

"What if she's playing you? And all of us?"

While the rest of the group stayed still in contemplation, Lee headed towards the nearest hatch that would lead him off the deck floor. "She's not."

—

Elsewhere on the ship, Laura had D'Anna pulled from her holding cell, away from Leoben, and brought to a nearby storage unit. The door was left open and a marine stood guard inside with the President, a few more waiting outside.

"I want to talk about the other cylons, the ones I know you refer to as the Final Five."

D'Anna walked back and forth across the enclosed space, enjoying the slight increase in freedom when compared to her cell. Though her hands were cuffed along with her feet as a precaution to prevent her escape, she moved like she was unhindered. Looking for a place to sit, she settled for leaning against the large and intricate metal cylindrical item that had come to be stored there months ago, once it was pulled out of space. It had seemed amazingly important at the time, but the beacon had come to be abandoned and forgotten in the storage locker.

"What you're really asking is if Kara Thrace is a cylon." She idly picked a speck of dust off her clothing, playing up her feigned disinterest.

"I heard you were seeing images of the Final Five inbetween downloads." Though as of late, their interrogation of the cylons had fallen to the wayside, they had gleaned some information out of the two of them and Baltar after their initial capture. Baltar, of course, had been the weakest link and had the loosest tongue.

"You already know I don't know who they are." A single eyebrow rose. "Though even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."

"Do you think we're stupid, D'Anna?" Laura took her glasses off, folding the arms in and held them between her hands. "You and Leoben could have killed yourselves at any time and resurrected somewhere else. There's a chance you'd be out of range, but it's not much of one. I think you're staying here for a reason. You're afraid what will happen when you go back."

Though she tried to keep her face steeled, she knew was behaving more like human than cylon when it came to shielding her emotions.

"I also know we just sentenced Baltar to death for the things you made him do on New Caprica and I don't think you want to see him go out the airlock."

D'Anna's mind wandered to the time she had shared with Baltar, although she had split him with Caprica Six. He'd taken her side when they went to that algae planet, though it had been selfishly to discover if he was in fact cylon. Even that small amount of loyalty was something she hadn't felt from anyone but her fellow Threes.

"Why did your people recall the Raiders today?"

The cylon thought of Baltar and what the President seemed to be implying in her words.

"As the President of the Colonies, D'Anna, I'm the only one who can offer a full pardon."

"How do I know you won't just kill him anyway after you get what you want," she said.

"He's guaranteed to die if you don't talk, maybe he'll have a small chance if you do." Laura resorted to the harder version of herself that she'd grown into since the end of the worlds. This hadn't been very much like the school teacher she was all those years before.

"Your word is all I have then," said D'Anna. "On New Caprica, when Galactica and Pegasus returned for you, we found that the Raiders turned back to our ships, despite orders. We weren't able to figure out why until one of our hybrids made mention a few weeks later about one of the Five being found. Our theory became that a Raider had located one of the Five, realized who they were, and sent a message to the rest to pull back."

Laura listened intently, trying to absorb and commit to memory all the details the cylon was sharing with her. "Why would the Raiders do that?"

"They're not like centurions or the rest of the models. The Raiders have free will, where as the centurions have theirs inhibited. And us, we're just completely different. We have free will, but we aren't tapped into whatever the Raiders are able to sense. We've been programmed not to think of the Final Five, but for some reason they haven't. We assumed they found one of the Five and made the decision that harm to them was not worth the risk of it all and pulled back." Her shoulders shrugged. "That was the theory at least, although it happening again is confirmation enough."

"But how would a Raider find one of the Five?"

D'Anna pulled a wry smile over her face. "The longer I've been here, the more I could feel it. I don't know what it is, if it's the call of cylon to cylon inside of me, but I can feel it. When they didn't show their faces to me in the temple, I thought I'd been abandoned, but I realized a long time ago that I was meant to be brought here to be closer. The Final Five are in your fleet, and the one that's been turning the Raiders away is one of your pilots. A pilot that fought at New Caprica and fought again today."

The President's jaw hung open just barely, trying to contemplate the wealth of information. The Final Five were in the fleet, at least according to D'Anna. Were they aware of who they were, were they sleepers, were they sabotaging the fleet all along? "Who is it?"

The cylon moved to shake her head. She wasn't sure who it was, but she had a guess at it, a strong guess at that. Before her head could signal her lack of an answer, a knock sounded at the nearby open hatchway. Both the cylon and President turned towards the doorway. A marine poked his head in.

"Madame President, there's someone here that says he needs to talk to you. Regarding the cylons, sir."

Apprehensive, Laura nodded her head and the door pulled open wider. The culprit stepped inside.

"It's me," Sam said, having overheard the conversation from outside the door as he passed. "And I know who the others are."


	22. Chapter 22

_Caprica: Eighteen Years Before the Fall_

Dreilide lingered outside the coffee shop, one hand stuffed into a pocket of his overcoat, the other cradling half of a cigarette between index and middle finger. He drew it to his lips and inhaled, though the nicotine provided him no comfort. In fact, it had the opposite effect, the taste of it on his tongue reminding him of the wife he'd left behind in Delphi to come here. He'd promised her months ago that he would be around considerably more, and for the most part he held true to it. They'd been happy, at least more so than before the blow out between he and Socrata, and all of it counted as an improvement to him. This, though, was something he was unable to avoid and even the familiar smell of the smoke reminded him that when he got home, there'd be hell to pay for his disappearance.

His back was to the glass of the store's windows, eyes shifting between far out things in the distance to pass the time. A glance to his left with another drag of the cigarette and his vision caught on the face of a man he hadn't seen in over a decade, but would forever be familiar to him nonetheless. The dark haired man nodded to Dreilide in acknowledgement and he returned it. Once the other man disappeared inside, he dropped his cigarette with great reluctance, his shoe grinding the butt into the sidewalk to extinguish what embers remained burning inside the paper. Not a single part of him wanted to step inside the place they'd arranged to meet, but with a great intake and release of breath, he managed it just the same.

Dreilide moved inward of the main room, tables and chairs running along the windows while the counter and line of customers were towards the back of the establishment. He let his eyes linger on the people going about their business, buying coffee to get them jumpstarted for their day, desperately wanting to be just one of them. When he finally focused on the mess of tables around him, he found his destination almost immediately. He pushed through the chairs not tucked into the tables, apologizing to the few people he managed to bump into on his way over. Without a word, Dreilide sat down at one of the larger tables his group had taken to call their own, the other three members eyeing him as he did.

"Didn't think you'd ever come in," the woman across from him said, her red hair pulled loosely from her face. Like the other man he'd seen enter the store who now sat beside him, he would know her anywhere, even with the age that now read over her features. All of them were far older than when he'd last seen them, himself included, lines on their faces detailing how much time had passed.

He forced a weak smile as he slid his coat off. "Didn't really want to come in, Eugenia." His hand reached for the mug of coffee that was set at his spot, presumably bought for him by one of the others.

Beside him, the dark haired man set his cup down. "None of us did."

The fourth occupant of the table, a woman with similar features to the other, though with blonde hair, kept quiet.

The woman known as Eugenia started up again, taking charge for the other three more somber individuals. "As you all know, Dreilide got in touch with me a few months ago about what he saw, or rather who he saw planet side." Both her hands cupped around the warm mug of whatever she was drinking. "My sister here has been looking into it since then, while I got started on other matters." She didn't specify, but the expression on the faces of the rest of the group indicated they understood. "Cleo?" Her voice raised, head turning towards her sister beside her.

Cleo had already drawn a folder from the bag beside her chair. She reached for a napkin and cleaned the table of any stray droplets of their beverages and then pushed her cup aside. The folder was placed down on the flat surface and opened, a few sheets of paper tucked inside. "Saul Tigh, as the Colonies know him, first appeared on any system twelve years ago. At least, twelve verifiable years ago. He has a past, but what I found was all very one dimensional. Said he enlisted in the Colonial Fleet, starting out as a deckhand, fought in the first Cylon War, worked his way up to a Viper Pilot."

The other man interrupted her, "I don't really see where you're going with this. You're saying he only appeared twelve years ago, but then what you found goes back further than that. You're contradicting yourself."

Cleo's eyes rose, face stern at being cut off mid-thought. Her palms pressed over the papers to channel out some of her irritation. "What I'm saying is there are all these bullet points of his life. The important facts, but I can't find the other details anywhere. The systems here should have records of other things in his life. Where he lived when off duty as a deckhand. Things he bought. Credit purchases at his favorite restaurants from twenty years ago. There should be transcripts and grades from his schooling, but instead all I have is that he graduated. I looked up his parents and they're just dead ends. Said they died on Aerilon and there's absolutely nothing there about them. Even the most backwater areas on the worst planets here have some records."

She slid a photo of the man in question across to the dark haired man. "What I'm getting to, Jacob, is that someone doctored this all up. They gave just enough information into the right systems so there wouldn't be a red flag about his existence, but didn't flesh out the details thats someone would expect to see if they took a hard look. It was a rush job by someone who didn't have anything at stake in this. That picture there, that's the earliest one of him on record. He would have had one taken the year he first enlisted, and yet, all I've got is one a little more than a decade old."

Adam looked at the picture before him, a photo of the man he knew as Saul. There was no coincidence in this, no mistaken identity like he had hoped and prayed for. He slid the picture over to Dreilide, who looked at it for half a second and pushed it back towards the middle of the table. "How do we know," Jacob started, "that Saul didn't just decide to acclimate himself?"

The red haired sister spoke up this time. "Even if he did create a false history to cover his tracks, for what reason would he have wiped out certain parts of his memory? To protect himself? From what?" She posed the question, her eyes on Dreilide across from her.

"He wasn't just lying either," Dreilide said. "He didn't know who I was. No idea."

Eugenia nodded and leaned back in her chair, arms across her chest. "Cleo says Ellen's history was much the same. Any true, verifiable information started around twelve years ago. All the rest goes back in circles or leads to dead ends."

Jacob's shoulders slumped as he leaned into the table, elbows on the edge. "So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that something happened out there," said Eugenia.

"What about the rest?" Dreilide asked. "Tory and Galen? Were you able to find them anywhere? And Sam?" He was fearful and hopeful at the same time.

Cleo's head shook and she closed the folder until the contents were hidden away. "Nothing on them. I searched for their names and similar spellings, but I got nothing. I even searched all the databases with their images and nothing even close turned up. I'm not sure why Saul and Ellen would be here and the other three not, but that raises another red flag to me. They wouldn't have come here and left three of them behind, that wasn't how it worked. They made decisions as a group, just as we do."

The entire table quieted down, silence between them all. Jacob's eyes were distant and trained on the photo in the center of the table. "The question isn't did something happen, it's what happened? And what do we do?"

"We can't exactly go out there and knock," Eugenia said with a bit of humor to her voice despite the dire situation. "We have to assume the worst, that what we said would happen, has happened. Last time we all saw each other, we agreed to what we'd do and now unfortunately, the time has come where we have to follow through."

Dreilide sighed the loudest, his head shaking. "I can't go. When I agreed to it all back then, things were different." He raised his eyes to Eugenia. "You know I have a daughter now."

"A daughter?" Jacob asked and watched as Dreilide nodded. "My God, Eugenia you didn't tell me he had a daughter when you called."

Her head jerked towards her sister, who had her own look of astonishment on her face. "I didn't even tell Cleo, it wasn't my secret to tell."

Cleo's harsh demeanor from earlier disappeared, her hand reaching across the table to take one of Dreilide's. She squeezed it in a showing of solidarity. "Then you've done something none of us ever thought possible. You should bring her with you. We need her, Dreilide."

His head shook stronger than it did before, his hand pulling away from Cleo's own. His chair moved away from them just an inch or two, arms crossing his chest. "No. What if this is all a mistake? I can't take her away from the life she has here. My wife," he paused, thinking about Socrata. "She fought in the cylon war, she wouldn't ever understand. I couldn't take my daughter from her mother." It pained him greatly as he came to a few realizations in that instant. Tears barely coated over his eyes, but he tried to push them away.

"And what if it does happen?" Cleo asked. "This has all happened before, this will all happen again." Her words were delivered with an ominous kind of foreboding.

He refused to think about what that would mean for his daughter and for his wife, as well as the rest of the people of the Twelve Colonies. He couldn't consider that the girl who just celebrated her seventh birthday would ever possibly meet her end. "She'll know where to go."

The others didn't ask what he meant by it, or even how he could know such a thing. The conversation was over with, even though the rest had a multitude of questions to ask about his daughter and the circumstances that led to her birth. Eugenia broke up the silence.

"We leave in a month. I made the preparations." Her final words were specifically directed towards Dreilide. "Say your goodbyes."

—

Dreilide lay beside Socrata, spent and lungs finally restored back to a normal breathing rate. Next to him, his wife curled into his side, her head resting to his shoulder in the familiar way their bodies fit together. While one arm curled around her, his other stretched across his chest and gently brushed through the strands of hair nearest her face.

"Haven't done that in awhile," Socrata said.

His lips pulled into a well controlled smile, eyes set on the ceiling above them both. "It was too long," he insisted.

Socrata didn't say a word, but the sound that left the back of her throat agreed with him softly. They laid there like that for untold moments, his hand stroking through her hair, and her content to let him do so. It brought back memories of the first years of their relationship, when they'd spent nearly all their time together like this. Age, work, and a child between them had acted together to push them slightly apart. Moments like these had the effect of reminding both of them why ended up together in the first place.

"Socrata?" Dreilide asked in the veil of darkness of the room. "Are you happy? I mean, have you been happy with me?" The question seemed to be important to him, the answer even more so.

She lifted her head and reached for the light on the nearby end table, her hand switching it on. The bulb illuminated the room just barely enough to lift the haze so she could see him with clearer eyes. Socrata returned to his side, this time to her own pillow, but let her hand reach to his bare chest, stroking over his skin and the hair there. "You know I have been," she said without a hint of doubt. "What's going on with you?" Her brows furrowed and forehead creased as she watched him.

Dreilide's head shook back and forth shallowly on the pillow before he turned to look at her. "Nothing. I was just curious. Sometimes we fight…" He laughed. "We fight a lot and I just wanted to know if it was worth it to you, the things we have in exchange for how much we don't get along sometimes."

"We get along," she insisted, "Maybe too well, and that's why we fight." Her hand on his chest stopped as she focused all her energy on him. "I know I'm not easy to be with," she was remorseful for herself, apologetic without saying so explicitly. "But I can't imagine you not being here, I don't know who I'd be if you weren't."

Those words both warmed and scared him. She loved him, he had always been sure of it. Their life together had meant something to her, although he knew what he shared with Socrata was far bigger than just the two of them in that room. It scared him because he knew what he would have to do and feared just how broken she would become. She'd been in pieces when they met, just as he had been to some degree, but they'd managed to pull each other together. He couldn't bear the idea of knowing she could fall so far from who she was now. "If something ever happened to me, you and Kara would be okay, wouldn't you?"

"Don't," she said with a shake of her head. "Don't even make me think about that. Nothing's going to happen to you," Socrata insisted and moved her nude form back in closer to him, burying her face into his neck. "You'll never leave me." He had become a crutch for her, a crutch of the best kind. Her husband kept her level headed and reminded of the things that were important to her. He had changed her and it was far for the better.

Guilt stabbed at him but he didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. "Marrying you was the best decision I ever made and Kara was the best mistake."

She smiled at his choice of words, her eyes shut. "Mm, a mistake all right."

His chest hummed with his quiet laughter. "Sorry, surprise?"

"She's not here, we can call her whatever we want." They could tease each other outwardly because they both knew the truth of it all. Kara really had been the best thing to happen to them since they'd married. She regretted those weeks of indecision she had after she learned she was pregnant, hating how close she'd been to giving it all up out of a pang of fear of the unknown. What mattered, she told herself, was that she hadn't let it slip through her fingers.

"Do you ever think we should have had more?"

Her own laughter echoed then. "With how much she hurt, you're lucky you got one. Besides, I couldn't take another nine months of you watching over my every move. I know some partners are concerned for the health of their child, but you were ridiculous." Her finger prodded his side.

He breathed a sigh, recalling how distraught with worry he'd been, though he knew he had good reason. "Everyone says the second's easier."

"I'm not everyone," she said and kissed his chest as she picked her head up. "I'm getting too old now anyway. Besides, what is it you always say? Kara's special. Let her be special enough on her own."

He nodded and looked to her. "I love you."

Socrata smiled. "I love you too."

Sometime later, his wife fell asleep on his arm. He laid and watched her most of the night, preserving this sight of her in his memory. If he had to remember her, he didn't want to recall the fights and arguments, her accusing words and the mistakes they both made. Dreilide wanted to remember her at peace and happy, their life perfect together.

When it was nearly morning, he made careful work to slide his arm out from underneath her and kissed the corner of her mouth. "I love you," he whispered again. With as much silence as he could pull together, he moved to the closet they shared, opening it and pulling down the military duffel bag that had been in his wife's possession since the night they first had together. He emptied half his drawers with as much as he could take, lifting the bag and taking it with him from the room. Dreilide shut the door behind him and abandoned his bag in the living room.

His last destination was his daughter's bedroom and he slipped in quietly, sitting beside Kara on the edge of her bed. His hand stroked over his daughter's fine white hair until he saw her eyes opening and blinking awake.

"Daddy?" Kara asked.

"Shh," he whispered. "Mom's still asleep."

"Why aren't you sleeping?" She questioned him, a yawn leaving her small mouth.

"I have to go somewhere." Before she could fire off another question, he continued on. "You know I love you, right Kara?" She nodded to him from where she lay and tears filled his eyes. He thought saying goodbye to his wife had been hard enough, but the complete ache he felt at leaving his daughter behind was far worse than he ever imagined it could have been.

"Don't cry," she said as she sat up, unsure of how to comfort a parent when they crumbled a little. This was her father, he had always been the one to make her own tears go away and the role reversal confused her. "I love you, Daddy," Kara said and her small arms hugged at him as best she could.

He pulled her into his lap, his arms wrapped around her and cradling her small body like he'd done since the day she was born. "You know that song we play together?" Kara nodded. "Remember it for your whole life. Someday, you're going to need it. And those circles you paint for your mom and I, don't forget them. They'll keep you safe."

Kara watched him from below, taking in his words, but unsure of the true meaning behind them. Still sleepy, she merely nodded to him again, feigning her understanding.

"You're special, Kara. Don't let anyone tell you different. Who you are, it's more important than anyone knows. One day, though, I promise one day you'll understand." He leaned in and kissed his daughters head, not willing to pull back from her right away. Dreilide breathed in the smell of her laundry soap and shampoo, committing that, too, to his memory. He stood, his daughter still in his arms, and bent over the bed to lay her back down. She went without a fight and he pulled her sheet and blanket up to cover her.

"Tell your mother I love her, all right? You know it's hard for her when I'm not here." He kissed her forehead again and made move to leave.

"Is Mama taking me to school in the morning?"

He nodded, although the thought that he would never drop her off there again only returned the pain to him. "She is. I love you, Kara. Don't forget what I said. Now go to sleep." With that, he left her behind in her bed and his life behind in that apartment. Dreilide left them that night and the next day, he left Caprica.


	23. Chapter 23

Kara and Lee shared a cot in one of the cells in Galactica's formal brig. They were shoulder to shoulder, backs to the wall, simply enjoying one another's company even though they would have much preferred to be anywhere else. Lee had lobbied strongly for her to be set free, especially after Baltar's test came back negative and Cottle's own exams proved to feature the same healed wounds they had recorded on her medical file. Had the situation with her Viper gone differently, she more than likely would have been let go, but even Lee had to wonder just how she'd come by the pristine Mark II with its modifications. There was no talking Roslin and his father out of keeping her locked up, but Bill had conceded to at least allow Lee to visit her.

Though he'd had meetings and schedules to follow according to the job he currently worked for the government, or what kind of government they still had, there'd been no question to him about where he needed to be. The people out there were of course in great need for his help, but he wouldn't have been able to live with himself had he left her behind like this. For months he'd prayed and wished he could have her again, if even for a minute, and he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth when it came to what he'd been given.

Her hand rested against his thigh and Lee's own fingers dragged lightly over the back of her hand and wrist in a soothing pattern. Though Baltar was in the cell beside them, they'd quickly come to pay him no mind, especially since he had been all manner of insane as of late, even more so than usual. He'd hardly stopped pacing his cell, talking to both himself and someone that wasn't even there. Though he'd barely been sane before, the death sentence seemed to have made him snap.

"I believe you when you say you saw Earth. There's no question about it to me, Kara," Lee started. "But that ship…" He trailed off, eyes on the bars across from him as he played back in his mind every inch of her Viper he'd personally had his hands on earlier. "None of it makes sense."

She chewed her lip and listened to him, focusing on the feel of his warm skin to her much cooler flesh. "It doesn't make sense to me either. An FTL drive? Different fuel? Not a scratch on her?" The news about her Viper that Lee had returned to her with had even unsettled her.

"Maybe you just don't remember what happened. Head trauma." It was a suggestion that could very well be plausible. What had happened to her during the time she didn't remember, though, he wasn't sure. "When you took your helmet off, I remember seeing your hair and it was loose. I didn't even think about it at the time, but if you were just in that ship for six hours like you said you were… when you left Galactica two months ago I know your hair was braided." It was the little details that were starting to compile into bigger ideas now.

Her hand ran up to brush through her long hair, trying to recall the last day they'd shared together. Lee was right, she remembered it bound up and tied off. "How do you not think I'm a cylon? Even I'm starting to believe it now." Kara turned her head and pulled away from him only a few inches, though her hand slid from his lap and contact between them was severed.

He sighed and swallowed over the lump in his throat, watching her though she didn't look at him. "You remember on Kobol, when Helo was taking care of Athena and I just couldn't understand how he could do that? Why he would do that?"

Kara's head lifted in brief ascent.

"I get it now. If you're a cylon, a human, an alien, an I don't even know what, it just doesn't matter to me. You're the same person I've always known." Lee reached across the space she had given him, tugging her wrist gently until her attention was on him. "All of this, it changes nothing for me. You aren't any less to me because of it."

Her shoulders relaxed, thinking back to similar sentiments he had expressed to her months ago when Lee told her his love was unconditional. She thought she understood the words back then, but now she knew she'd barely comprehended the true meaning of it all.

"You know, when you were gone, I actually prayed that you were a cylon because it meant I would see you again." He laughed softly, his head shaking as he did so. "What I know is, if Zak had stepped off that Viper, if my brother had climbed out of there, it wouldn't have mattered to me for even an instant if he was a cylon or not. He's my brother, nothing else matters. You're my…" Blue eyes met her gold and green ones. His lips quirked into a nervous smile. "I don't know what you are to me." He watched her face fall a little at his words so he raised his palms face up to her in offering of a white flag. "There isn't a word for what you are to me. Nothing means enough."

It brought a smile to her face as she looked away down to her lap, as if she was actually shy for a moment in her life. "You've changed so much." Just listening to him and watching him, she could read all the ways in which the last few months had affected him. No longer were things simply black and white for either of them, good and evil, human and cylon. There were all kinds of shades of grey, and she would be happy to live in the in between with him. She stood from where they sat and stepped over towards the bars and the door of the cell. Her hands curled around a bar each, her forehead pressing against them as well. "I know you can live with me no matter what I am, but I'm not sure if I can."

"When you were gone, I used to see you everywhere." His confession was quiet, though just loud enough so she could hear him from where he sat. "In my sleep, but also when I was awake. I felt like I was losing my mind. You'd be around every corner, you'd be with me in the mess telling me how bad the food was. One day I saw you, Kara, and it helped me pick myself up from where I'd fallen to. You told me to be the man I wanted to be." Lee pushed up off the cot and approached, but didn't touch her. He simply leaned his back into the bars, using them as support. "Be the woman you want to be. You always have the choice."

She lifted her head to regard him, carefully chewing over his words. Kara wanted to believe in them, but it felt impossible, even to her. She kept quiet instead.

"Let me help you find Earth."

Kara's forehead creased in comprehension of what he was saying. "You've got new commitments now."

"I do. They're to you."

She expected him to have turned away from her and jumped at the chance to leave. If not that, Kara believed he would have returned to the work he'd been doing since her supposed death. It would be the right thing to do and that was very much a Lee Adama-like thing. "Your father and the President are sooner going to throw me out the airlock than they let me do anything else."

"We'll give them time." He walked away from the bars to pace across the middle of the small cell. "No matter what my father thinks he believes, he'll come around to you. You didn't see how broken up he was when we thought you died."

"Unfortunately, Lee, he doesn't think I'm me. He thinks I'm a machine wearing Kara Thrace's face and ruining her memory." She paused, her face crinkled before she corrected herself. "My memory."

Rather than feed into the mood Kara had fallen into, Lee opted to change the topic of conversation. "When you were gone, I actually ended up in hack for a few days. Me and Sam were in this very cell."

Her lips spread wide and apart, face reading of both shock and amusement. "My ex-husband and my boyfriend ended up in the brig together? Were you boys fighting?"

"Not each other." He quickly interjected. "He kept watch while I beat the hell out of Leoben."

Kara doubled over in laughter, arms folded across the width of her stomach. Though she had felt some attachment to Leoben in the temple for what he'd shown to her, anger still lingered in her gut from their last confrontation on the day she had supposedly gone to her death. "You look pretty proud of your—" Her words silenced themselves as the door to the room that held the jail cells opened, the sound of feet stomping in.

It wasn't just the changing of the shift for the marines who kept watch over her and Baltar, instead it was a gaggle of marines clad in black, clustered around their prisoner. She saw the top of Sam's head peak out among the rest of them and from the glimpses she took between the moving bodies around him, he was handcuffed. The Admiral and President brought up the rear.

"Put him in with Baltar," Adama ordered.

"What the frak is going on? Sam?" She pressed her body up to the bars, arms sticking out between them as if she could reach, though they were feet away. "Sammy?" Her ex-husband kept quiet, instead allowing himself to be pushed into the cell he was to begin sharing with the former President of the Colonies. Kara moved to the bars that separated the two cells apart then, repeating her earlier actions as she tried to come in physical contact with him.

"Dad?" Lee questioned from where he was locked inside with Kara, though unlike the other three cell members, he was the only one not being permanently kept there.

Adama's face held the same look of betrayal it had shown when Kara climbed out of her Viper after her two month absence and declared death. His words were curt and eyes never looked away from where Sam sat in the cell, hands still bound. "Anders says he's a cylon."

Kara's head snapped from her Sam back towards Adama, eyes wide. "Admiral, there has to be a mistake," she made an excuse for the man she used to call her husband. "Sam!" Kara's voice rose, urgent and panicked. "Tell him you're frakking joking!"

Anders finally looked up and over to her, any hint of the jovial expression he usually wore completely wiped away. "I don't have proof," he finally said to the entire room. "Nothing concrete, but I know I am and I know who the others are."

"He's losing his mind, he needs Cottle, not time in hack," Kara continued to make a plea for Sam from her side of the bars, her temper and desperation increasing tenfold with each passing second.

"I'm not losing my frakking mind!" Sam yelled from his cell. "Do you remember when you lost the Pegasus and all the Raiders pulled away at the last minute? Kara," Though the room was full of the biggest names in the entire fleet, his focus remained on her. "That was me. I don't know what happened, but a Raider looked right at me, didn't shoot me, didn't do anything. It just looked at me and they all pulled back—"

"It's just a Gods damned coincidence!"

"No, no—" His head shook vigorously. "It happened the day you came back again. They all turned around after one look at me. And on the algae planet — I've been there before! I knew the temple was there! How could I just know that?"

"You're confused, Sam."

"How do you know who the others are?" Roslin interrupted the conversation between former husband and wife.

"I'm not talking about the others until we reach an agreement."

"You're not in any position to be making demands, Anders," Adama warned him.

"You don't understand. They don't know they're cylons, I barely know myself. I'm not going to tell you their names just so you can throw them out the airlock. You can kill me, torture me, whatever the frak you do to get information. I'll take it to my grave."

"Madame President, Admiral," Lee started, trying to restore some order to the chaos buzzing about them. "If he's telling the truth, this isn't the place."

"Is it me?" Kara blurted out to Sam, undistracted by Lee. "Am I one of them?"

"No," he said. "But you're tied to it and I have no frakking idea how or why."

—

In Bill's quarters later that night, Laura, Saul and Lee convened to begin making sense of the situation that had presented itself with Sam's admission. Though Anders' loose tongue had confessed an awful lot in mere minutes when confronted with Kara, he had turned rather tight lipped immediately following. As a measure of security and intel, the brig was being monitored and recorded, in hopes, or perhaps fear, that he would reveal even more when their presence was removed.

"I don't know how things went to hell so fast," Tigh said from where he sat in an armchair, his uniform unbuttoned and opened, an indication of how far from regulation he felt at the moment.

Adama nodded and sipped his glass of Galactica-made whiskey. "You're telling me."

Laura, looking a little worse for wear, sat beside Bill on the couch. "We can't even be sure if he's telling the truth. He really could just be suffering a mental breakdown after Kara's death and return. You know if we run Baltar's test and it comes back negative, he'll just say the test is wrong. We're going on a very unstable man's word."

Lee kept quiet from where he stood towards the back of the room, his eyes on the framed photos on his father's walls instead of the group. How he felt regarding both Kara and Sam was drastically different than the other three, so much so that even he began to question whether or not his judgement could be trusted in regards to the two of them. Kara always had a way of clouding his head and impairing his decisions. Had it been anyone left behind on that moon during their first few months fleeing the cylons, they would have been left behind to bring the fleet to safety, but he and the Old Man had just about doomed the last 50,000 humans in existence to die in order to try to bring her back.

"Some of the things add up, though," Adama began slowly. "His story corroborates what you said D'Anna told you regarding their theory. That's not even factoring in the temple, the Chief said Anders was already there by time he found it."

"All the pilots who fought in both of those battles knew the Raiders turned back though, it could just be a good story, Bill," Saul added in a layer of skepticism.

"Why would he turn himself in?" asked Laura, though it was more thinking aloud than anything else. "If he had an agenda, some plan, why would he come to us?" She sighed and crossed her legs at the knee after reaching for her glass of water on the coffee table. She sipped it, eyes shutting to enjoy the crisp taste and the relief the coolness brought. Her cancer had returned weeks ago and luckily, she still managed to keep it a relative secret, though it was getting harder by the day. "Unless he's distracting us…"

Bill watched her with concern in his eyes. He had been one of the few she confided in about the return of her illness, even staying in his quarters when enduring her Deloxin treatment.

"I think you're all missing something important," said Lee, his hands in his pockets as he turned back around to address them. "What you've gotten out of D'Anna and Leoben is that the Five aren't like the other seven models. They're something different. Even if they weren't, we know they're all capable of ignoring their programming. Athena's one of us now and she made her choice. Why couldn't Sam and whoever the others are get to choose? He led the resistance on Caprica for nearly a year. He's flown with our pilots. He was down on the algae planet for weeks with the rest of us, making sure we wouldn't starve to death. If he's a cylon, how does it change anything?" His defense of Anders even surprised himself.

"You're forgetting Boomer, kid," Tigh said with a raise of the brow over his one remaining eye. "It's fine to say Anders is on our side, but what if he just gets his flip switched one day and loses it, kills half the people around him?"

"You're at his mercy either way. You don't play ball with him and he won't share what he knows. If you're so afraid of Sam, how afraid are you of whoever those other four are? It could be any of us. It could be me. It could be Zarek. Madame President, it could even be you."

Tigh laughed, his chest shaking with the humor he found at the suggestion Lee made. "Yeah, and it could be me or even the Old Man."

"We have to make a decision." Lee approached where the other three sat and took his own seat on the empty chair while he looked to his father. "Either we go on not knowing who the others are and hope to the Gods they don't betray us, or we find out who they are and give them amnesty if they continue to stick by us."

The only sound of the room was the quite hum of Galactica's engines that gently spun through the entire ship at any given moment. Like most of the decisions they'd made since the end of the worlds, it was choosing between a rock and a hard place. One bad decision versus another slightly worse one.

"Give Sam the assurances he wants," Roslin ordered to no one in particular.

Without missing a beat, Adama added in, "And have him take his oath to the fleet again." It was more a symbol than anything else, just as it had been during Athena's ceremony when she joined and committed herself to the fleet instead of her own people. The amount of trust they were going to put into Samuel Anders was immeasurable, but Bill knew it was the necessary move.

"What about Starbuck?" Tigh posed and Lee was thankful he didn't have to be the one to bring her up.

Adama drank the rest of the whiskey down in a large gulp, contemplating how Kara fit into what they'd already decided. "She deserves the amount of loyalty she's always shown us."

—

Kara sat beside Sam on their cell floors, bars separating one another from any kind of real contact. They'd migrated there after their superiors had left them alone, Lee reluctantly leaving with them. He'd wanted to stay, she had seen the look on his face that said so, but they both had known he needed to be there for the conversation that was going to take place surrounding hers and Sam's seemingly mutual fate. It was no question that Lee was on her side, but the fact that he hadn't completely turned on Sam was what shocked her the most. Something had changed between the two men since her supposed death, as before they'd barely been able to exchange a few words to one another. Kara knew she had always been between them, funny enough that her death had been what brought them together in the end.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kara asked Sam. "You've been thinking this for a long time, why didn't you tell me?"

"What was I going to say? You had a lot on your plate, we were barely speaking, and you've probably killed more cylons than anyone in the fleet."

"So did you back on Caprica," she pointed out. They'd both done their fair share of introducing the enemy to death, or at least a fresh resurrection. "All right, I admit, I probably wouldn't have been the best person to tell." With the exception of Athena, and even Kara had hated that woman at first, she still considered all of the skinjobs and their chrome counterparts to be on the opposing side. "How do you know who the others are if you can't remember being a cylon?"

"That night you and Lee played piano in Joe's Bar, that song you played, it felt the same way to me as I did when I knew the temple was in the mountains. Like I've known it for a very long time, but couldn't place it. I followed the sound and found you, and when I looked up…"

Kara took deep, steadying breaths as Sam's words came out. So this was how she was involved. It shook her completely, knowing she had a part in all of it.

"There were four other people looking just as taken by it as I was. It wasn't just that, but at that moment, I felt at home with them, you know? It made sense in some way I can't describe." Sam's voice rang of an almost kind of defeat. He wished he could better explain it to anyone else, even to himself. For weeks he'd contemplated putting a bullet to his head just to see if he woke up somewhere, but the fear of what it would mean if he'd been wrong, along with what would happen to him if he did end up in some resurrection ship or basestar, had kept him from going through with it.

"But why that song? Even if you and the others are the last cylons, then what do I have to do with it?" She tugged her legs up to her chest, arms wrapping around them as her chin came to rest upon her knees. "And how am I here? Apollo saw my ship explode. Even if I didn't die, say I ejected or who knows what, where did I spend the last two months? Someone built me a new ship and sent me home. If the cylons had me, why would they send me back?"

The more she talked, the more frantic she became, tears being produced at an increased rate in response to her heightened emotions. "Did they brainwash me before sending me back? What if they grew me in some petri dish? They got my ovary on Caprica, Sam, in that farm—" Her head shook and she pressed her forehead to her knees to hide herself away temporarily. "What if they just made a copy of me, what if I'm dead and this isn't even me?"

Sam wished he could have reached through the bars to pull her into his arms and offer some kind of comfort to her as her psyche tore itself apart. He didn't know what she was, but like Lee, he didn't care. This was his wife, and though they were now legally divorced, he would always care for her., even if he was a cylon and even if she really believed she was some genetic cylon experiment. He settled for pushing his hand between the gap of the bars, his palm rubbing her arm. "Stop, Kara."

Just as she lifted her head, prepared to begin again, the door to her cell opened, four marines standing in wait. She turned to look back to Sam and he would've sworn there was a kind of peace in her eyes which absolutely terrified him.

"Where are you taking her?" Sam questioned the marines. As expected, they didn't answer.

"Major Thrace," it amused Kara to hear the formality. "Stand up and turn around so we can handcuff you."

She obeyed slowly and though at any other time, she would have fought them and struggled to push her way free from her jailers, Kara didn't even make an attempt. Her eyes held on Sam as he stood up, watching in horror. "This is how it ends then." She smiled, a glint to her eye. "Again, I guess."

"I want to see Captain Adama!" Sam yelled, rushing towards the front of his cell, hitting the chain of his cuffs on the bars to attract any kind of attention. They continued to ignore him. "Kara, nothing's going to happen to you," he tried for reassurance, but the quiver in his voice wouldn't have calmed her anyway.

They led her away, two marines in front of her and two behind her. "I love you, Sammy," Kara confessed just before they had her out of the door. It wasn't what she felt for Lee, but she knew she'd always feel affection towards the man she'd married, cylon or not. She barely heard him continue to yell for Apollo as the door behind her shut, effectively cutting the volume of his voice down to a tenth of what it had been.

She followed them as they led the way, though with each hallway and landmark she passed, Kara became more confident in her assumption of where she was going. They were taking her to one of the decks, where, of course, the launch tube airlocks were. She tried to tell herself to be brave in facing her death, to be Starbuck and not just Kara Thrace as she had been since she'd climbed out of her Viper days ago. When they stepped onto the hangar floor, Adama was waiting with his own set of marines. Kara hoped it would have been anyone else but him to do this to her. Well, anyone besides him and Lee. Tigh, she could have taken, even though her feelings towards the older man had softened over the years. The Old Man though, she couldn't handle that.

Her contingent of marines stepped away to leave her standing by herself before the man that had been her father for all intents and purposes. That sense of peace she'd had when she left her jail cell began to quickly fade away, fear of self preservation kicking in. As much as she may have wanted to, though, neither Starbuck nor Kara would beg for her life. "So, you quietly cut me loose in deep space." With a deep breath for a small amount of courage, Kara lied, "I'm not afraid to die."

"A little easier after you've been through it once," Adama said.

"You're making a mistake."

Before he responded, he paused, needing to be sure of the decision they'd come to one last time. "Maybe I am, but I can't take the chance that you're right and not do something about it."

Kara's breath caught in her throat, sure she'd heard him wrong. As one of the marines stepped up behind her and released her wrists from the tight cuffs, she knew it wasn't just her mind playing a trick on her.

"I'm tired of turning away from the things I want to believe in, Kara, and I believe you when you say that you'll die before you stop trying. And I won't lose you again. Now go. Find a way to Earth."

She'd thought that one of her proudest moments regarding the Admiral had been the day he had summoned her to his quarters and asked her to take command of Pegasus. Kara had been absolutely stunned that day, almost refusing it on the grounds that the Old Man had finally lost his mind. He had trusted her in charge of half of the fleet and to ultimately take his place should anything have happened to him and Galactica. Sometimes at night in her lonely battlestar when Sam was down on New Caprica and Lee was still not speaking to her, she would cling to that memory inside of her, using it for the kind of warmth she needed to keep herself going. Especially in those last few months on Pegasus, during the planning of their return trip to save their people, she'd found faith in herself through the Admiral's own words.

Now, though, she would have a new moment to keep to herself and preserve quietly. Then and there, Kara vowed she would use it as the necessary fuel she needed to bring them to Earth. He had faith in her again and it meant even more to her now given the questionability about where she'd spent the last two months. She wouldn't let him regret it. Kara threw her arms around the Admiral and in the same instant, his own closed around her. Those tears she'd fought off came forward and for the time being, she didn't even care. Days before, she had returned to Galactica after the months she'd been gone, but not until this moment did she actually return home.

Bill squeezed her tightly, aware of just how much he needed this moment. Perhaps, he needed it more than even Kara did. He'd lost his daughter and only now did he know he had her back. Whatever had happened to her, however she'd come back to them, what mattered to him was that she actually had returned in the end. He wasn't just a father to one as he had been for the last two months, but once again a parent with two children. As they pulled apart just barely, he kissed the top of her head, just as he'd done to his two boys when they were much younger. He saw the tears on her cheeks and his thumbs helped her to brush them away, leaving his own to stain his skin.

"My son's waiting for you at the end of the deck. You two are going to take apart your bird and try to make sense of it, see if there are any clues there. Helo and Gaeta will be helping you with star charts."

She nodded, the most obedient she'd ever been in all her life. "Thank you." Though he wasn't her father, at least not biologically, she began to feel a sort of healing to the anger her own father's abandonment had left in its wake. Kara moved to head down the empty deck, towards where she knew Lee had already started the work they were supposed to share together.

"And Kara?"

Her head turned back, stopping.

"You should have told me you were together months ago."

Cheeks warming, Kara ducked her head down in the nod of a child caught in a lie.

Adama stepped away with a smile. "There's nothing that makes me happier."


	24. Chapter 24

Kara tugged at Lee's ankles, exposed to the deck while the rest of his body was hidden beneath the underside of her pristine Viper. With just the slightest bit of force, the wheels of the dolly beneath him had him rolling out, tools still in hand.

"Hey, I'm work—" He shouted angrily, but silenced himself when he saw her standing above him, smiling wider than he'd seen since long before she'd gone to her death, or what had at least looked like it. "I take it you got the news." He returned her expression, though his was a bit more restrained and coy.

"No, the Admiral just sent me over to give you a goodbye frak before I go out the airlock and to download city," she quipped, quickly lowering herself to straddle his hips, kneeling on the edges of the board he laid upon. "I told him I wouldn't take too long," Kara leaned over him, her hands pressing into the dirtied deck floor to support her body parallel above his own. "He wasn't surprised to hear your record best is thirty seconds."

Though he never would have thought it possible, she burned even brighter before him than she had only a second before. She was teasing him and it was like old times, before her death, the Final Five, and the mysteries that surrounded her, not that she hadn't always been something of a mystery to him anyway. "I distinctly remember passing the fourty second mark last time," he said, playing into her game. He dropped the tools from his hands, suddenly finding himself less than interested in wherever the ship had in fact come from.

"In your dreams, Leland." His full first name rolled off her tongue in a cheap shot, since she knew full well how much he hated being reminded of the name that had been on his birth certificate on Caprica.

Grease coated hands palmed the seat of her fatigues, pulling her down into him as much as she would allow, which wasn't much. Like always, Kara loved the sense of control she either had or pretended to have in most situations. Take that truly away from her and that was when she usually fell apart. Above him, she lowered herself down just enough to ghost her lips over his, not quite touching, but not more than a few millimeters apart either. He felt her warm breath on his skin and it gave him goosebumps to know he had been given a second chance to do things right by her. Since she'd returned, they'd kissed but it had been more of a relieved kind of release of tension than anything else. A way for Lee to stop mourning her and make her real. This right here was something else entirely, with a different goal in mind.

Her lips grinned even with how close their mouths were, unable to shake the remarkable sense of joy she felt at the recent developments. Adama had given her another chance. He'd made her a free woman, or as free as anyone else in the fleet could be. And Lee, well Lee was going to help her figure it all out. Her worries of Sam and his fate faded temporarily as well, suddenly feeling the worlds, or perhaps just Earth, at her fingertips. Having resisted long enough, her lips brushed against his for half a second, pulling away before he could have a chance to enjoy it. The inner groan that left him made her soar, even feeling the slight rumble of it where their bodies touched. Kara repeated her action again, this time lingering a second longer, separating them once he had a moment to react and part his own lips against hers.

"Kara…" Lee warned her verbally, though the smile he wore let her know he was anything but angry.

She silenced him with her mouth, aggressive and hot against his. It was a kiss that matched who she was, a perfect example of every part of who Kara Thrace was without a single word spoken. Her body lowered against his until she was practically lying atop him, one hand on the deck while the other pushed through his lengthening hair, gaining purchase on the strands. She bit his lip and he bit hers right back, eliciting a stream of giggles from them ten years younger than they actually were. Against her pelvis did she feel just how wrapped up in her he was getting, and in a typical Kara-like move, she rubbed down upon him as both reward and punishment.

His lips suddenly froze against her own, mouth opened as a primal moan left the back of his throat, passing into the chill of the air around them. He'd dreamt he would have this again nearly every night she was gone and Lee knew that her remarks about his stamina from earlier would more than likely be true when they were first together again. With some of his composure regained and the fabric of his pants straining a little tighter, Lee dove back in, his lips moving from her mouth to her jaw, following the sharp line of it to the patch of flesh just below her ear lobe. That was his spot, without question, and like the freckle at the apex of her thighs he particularly worshipped, the dark speck beneath her ear unquestionably belonged to him just as much as it did to her. Kara responded with a moan of her own, her breath panting irregularly as the tip of his tongue came in contact with her skin.

"Middle of this deck, Lee," she breathed out. "I'm going to frak you right here."

"Mmhmm," he hummed against her skin, teeth nipping gently at the lobe before working down to her neck. Though the rational part of Lee Adama wouldn't particularly agree with going all the way out in the open, his mouth was far too busy to protest.

"Oh frak me," Kara moaned again, sweat already gathering over different points of her skin thanks to his attention to other seemingly innocent parts. Unable to take it any longer, she pushed herself up, her hand searching out his own to convince him to join her, not that Lee needed any persuasion.

She looked around to locate the best spot for such an encounter, seeking out a storage locker likely to have some empty space, when Lee took the initiative, leading the way. Kara complied with enthusiasm, her brows raising as he came to a halt behind a few stacked boxes. They'd just barely be hidden out of sight. "Getting brave, Apollo," she said, nearly challenging him.

He said nothing, instead his hands jerked at the waistband of her green fatigues, undoing both the button and the zipper. Kara's nimble fingers likewise began at his own, using just as much force as he'd shown her. She was used to taking charge, but it didn't mean she didn't thoroughly enjoy it when just as she often turned into Starbuck, Lee fell back into Apollo and made her his. She stepped out of her pants and briefs after toeing off her boots and immediately, he was there, pressing her up against the icy bulkhead. Her head smacked a little too hard into it and though she winced, she soon followed it up with a bit of laughter.

"Frak, Sorry," Lee grunted, laughing along with her.

"Don't get distracted," she reprimanded him, her eyes on the prize again as her hands forced his open slacks and briefs down just enough until he was exposed and free.

His hands gripped at the back of her thighs, hoisting her up with the help of the wall at her back, and Kara guided him inside of her. She was wet and searing with heat, even warmer than her lips had been when they'd initially met his. Lee let himself go, moaning against the crook of her neck, Kara's arms around his own neck to help support herself as best she could. He'd nearly lost himself immediately at feeling her tight and constricting around him, but when even an ounce of control was restored to him, the process of his hips pressing in and sliding away from her body began.

The pace grew frantic almost right away and Kara enjoyed the feel of her back pressing against the cool wall with each thrust of his body into hers. She was close, though not quite there yet, but felt the signs of Lee's own release on the immediate horizon. Kara kissed his brow, her lips salty with his sweat, before moving back to his mouth. She was just as rough as she had been when they started, however, her fingers gently stroked his scalp, a juxtaposition to the rest of their actions. "Mm," Kara moaned against his ear. "It's okay, Lee. Let go." He'd always been a giving lover, at least what she had experienced from him, and she knew she needed to give him permission to find his own moment of ecstasy without her finding hers first. Oh, she'd wanted hers like nothing else, but Kara knew she was too far off and would never beat him there, even with extra manual stimulation.

On cue, Lee groaned loudly as she kissed him again, feeling himself tighten and release inside of her. His final thrusts were slow and shallow, only echoes of what they had been a second earlier before his body gave in to temptation and succumbed to the fatigue brought along with it. Afterward, Lee's arms finally gently released her, lowering her feet back to the ground to give the lactic acid in his muscles a chance to be reabsorbed by his body.

Kara's arms slipped back around him once they were no longer joined together, drawing his weak body to hers so his head rested against her shoulder and neck. Her own head rested upon the identical spot on him, this time her mouth leaving meek kisses in contrast to the ferocity of the ones before. She had wanted this since she'd stepped off her Viper, although it would have mostly been a mix of the high she felt with news of Earth and something of an apology for the way they'd left things between them. For him, it was entirely different, and the feel of moisture against her neck told her just how much so.

"Lee," she whispered, completely doubting her ability to comfort another human being. He'd expressed some of this when they met on the hangar deck days previously and she'd felt that relief in him then. They'd talked, Gods how they'd talked since then, and she could only begin to understand the pain he went through. Even in that Life Station room, they'd comforted one another. It had all been fresh though, their minds and bodies overwhelmed at her return to them. Now, hidden just behind a few stacks of boxes and ship parts, they'd had days together to come to terms with it all. And while in sickbay they'd kissed and said their hellos that way, not until this moment did they make each other theirs again.

He kept quiet, arms tight around her as his tears fell no matter how hard he tried to not let them. It wasn't just grief he was letting out, but happiness as well. Anger at her having left him behind. Disbelief that she had somehow come back. Every emotion that anyone had ever felt in the whole of human history, he felt at that moment.

"Oh, Lee," Kara spoke and her own tears came. "You know I'm safe, I'm here." She'd reassured him repeatedly of that fact, though she understood why it wasn't getting through to him. "We're going to go to Earth, Lee," she said, trying out a new tactic. Her fingers stroked over the back of his neck as she continued on. "You and me. We never thought we'd get there to see it, but we will. You just need to let this all go, so you can make time to start dreaming about where we're going to live. Together. I promise you, we'll be there together. You know I stopped running a long time ago."

Lee knew that this was all Kara talking to him now, her alter ego having hidden herself away. He sniffled and listened to her nearly silent words. The volume didn't surprise him, since he was sure Kara was barely allowing herself to admit to these things in the first place. He would take what he could get with her, though she managed to shock him time and time again. He lifted his head to look at her, her digits continuing to brush along the skin at the nape of his neck. "Sorry."

She shook her head rapidly, leaning in to kiss his wet cheeks. When she pulled back, she winked as she spoke. "You can owe me one later." Both knew she wasn't referring to the comforting, but rather the orgasm she'd missed out on while he'd quickly given in to his.

"I'll owe you a few," he responded in time, his own wink given as he quickly buttoned and refastened his pants, then bent down to help her step back into her own. He drew the briefs and slacks up for her, kissing her bare thighs along the way until she took over and secured them back at her waist. He stayed kneeling at her feet to help her with her boots, undoing the laces and tying them at the ankle.

Kara watched from above, remembering all the reasons why she felt the way she did about him. "I love you," she offered and it was a rarity that she said it first.

"I love you," Lee said as he pulled tight the last knot. He rose and his hand sought out hers, tugging her out from where they'd hidden away, much like he'd brought her there minutes earlier. "But if you're going to make promises about Earth, you need to find your way back to it first."

Together this time, both of their bodies slid beneath the Viper and began to take it apart.

—

When Sam arrived in the private conference room with his set of marine guards, only Roslin and Adama were seated and waiting. The fact that the two most important people in the entire fleet trusted him enough, or at least were acting the part, to be left alone with the supposed cylon was not lost to Sam Anders. Behind him, his cuffs were unlocked and released and with a nod of the Admiral's head, the guards stepped out to stand watch behind the sealed door. Sam rubbed at his wrists, soothing the light ache out of them after being so tightly held within the gripping metal on the walk over. He gave a dip of his head in quiet greeting before he sat down across from them, unsure of how to begin.

The Admiral started first. "When you give us the names of the others, we're going to ask you to take your oath to the fleet again, Anders."

"You're going to let me stay on?" Though he hoped to at least not be airlocked for coming forward, he never expected that manner of trust.

"If you'll swear your loyalty to the fleet again, knowing who you are now."

Sam nodded. "What about the others?"

Something closed to a frustrated sigh left the Admiral and Roslin took the moment to speak up. "Should they also choose to swear their loyalty, I'm prepared to give them amnesty and a pardon here. But that's only if they cooperate."

He took in the words, suddenly fearing as if he'd made a mistake in coming forward. Since revealing who he was, he'd felt a weight lifted at no longer carrying the secret burden on his own, but that didn't ease his fears that the entire thing would end up worse than he could even imagine. Just because he had a clue of who he was, by no means meant the others had any idea of their true nature, nor did he know if they'd choose to stick by the men and women they'd lived with for years when given the choice and knowledge of the truth.

"Some of these names…" Sam started. "They're going to be hard to hear."

That was what both the Admiral and President had been incredibly afraid of. Best case scenario, the people would have turned out to be absolute nobodies. Civilians buried away on a ship somewhere. Since D'Anna had confessed that she could feel them nearby, however, Roslin had begin to fear that it would mean some, if not all of them, were specifically associated with Galactica. That would have dire consequences.

"I told you who I was because I wanted to help. I'm not here for any other reason other than the people I care about are here. Even if I am a—" He swallowed hard, gathering the strength to say it aloud. "A cylon, they aren't my people. I don't condone what they did, you know more than anyone I can't stand them for the things they've done." His eyes read of every death he witnessed at the hands of the cylons on Caprica.

"Let's hear them," Bill prompted.

His hands rubbing over his face, Sam nodded with great reluctance. He looked to Roslin first. "Tory Foster."

Laura's mouth opened in complete horror, her hand rising to cover it. She looked from Sam to Bill, her mind quickly reeling over everything she trusted the woman with. Then she recalled just how strongly Tory had fought in the resistance on New Caprica and kept Roslin, herself, safe. "My Gods."

"I know," Sam said. "I'm sorry." And he was, though not as sorry as he was going to feel about who he revealed to the Admiral. "Galen Tyrol."

Bill stiffened at his words.

"He was called to that temple too, I just got there first," Anders added in, as if to solidify his argument. "Everything he felt about that place, I felt it too."

Laura reached across to set her hand against Bill's arm in a sign of reassurance. "Who's next?"

"Ellen Tigh."

Though neither of the other two verbalized it, there was a hint of humor on both of their expressions at the thought. Of course, Ellen Tigh.

"And the last?" The Admiral asked.

This was the hardest one to say aloud, and though the others had come out hesitantly, Sam wasn't sure if he could ever admit it because of the betrayal it would bring to the Admiral. He breathed in deep, chest expanding and contracting.

"Admiral… it's Colonel Tigh."

While the meeting had gone relatively peacefully, though what they shared was rather heavy, all of the calm in the room left once Sam gave away the fifth identity. Bill stood, hands slamming down into the table. "You're lying!" He shouted and Sam sat back in his seat, never before having been so afraid of the Admiral and the deadly look he now wore just for Sam. "Now I know this has all been a game to you. I've known Saul for over thirty years! He was in the first cylon war, a Viper pilot like me. Cylons don't age, he used to have hair for Gods' sake."

Sam shook his head, trying to reassure himself that he had in fact been telling the truth and this hadn't been some elaborate dream he'd made up. No, he was sure of it all. It was a fact. To himself, at least. "I remember being a kid. I remember growing up and I know I can't because I'm a frakking cylon. Were you there when Colonel Tigh fought in the first war? Did you meet him back then? Because unless you did, then it's not true!"

His words sank into Bill. No, he hadn't known Tigh fourty years ago. He'd gotten to know him ten years after the war and had simply believed all that the man had shared. But, he thought to himself, hadn't there been records? He was able to bring Tigh back into the service twenty years ago. That wouldn't have been possible if it had all been a lie, right? Unless information about him had been planted into all the necessary systems to make him seem legitimate.

Adama's heart pounded and for a moment he was sure he was having a heart attack. Laura's hand at his back was the only thing that brought him a modicum of calm. He felt betrayed, perhaps even more so than when Kara had returned and he'd presumed her to be a cylon copy rather than the flesh and blood he now believed her to be. This was Tigh. His lifelong friend that had been his right hand man. The second in command of Galactica, who had for a brief time, taken over command when Bill himself was nearly dying. He was all of these things and more, and yet, Samuel Anders was sitting there, telling him he was a cylon.

Bill shook his head roughly, unable to cope with it, and eventually sat back down. He still seethed with anger of both what Sam had said and what it actually meant if true. "Get him out of here," he ordered to Roslin, and despite her weakening state and the fact that she had no obligation to follow him, she obeyed, rising to head to the door.

The marines came back in and quickly cuffed Sam. Though part of him had hoped to be released freely after he held up his end of the bargain, he understood why he'd be going back to that cell. The Admiral was suffering at the names he'd given and to expect any rational decisions or thinking was out of the question, even Sam knew that much. So he'd go back to his cell, awaiting news of what would come to the others, hoping they would be able to cope with the revelations.

Alone, Laura returned to Bill's side, tears now coasting down his cheeks. "How could it be Tigh," he muttered to himself. "It can't be true."

"Bill," she said softly, though she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that her own aide was one of them. At least she hadn't known Tory very long. "Let's get back to your room, all right?"

—

After trying to locate Lee and Kara for most of the afternoon, Roslin finally found them on a tip from Karl Agathon. Though the logical idea would have been to have CIC send out a page for them, given the nature of the information revealed by Samuel Anders, she'd thought better of attracting even more attention and questions than already existed. By now, word of Sam's confession about himself had spread through the ship, most likely through loose lips of the marines that worked on guard rotations. The fact that he'd also said he knew the names of the other four remaining cylons hadn't been lost in translation either, which had set something of a panic throughout Galactica.

Soon, Laura knew, the information would reach all of the other ships of the fleet. There would be chaos and damage control to be done. Tory would be busy— although now she realized keeping Tory on as her aide once word got out about her would probably lead to much panic amongst the Quorom. Gods, the four names Sam had revealed couldn't have been worse, unless her name had been included among them, she thought.

The couple arrived not long after she'd sent Karl Agathon to fetch them, though she hadn't indicated a reason for him to give along with the request, other than that it was urgent. Given that both Kara and Lee knew of what conversation was to happen that day between the Admiral and Sam, neither of the two took long in quitting the private quarters they'd taken up to sharing upon her release from hack. Though they weren't married, no one had yet to put up an argument about the situation. Kara had been medically cleared as not being a cylon, but that didn't mean some of the crew didn't feel otherwise towards her, and perhaps not sharing their head or living quarters wasn't a particularly bad idea.

"What's happened?" Lee said, even before the hatch closed behind them.

Laura emerged from the bathroom with a quickness she hadn't felt in months. "It's your father," she said, head shaking as her hand rose slightly to indicate towards from where she came. "Tigh. Tigh's one of them."

Lee didn't hesitate to move towards the bathroom with the news still ringing in his ears, Kara hot on his heels. Bill lay slumped against the wall in the absolute definition of a man in a breakdown. Lee quietly wondered if this was similar to how he'd been after Kara's death, recalling just how his father had taken care of him. It wasn't about owing Adama or simply returning the favor, though. This was his father and Lee would have done anything to help him in such a state, even years ago when the pair hadn't been talking. To see a person this broken was absolutely devastating.

"Dad," Lee started, crouching down beside him. Kara handed him a freshly rinsed cool was cloth and Lee pressed it to his father's forehead and cheeks, hoping to calm him further.

Kara stepped around the father and son combination to Adama's other side, though the fit was rather tight with their three bodies crammed in around the pieces of plumbing and belongings. She kneeled beside him and took over Lee's duty with the cloth.

Adama groaned in sorrow, face cringing as if in physical pain though it was emotional and mental, nothing else. "Why him?"

"It had to be someone," Kara said, although she knew they weren't the right words by the sound he emitted from deep within. She smelled the alcohol on his breath and raised her eyes to Lee's to confirm he'd sensed it as well.

"Dad, if I were a cylon, would it change how you felt about me?" Lee turned his father's head towards himself though Adama's eyes were kept closed. He didn't respond, so Lee did for him. "No, it wouldn't. I'm your son. Tigh's your friend, it won't change what he is to you and what you are to him." Lee had only known about Tigh for a minute or two, but he was stunned by it all the same. Saul had been around his entire life. They weren't close, even after they both became two of fifty thousand people fleeing the Twelve Colonies, but it didn't matter. This man, this cylon, had been with him his whole life. It was a hard concept to begin to imagine.

"I trusted him with the fleet!" Adama ground out.

"And he still should be trusted," Kara said. Though she'd been cleared of cylon attachments, part of her felt as though she was irrevocably changed by what had happened over her first few days back. Her missing two months were a mystery and yet, he still trusted her. Tigh had proven his loyalties, especially down on New Caprica. He deserved the chance to stay at their side.

Adama gave a low cry out again in misery and Lee and Kara worked together to haul him up under his arms, maneuvering their three bodies out of the small bathroom and into the bedroom quarters. Laura kept back, letting his children take care of him for the time being. With Bill seated on the bed beside Lee, his son's arm still around him for support, Kara returned to the bathroom to fill a cup of water. She brought it to his lips to help him drink, hoping to help his system by adding something to it other than just alcohol. The cup emptied, Kara sat beside him. Just removing him from the confines of the bathroom seemed to have calmed him down considerably, but she knew that was only for outward appearances. Inside, he was still a mess, and rightfully so. She wrapped her arm around him, holding herself close to him just as Lee did on the other side.

"The fleet's going to need you more than ever, Dad," said Lee. "To make them understand that we can work through this." If the Admiral fell apart, so would Galactica and all the civilians scattered across the tens of ships that followed the battlestar to the ends of the universe.

"We need you," Kara insisted, trying to call upon how much he'd always risen to that in the past. When he was needed, Bill Adama was always there in the end. Even on Kobol, recovering from gunshots to the chest, he'd trekked through that forest with the rest of them because it was simply where he knew he needed to be.

Lee slipped away from his father's side once he was sure Kara had hold of him and began to undo his father's boots. Once removed, he helped in laying Bill down on the bed, his father quickly giving in to the pull of sleep. Kara took his hand as they stood a few feet off, watching the regular rise and fall of his father's chest, eventually pulling herself against him. They both drew comfort from the other, individually coming to terms with seeing the man they knew as their father having his a bottom so incredibly low.

—

Though Bill took the rest of the night off, as he was in no shape to begin serving a shift, he returned to duty the following morning. Tigh stared at him from across the plotting table in the middle of the aging ampitheatre style CIC. Adama steeled himself for the interaction, trying not to look at the XO as anything else but the person he'd seen for the previous thirty years.

"Feeling better, Bill?" Tigh asked as he sipped his morning coffee, or whatever passed for it these days.

"Yes," he said with a nod of his head, tilting back to look up at the DRADIS screens. "Quiet night on DRADIS?"

"Absolutely nothing out there. Almost makes me wish for the cylons to show up so long as I get to stop listening to Hot Dog talk about his newest rash."

Bill smiled, forgetting momentarily about the situation that existed beyond that very room. When his eyes came back to settle on Saul, however, it all flooded back in. "Do you think you and Ellen can stop by my quarters later tonight? Around eighteen hundred?"

Tigh raised his brow. It had been a long time since both he and Ellen had been invited to dine with the Admiral or even share drinks. It wasn't that their friendship had changed, just that things had gotten in the way since then. Even the last few months and New Caprica had changed Ellen into something of a more restrained woman than she had been. Truthfully, Saul had worried for her, because almost nothing seemed to ever phase her, but he'd let it go out of cowardice of starting a fight. "Sure, Bill. Will Roslin be joining us?"

Adama forced a smile and he nodded. "She will."


	25. Chapter 25

Cottle held the stack of files before him as he looked over the familiar faces, most of which stood behind the metal bars of the jail cells on Galactica. He inhaled a breath from one of the cigarettes he'd still managed to procure, even years after they'd left all formal factories behind. "Well Baltar's test still works," he said gruffly, an eyebrow raised as he looked over to the scientist in his own cell, while the other five remained crammed into one. "I wish it didn't," he confessed. "But it's a match for all of you. Not a hundred percent like it came out to on all the other cylons we've identified, but a definite match." To him, he didn't care what these people were either way. On New Caprica, he saved the lives of humans and cylons alike. To the people before him, though, it was different.

The four remaining members of the Final Five, as dictated by Samuel Anders, had been rounded up the night before under a few different ruses. The idea was that if they knew they were being accused of being a cylon, it could lead them to flee or perhaps even worse. They didn't want any harm to befall the supposed cylons, nor for them to do any damage to anyone or anything else in their panic. The entire night, they'd sat there, sure it had all been a mistake, though Sam kept predictably mum on the topic, all of them knowing he was the one responsible for them ending up there.

As Cottle gave the results of the blood tests, however, the outrage had quieted down into absolute disbelief. Galen kept silent from where he sat in the corner of the cell, contemplating over just what it meant for himself, for his son, and especially for his wife. Cally had been the one responsible for Boomer's death, he couldn't imagine how she would react to such news, though he still didn't want to believe it. He might not have wanted to see it for truth, but there was an eerie sense of calm and peace at hearing the news, like he knew all along and it was only obvious when someone told it to him. That was perhaps the most unsettling part of it.

Saul looked apologetically to Bill who stood outside the bars. It was as if he had made the choice at some time in his life to turn into a cylon and kept it a secret from that man. He owed the fact that he was alive to Bill Adama, though he supposed he would have just resurrected elsewhere had he not been serving on Galactica those years ago. No, he refused to think like a cylon. One of Baltar's tests said he was one, but that didn't mean anything else. He was Saul Tigh, Colonel in the Colonial Fleet, or at least he had been. He wasn't exactly sure where he stood any longer. Beside him, Ellen tucked herself into her husband's arms, tears welled up in her eyes.

Tory Foster was the closest to the bars of the cell, and therefore, the other occupants of the room, including Roslin. "I didn't know," she said to the President, trying to excuse herself. Like Galen, she felt an inner peace at the declaration of her true identity, like the final missing piece in her life had been fitted in and she was now complete.

"For your safety, we're going to be keeping you here for now," Bill started, though it was extremely hard to look at the caged people before him.

"Admiral," the Chief looked up to him. "Cally—"

Despite how he felt about what Tyrol really was, he could not bring himself to deny the man anything regarding his wife. "She'll be looked after Chief. We'll have her brought in if you want to see her."

Galen nodded, more thankful than he'd ever recently been.

Though there were many things to discuss with them, Adama and Roslin chose to leave the room with Cottle. Before anything else could be said, they would all need to come to terms with the recent revelations.

Alone, the silence persisted until Tory set her eyes on Sam. "You said you don't remember anything, but how did you know who we were?" The attention of the others turned towards him as well, waiting for the answer.

He clammed up on the spot, a sick feeling settling into his stomach. "The Chief… I suspected him at the temple," his eyes flickered over to Galen, head tilted down in a quiet apology. "But all of us, before Starbuck died, do you remember a night at Joe's Bar when she was playing piano with Apollo?"

"That song…" Tory said, already beginning to hum it as if she'd heard it again only yesterday, though it had been months. Soon the rest of them joined in, fleshing out the notes in harmony together. All at once, they stopped, looks traded between them.

Though Sam had been sure of it all those months ago, hearing their voices echo back the tune of that song with him now confirmed it even more so. There was something to those notes, whether they outwardly understood it or not.

"So we're cylons. And we have been the entire time," the Chief said.

"What does it mean, though? Now that we know?" Tory asked, sitting down on the floor.

The question stumped them all, though it was Tigh that had the guts to speak up. "It means nothing. Three of us, we're members of the Colonial Fleet. You're the President's aide. Why the frak should we let it change anything? Do you hate the cylons any less because you are one?"

"It means I'm something more than just—" the dark haired woman began.

"The frak it does," Sam nearly shouted. "They still murdered billions of people back at the Twelve Colonies and thousands on New Caprica."

"But we're part of them, what if we made the decision?"

"I didn't make that frakking decision," said Sam, shaking his head to prove his point. "This is who I am. Samuel T. Anders, former pyramid player, Viper pilot in the Colonial Fleet. I didn't make that decision to kill billions. You can do whatever you want, but I'm standing true to this." Unlike the others, he'd had months to think about the fact that he believed himself to be a cylon, and now a few days since Roslin had agreed to some kind of peace between the humans and whatever he was.

For the immediate time following, the room stayed in silence, as they all individually began to consider their fate.

—

"I've never seen anything like this before," Lee said from his side of Kara's Viper, the metal shielding peeled off and leaving part of the ship's insides exposed. After days of cutting her bird brutally apart, the search had so far yielded nothing. It became an exercise in futility for the two of them, frustration mounting as each day ticked by with nothing to show for it. "I don't even know what's missing to make room for the FTL."

Kara listened, though preoccupied reading through the latest tests to come back regarding the fuel that remained in the tank of her Mark II. She would have killed to have the Chief beside her now, translating through some of the language she wasn't so proficient with, despite her ability to fix up her Viper's usual bumps and bruises.

"If it was cylon, we'd expect literal guts though… blood — right?" He asked her, though received no response. "Kara, are you even frakking listening to a word I'm saying?" Her continued silence brought him a few steps closer to her, tearing the papers from her hands.

She looked up, indignation read across her face. "What the frak, Apollo!" she shouted, reaching to pull the set of now grease stained printouts back from his hands.

"You're not even paying attention. What if I'm missing something? You're the one who said she went to Earth. I have no idea what I'm even looking for."

Kara heard accusation in his tone, but she was sure most of it was her own guilt. Since she found him again back in that nebula, she'd made the promise to take the fleet to their new home. At the time, she'd felt sure and confident of it. She had been there, she had pictures. Surely it would be easy. As it turned out, it was nothing of the sort. The pictures, while showing a planet that at least seemed habitable and matched the constellations they saw in the tomb of Athena, did little else to provide any information on where they would need to go. The ship, so far, had been a dead end and with her complete lack of ability to even recall more than just a glimpse of the planet she believed to be Earth, they'd hit a complete wall.

"Just keep looking," she insisted, pouring her eyes back over the numbers calculated on the eight sided sheets of paper.

Lee hovered over her, trying to read the information upside down. "What does that even say?"

"I think," she started, tongue at the corner of her mouth in concentration. "What I think this says is that the fuel I brought back is more efficient." Her brows pushed together, dipping her head in closer to the data as if that would make it clearer. "Burns hotter…or slower. Something it does different means you get more bang for your buck." The science officer who had done the work would probably cringe at her crude manner of explaining the chemistry behind it. "I wonder if we can reverse engineer it, start refining our tyllium to make this instead."

He felt something like a fool for getting angry with her over information that could potentially turn out to be important. While the fleet had enough tyllium for a few more years of coasting through space, any efforts at extending the life of what they had would still be welcomed information. The knowledge was useful, though he would argue not entirely on point to what he and Kara had been avoiding everything else to look for. They took breaks for meals on occasion and retired to their billet long after everyone had found sleep, taking the time to sleep in after years of missing out on that luxury. After they'd wake, the two would end up back on the hangar deck, bickering over both the little and big details of the changes in the ship she'd returned with. As a rule, they decided generally not to talk about where she would have gotten it from.

He moved away from her to return to where the FTL was located, undoing a few bolts and couplings until the heart of the jump drive pulled free. It was deceptively small, though he knew it needn't be large for a ship of this size, but he suspected the non-Colonial technology also had something to do with its compact nature.

"You better hope you can put that back," she said, startling him. Last he saw, she had been feet away, immersed in the fuel's information.

"I wouldn't count on it." Lee set the device on a nearby table, returning to look now at the gaping hole from whence it came. "Anything?" He questioned her, hoping that some sixth sense about it would come forward when they needed it most.

Kara solemnly shook her head, hands on her hips as she circled back around the Viper. "No." It killed her to admit it.

"I don't understand why the nav system was blank. I'd say malfunction, but everything else on this ship is in perfect condition. You've got an FTL, but no records of any jumps. It's like someone was erasing everything right after you did it. You came out of nowhere, Kara. There wasn't even anything around us, so you would have had to jump in."

She sighed and climbed up the ladder until she was sitting inside the cockpit. "Yeah, unless I came off a basestar," she said mostly to herself, but Lee, following her up the stairs, heard her.

"You didn't." His words were stern and Kara didn't have the energy to challenge him. "Can you still start her up with the FTL out?"

Kara nodded to him and the Viper suddenly purred alive, the computer screens flickering on and illuminating the cockpit just barely. The trio of rings on the DRADIS screen bounced around, creating a sphere when moving together and indicating a lack of enemy ships nearby. She cycled through a few settings, the screen going from completely blank to populated with the readings of the friendly civilian ships. She set it back to the normal combat setting so it was once again blank and began the process of flipping switches a second time, this time in regards to a second screen. A needle jumped and for a second Kara's heart leapt with it, at the prospect of what such an incoming signal could mean. It dissipated quickly enough though and Kara felt the extreme loss of hope.

"Interference," Lee said, though it was an obvious answer.

She shut the Viper down and leaned back into her seat, eyes closing. "I don't get it. I just don't."

He loudly sighed beside her, still kneeling somewhat on the stairs so he could look in to the small cockpit that was her own. "We've ripped this ship apart everyday now for weeks and we're still getting nothing. Maybe the answers aren't here."

She violently smacked both her hands against the interior walls of her ship. "Then where the frak are they? Huh, Lee?" As the only available target other than herself, he was used to being her punching bag as of late. Kara usually gave her apologies later in the night without words.

"Don't get mad at me, Kara. I volunteered for this and I'll put this ship back together and take it apart again tomorrow if you think that's what we need to do. But we've been neglecting the star charts and pictures you brought back. We saw those constellations in the tomb of Athena, there has to be something there we're missing." Lee climbed down the ladder with his words completed, heading back to pick the FTL drive off from where he'd placed it earlier. He returned to the side of the ship and pushed it back into place, refastening every wire and hose he'd taken off it earlier.

Kara descended back to the deck, her entire body tense. For awhile she felt on top of the world and now a deep sense of failure wound her up tight. She swore she could hear her mother in the back of her head, reminding her that she never tried enough, that she was special and squandering it. The up and down of her moods had long since tired her out, the back and forth of it getting old as all she longed for was some kind of stability. Those first few months on Galactica after the cylons attacked seemed like a dream to her. She had one job then, shooting down toasters. Now, she wasn't even sure what she was doing. Hell, she hadn't even flown in weeks and neither had Lee. They'd both abandoned their former jobs and given Helo the task of keeping together the air group.

"We'll talk to Gaeta," she declared to Lee as she handed him the piece of metal plating missing from the space of her plane he currently worked on. If only she could remember anything at all, she knew their problems would be solved. But try as she might, when she attempted to think back to those months she was missing, nothing ever came. The answer was there, she was sure of it. She just had to remember it.

—

Elsewhere, on Galactica, Doc Cottle made an emergency visit to the brig housing the cylons known as D'Anna and Leoben. Though both had been beyond delighted to hear the news of the Final Five, finally putting names to faces, the female cylon had quickly fallen ill, her condition deteriorating rapidly over the prior days. Leoben's health seemed to be following soon behind, though he faired better than his sister.

In sickbay, the reason for their illness was identified as Lymphocytic Encephalitis, and while some had begun to panic, Cottle reassured them that humans had grown immune to the virus some thousands of years ago. Their cylon counterparts, on the other hand, lacked the necessary antibodies to begin fighting off the infection. Under Admiral's orders, Cottle administered the serum created that would keep them alive with periodic injections while some of his staff began to look for the origination of the virus, starting with all those who had come in contact with the cylons and the very few places either of them had recently been.

—

"We were recently able to identify the five remaining cylon models that were unknown to us." Roslin paused, trying to keep her voice steady as she read into the microphone. "These five cylons were found in our fleet." She could imagine the outcry and horror felt through each civilian listening in to her broadcast. Though she hadn't wanted to go through with such a thing, the rumors had spread like wildfire and forced her hand. "I want to assure everyone that they have not been in contact with the enemy cylon forces and they have each denounced their ties to the cylons."

It wouldn't be a popular decision, the wounds from New Caprica still fresh despite how much time had been put between their rescue and this revelation. Even Galactica's crew had been on edge lately, or so Bill had told her, especially considering how close some of the crew were to those that had been given up for their true nature. "The welfare of our people is and has always been my utmost concern. If there was any question regarding these five people," her words had been written wisely, hoping to humanize them as much as she could. "…Admiral Adama and I would not be standing in defense of them."

"They are your people, your fellow citizens and Colonists, and as such have only ever longed to help bring us to safety. All of them were key players in our rescue from New Caprica, some even enduring torture at the hands of the other cylon models in order to protect us. Their sacrifices will not be ignored or forgotten. Their continued loyalties," she paused again, sipping water to bolster herself with added strength and confidence. "…Are why I am granting them amnesty here." She'd done a fair job of not looking out to the faces of the fleet's remaining reporters in front of her, but the grumbling among them told her they weren't pleased.

"Should any harm befall them or their loved ones, I will pursue anyone involved to the full extent of the law. I would like to remind everyone that prejudicial behavior is not tolerated here, just as it was not tolerated in the Colonies. The genocide that happened to our people is a horror we will never allow ourselves or future generations to forget, but without question, these five people were not involved in the decisions that led to what happened there and had been removed from the cylon forces for years." Though there was no exact proof of it, she forced the white lie based on her gut feeling. For the good of the human race, she told herself.

"We need to remember that we cannot give in and allow what remains of our humanity to be stripped away from ourselves out of fear." Laura thought back to the brutal torturing she'd allowed Kara Thrace to due to the very Leoben model that they'd been keeping captive for months now. She didn't regret it, but part of herself had been lost that day. With her planned speech finished, she lifted her head to the reporters awaiting her. "No questions."

—

The general mood on Galactica made the ship and its crew only a ghost of what the battlestar had once been. Though things had been somewhat somber after New Caprica, there had at least been a strong sense of camaraderie, even with the mixing of Pegasus and Galactica's crews together. They were all in the same boat, all remaining members of the Colonial Fleet. They'd not been that way when Cain and her immediate successors were still in command, but things had begun a steady change under Commander Thrace. Now, however, friends and fellow officers found themselves torn apart again over those who agreed and disagreed with the decision regarding the cylons known as the Final Five.

None of the five had returned to actual work yet, if they ever would, but remained on Galactica despite the tension. If there was a safest place in the fleet for them to be, it would be under the watchful eye of the Admiral, who though still felt betrayed, also had a bond to each and every one of them to some degree. On the civilian ships, they all knew they'd be absolutely torn apart alive. Roslin had made her stance on their treatment well defined numerous times, but that meant nothing in the reality of the situation. Any of them could have stepped onto another ship and found themselves murdered, no witnesses coming forth to turn their fellow person in for the crimes committed. It would go unpunished, that much they all knew.

Without duties to fulfill and most of their friendships on the rocks, the five outed as cylons were left mostly to befriend one another in an attempt to not completely lose their minds from the isolation they felt. That, and drink. The usual bartender at Joe's Bar was still friendly, or at least faking it well, and the alcohol eased the pain of the passing time of day. All five sat together at one of the tables towards the back of the room, keeping a low profile even in the mostly empty facilities. They shared a bottle between them, each of their cups at various states of fullness.

It had been nearly two weeks since they'd been put into that cell, and over a week since Roslin's official address to the entire fleet, when everyone's fears had been confirmed out loud. The time hadn't been easy on any of them, least of all Galen Tyrol, who had seen neither his wife nor his child since even before his blood had been processed. He feared the worst for them, though received reassurances from those he talk to that they were in good hands. He knew Cally more than anyone else on that ship, and though their lives hadn't been perfect, Tyrol desperately wanted her to survive through all of it. Sometimes, especially more so lately now that he knew the truth about himself, his thoughts strayed to Boomer and perhaps the life they could have had together. He wondered often if somehow she knew who he was all along, but couldn't understand it. But Boomer wasn't here any longer and as much as he had loved her, the crime she committed against the Admiral and the things she'd at least been aware of happening on New Caprica would be too much for him to ever stomach. He was a married man now with a son, a son that was half cylon and half human, a miracle in his own right. On that note, he finished his glass.

Tory stared at her own cup, still as full as it had ever been. Her finger traced along the rim of it idly, lost in deep thought. Under her breath, she hummed the tune that had been stuck in her head since the day they'd revisited the memory all together in their common jail cell. She'd been determined to immerse herself in it as much as possible and solve the mystery of it. So far, she had no luck.

"Can you stop humming that Gods damned song already," Ellen spoke aggressively, well on her way to being drunk in the middle of the afternoon. Though she'd initially taken to the news of her heritage with fear, she'd turned that into a bitter kind of anger.

"I'm beginning to think it's in the frakking ship," Saul Tigh said with a laugh, trying to calm his wife down.

Tory stopped as requested, but a minute later began it again, slightly quieter than before.

"Why that song?" Sam mused aloud, slumped in the chair he occupied. "If we all know it, it's got to be important, right?" No one responded.

"It's just a song," the former Deck Chief said, dejected and downtrodden.

Anders joined them all in silence and only because of it did he hear the sound of Kara's voice increasing in volume as she entered the bar, Helo beside her.

"I'm going to kill him one day, Helo," Kara said as they sat at the empty bar, waiting with some impatience for their drinks of choice. From across the room, Sam's eyes followed her.

Helo smirked in doubt of her statement. "That's what you say right now," he began, "but you two were made for eachother." Kara's face contorted in distaste over his flowery choice of words. "You'd both annoy the frak out of anyone else you were with." She shoved his arm and he nearly spilled the contents of his cup, laughing in response to her childish retaliation. "Besides, I've heard from your neighbors you keep half the hallway up at night."

"Frak off, Karl," she said with a deceptive smile and took a slow drink of her own beverage, a shock to even her that she'd chosen water over the alcohol stocked on board. "He's just… always there. I almost wish he'd go back on duty or something."

"Didn't you want him to help you?" Helo questioned from beside her.

"I did," she paused and corrected herself, "I do. But I feel like such a frak up because every day I'm disappointing him and everyone. I came back from Earth, I saw it, and now I have no clue about how to get back there. It's in my hand, Helo, and I just can't grab it. It's bad enough that I'm letting down everyone else, but him?" She shook her head. "I'm wasting his time."

"The guy doesn't see it that way, Kara. I think Apollo's just happy to be with you, even if you two aren't as productive as you want to be. You know, when you were dead—gone, he used to come see Hera every time he was back on Galactica and they used to talk about you. I love Hera, but Gods, trying to talk to her sometimes drives me insane. She goes in circles. But he'd be there, listening to her go on and on about you, never making sense. He was just happy to have that, so imagine how grateful he is to actually get to be next to you again." Karl finished his drink and pushed the empty cup away. When the bartender approached, he signaled to let the man know he wasn't in need of a refill.

Kara considered his words with great thought. The idea of Lee sitting down to color or read or play with Hera warmed her in places she didn't even know existed. Around her, the announcement of the shift change rang out and she saw Karl stand up from his stool.

"Maybe you guys should take a break. Sometimes you need fresh eyes. I'm splitting my time between CIC and being CAG, if you ever wanted to take over…" he trailed off, trying to tempt her.

"All that paperwork? Not a chance in hell, Agathon." Truth be told, she missed the position. She was still a Major technically though she had no defined duties and being both CAG and Commander had given her routine and regularity in the past. While she still got up every day and worked through the day, it was at whatever pace she set for herself. The large goal was to find Earth, but there were no small steps in between that gave her a sense of a job well done. She was lost.

"Take the afternoon off. I'll tell Apollo to do the same," Helo said as his departing words.

At the bar by herself, Kara refrained from moving, contemplating a real drink and a dive back into her days as the woman with the liver of steel. She glanced over to the bartender, prepared to wave him down, when another body slid in beside her. Kara opened her mouth, ready to give another remark to Helo, but was surprised to see Sam there instead.

"Drinking in the middle of the day," said Sam. "Feels like old times."

She shared a smile with him, allowing herself to dream back to those first days when they'd both returned to the fleet after the rescue mission back to Caprica. Oh they'd drank away many of those early afternoons. "Water," she admitted with a lift of her glass and the clear contents.

Anders nodded in understanding, though not surprised. The Kara he knew from Caprica was only left in her in casual glimpses from time to time. It was for the best though, he knew. Despite the problems she currently faced, she was a lot more whole than she'd been back then. "You busy?"

"Uh-uh," she said. "Thinking of taking the afternoon off." Though she wasn't sold on it yet, maybe Karl was right. She turned on the seat of her stool, gazing back towards the direction he'd come from and the table of his companions. "Anyone remember anything yet?" What she really wanted to ask was how the Chief was doing and how Tigh was holding up, but she didn't dare.

"No. Well, actually that's why I came over."

She knew where it was going before he even said it. "I can't help you out." Her words were clipped, already trying to close herself off and pull away from Sam and his inevitable request. Since she'd found out that their past and she were somehow connected, Kara had been dreading this confrontation.

"Do you think you could teach it to me?" asked Sam.

It felt like a betrayal in some ways to consider it. She had shared that song with Lee months ago and it had been theirs, as silly of a thought that was, but even she now had to admit that there was something bigger involving that tune. "You never said you played," she spoke as she stood up and began to weave through the tables and chairs towards the piano.

"I don't. You'll have to really dumb it down for me." Once she was seated at the bench, Sam sat beside her.

With great reluctance she finally let her fingers rise to the keys, discolored from both use and age. "Pretend the keys have numbers on them." Her index finger lifted from the black key it hovered over, wiggling to attract his attention. "This is one." It struck the C sharp key twice. "Two." Her middle finger pressed down the D key. "Three." The next white key to her right, an E note rang out. "Now you jump over to six." Her hand shifted a few notes down until reaching A. As she had shown him with the first few notes, Kara finished the rest of the riff for him slowly, hoping to allow him to catch on. "One, one, two, three. Six, five, three. Six, five, three, two, one."

"I'm lost," Sam confessed, only able to bang out the first two different notes.

"You know, I used to be able to do this at three years old when my Dad taught it to me this way," she teased him, fingers rolling quickly through the pattern. "I don't know how you passed basic flight with worse hand eye coordination than a toddler, Sammy."

He laughed as he withdrew his hands from the keys. "I think I was hoping playing it would answer something for me."

"You and me both," Kara said softly and stood up to leave. "I've got work to do." It wasn't the truth, but even less than she wanted to be stuck in a room with Apollo's over eager can-do attitude was to be playing concert pianist with her ex-husband and the prying eyes of his newfound friends. "Don't be a stranger."

—

Later that night, Kara fell asleep beside Lee and dreamt of the day her father left.


	26. Chapter 26

_Caprica: Eighteen Years Before the Fall_

The alarm on the night stand blared bright and early, signaling Socrata's usual wake up at quarter past six in the morning. She rolled over towards the side of the bed, hand groping around the surface of the small table until it found the plastic of the alarm. A few of the buttons on top were pressed, one actually switching the sound of the alarm to the more offensive stream of talk radio, before she finally found the off button. Silence settled in and her still half asleep ears were thankful for it. She laid back down on her warm sheets, her arm stretching out to Dreilide's side of the bed. "Sorry," she said aloud in apology. Most mornings, she wasn't so remorseful for the sound of the alarm. After all, she was the one having to get ready for a day of work while her husband usually stayed at home with their daughter or frittering away his time doing relatively nothing. They'd had a particularly good night though, and her still undressed body attested to that fact strongly. Her hand felt nothing beside her so she stretched further, but only felt the cold sheets. Socrata lifted her head and looked to the space beside her, her vision confirming what she already knew. He wasn't there and the temperature of his space indicated he hadn't been for awhile.

It was unusual to her, but not so alarming, as there had been a number of times she'd woken up alone to find him in the living room working on a piece of music or even stepped out early to surprise her with fresh breakfast from a nearby store. There could be a number of reasons for his absence, though that didn't mean she wasn't disappointed to find herself alone. With a glance back to the time that read across the digital clock, she sighed and pushed herself out of bed. She gathered up her robe in her hands from where Dreilide had tugged it off of her and abandoned it the night before, her face smiling at the memory. The fabric pulled close around her and she used the belt to cinch it at her waist. The rest of the clothing was gathered up and set into the nearby laundry hamper until the room was the very definition of neat and order.

Abandoning her room, she crossed the hall and went to the bathroom to start her morning off with a shower. That was one of the few daily routines she enjoyed, after years of communal and timed showers. Afterward, with her robe back on and her damp hair freshly combed, Socrata headed to the kitchen to turn on the morning coffee pot. When she passed through the living room on return to Kara's room, she paused and looked around. She almost forgot that she expected Dreilide to be there or to have fallen asleep on the couch at some point in the night. Her pulse jumped a little, unsettled by the situation. She didn't let it stop her though, as she was working with time constraints, and finally powered through to wake Kara. Maybe Dreilide would be there, he had a habit of falling asleep with their daughter after trying to get her to fall back sleep.

The door creaked open, the wall switch flipped on and welcoming the room to morning. Only the small body of her daughter was curled up under the blankets, rather than a much larger one alongside it. Socrata's hand anxiously tugged on her daughter's shoulder, the gentleness with which she usually did it fading fast. Kara rolled onto her other side, attempting to evade her mother's wake up call, but Socrata didn't relent. "Kara, get up."

A high pitch whine left the seven year old's throat as she fought with determination for extra minutes of sleep. "No," she mumbled at her mother's incessant tugging. "No, Mama."

Socrata's patience wearing thin, she tugged the blankets from her daughter, a trick that usually worked once the cold air hit the young girl. "You've got school. Don't fight me. I've got work and your Dad's got to get you there."

Kara pulled a nearby stuffed animal into her arms, hugging it close. Try as she might, her body was slowly waking, though she held her eyes shut. "Daddy said you were taking me today," her sleepy words slipped out.

"What?" Socrata stopped on the other side of the room, from where she was sifting through Kara's drawers to pull out what she would wear that day. "When did he say that?"

"Middle of the night."

"Kara, you saw your Dad in the middle of the night?" Her mother asked, trying not to let her emotions bleed through.

"Uh-huh," the little girl said, finally sitting up, her hair tousled and a mess. "He said he was going somewhere and you would take me to school."

Though it wasn't unlike Dreilide to have some place to go, he had never disappeared without a word to her beforehand. In that regard, he had always been reliable. Her pulse quickened further and temperature rose, as her body put together the implications of all the details about the morning before the rest of her did. Leaving behind Kara's clothes half hanging out of the dresser, Socrata tore out of the room and back to the bedroom she shared with her husband. The closet door was ajar and attracted her attention. When she pulled it open, her eyes went skyward immediately, towards the upper shelf and noted the empty space there.

The pounding of her heart echoed in her ears, her brain still in denial over it all. "No," she whispered to herself and turned to go for the set of drawers that her husband's belongings filled. Before she could even see in them, she knew something was off by how little effort was actually required to tug them open. They were deserted, a few items left behind, but all the essentials taken. One by one, she opened each drawer and closed it again, finding the same kind of devastation left behind. This wasn't a trip he'd taken. He'd left almost nothing behind, hardly a record of his existence.

She stood there for the longest of times, looking at the last drawer she'd opened that revealed the ultimate betrayal. When she came back to herself, Socrata reached for her phone left charging on her nightstand and scrolled through the numbers stored inside. Tears clouded her vision as she finally found his name, submitting the call to go through. She drew it to her ear and waited for the ring. It rang once, twice, before it picked up. An exhale of breath released and though she was brimming with anger towards him, she was relieved to know he hadn't fully given up. The voice that came through wasn't his, however, instead it was the automatically generated recording, indicating that the number had been recently disconnected.

Her breath hitched and she closed the phone to return it to where she'd found it. All she could think about was the night before, lying with him in their bed and the words he'd said to her.

 _"Socrata?" Dreilide asked in the veil of darkness of the room. "Are you happy? I mean, have you been happy with me?"_

She shook her head and cupped her hand over her mouth, eyes clenched shut.

 _"If something ever happened to me, you and Kara would be okay, wouldn't you?"_

Though she'd thought his line of questioning to be odd the night before since he'd never, not once, let such thoughts be verbalized to her, now she understood what he had meant. He was planning to go. He'd made love to her the night before to say goodbye, knowing he was going to leave both his wife and his daughter behind.

Grief shook her and she sat down on the bed to give her weakening legs a break. Her morning had been so uncomplicated, hiding away the truth of the situation. Tears poured from her and she buried her face into her hands, unsure of how one was even properly supposed to deal with such a thing. How could anyone continue on from here? Her husband of over eleven years had left without so much of a word to her, without a note, without leaving them with even anything to pick themselves up with. Despite all the things she'd seen during her days as a marine, and even those years she fought in the war, she knew she'd never felt as absolutely lost as she suddenly did.

Socrata's body shuddered as her cries grew harder, though she stifled the sounds they made as best as she could, unprepared to show that level of emotion even in the privacy of her room. The person that had persuaded her to slow down and open up had left her in the end. It suddenly all felt like a waste. A waste of time, of her life, or everything she'd put into it. The muscles of her stomach clenched and she took off running towards the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before she lost what little she held in stomach. Every muscle in her body tensed as she emptied herself out into the porcelain, her tears still coming in between each gag.

Her stomach settled eventually, the burn of acid and bile stinging the inside of her mouth and back of her throat as she sat against the cool tie in nothing but the robe she'd put on. She pulled herself up to the sink and rinsed her mouth clean as best she could, looking into the mirror at the image reflected there. The fabric she wore sickened her further, recalling just how the pads of his fingers had slid between it and her skin to help it off. The entire night replayed before her eyes, her head swimming with the images. Only the sound of piano keys tapping distantly in the apartment woke her from it.

For a second, she imagined it all to be a horrible nightmare. He hadn't gone, it had been a horrible joke and misunderstanding. She'd fight with him later for it, after getting him in her arms and confirming just how real his presence was. Socrata left the bathroom, heading down the hall to the living room as she listened, though a thousand warning bells in her head went off. The notes weren't played with the same finesse her husband had, even when he was merely messing around at the keyboard. No, they were shorter and without proper rhythm. In a clearer head, she would have known right away they belonged to her daughter's fingers, but given the circumstances, the dream of it all was on her mind.

Rounding the corner, she saw Kara at the piano bench in her pajamas, bare feet dangling towards the ground but not quite reaching. The wave of pain and grief hit her again, just as fresh as it had in her bedroom when the call hadn't gone through. This time, she didn't let it consume her, instead sorrow turned to anger. Anger at what her husband had done to her, anger at what he'd done to their daughter. She rushed towards the piano, her hand grasping Kara's arm and jerking her violently off the bench. Kara stumbled, her face horrified at the treatment shown to her by her mother.

"Mama—" Kara began to interject, not quite understanding.

Socrata's hands made quick work to cover the keys up, hiding them behind the slip of wood that pulled out. Her daughter protested beside her, struggling to push through. She was in a blind frenzy, though, gathering up every sheet of paper visible on the piano that belonged to her husband.

"Stop!" Her daughter shrieked, tugging at her mother's arm. "You're ruining them!" She repeated the gentle warning her father had given her years ago regarding the handling of the papers covered in both the printed and handwritten notes.

Her mother's hands stopped, dropping the papers to the floor suddenly to grab at her daughter's upper arms. She shook her roughly for a second, stopping as she bent down to level with her daughter. "Don't you get it?" Socrata's words were harsh and biting, a tone that she had never before used with her. "Your father left. He doesn't care about the papers anymore, he doesn't care about me, he doesn't care about you, Kara."

Kara's head shook to deny it, though her own tears began to form. "You're lying!" She screeched from her mother's grasp. "He loves me! He'll come back! He always comes back!" The words she used showed her lack of understanding on how her father's latest disappearance was different from all the other trips he'd previously taken and returned from. Her tiny fist smacked into her mother's arm, though there was little real force behind it.

"Not this time," Socrata said and released her daughter, moving to gather the crinkled papers, wadding them up in her fists as she worked. When she had them all, she started to head towards the kitchen and the garbage can there. She opened the lid and went to release them into the trash when Kara's hands tugged at the robe her mother wore, trying to stop her.

"Stop it! Those aren't yours!" She yelled to her mother.

Socrata spun in place, releasing the papers, some of which fell into the garbage and some which did not. One hand grabbed at Kara's arm and her other swung, open palm slapping across her daughter's face. The sound echoed in the apartment, both mother and daughter ceasing in their cries and anger for one identical moment. Kara's cheek already began to warm with blood from the hit she'd received and the little girl looked up to her mother, still not comprehending what just happened despite the sharp sting she felt. Her face was blank, and nearly ten seconds later did reality hit Kara, tears flowing even worse than before as she tried to recoil away from her mother and the first of many betrayals she would feel at the woman's hand.

Her mother stared back at her with equal cluelessness, despite the fact that she'd been the one to deliver the blow. As harsh of a personality as she had at times, and Dreilide knew that to be fact, she'd never done such a thing to her own child. No, Kara had remained the part of her life uncontaminated by the person Socrata feared she really was deep down underneath everything. The life she and her husband had created over the last eleven years had done well enough to heal her, though now she realized those wounds couldn't ever have been healed, only hidden. With the safety of the world they'd made crumbling around her, the woman she'd once been began to rear her ugly head.

She was horrified at what she'd done, unable to move or even verbalize her regret. Her hand still grasped at her child's arm despite how much Kara tried to retreat away in fear of her mother. The cries of her daughter now replaced the sound of the slap, the truth of her actions having the effect of giving herself her own smack to the face.

"Kara." Socrata said her name, voice thick with emotion. Her offending hand, the one that had so brutally hit her daughter only a moment ago, pulled at her and soon Kara was in her enveloping arms. She cried against Kara's shoulder and hair, her child resisting her still. "Gods," she sobbed into her daughter. "I don't know what—I'm sorry."

The girl gave up the fight, although she still didn't know what she felt. This was her mother, the woman who, though stern and had very specific ways of doing things, had never harmed her a day in her life. Her father had always acted as the buffer between her and her mother's moods, but not once had she been on the receiving end of any of it, at least not more than a raising of her voice. She'd not even so much been swatted on her bottom when she misbehaved, and now she could still feel the pain of her mother's hand across her cheek. Kara loved her mother, more than anything else, but now when she thought of her, a fear lingered inside of her. Her fists gripped into Socrata's robe, desperately wanting to forget what had just happened and return to the old imagery she had of her mother.

"I'm so sorry," Socrata repeated against her daughter, her body rocking both of them together.

Cheeks stained with her own tears, Kara's small voice spoke. "Where's Daddy?"

Socrata's arms tightened around her a little bit more, trying to steady herself. "I don't know, baby. But he isn't coming back this time." She was gentler this go around as she tried to explain to her daughter, though still not in the best of manners.

"No," Kara insisted.

Though she didn't believe it, especially considering her sudden outburst, Socrata tried an attempt at comfort. "We'll be okay."

As Kara's own hand rubbed her hot cheek while she was in her mother's arms, she knew it wouldn't.

—

 _Galactica: Present_

Lee stroked his hand against Kara's cheek from where he lay behind her, spooned in close. At just louder than a whisper, he spoke, "Kara, wake up." He'd woken only a moment before to find her stirring slightly, even in slumber. It wasn't how she normally slept, at least not when at peace, and the tension he felt in her very muscles had him worried. If she was dreaming of anything even remotely unpleasant, the last thing he wanted to do was to let her continue to suffer through it. He pushed her hair from her face and leaned in to kiss her shoulder. "You're dreaming."

The call of his voice pulled her out of the state she'd been in, restoring reality to her in gradual steps. "Lee?" Kara asked, eyes opening only to find darkness around her.

"I'm here." Their daytime hours had left them arguing, as was usual for them, but by time it came to curl up into their bed, they'd already understood the silent apologies both gave. Their making up was irrelevant, however, because even if they went to sleep hating one another, he would have found it in himself to wake her with that same quiet tone of voice. Of the two of them, he was the one who more often suffered from dreams bordering on nightmares, usually stemming back to his time on New Caprica. Even before her death, when they would both share an hour or so of sleep beside one another in the billet before returning to their quarters, Kara had woken him from a few of those mental prisons with her own similar manner. She'd taken care of him then, now he returned it. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said quietly.

"What were you dreaming about?" If she didn't want to talk about it, he wouldn't press her on it. She'd often asked him in the past about his own dreams, but when Lee truly, really hadn't wanted to share, Kara had given him that courtesy of privacy.

"My mother."

Though Socrata Thrace came up on occasion, most notably the night she'd revealed the details about that particularly brutal injury to her hand and how her mother had been responsible, Kara remained rather tight lipped about either of her parents. "What about her?"

"Just the day my father left." Her hand drew up to her own cheek, palming the skin there like she could still feel the faint sting her mother's hand laid upon her.

"What happened?"

There was something about the dark that always made it easier for secrets to be told. Perhaps it was the anonymity of it, or just the fact that she didn't have to look into his eyes and see his reaction to her words. Nighttime also always had the effect of making things seem less real, at least for her. "She used to get me ready for school every morning, but she was distracted with trying to find where my Dad had gone. I should have gotten dressed but she didn't leave anything out." Kara reached behind her to tug at Lee's hand, pulling it around her.

"I went to the living room and started practicing piano. I was just getting good at putting my two hands together and I used to spend every free minute I had sitting there, trying to get it right. My mom came back in and she was just so… upset, but I didn't care and didn't understand because all she did was pull me away from the piano and start to throw out all of his papers. I remember I was so angry at her for touching his things. She told me he wasn't coming back and I tried to stop her from tossing them out. She turned around and slapped me across the face." There was a detachment to the way she described it versus how she'd detailed the incident with her hand.

"Were you okay?" Not that it mattered if she hadn't been back then, there was nothing he could have done for it now.

"Yeah, and she was sorry afterward. I get it now though. I never thought to try to understand what happened that morning, but now I get it. My father came to me in the middle of the night before and told me how much he loved me and to tell her he loved her too." Bitterness returned in the short laugh she gave. "Told me to remember that frakking song because he thought I'd need it someday. Then he left us and she couldn't take it."

His hand that she clutched to her body stroked over the skin of her stomach, sleep addled brain trying not to lose her as she shared her memories. "It must have been hard for her. For you, too."

"Would have been nice if some of his final words to me weren't so self-absorbed to be about some stupid song he wrote."

"It was important to you two though, maybe that's why he wanted you to remember it," said Lee.

Her fingers moved just barely over the back of his hand, echoing the pattern of the single notes she'd played earlier on in the day for Anders as she tapped them lightly into Lee's skin. One, One, two, three. Six, five, three. Six, five, three, two, one.

Regrettably, Lee felt himself giving into his fatigue and even Kara's touch at his hand seemed to coax him closer to it. He was surrounded by her, feeling the expansion of her lungs, the scent of her skin and hair in his nose, the fading taste of her still on his tongue from the lovemaking they'd completed hours ago. All things Kara Thrace had the ability of lulling him into a serene sense of contentment. Just as he was about to slip back under, he suddenly felt her fingers go still against his skin, the absence of the rhythm jarring him just enough.

"Frak me," Kara said, the expression escaping her lips, suddenly feeling wide awake. "Lee, you asleep?" She asked, rubbing the back of his hand with her palm.

He groaned his wordless reply into her hair.

"It's not a song, Lee." She rolled over in his arms, her hands immediately going to either of his cheeks, staring across at him in the dim light. She could just barely make out the angles of his face. "I mean, it is a song, but it's not."

"Kara, what are you talking about?" He groused, wanting desperately to fall back asleep.

Unclothed, she scrambled from their bed, flipping on the nearest light switch. She fished her underwear off the floor and pulled them on, before heading to the small desk setup they currently had. She rummaged her hands quickly through the papers there, looking for a scrap of anything that wasn't vaguely important and a writing tool of some kind. She feared that if she didn't get her thoughts down fast enough they'd simply evaporate, dissipate into the air like they never existed at all. By time she'd covered the page in a line of numbers and turned back to him, Lee was sitting up, blankets bunched around his waist. She crossed the room, nearly tripping over their clothing strewn over the floor, hands displaying the torn piece of paper to him.

"The notes — they're numbers, Lee. Twelve numbers. What else is twelve numbers?" Kara posed to him from her frantic state. He offered a blank, but tired, expression to her, and she held the paper down against the mattress, trying to carefully bracket off the list of twelve numbers into three groupings without puncturing through the paper with her pen. "One, one, two, three. Six, five, three, six. Five, three, two, one. They're frakking jump coordinates."

Lee watched her skeptically, unsure of whether to believe her or to think she'd finally been pushed too far. His hand settled over her own. "That's more than a stretch. Lots of things have twelve numbers. Planet to planet calls used to be twelve numbers. Barcodes on cereal boxes used to be twelve numbers." He wanted to believe her and had done so rather blindly since she had returned, but maybe even Lee Adama had limits when it came to Kara Thrace.

"He could have taught me any song. He could have taught me nursery rhymes or television jingles or anything else, but he didn't. This was always it. This was always important. The last time I saw him he told me to remember it. And that frakking mandala, Lee! He used to tell me to paint it everywhere for him. He didn't want me to forget."

"But how did he know about either of those things? It doesn't make sense. Your father was just a man living on Caprica, there was no way for him to know about any of this."

She shook her head, trying to force logic and reason out and hold on to the feeling inside of her. It was in her gut, in her bones, in the goosebumps forming on her skin and the hair that stood on the back of her neck. She felt it coursing through her bloodstream as her heart pumped it around. There was something there and she couldn't let herself or even Lee talk her out of it. "Maybe the Gods sent it to him. How am I even here Lee? You saw me die and I can't remember where I was for two months. What if the Gods sent me back?" said Kara.

As much as Lee had started to believe in anything since her return, what she was saying to him now was too crazy for even this new version of himself. "Kara—"

"No." Her finger tapped against the paper that rested beside him on their bed. "This is it and I'm going to find out whether you're with me or not, Lee. Trust me one last time."

He sighed, eyes staring down at her messy handwriting. He was absolutely torn in two over what to do. Lee thought back to the conversation they'd had over raised voices before she'd gone to her death. Kara had wanted him to believe in the Gods and he told her her that if he had to believe in something, it would be her. It was always her. He looked back to Kara, knowing his decision. "I never really could say no to anything."

"Except me."

Lee shook his head. "Especially you."

—

Kara agreed to at least wait until the morning cycle before escalating her theory beyond just the two of them. They both knew there was no way they could simply ask the Admiral to plug the coordinates into Galactica's jump drive and hope that they didn't jump them into the middle of a planet, a star, perhaps even a black hole. That kind of blind jumping was extremely dangerous to even a small vessel like a Raptor, and would undoubtedly be deadlier to the battlestar. No, they'd have to do this on their own.

After her revelation, both dressed despite the bags under their eyes and fled their quarters to head to the small room they had been meeting periodically in with Gaeta and on occasion, Helo, trying to scour scans of nearby star systems in order to find the one that called Earth home. Though neither of them were as well versed in the process of plotting jumps as the Lieutenant was, together they had confidence their calculations could be trusted safely. The specific jump itself, from their current point to the coordinates Kara was convinced was the answer to all their problems, was well beyond the red line, and it would take a series of carefully plotted jumps to get there safely and without risk. If they were to simply jump directly there, they knew the likelihood of a ships' onboard FTL system bringing them accurately there was not in their favor.

It was well towards dinner by time they realized how long they'd been working, Lee's grumbling stomach calling Kara's attention. She watched him, noting the exhaustion over his face and the discoloration of the skin beneath his eyes. Lee's eyes drooped nearly closed but he soldiered on and it reminded her so much of those first few days when the cylons attacked every thirty-three minutes. Lee, especially, had been burning the candle at both ends for her lately. Just as much as she didn't want to see herself fail, he didn't want to see it either. They were a team now, at least now their relationship confirmed it as much outwardly as he'd always felt inwardly, and her disappointments were now also his.

"This would be so much easier if we just had Gaeta do this for us," he said.

Kara's head shook. "I can't explain how I got these and expect anyone besides you to trust me on this."

"Have you thought about how we're going to convince the Admiral to let us make these jumps in the first place?"

Her shoulders slumped as she worked through her final set of calculations, writing the last set of digits in the list of fifteen or so. Lee took the paper from her, beginning to double check the work she'd already done. This had been their process since the middle of the night, one person starting the work and the other going over it again, hoping to catch any errors made along the way. "Fifteen jumps. I think that's cutting it close with a team of Raptors. Could run out of fuel if we had a single mistake."

Lee sighed loudly as he nodded and slid the paper towards the center of the table. "It checks out."

Neither of them dared to pick up the sheet of paper between them, instead letting their eyes lock on it from where they stood. If this worked, if this really took them where Kara believed it would, then it would change everything for the fleet. They would have Earth.

"We ask the Admiral for another ship. Something that can go longer range, but still small. We jump there, see what we find—" She stopped. "No, we jump there and when," she emphasized the word, "we find Earth, we come back and bring the fleet with us."

Lee watched her and all of a sudden it was like seeing Commander Thrace come back to life before him. He'd only seen her in such a position very briefly before their encounter on Founders' Day, when nothing of her leadership was yet to be tested. Lee strongly wished he could have seen her during the exodus, or perhaps even been at her side through it. She must have been something else.

"Then we better figure out which one we want and we're most likely to get, and who we're bringing on with us to run the ship."

—

A week later, the Demetrius, former sewage processing ship, hung alone suspended in the black of space. They'd left Galactica and the fleet the day before, under the guise of searching for food available on nearby planets and their moons. With everything going on, Kara had been sure Adama wasn't going to let them go, especially not risking the loss of both of his children, but he had acquiesced in the end and agreed to commandeer the ship chosen for the mission. The people they wanted to go with them, though, the Admiral would not order them to join up on the mission, and the crew had then been switched to volunteer only. As luck would have it, most of the people had anyway decided of their own volition to come along for the ride. A day into the short journey along with the heat and stench of the ship, however, and most of them probably regretted it.

Though it wasn't necessary to take so much time between jumps, the FTL drive on the Demetrius was older and rumored to be quite precarious, so the caution of allowing the system to cool and spool up again was taken. The inward pull and release of jump fourteen released them back into space, and though Kara knew Earth wouldn't at all be visible from this location, the lack of anything else around them had her scared. She wasn't sure what she expected, though a bright blinking sign pointing the way towards Earth would have been ideal. Lee joined her up front in the large cabin of the cockpit of the ship, sitting down beside her in the co-pilot's seat.

"What if it's not there?" She asked.

That was something he hadn't considered since he made the decision to follow her on out and away from the fleet. Since he'd climbed out of bed and began their preparations in the middle of that very night, Lee had chosen to believe that this would be the answer they prayed for. He didn't have an answer for her.

"I can't go back to Galactica with nothing. No one will ever believe a word I say again."

"We don't really have a choice. We don't have the fuel to keep jumping blindly out here and we have to meet back up with the fleet in two days at the latest. Besides, I think Helo and Athena will start a mutiny if you keep us in this ship any longer than possible," his attempt at trying to lighten the mood was blatant.

She didn't bite at it, instead allowing the fear sitting in her stomach to consume her. "Maybe we should take the Raptor out to the last jump. You and me." Kara wasn't sure what good it would do for them, the ship they were in wouldn't change what awaited them on the other side. It just felt fitting to her, that if anyone was going to see that planet first, it should be reserved for their eyes alone.

Lee stood from his seat and Kara was sure he was going to reject the offer she'd given. Just as he was about to leave, he stopped, pausing with his hand on the hatch door. "Go get your flight suit on."

An hour later, Starbuck and Apollo, the two as they'd always been, sat within the confines of the Raptor that had been brought along with Demetrius. The ship released from where it docked with the larger vessel, and Kara, with her hands at the ship's controls, glanced over to Lee as he spoke to Helo back on Demetrius. "We'll jump to the coordinates you have and be back within twenty minutes. If you don't hear from us or see us by then, you're ordered to return to Galactica without us. No rescue missions, do you understand?"

There was silence on the other line and he could imagine Helo's torn expression as he took his orders. "Roger that, Apollo. You better frakking come back." There was some kind of interference over the line and Athena's teasing voice then rang out. "You can't keep Earth for yourself, Starbuck!"

"Like hell I'm sharing it with you guys," Kara said with a smile that was heard in her words. When the line cleared and the Raptor was at a safe distance from the sewage ship, she spoke again. "Commencing jump in 5, 4, 3, 2…"

Next to her, Lee finished her words. "Jump." The ship disappeared off of DRADIS on the Demetrius and blinked back into existence light years away.

The black emptiness of space stared back at both of them, the immediate sight of nothing causing her breathing to grow instantly erratic. Her body crumpled in her seat, only her restraints holding her up as she preemptively succumbed to what she felt to be her ultimate failure. "Nothing! There's nothing here!"

Lee remained stalwart, switching over the ship's controls to his side, spinning the Raptor around slowly to get a full 360-degree look of where they were. As the ship rotated, the field of vision provided by the cockpit glass was filled by a trio of spheres floating in space. "Kara," said Lee, barely able to understand the implications of what he saw. Along with his call of her name, DRADIS sounded as it came back online and showed the large planetary body near them.

She lifted her head, prepared to take her frustration and failure out on Lee, but instead her face was bathed in the light reflected off the rock she knew to be the moon she'd seen and taken photographs of. They both existed in mutual silence for Gods knew how long, until Kara erupted into a fit of laughter, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes in supreme happiness over what was there after all. "That's the moon!" Her hand waved over towards it like a child would, pointing out the obvious to her parent. "The sun!" That one was far more distant, glowing hot. It was strange that her attention should fall onto the biggest orb last, but perhaps she was saving the very best for the end.

There, before both of them, was the blue planet, the expanse of the rich color only broken up by the swirling white clouds and green and brown land masses down below. It was Earth, and not even Caprica from orbit had ever looked that beautiful to either of them. Kara had done it.

She released her seatbelt and moved to the back of the Raptor quickly.

"Kara— what the frak? Where are you going?"

"Taking pictures!" She shouted jubilantly as she sat down at the ECO station, setting the ship's onboard camera to the proper range and allowing it to snap up a few photographs of the planet before them. "It's beautiful, Lee. Better than I remembered."

From the front of the ship, Lee stared out to the planet below them. All he wanted to do was to take the Raptor down and land on what looked like it had to be green grass down below. He wanted to find the warmest spot of the planet and run into the water, feel the burn of sun on his skin and know what it would be like to not only feel the gripping despair of hopelessness. It was Earth and it was their future. He looked to the clock counting down how many minutes they had left before rendezvousing up with the Demetrius again and it killed him to know there wasn't time for even a quick trip to the surface.

The FTL drive spooled up again once Kara had taken the necessary readings about the planet below, all of which indicated drinkable water and breathable air. Consumed in the bliss of the moment, neither of them bothered to notice that there was a distinct lack of any and all transmissions from the surface of Earth.


	27. Chapter 27

Galactica and the rest of the civilian fleet trailing behind her jumped into orbit surrounding the planet informally known as Earth. After Lee and Kara returned to the Demetrius in their Raptor with the news of what awaited them, the sewage ship had double timed it back to the rendezvous coordinates with the fleet, only stopping to prevent FTL damage. The mood on the Demetrius had reached a level not seen before, not even when they'd found New Caprica or subsequently saved the people from that very planet over a year later. This was the end of their journey, they were sure of it. For once, no one thought about what would happen when the cylons found them, or if they even would. Even from space, New Caprica had looked like a dreary planet. Earth had at least looked full of life.

That enthusiasm spread quickly through the rest of the fleet once Demetrius had made contact with Galactica and forwarded the photographs to the CIC even before they were able to dock and deliver the accounts of what had been witnessed to the Admiral in person. The worries about the Final Five ceased to exist as everyone became preoccupied with what life would be like back on soil again. Families could be planned. Children could grow up with their skin turning golden brown from the sun instead of laying out under artificial lights to prevent jaundice at a young age. They could grow crops and further breed what animals they did have. Perhaps there would even be new animals on the planet, or the same ones they had come to know back in the Colonies. This was it, this was the end.

Kara stood between both Admiral and Captain Adama, never feeling more at home than she did right there, shoulder to shoulder with the two most important men in her life. There had been no dampening her mood since they'd returned and she swore even her cheeks ached from the feel of her muscles constantly holding her lips upturned. It had taken a couple days to coordinate the ships and make all the jumps necessary to Earth, but they had been easily the happiest and most peaceful days in the fleet's history, and possibly even her entire life. Even algae had tasted good to her, knowing soon it would be the last of it she'd ever have to swallow down. The crew had drank the finest of the alcohol they were able to brew on their own, and at night and even the middle of the afternoon, Kara had retreated to the privacy of her billet to spend her time with Lee. Beside her, the man in question slipped his hand around hers slyly, smiling just as bright as he looked at her.

 _She laid across the length of their bunk, undressed and mostly exposed, save for the slightest fold of a sheet that barely caressed the flat of her stomach. Her breathing made an attempt at falling back into pace, but the tremor of her orgasm had only just started to fade. Her hand drawn to her mouth, she nipped affectionately at her own finger, feeling every ounce of tension abandon her body. With her eyes shut, she could still sense Lee where he was, further down the bed and between her thighs. Though she already reached her peak, he hadn't been able to tear himself away, instead allowing his once busy mouth to slow down with soft kisses to the insides of her thighs. He was at that favorite freckle of his again, she knew, and let out a soft giggle at the slightest tickle she felt. "Either you get up here or start all over again, Apollo," she delivered, the words rolling off her tongue with the kind of silkiness she felt over inch of her._

 _The rumble of his own laughter was felt in her own body, his hot breath quickly leaving him and warming her even further between her thighs. With one of her legs resting over his shoulder, she rubbed her calf along his back, heel of her foot soothing into his muscle there as well. She opened her eyes to look down to him, one hand folding up to slip beneath the pillow her head rested on. Her knee gently brushed against his cheek as he lifted his head up to watch her as well, the widest smile she'd ever seen on his face at that moment. The last few days had been a dream to the two of them, one that neither ever planned to wake up from. If things could be even a fraction of this good forever, they would never have a worry again._

 _"I could stay down here forever," Lee replied, his hand rubbing along the outer thigh of the leg over his shoulder. His cheek further pressed into the skin of her knee and thigh, kissing against the pale flesh there._

 _She smiled, and part of it was actually shy, a quality Kara had forgotten she could even have. Her cheeks, already tinged pink from the release she'd gotten, warmed a little hotter at his words. "I'll let you," said Kara. She reached the hand that wasn't beneath her pillow down to him, fingers grazing over the light stubble of his cheek._

 _"I don't tell you enough, but you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He wasn't sure if he'd ever actually expressed that sentiment to her in a manner so directly, as it wasn't Starbuck's nature to accept words like that, but he was sure she wouldn't tease or reject him for saying them now. If ever there was a time to say it, now was it._

 _Kara continued to smile, her head shaking in something of a denial of his words, though she never verbally shot him down. "You're just saying that because I'm naked right now."_

 _"Mmhmm," Lee nodded enthusiastically and leaned up just barely to kiss the skin beneath her naval as her leg slid off of him, his head coming to rest there on its side while he continued to look up at her. Her hand never stopped the soft touches she gave him, instead shifting to push through his hair._

 _"Do you know where you want to live yet?" Kara asked, in reference to the comment she'd made to him weeks ago when they'd finished their quick frak barely hidden in a corner of the deck._

 _"Close to the water," he convincingly said. Though they hadn't talked about it since then, he really had spent much of his time thinking it over. "Maybe not right on it, close enough so we can get a good view, but not somewhere warm year round. I want snow in the winter. We never saw much of it on Caprica."_

 _"Good idea," she agreed with a nod of her head. "How many kids am I supposed to have for you in this dream of yours?"_

 _He laughed again, kissing against her stomach as he hid his face away from her for only a moment. "A few," Lee admitted with his own rosy hue on his cheeks._

 _"Ambiguous." She'd never seen herself as a mother, not even with Zak all those years ago, but now she had a hard time denying the urge inside of her that perhaps could allow herself to begin wanting that kind of life. "What if I can't?" Kara asked him._

 _His head shook against her as he lifted it and then subsequently scooted the rest of himself towards her, crawling up along the bed until they were even, his head on the pillow next to hers. "You don't know."_

 _"You know I lost that ovary. And everything else—the radiation, whatever happened to me over those months I was gone." Tears shone in her eyes in a moment of weakness very unlike the woman she always tried to be._

 _"Then we don't know if I can either." It was the truth of the matter. They and the rest of the pilots had endured huge doses of the radiation when navigating all of the civilian ships down to the algae planet. They'd been promised they would be safe, at least when it came to developing radiation poisoning, but no one had mentioned what it meant for them in cases of reproduction. Perhaps they'd chosen not to talk about it on purpose. "We'll deal with it when we get there. For now, we can have whatever we want."_

 _"I want you," Kara confessed and leaned in to kiss him, barely tasting herself on his tongue and his lips._

 _"You've got me."_

In Kara's eyes, Lee could see that exact moment from earlier that morning as well. They would absolutely have it all. He held her hand tight, fingers laced through hers, as the rest of the officers in the CIC began to narrate around them.

"Confirming what Starbuck and Apollo brought back, Admiral," Gaeta said from his seat. "Water covered planet. Atmosphere is reading about 78% nitrogen, 20% oxygen. Carbon dioxide in amounts low enough."

"Dee, are you picking up any signals from Earth?" Adama asked. They had long hoped to be greeted by familiar faces of the Thirteenth Tribe, but if they for some reason weren't there, there would be no complaints made in taking the planet as it was.

She shook her head even before she spoke. "None, sir."

Kara squeezed Lee's hand and he returned it for the reassurance they both needed.

Laura, standing at the head of the plotting table, turned to the Admiral. "Are we going down?"

He nodded. "We've got Raptors standing by."

—

As the team of Raptors settled down on Earth's surface, the mood had changed far from how it had started that very morning. The closer each of the small ships got to the planet, the more details came into view. While there was vegetation, it hadn't been as lush as they expected it. In fact, it was hardly even a fraction of what they imagined from the battlestar. What was the most alarming of it all, though, was the fact that each of the Raptors was picking up on the slightest amount of radiation. The ships weren't equipped with the tools to be able to accurately pick up trace amounts, but the fact that their radiological alarms reacted at all set a kind of nausea in everyone's stomachs. Immediately, the Admiral was glad they hadn't allowed the civilian ships to come down to the planet right away.

The outer door of the Raptor rose, Kara stepping out first to view the planet from the ground. She'd only caught glimpses from the window of the bird, since she and Lee chose not to fly down personally, instead sitting as passengers with the Admiral and the President. This wasn't what she hoped for. This wasn't the Earth they'd all prayed for over the years they fled the cylons. Her greatest success had yet again become her greatest failure. Lee approached her side, but wisely said nothing and made no move to touch her, instead allowing both of them to stew in the results of all their work. They had nothing to show for it.

Hours later, with more Raptors planet side, some landing down on the main site while others skimmed over the rest of Earth looking for signs of life, the reality of the situation became even more stark. The handheld radiation detectors brought down from Galactica registered radiation levels nearly two thousand years old and still too high for the human population to settle down upon the bleak landscape without serious worry for their immediate health. Reports came in from all over of the same kind of devastation. There was nothing left. The water wasn't even able to be filtered and used on board the ships and what little food that grew wildly would undoubtedly have caused illness among the fleet.

Though it wasn't apparent right away, they soon realized they were standing on the ruins of a past civilization. Uncovered under layers of soil were remains of what they were sure had once been buildings. Homes, factories, playgrounds, markets. There were children's toys, some made of metal and other materials still managing to be preserved despite how much time had passed. Not only that, but there were bones as well, and perhaps that had been the most haunting of it all. They were standing on the graves to countless lives. It was an unwelcome reminder that in a couple hundred years, this is what their past homes in the Colonies would soon begin to look like should anyone else come across it. Tombs to billions.

"Cottle ran some tests on the bones," Helo said, having finally come down form Galactica. The Admiral and President looked towards him. "He says they're not human."

From a few feet away, Kara turned around towards the conversation and closed the distance between her and them. "Meaning what?"

"He said they're cylon."

Roslin covered her mouth and stared blankly over the grey landscape that reminded her too much of New Caprica. "The Thirteenth Tribe were cylons."

"It's not just that, but whatever he got off of them reads closer to whatever type of cylon the other five are, rather than the Sharons…Leobens," said Karl.

"Have the five sent down here," Adama said. "And D'Anna and Leoben. I want to see what they make of this."

—

Galen stood nearby one of the few remaining pieces of structure, looking to the shadow of a man permanently burned into the jagged wall. "That was me," he said aloud to those nearby.

"You remember?" Sam asked.

Tyrol nodded and reached out to touch it, trying to reconnect with what he was sure was a past part of his life. "Not that much. But there was a market here. I remember I went out that morning and then a bomb hit and… that's it. This is where I was." He turned to look back at Sam. "Do you remember anything?"

"Nothing like that, but I know I've been here before. This is where we're from. Earth."

A few miles away, Saul and Ellen were having a similar experience, chillingly recalling the crush of a building around them in their own final moments on this very planet.

—

Kara started up one of the Raptors and climbed back into the main cabin to sit at the ECO station, scanning the nearby area once again for anything of significance. From the open door, the figure of a man approached behind her, slowly climbing up the wing of the ship.

"What do you want?" Kara asked, already knowing who it was. She tried to fight off the flashes of the last time the two of them had been in a Raptor like this. At the time, she had been in extreme pain and mourning the death of her friend when Leoben had wandered upon her, hauling her off to find that temple.

"Where are you going?" As usual, he avoided answering questions and asked his own.

"To find some frakking answers, Leoben."

"You never came to see me since God returned you to us," he seemed almost sad and hurt by it.

"Should I have?" Her tone was light, but both knew what she meant. She owed him nothing, at least as far as she was concerned.

"I see you as an angel now, Kara. An angel blazing with the light of God. You've allowed us to find the Thirteenth Tribe." He made no move to move inward of the cabin and closer to her.

She swiveled her seat around, looking towards him. "Just stop. Why would the Gods have brought us here? For what? To find out that not only were the Thirteenth Tribe cylons, but that they exterminated themselves two thousand years ago anyway? To find out that we really are going to die out here in space, whether your people find us and kill us first or we all starve to death slowly?"

"You're not yet done, K—" he was cut off and tumbled backwards and it took a second for Kara to see what, or rather who, had caused the cylon to fall off balance. It had been Lee. Loyal, protective, dependable Lee, who now stood over the cylon's body in the dirt, booted foot to Leoben's throat.

"Stay the frak away from her," he warned.

"Lee—" she said as she stood in the opened doorway of the Raptor.

He looked up and over towards her, attention no longer on the man beneath his boot's sole.

"Let him go."

"Are you kidding me, after everything—"

"What's he going to do? Things can't get any worse than they are right now, Lee," she said and could no longer even remember the happy girl she'd been that morning lying beside him in their bed.

Though he didn't agree, he removed his foot, stepping away from the cylon though he kept his eye on him. "Where are you going?"

She moved back inside the ship. "I've got this feeling… I know something's here."

He sighed aloud, hands on his hips while he watched Leoben from the corner of his eye as the other man stood up and dusted the dirt off of himself. "You were just going to what, disappear?"

"I'd come back."

Lee huffed, not exactly believing her. "Let me come with you."

"Do whatever you feel, Lee," she said as she brushed him off and sat down in one of the pilots' seats.

The ship creaked as Leoben climbed back on, determined to come along for the ride.

"No, you're out of your frakking mind if you think you're coming with us," Lee bit out as he inched away from the number two model. What he didn't expect to hear was Kara's defense of him from a few feet away.

"He can do what he wants. Now sit down so I can close the door."

"You're kid—"

"Apollo!" She shouted as the door of the Raptor closed and the ship vibrated as it came alive. "I don't need a protector, so if you aren't happy with my decisions, then you can leave." She had tunnel vision suddenly, not wanting to deal with the arguments between the two men with similar names who both felt they had claims to her.

His complaints quit, knowing he wouldn't ever win with her in such a mood, but also realizing he couldn't leave her alone with him. No, he couldn't ever allow that again. Lee sat beside her upfront while Leoben kept to the back of the ship, wisely. The Raptor lifted off the ground, immediately speeding through the air with the kind of precision only Starbuck ever had. She didn't lift the bird up too high, just enough to get proper altitude and to avoid hitting any of the trees and high rising building fragments. She had no real chosen direction, that much was clear, but that didn't mean she wasn't looking for something just the same.

They proceeded that way in silence for near a half hour before Kara finally found a clearing in nearby trees. Without a word, she landed the Raptor, powering the ship down before she evacuated it, leaving the other two men behind without a word. Lee followed behind, jogging to try to catch up to her, and the snapping of twigs and the crunch of leaves from the direction they came told him Leoben wasn't far off either.

Kara stopped abruptly, eyes focused down on the ground in front of her. While around them there was low vegetation and dry dirt, before her was the smooth expanse of metal, colored to look similar to the surrounding materials. From the air, it would be easy to overlook, and probably explained why no one else had spotted such a thing. That, or they'd simply dismissed it as more of the remaining destruction from whatever had occurred here millenia earlier. She followed the edge of the metal, brushing aside leaves with her foot as she followed it around. Lee and Leoben began to automatically do the same, clearing debris away to help her along. Only did she stop when she spotted something like a handle, or a latch, on one end.

Lee stepped over to her, helping her lift the thick sheet of metal upwards, letting it fall backwards to leave the pit below exposed. There was a set of stairs made of stone that led from where they stood to down below, and before he could even say something, Kara was making her way down them, flashlight withdrawn from her pocket to guide the way. Lee traded a look with Leoben and followed her in.

As it turned out, the steps didn't lead that far down, just deep enough so a low ceiling entryway existed. Kara held the flashlight up as they continued to walk, the light from outside lessening with each step inwards. Lee felt himself starting to grow claustrophobic when Kara finally stopped, hitting a dead end. She lifted the flashlight to the wall in front of them, though it appeared to match the walls around them in color. A thin seam ran down the center of it and Kara traced her fingers along it, feeling the minuscule gap that existed between the two halves. She ran her hand across the smooth surface of one side and only then did a small rectangle illuminate itself, appearing to be an integral part of whatever it was in front of them. Technology like this existed back on Caprica, though only to those who could afford it.

"What is it? Lee asked.

Leoben raised his hand to it, the braver of the trio, and pressed his palm to the center of the glowing shape. There was no sound to indicate a reaction, but the background of the surface he'd touched flared white, which told them enough. Lee wiped his palm off on the fatigues he'd changed into before initially coming down to the planet that morning, when their future seemed far different. He mimicked Leoben's action once the rectangle faded back to nothing, only the outline of the space showing signs of life. The reaction was the same this time, a white glowing that faded away after the removal of Lee's hand.

Kara passed the flashlight over to Lee, and with great hesitation raised her palm to press into the wall. If this didn't work, they were indeed at the end of the line with no idea of how to further proceed. Her hand hovered barely an inch away and more than anything, Kara feared what would happen when she made contact with it. She had been pulled here to this very space by a feeling in her gut, a sense of deja vu that told her she'd been here before. While she remembered being in orbit of the planet in her Viper, she didn't recall ever setting foot on Earth itself. She couldn't have been here before. Swallowing hard, Kara took the plunge and roughly forced her palm and spread fingers against the same spot the other men had touched moments before.

This time, the rectangle glowed a deep red and the entirety of the illuminated portion sunk into the wall no more than a few inches. Steadfast, Kara continued to hold her hand still in fear that this was their one and only chance to get it right. With her wrist sunk into the wall, she felt a waterfall of warm fluid rinse over her hand.

"The stream," Leoben said, eyes enthralled as he watched. It reminded him of the similar object on their own basestars that allowed them to tap into the networked systems.

Lee kept his eyes on her hand, not exactly trusting whatever technology they'd wandered upon to be harmless. "The what?"

Just as the cylon was about to answer, the light around her hand shut abruptly off and Kara pulled her hand back, shaking off the excess liquid in the air and drying it against her shirt. There was the low rumble that reminded her suspiciously of the locking mechanisms on the hatch doors of Galactica, though rather than it lasting only a second or two, it persisted for something close to half a minute. Where she had previously traced her fingers along the line down the center of the wall, it now split, each half pulling apart to expose how very thick the wall had been just beyond them. Incorrectly, she'd assumed it to be the same kind of concrete or stone that the walls of the tunnel had been composed of, but as she stepped on past, her two companions following her, she now saw that it was rather a series of locked doorways, one on top of the other. The kind of security she'd never even dreamed of.

The space provided beyond the doors was not much larger than the hallway they came from, and by time they all turned around in the confined space of what resembled an elevator, the doors sealed behind them. The biggest difference though, was the fact that there were lights, bright and harsh to their eyes after coming from the near darkness. The elevator shifted downward and Lee's eyes flickered over to hers.

"We should have told someone where we were going at least… We don't know what's down here, Kara."

Not bothering to look back to him, Kara spoke. "Doesn't matter anymore."

The lift came to a stop and the same sound of each set of doors unlocking resounded before the path was finally clear. What was before them, though, wasn't something any of them had been expecting. The environment was as close to sterile as anyone had seen in years. It was just as bright as the elevator had been and it was vast. Kara was the first one to step out and into the space, head turning to take everything in. Along one wall were what could only be described as computers, though they appeared to be powered down with the exception of one solitary unit. She nearly jogged to it, looking for some kind of keyboard or mouse, but found nothing. Kara went off her next assumption and drew her fingers to the screen, relieved when the gentle prod activated the sensors and responded.

Leoben was content to wander the nearby area, instead moving to investigate the series of machines that filled the rest of the large warehouse of a room, while Lee joined her at her side.

"Resurrection number fifteen thousand, seven hundred eighty one," he said aloud, though his eyes were reading far faster than his mouth.

"Attempt three. Completed eighty-four days ago," said Kara. She scrolled through the page that seemed to show the most recent information about the facility's usage. "Attempt two, aborted. Attempt one, aborted."

"So someone was here two and a half ago?" Lee questioned.

She didn't answer him, instead trying to search out any other relevant information. Kara didn't know it outright yet, but she was searching for something. The sound of rapid footsteps from behind alarmed both of them, and Kara gave up her investigation prematurely to look towards where Leoben was retreating away from. "What did you find?"

His eyes were open wide as he looked at her, his face abnormally pale as if the blood had been sucked out of him. He suddenly backed away, his head shaking. "You aren't what I thought you were."

"What?" Her hand dropped from the computer screen and she started to head in the direction he'd come from.

"God didn't send you."

Her pulse beat heavy and quick, so loud she could hear it thumping in her ears. She didn't even stop to look at anything she passed on by, so consumed in finding the abnormality in the pristine environment that had affected the cylon to his very core. Leoben had never shown fear like that before, and that alone terrified her.

Kara stopped as she rounded the next corner, unable to move from where she stood. It was as if she'd been frozen in time like that, preserved for eternity as a statute of herself. Lee increased his pace to join her, hoping to console her about whatever had shaken her up so much, but what he saw when he got there, was something he had never imagined, even in the darkest, deepest recesses of his brain.

Before them both sat three of what they could only describe as high walled bathtubs. They had passed rows of them on their way to this very spot, but when empty, neither Kara nor Lee had been able to see their true purpose. Leoben, on the other hand, had been drawn to them because he knew exactly what they were. He'd woken up in a similarly designed container many times before. Filled with fluid, there was no question about what they were though, and the three in question were filled almost to the brim with a milky, nearly opaque viscous liquid. The fact that they were filled wasn't the alarming part, however, but what sat immersed in it.

Staring back at Kara was her very own face, twofold. The eyes were dead and vacant, hauntingly reminding her of Kat's eyes when her body was freshly dead and still warm in the tomb of her Raptor on the algae planet. These bodies weren't dead, though, she knew that much innately. They had never been alive in the first place. Her ability to move returned to her and she stepped towards the series of tubs, each foot placed shakily in front of the other. Upon reaching the side of the nearest one, Kara tentatively extended her hand forward, letting it come in contact with the cheek—her cheek. The body was cold, disturbingly so, but Kara didn't draw her hand back. She couldn't. She let her fingers dip down into the murky water, following her shoulder down. Kara lifted the lifeless arm out of the water as much as possible, the black of ink coming into view as the flesh was exposed to her air. That was the tattoo. Her marriage tattoo she shared with Anders.

All of a sudden, she released the hold she had on the arm before her. For the moment in time she had interacted with the copy of herself, the emotional part of her brain had turned itself off, perhaps with the intention of protecting her psyche from further harm. It hadn't lasted though, and while she had been deceptively calm since the approach to the two bodies, each in their own tub, she now began to shake. She turned back to Lee sharply, tears falling down her cheeks. "What am I?" She yelled, already knowing the answer. "If that's me, then what am I?"

He had never heard her voice like that before, despite all the things they'd endured together. It was raw and harsh, a woman who had given up everything and was allowing herself to drown. Lee wanted to comfort her, but his eyes were stuck on what existed just beyond her, the two other copies of her body, naked and swimming in that fluid. "Kara, I don't—"

"Am I a cylon?" She asked, her voice shaking as she spoke. Her head turned back to look at both versions of herself before her. It was the third tank that drew her in this time, and she moved past the two failed copies of her to the vacant tub, still filled with the fluid but lacking a body inhabiting it. Across the side of the box, a small digital screen acted as a label. Resurrection 15,781. Attempt 3: Completed.

As the words sank in, she screamed, the sound of her voice echoing around them. Her hands beat into the metal sides of the tub, serving no purpose other than to cause the skin to split and begin to bleed. She fell to the floor, her body a wreck as she sobbed miserably.

It was only this complete despair that called Lee over, and he made his way to her without allowing his vision to fall onto what looked like a pair of corpses wearing her face. He kneeled beside her, his arms pulling her against him despite the very real threat that she would strike out in retaliation. For a moment, Kara allowed herself to be held, but she then reacted predictably, pushing him away with great force.

"Just leave me!" She collapsed inward on herself again, arms drawn to her face as she continued to suffer the mental break. "Don't you understand?" Her words were shouted, her voice already hoarse. One hand pulled away from herself to hit into the side of the tank. "This was me. I'm attempt three, Lee."

He looked up towards the top lip of the tub, eyes glued to the digital screen that had sent Kara over the edge. Resurrection 15,781. Attempt 3: Completed. He tried to understand everything they'd learned only over the last few minutes, from what they'd seen back on the computer screen to what the appearance of the pair of bodies identical to her own meant. Lee had seen the ink marring the skin of one of the copies when she'd lifted the arm out, the tattoo that still marked itself across her left upper arm. The fact that Kara had returned from the dead with all her old wounds and tattoos in place had been a reason to believe she was human. Cylons didn't make copies, they just were copies. When he'd flown the blackbird back in the battle against the resurrection ship, he remembered seeing the lifeless faces of all the copies of cylon bodies waiting for a consciousness to download. They were identical every time, made from a mold.

That tattoo though, Kara hadn't always had that. Did that mean they'd made a copy of her later on? And who had made the copy? There wasn't a single life on the planet, at least not that they'd seen. There certainly wasn't anyone else down here with them either. And Cottle's test, he thought, it had come back negative. She wasn't a cylon, so what did all of this mean? His attention turned back to Kara, still the sobbing mess of a broken woman. Woman, or machine, he told himself, but quickly pushed the idea and derogatory connotation away with it. No, she was Kara Thrace. Whatever she was deep down, she was always Kara Thrace. "Kara," he whispered and wrapped his arms back around her again.

She let him hold her, too weak to fight him anymore, though her hands gripped into the collar of his shirt. Red eyed and cheeks tear stained, she looked to him, only speaking when their eyes connected. "Shut the computer off, Lee," she hiccuped as she spoke. "Go shut it off and kill me. Please."

He nearly let her go, shocked at the request she was making. How could she ask that of him? Lee's own tears found his eyes instantly and he didn't bother to hold them back. "No," he said sternly.

"Kill me," she begged as she continued to cry, unable to look at him any longer because she could see the betrayal he felt in his eyes. "I told you I wasn't sure if I could live with myself if this is what I was. Now we know, and I can't. I just can't."

Lee shook her for no more than a second and a half, trying to force some kind of sense into her. "You can't ask me to do that!" He shouted, letting his temper go. "You said you wouldn't leave me again, Kara." He was pleading not only for her, but himself. No matter what she turned out to be, he couldn't survive a life without her again.

"I'm a machine! Save everyone the pain and kill me. Leave me here. Don't tell them what I was." When she spoke, she mostly thought of Bill Adama. The last thing she wanted to do was to let him know the woman he'd taken in as a daughter had been his enemy the entire time. "This is where I was for two months! The Gods didn't send me back to you to fulfill my purpose, some frakking computer did. It made me here because I died. I died, Lee!"

"Listen to me. Gods damn it, Kara! Listen to me." His hands went to her cheeks, directing her to look up at him. "It doesn't matter. I told you a million times that nothing else matters and it doesn't. Whatever these are, whatever this place is, whatever you are, Kara, it doesn't matter. This has always been you and I don't even care. Gods help me, I don't give a flying frak about anything else. You can't ask me to kill you, I won't do it. I won't leave you behind here. If you want to die, if you want to kill yourself, then fine, Kara. Do it yourself but don't be a coward and ask me to do it for you." His eyes dropped from hers for a moment to consider her taking her own life. Blue eyes returned to hers a second later. "But if you do it, you take me with you. This, you," One hand dropped from her to wave between them. "Us, is all I have. And I'm happy for it."

Her head shook back and forth, wiping away her tears on her sleeves though it did little good. "I can't go back knowing there's two more of me sitting right here, knowing that I'm not the only version of myself out there."

"Then we get rid of them," Lee said as he nodded to her, a plan already forming in his head. He looked back towards where he knew Leoben still was, out of sight and waiting for them to be ready to leave. "Leoben!" He shouted as loud as his lungs would go, not wanting to leave Kara's side to find him, afraid of what she would do right now if she was left to her self. The cylon found them a minute later, though he stayed at a distance from the copies of Kara.

"Take off your jacket," Lee ordered as he peeled off his own coat and stood up. He laid it on the floor beside the first tank. "Place it there," he motioned towards the second tub and the second failed copy. "Now come here and help me." Leoben obeyed like the machines that his ancestors had been, happy to take orders. Lee rounded the back of the tank towards where the head of one of the Kara's was and slipped his arms into the fluid, hooking them beneath the copy's armpits. "I'll pull her out a little, you grab her legs when you can." On the count of three, Lee put all of his effort into tugging the dead weight of the body up and out of the tank at an angle. Leoben slid his own arms into the liquid, noting the identical consistency it had to what was used in their own resurrection tanks, and lifted at her legs until the two men working together had the soaking wet Kara copy lying on the floor upon Lee's jacket.

Lee was quick to kneel beside the body, moving to draw the two sides of the coat together to zip it shut, providing the nonliving and living Kara with a sense of dignity. Before he did so, however, he noticed the matching set of scars on the left side of her abdomen, and all he could think about was how he'd kissed that very spot on her that morning in their bed. But his Kara had been very much alive, stroking her fingers over his scalp, while this one had never even taken a breath. He paused in his movements once she was covered up, unable to take his eyes off of the body's face. It was Kara's, no question about it, and his tears returned despite how take charge he had been a second before. When he looked at it, at her, he didn't merely see a cylon copy of the woman he loved. No, he saw her very corpse. What it would be like to lose her all over again and to have to bury her or send her out into space.

With the back of his hand, he wiped his tears away and stood up, motioning over to the second tank where they repeated the process of lifting the other body out onto the waiting coat, this one Leoben's. He zipped it just the same, cocooning her naked flesh away, a flare of jealousy inside of him, not wanting the other man to lay his eyes upon Kara, even though he logically knew that this body wasn't the one that belonged to the woman he loved.

Lee looked up to see Kara standing still by the third tank, her eyes having watched the entire scene before her of Lee and his determination to bring her to some kind of peace if he could. It was horrifying to her, to force him to go through what she was sure was absolutely sickening for him, handling what amounted to her dead body… twice. For a flash of a moment, she feared that whenever he touched her again, all he would see was her cold dead eyes and the way her body had limply hung without the spark of life. Then she remembered what she actually was, and reminded herself that she would never again know the feel of him against her. Lee was holding himself together now, but she had no doubt that when they returned to Galactica, if she even returned, he would never want to see her again. She wanted to laugh at herself for her thoughts. She'd just found a nuclear wasteland of Earth, a secret underground facility used for cylon resurrection, and two copies of herself, and she was most concerned for her relationship. Gods, she really had lost her mind.

"You get the second one, I'll get the first," Lee said to Leoben, not caring if the cylon suddenly had a problem with handling the inanimate body. He'd been directly responsible for the death of billions, he could deal with this for now. Lee bent down to the first corpse, grabbing her by the arms as he sat her up and pushed her over one shoulder, then maneuvered her further into place so she extended across both of his shoulders, his hands holding onto her legs on one side, her arms on the other. Leoben did the same and both men started heading back towards the entrance. "Kara, let's go," he ordered, knowing she needed to be told to move.

When the three of them, now weighed down with the two extra bodies, made it back to where the computers and elevator were, Lee jerked his head towards the one screen that remained working and on. "Figure out a way to shut it down," he told Kara.

Her crying had stopped since she'd watched Lee dip his arms into the bath and pull at her own copy, having been stunned into silence and disbelief. When ordered again, she wasted no time, listening to him since he was the one person who seemed to have any kind of idea what to do. It was his military training coming out now, so ingrained into his mind that even under the most stressful of situations, he could revert back to it as a type of emergency back up. The human brain could be very much like a computer in that way. At the screen, she cycled through page after page until she found what seemed to be the the basic interface. From there, she commanded the computer to shut itself down, and once the process had begun, Kara followed Leoben and Lee into the elevator. The doors shut automatically with her inside and it began the ascent back to the surface.

Once outside, Lee and Leoben laid their respective copies down in the middle of the clearing and began to gather dried brush and sticks from the forest that surrounded them. They created a messy pile of tinder and kindling and when they deemed it was enough for the job, Lee returned to the Raptor to get matches from the emergency kit on board. They placed the bodies side by side on top of the pile and this time Kara helped with the struggle. Lee went to strike the first match and Kara stopped him, instead stepping back up to the barely covered bodies of her sisters, of herself, extending her hand to help close their eyelids. They deserved that much at least. She returned to Lee's side and took the matches from him, rubbing the head of the match against the sandpaper like material on the outside of the plastic tube. Crouching down beside the nest of twigs, she held the match there until they caught fire and repeated the process a few more times on all sides. Content with the progress the fire was making, Kara stepped back and stood beside Lee and Leoben as they watched her bodies burn. No one said anything.

—

Though they meant to return to the base camp, the voice from CIC on the wireless informed them that they were abandoning Earth to return to the stars as soon as possible, and all birds should head home. Apollo flew this time, guiding the Raptor out of the atmosphere and back towards the battlestar. Still, no one made any unnecessary sounds, other than Lee checking in to make sure they were cleared to land.

In the hangar deck, they were greeted by his father, his own Raptor having landed just prior to Lee's and he chose to wait to see his son and daughter since they'd disappeared hours earlier.

"Where'd you disappear to?" Adama questioned, not able to ignore the way Kara didn't even attempt to meet his eyes.

"Sight-seeing," Lee lied with a forced smile.

The Admiral's brows rose in doubt, but he didn't fight it. Even the Old Man knew this wasn't something to push right now. His gaze shifted to the Leoben model coming down off the Raptor and he motioned to some nearby marines. "Take him back to the brig."

Leoben didn't resist, going willingly, though not before trade a look with Apollo on his way out.

"What was that about, Lee?" His father asked.

Lee chose not to answer, instead let his hand reach for Kara's, beginning to walk away with her. "We're going to get some rest."

They made it to their quarters eventually and Lee sealed the hatch up behind them, finally able to take any kind of real breath after everything they'd seen that day. Kara slowly moved around the room, stripping down and out of her clothes, needing to get the smell of her corpses away as quickly as possible. Lee followed her example and did the same, but when he turned back around to her after pulling on a new pair of underwear, Kara was already shoving most of her belongings into the small duffel bag she owned.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know," she said with the kind of attitude he was used to from her.

He pulled another pair of tanks on, these ones fresh and clean, afraid she would burst out of their quarters and he would have to go chasing after her. "Why are you going?" He tried instead.

Kara's lips pursed and she simply shook her head. "You deserve more than this. You deserve someone who's real." The amount of self-loathing she felt was hardly able to be expressed in her words alone.

"Isn't it my choice?"

"No." She continued to pack, shoving each item into what empty space the bag had.

Lee approached, his hand folding over her own fist that held onto the handles of the duffel bag. "Please. You said you stopped running."

"This changes everything, Lee, don't you understand? I'm not human. I'm… I don't know what I am." Her head lowered, hair falling to block his view of some of her face. "Let me go."

Those three words were the absolute worst thing she could have said to him, her pleas from months ago in her Viper just before her death echoing inside of him. "I can't."

Kara's lips parted to speak, but she was interrupted by the harsh ringing of Galactica's alarms. Gaeta's voice filled the air a moment later. "Set condition one throughout the ship. This is not a drill."

Lee and Kara shared a look between them and at the same exact second, both ran towards the hatch door, forcing it open. This time, they didn't head towards the hangar deck as their pilots' instincts would have suggested they do, but instead headed for the heart of the battlestar, for the CIC.

They arrived not even a minute later, their bodies pushed to the limits as they ran the whole way there. Lee was shocked to see Tigh back in uniform, standing across from his father. Apparently some things had changed in those hours they were gone.

"Admiral, I'm not getting Colonial or cylon recognition codes from the ship," Dee said from her station.

"Just the one ship?" Tigh asked, and it was like no time had passed since he'd last stood as the acting XO.

"Yes, sir. DRADIS is saying it's small. Not a basestar, but way too big for even a Heavy Raider."

With his eyes raised to his DRADIS screen, Adama directed his order towards Tigh. "Hold the alert fighters, but get the fleet prepared to jump on my mark to the emergency coordinates."

Lee joined Kara at his father's side, both sets of their eyes looking heavenward at the screen as well. "What is it?"

Bill shook his head.

"Admiral, Sir!" Dee announced loudly. "I'm getting a signal from the ship."

"Put it through."

Everyone in the room held their breath, awaiting the voice that would be on the other end.

"This is the Meridian, looking to speak with whomever is in charge of your fleet of ships." The unfamiliar voice sounded out.

Adama went for his personal comm, raising it to his mouth. "Meridian, Galactica Actual. You're speaking to the Admiral of the Colonial Fleet. My name is William Adama."

The line crackled before the voice came over again. "Colonial Fleet? From the Twelve Colonies?"

"That is correct. Identify yourself further, Meridian, or we are prepared to use nuclear weapons in self defense."

"How many of there are you?" The man asked, his voice full of hope.

"I won't warn you again," Adama bit out. "Identify yourself further or I'll order my ships to jump away and we will attack."

"Wait—wait! Please, I need to know first. Do you have Kara Thrace on board?"


	28. Chapter 28

_The Colony: Five Years After the Cimtar Peace Accord_

Samuel Anders walked down one of the hallways of what used to be the ship that housed him and the four other Earth-originating cylons he'd left the nuclear devastated planet alongside some two thousand years prior. Though they'd set out for the Twelve Colonies in a mission to warn their distant relatives about the dangers of creating and taking advantage of cylons—the humor wasn't lost on him that he was technically one as well—they had arrived too late thanks to their sublight travel speeds. When they did make it there, a full out war was being fought across the twelve different planets, between the humans and their children, the cylon centurions. Fearing the worst, the five of them had done the only thing they could think to do, offer the centurions resurrection and flesh bodies to close the gap between the different species, in the hope that it would end the hatred and misunderstanding.

After peace had been reached, the centurions had left with the five of them, abandoning the Twelve Colonies to make a home for themselves. Out there, far removed from the humans, the cylons began to build off of the five's ship, adding on slowly to expand outward. Now, it no longer resembled a ship at all, but something they called the Colony, in homage to the heritage they all shared that dated back to the departures from Kobol. Though the centurions often branched out further into the edges of the Colony, Sam and his friends found comfort within their original walls most often. Two thousand years was a long time after all, especially with only four others to pass the time with.

He stepped around the corner, passing by a series of artificially created waterfalls, something that acted not only to calm but carried the water-like fluid they all used to connect to the ship and other cylons with. When he found the room he was looking for, he headed in, though the sound of hushed voices unsettled him immediately. For a second, he considered lingering just out of sight and listening in to what was being said, but he opted for honesty, a policy that tended to work best. With a clearing of his throat, he made his presence known before he fully entered. Four sets of eyes looked back at him, though they weren't the faces of Ellen and Saul, Tory and Galen.

Nearly two years after they'd formed the Colony, a transmission had come through the space and directly to their ship. They'd feared who it was from, that perhaps the humans were backing out of the peace treaty and had regrouped with a final solution to eradicate the problem they'd created. It hadn't been the humans, though, at least not the ones from the Colonies. No, it had been another ship, similar to their own with matching Earth-based recognition codes. That had been something none of the five had ever imagined they'd see again and once the ship had docked with what was only the beginning of the Colony, the other space travelers had been welcomed on board.

"Something going on?" Sam asked, trying to keep casual.

The four exchanged looks and it was the red-haired woman who stood, speaking for them. She didn't bother to beat around the bush, cutting to the chase was part of her very nature. "We're leaving, Sam," she said, though there was regret in her tone.

"Leaving?" He questioned in a small voice, as though the word was foreign to him. "To go to where?"

She settled her hands on her hips. "The Twelve Colonies."

Their abandonment hurt for a number of reasons, but he kept himself steeled and together. "We aren't done here, Eugenia. We just brought the first One online not even a few months ago."

Across the way, she shook her head and her sister stood up beside her, hand lightly touching at Eugenia's arm as a sign of solidarity. They'd made the decision together and they would stand together. "He's why we're going," Cleo offered in a softer tone.

"If we'd arrived here earlier, we wouldn't have let you make the agreement you made with the centurions. We aren't God, we shouldn't have the power to make people however we want. And if we do, we shouldn't be programming them the way Ellen has the One," Eugenia spoke up again, stern and tense. "Her father wasn't a good man, why should we be starting them off with so many flaws already?"

"We'll talk to Ellen then, reprogram him—"

"No," another voice said aloud and Dreilide stood up beside the two women that had been his companions for thousands of years. "She won't listen, we've already made our arguments to her. Ellen thinks she can change him like she wished she could have changed her father, but she can't." It was clear that the decision they'd finally come to had been one they'd mulled over for quite some time and was only reached through great pain. They didn't want to go, but their hand was being forced.

"We know you're going to continue on without us," said the final member of the other group, Jacob. "We wish you wouldn't, but we can't stop you at this point. We can't stop you but we won't abide by it either. That's why we're going."

Sam felt as though he was being blindsided by their decision and it was clear, nothing he could say would make them change their mind. They were determined. "Just talk to everyone else about this before you go."

"It's going to end in bloodshed, Samuel," Eugenia said, her words softer, like saying it too loud would make the possibility even more real. "Worse than before. Worse than what we saw on Earth. There's billions of people here. It'll be like it was for us. They'll never be happy with what they have until they take everything away from everyone else."

"They have God—they gave their one God to us."

She shook her head, red hair moving with her. "God or Gods, it's never enough. You can believe what you want and still make excuses and reasons to not follow the rules. They're meant to be broken, and that One, he's going to lead the way."

The four collectively began to file out of the room, Jacob first without a word, though Dreilide and Cleo came to stop beside Sam before they left.

"The Twos we've been working on together," Cleo started, "…they're done. If you could make sure he gets online, since I don't think Ellen and Tory will let you scrap the line entirely, we'd be grateful."

Sam nodded. "Just the way he is?"

Cleo glanced to Dreilide and they both raised their heads to nod in unison.

"We named the first one Leoben," Dreilide said, and with that, they both stepped out of the room.

Nearly alone, Sam raised his eyes to look towards Eugenia. For two thousand years, he'd been alongside Saul and Ellen, Galen and Tyrol, having lost the woman he loved in the attacks on Earth. Though they'd been expecting it, and that was why the five of them had worked together in secret to restore the lost art of resurrection, the destruction had come far earlier than they'd planned for. He hadn't yet found the time to start the process of creating bodies and a download signature for his significant other. She was gone. Eugenia, though, had been something of a surprise to him. For the last few years, he had found comfort in her, and though they'd never said it out loud, he was sure she felt the love for him that he felt for her. Their leaving hurt, but her going in particular was what stung him the worst.

"I'm sorry," she offered and stepped nearer to him. "You should come with us. Even if it goes to hell out here, we can be normal for a little while."

Sam considered it for a moment, but shook his head in the end. He loved her, but he couldn't leave behind the others that had been his friends even before his first death. "I belong here."

Hurt spread over her eyes and her features. She understood his loyalty, but couldn't understand his misguided belief in what they were doing. Eugenia didn't want to leave him, but she would. "Maybe I'll see you around sometime."

He forced a smile and nodded to her, his hand seeking out hers to squeeze it. "Maybe."

She moved in, her tall and lean frame meaning she barely had to tilt her head up to press her lips against his, but it was short lived before she pulled back. If she allowed it to go any further, she was sure she wouldn't go. "Be careful. I'll see you on the other side, Samuel."

"I'll see you on the other side."

—

 _Galactica, Orbiting Earth: Present_

"Wait—wait! Please, I need to know first. Do you have Kara Thrace on board?"

It was as if the entire CIC collectively froze and set their eyes upon her. Kara's insides cramped up at the response, sweat at her brow over the implications of what it could mean. With the type of day they had, she was fairing poorly enough, but to add onto it that an unknown ship they'd never heard of before, and seemingly not cylon in origin, had shown up and was now asking for her by name? No, it was too much.

She looked to Lee in a panic, finding it hard to breathe. It was like that day on Pegasus all over again, when the cylons had returned and she'd given in to her emotions and been unable to cope. Kara wanted to reach for Lee more than anything, he'd become a crutch for her as of late, but she felt guilt at it. He wasn't hers anymore and she had made that decision herself once again. Her fingers curled over the edge of the table in the center of CIC to try to force her dizziness to subside, her eyes falling to the illuminated surface instead of everyone else around her.

Lee set his hand low on the small of Kara's back and looked to his father. They had two ways of playing this. They could either admit the woman was here and hope that the other ship meant them no harm, but that also ran the risk of them having to hand Kara on over to them. The other option was to deny, deny, deny, with the risk that without having her on board, the ship wouldn't simply blow them out of the sky. It was the Admiral's call, but Lee pleaded with his eyes to his father. No, they said, please don't make me give her up. His father knew none of what had happened down on Earth and Lee was having a hard time himself trying to fully make sense of it. They hadn't stopped moving for the last few hours and his brain would need quite some time to come to terms. All he knew right now, though, was that he didn't want to let her go, whatever she was.

Adama, still holding the comm in his hand, looked over to his daughter and his son, his eyes locked especially on the hand Lee held gently to her. It warmed and broke his heart just the same. Not only could Adama not give Kara up as a sacrifice for himself and the rest of the fleet, but he knew if he was forced to do so, Lee would be going with her this time. He covered over the mouthpiece of the phone and redirected his attention to Tigh. "Are the civilian ships ready to jump away?"

Tigh gave a solemn shake of his head. "Most of them, but Colonial One and Rising Star are reporting FTL problems and are trying to repair them right now."

Laura had returned to her own ship after some of the events of the day to prepare for how to deal with the civilians in regards to all that had happened. He hadn't wanted to see her go, especially not with how very sick she'd been as of late, but Roslin tended to do what she wanted. Now, if they left, he would have to leave her behind and like his decision about Kara, he wouldn't do that. He'd rather go down fighting. He raised the comm to his mouth again before speaking.

"I am not aware that we have a woman by that name on any of our ships," he lied, eyes on Kara the entire time.

There was silence on the other line and Dee instinctively checked to make sure the connection was still open. It was.

"Admiral," the man said, frustration evident. "The fact that you are here right now tells me she's with you."

Kara looked over to Adama, chewing over her lower lip.

"You've still not identified yourself, Meridian. Who am I speaking with and where is your ship from?"

"This isn't how it works. I need to speak to her first."

"No, I'll tell you how it works. You tell me who you are and why you're looking for this person and I won't continue to arm my nuclear warheads and aim them straight at your ship." Adama raised his hand towards one of the crewmen, the one who had the important but rarely used job of being in constant control over the small supply of nukes they had left. The stand-off would begin. With any luck, the other ship's radiological alarms, if they even had them, would be sounding now, letting them know just how serious things were. Bill looked to Tigh for a status update on the other ships, but his expression said it all. They needed to buy time.

"The Meridian is a science ship with a crew of twenty-three. We mean you no harm," the voice reassured him, but it did little to calm the Admiral. "I know that if you're here, it means something happened to the Twelve Colonies and you're looking for Earth. I know that you found it and it isn't what you expected, and this ship and myself, are your only hope of ever finding out what happened here. I also know my daughter is aboard one of your ships and brought you here. Now I need you to start trusting me and find her… I need to know she's okay."

Kara looked to the Admiral, shaking her head immediately in response to what the voice had claimed. "No, he's lying. My father's dead, we need to leave!" She insisted in a panic. "He died on Caprica with everyone else." Only then did she think back to the copies of herself left burning in a field down on the planet below. Maybe she didn't even have parents, maybe she had been given a story like all the others and only believed it to be real. Gods, why would someone have programmed her with the kind of childhood she had? Was it some kind of cruel cosmic joke? She thought about the things she could be sure of in her life. Zak, everything that started with Zak, she could be certain of. He had friends and family, most of which were standing around her right now, that knew her back then. Lee by default was her anchor now, because she had met him all those years ago, the only living person around her that truly knew she had existed back then.

"What is your name?" Adama asked.

"Dreilide. Dreilide Thrace."

She shook her head again, brows furrowed in her pained expression as she watched the Admiral. All she had wanted her entire life was to hear her father's voice again, to have him back in her life, to just have him tell her that he really had loved her and the words hadn't been made empty with his departure. But this, she couldn't believe. There was no way.

"Please," the ominous voice pleaded.

Kara reached her hand out for the comm Adama held, and with hesitation, he finally handed it over. She swallowed hard, finding her mouth dry and her throat aching from the screaming she'd done earlier in the day. "This is Major Kara Thrace."

"My God," the voice lost all sense of control it held before. "Kara, I've waited for years."

"You're not my father," she said, ignoring his own words. "He died on Caprica when the cylons attacked."

"No, I didn't."

"There's no way for him to be here. Stop lying to us, do you know what we've been through?" She asked, the pain of the last few years coming out as she spoke.

"Kara, I know things don't make sense right now, but they will. We've been sent here to wait for you, for all of you, and offer you passage to safety should you ever arrive." He stopped, presumably allowing time for his words to sink in to all those who listened. "Whatever your terms are, my team and I want to come on board and speak to you and your Admiral and whoever else is in charge."

As many hang ups as she had regarding her parentage, or perhaps even lack thereof if it turned out it had all been fabricated, it wasn't her call to make regarding the future of what remained of the human race. She wasn't the Admiral or the President, she wasn't even Commander anymore. Kara limply offered the phone back to the Admiral, overwhelmed and fading fast.

"This is the Admiral," Adama said to clarify, as if her voice and his could ever be mistaken for one another's. "Your ship is to remain where it is. We will send over a shuttle to pick you and a few others up. When it arrives, you'll allow my people to search you and any belongings you intend to bring on board. If my people don't check in as I dictate, we will fire upon your ship. Do you understand and agree?"

"We agree."

—

Though what everyone really wanted to do was get some sleep, it didn't seem like they would be lying down for that comfort anytime soon. Preparing the Raptor and its pilots and marine guards going on board had taken the better part of an hour once they'd gone through every precaution and regulation to be observed. Though it was clear the people on the ship weren't outright associated with their enemy cylons, they knew it could very well be a trap. One couldn't simply trust voices anymore. Though the person on the other end they'd talked to hadn't sounded like any of the male cylons they knew, it wasn't enough to believe it for fact. Then there were all the questions about who these people were if they indeed weren't enemy cylon and weren't from the Twelve Colonies. Were they what remained of the people from Earth or did they come from somewhere else entirely? All those questions and more meant that every protocol that had ever been written would be observed. There would be no mistakes or sloppiness tonight.

Laura stood alongside Bill, their contingent of marines behind them and ready to expect the worst. What they'd heard from Racetrack over the wireless had indicated no problems at all, and she hadn't given the sly verbal signal worked out ahead of time to indicate any duress, but that didn't mean all was well. Adama watched the cockpit, seeing the two pilots still bundled up in their flight suits and not reading any kind of additional stress in their body language. The guns of the marines around him raised as the door of the ship opened up, revealing the occupants inside. The Raptor had left with four people and now returned with seven, two women and a man, whom he assumed to be the one all communication had been done with over the phone. There was something about the women that unsettled him, something oddly familiar, though he couldn't exactly place it and let it go.

The three of them climbed from the wing of the Raptor unsteadily, clearly the first time any of them had been on a vessel of that sort. They made no move to to approach those who waited for them, wisely choosing to keep back and speak when spoken to. Dreilide's eyes took in his surroundings first, then shifted ahead to the sea of unfamiliar faces.

Roslin did her duty as ambassador, stepping forward and raising her hand weakly. "I'm Laura Roslin, President of the Colonies," she said, and there was recognition of her position and power in the faces of the three guests. Each of them took her hand in turn, returning the gesture.

"Dreilide Thrace," the man said. Though Roslin had heard all about what had happened, she still found it hard to believe what he claimed. Not only were the circumstances absolutely ridiculous, but he looked hardly older than Kara himself.

"Eugenia Odila," the red haired woman said before gesturing to the third member of their party. "My sister, Cleo."

Dreilide looked past the President to the man he could recognize as Admiral by his uniform and the pins at his collar. That had been something Socrata had taught him all those years ago. "Admiral, sir," he started, his own hand raising preemptively in a casual greeting to the man before him.

Adama nodded his head and shook his hand, but didn't bother to address him. The entire situation reeked and he had the feeling there were a lot of things they didn't yet know. "We've prepared a place to talk."

Dreilide nodded along with his companions, following the President and Admiral as they led the way. The marines that surrounded them didn't do anything to make him feel any better, but it brought him an odd kind of comfort he hadn't felt in decades now. One of the guards was female, her ponytail hanging out from underneath her helmet, and his brain immediately processed for what he wanted to see, thinking it blonde when in reality it was a deep brown shade. He'd hoped to see Kara standing on the deck when he arrived, though he had the sudden realization that he probably wouldn't have even recognized her if she had been there. The last time he'd seen her in person, she'd been nothing but a child, and all the photographs he had of her preserved her that way. Now she was an adult, a woman, a completely different person from that he had left. She could have been a wife now, a mother, a million things, but the most important and significant of it all was that she was actually alive.

They arrived in a conference room, old and fairly empty. They weren't the only ones there though, and this time, Dreilide instantly recognized the face in front of him. It was Saul Tigh, aged much further than he'd ever seen him, even during the years they'd spent together in the Colony. Like that night in the bar in Delphi, he wanted to go up to the man and greet him, but he knew just as it was back then, Saul didn't recognize him. Beside him, Eugenia touched his arm as she found her eyes on their old friend as well, unable to believe that somehow, despite all that had clearly happened back in the Colonies, one of their acquaintances had made it through in the end.

With the exception of the marines, everyone sat at the table, though on opposite sides to clearly demonstrate the separation that existed between the two.

"I'm afraid we can't offer you anything other than water," Adama said.

"No, we're all right." Eugenia was speaking for the group. She couldn't imagine what a fleet of this size was subsisting on and wasn't truly interested in finding out. She turned her attention to Saul Tigh, seated directly across from her. "Do you really not know who we are?"

Her question startled him and he looked back to Bill as if searching for help in answering the question. "No. Should I?"

She nodded to him and leaned back in her chair. Though Dreilide had attested to this over two decades ago, seeing it for herself was something else. "You should, Saul. You should."

"I didn't tell you my name," he said.

Dreilide answered for her. "You did, a long time ago." He left it at that. There would be a time to get into it, but this second had more pressing matters. "We'll answer whatever questions you have for us, Admiral, President, but I want to request I see Kara first."

It was something they expected to be asked of, though they'd hoped for the best and sent Kara and Lee away from the deck on the off chance that they could prevent her from being pulled into it. "What reason do we have to trust that you are who you say you are?"

"I can tell she means a lot to you by the way you're looking to protect her, but she's going to want to hear everything we have to say here," he said.

"Bill," Laura prompted from beside him and he acquiesced.

With a look from the Admiral towards a marine at a door at the back of the room, the soldier knocked twice before opening the hatch. Dreilide watched in rapt attention for whomever would come through it, but it wasn't his daughter, in fact it was a man with cropped brown hair and striking blue eyes. His face and body were stiff, and his expression alone made Dreilide uneasy to be in his presence. The man stepped aside, however, and a woman of similar height in an identical blue uniform came through behind him. Though he'd feared that he wouldn't recognize her if she was standing in front of him, Dreilide knew her instantly. Without question, the woman with long blonde hair that reminded him so very much of his wife's, was his daughter. This was Kara Thrace, finally grown up.

He'd dreamt of a reunion between him and her since the day he left her behind. In all of them, she was happy to see him and never angry. She would fit into his arms just like she did when she was a child and it would be like no time had passed. Kara would tell him about the life she had led in his absence, and though each time her life's work changed, she was always happy. Her mother had done right by her despite the wrongs he'd committed against them both. Kara never stopped smiling in those idealic thoughts.

The reality of the confrontation was much different. She looked less like her mother than he thought she would, and in her features, he could read parts of himself. There wasn't a smile over her lips, her expression kept tight and terse, and that part of her was definitely all Socrata. So she'd fallen into the military just like her mother, he shouldn't have been surprised at it, but he was, regardless. Kara crossed the room and the man she was with followed beside her. She was doing her best to avoid looking directly at him, succeeding until she and the man sat down, with Kara sitting directly beside the Admiral and thus, nearly straight across from him. Their eyes met and he saw recognition flicker in her eyes, her steadiness faltering for a moment.

As much as she wanted to deny that this man wasn't her father, she couldn't. Maybe he was a copy or a trick, but he was a damn good one at that. He was exactly as she'd remembered, exactly as she'd last seen him in some of her photographs from the happier years of her childhood. The idea that time had preserved him perfectly was actually what bothered her the most, and before anyone else could get a word in, she opened her mouth to speak. "How are you here?" She asked, her voice betraying nothing.

Dreilide kept his eyes locked on his daughter's own, another part he knew to be from Socrata and not from him. Her voice had expectedly changed too, no longer the high pitched sound he could still hear in his ears from years past. "I can't answer that question without bringing up a million more. We need to start at the beginning."

Adama reached forward to the sole object in the middle of the table, a device presumably used for recording. He hit a single button and nodded across the table to the unknown visitors.

"Two thousand years ago, our planet was nearly destroyed, along with the people on it. We created sentient lifeforms, like the ones you call cylons, and they rebelled against us. You've seen it, you know the devastation down there."

"How did you survive?" Laura asked.

The woman known as Cleo spoke up, the first time since she arrived. "We felt the threat was coming and it was only a matter of time before the cylons finally and fully retaliated. As a result, different groups began to work on redeveloping resurrection technology—"

Adama stopped her. "We tested the remains of the people down on that planet. We know they were cylons."

She nodded hesitantly, as if afraid of continuing. "When the Thirteenth Tribe left Kobol, our tribe was composed of humanoid cylons. Our ancestors left to find a place for themselves and they found the planet they named Earth. Back then, the only means of survival of our species was by resurrection. They designed new personalities and new bodies, created new people and gave them life to join the rest of us. A miracle happened along the way though, and they found that some couples were beginning to show signs of being able to reproduce organically. No longer was there a need for resurrection. We could finally have children like humans did, form our own families and take care of our own. We aged just like everyone else, and for the first time, everyone embraced the idea of death instead of looking to cheat it. They didn't want to be cylons anymore, so they chose not to be."

Dreilide took over when Cleo finished, trying to answer the original question posed to them. "We are cylons," he admitted outright with his eyes on his daughter, showing he had no shame for what he was. "But I was born to a mother and a father, and they were born to parents, and theirs had parents as well. I was a baby, a child, I grew up. How does that make me any different than you? Because over two thousand years before I was born, your ancestors created mine, that means my people are less than you?" He wasn't accusing them, as no one had even made a remark of that nature. At least not yet. He wasn't fighting just for himself either, but also for his daughter to understand the nature of her heritage.

"You're not dead though," Roslin said. "You should be and you're not."

He nodded in acknowledgement. "I was part of one group that worked in bringing back resurrection as a means of survival for my people. It was a way to cheat death, but only done out of fear that we would cease to exist if our own cylons had their way. The destruction came earlier than we expected, though, and the facilities we were beginning to set up underground and out in space weren't prepared to to take the downloads of millions. Only a little over over fifteen thousand were saved." Though it had happened two millenia ago, the pain of everything and everyone lost in a single day was still fresh inside of him.

"You just had bodies lying around for everyone that would potentially need one?" Tigh asked.

"No, the technology we created was different than what you did."

Tigh's eye widened. "What?"

Eugenia shook her head and filled in the missing information. "You, Ellen and a few others were another group that were working on resurrection at the same time. Your idea went back to what we had when we left Kobol. Standard bodies that could accept preprogrammed personalities. The idea works, so long as you've already built a vessel to hold the person you need to put into it, but when you have millions of people who have been interbred for thousands of years, you don't have a chance at saving everyone."

"Ellen? My Ellen?"

"And Samuel, Galen, and Tory," she finished. "But you wouldn't remember them."

"Eugenia, is it?" Laura said. "All of them, everyone you mentioned, they're here on Galactica."

Something flared in all three of the unknown guests at that mention. Billions of people had died and yet, the five people they'd spent years with back in the Colony had survived in the end. The chances of it were astronomical and unbelievable, and yet it had happened. "Do they remember anything?" Eugenia asked.

Tigh, being one of the five, took the time to answer for those absent. "No. Down on Earth, some of us remembered things about being there, but that's it. We still don't know anything about who we are or why we don't remember."

She thought of Sam immediately, though the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to remember her face left an ache inside of her before she put herself back on task. She looked to her sister and then to Dreilide before looking across the table again. "Can we see them?"

"After we finish here," the Admiral said, still not ready to trust them. "How did you get to the Colonies?"

"The plan that our government had only begun to put into place before the attacks dictated that the survivors would move on to find a new home together. Some began to think that we owed it to the other tribes to go out and search of them, to find you and warn you about our mistakes so you didn't suffer the same fate. They asked for volunteers and we, along with another man we left on our ship, Jacob, decided we would go. We followed the accounts we had of the Thirteenth Tribe leaving Kobol back to that planet and then started in the direction we knew the other tribes had left. Along the way, we realized we were following a fading heat signature of another ship, and only when we got to the Colonies, were we able to actually follow it to its end."

"What did you find?" Tigh asked.

"You," said Dreilide. "We didn't have FTL technology when we left Earth, so we were forced to travel at sublight speeds the entire way. We arrived almost two years after another ship from Earth, and that ship was yours. The five of you, falsely assuming you were the only ones to make it off of Earth, headed back to find the other Twelve Tribes with the same intentions we had. You got there first, in the middle of the first cylon war in fact, and you and Ellen offered the centurions human-like bodies and resurrection in exchange for peace." The more he talked about it, the more a small amount of anger seemed to come off of him.

Adama seemed to be hit the hardest by the revelation of what had really gone on those some fourty years ago. "No one ever really knew why the cylons left a war they seemed to be winning."

Next to him, Tigh felt a stirring of guilt over something he had done. Something he had done that he couldn't even remember. It was clear that whoever he had been before had good intentions behind what they did, but the consequences of it all had been even worse than what they tried to prevent.

"You and the centurions formed what you called the Colony and there, you'd already started the work of giving them resurrection. You were just beginning the process of creating new human looking cylons, a total of eight models."

"Eight?" Roslin asked. "We've only ever seen seven, but we know them by their numbers. We have an eight on board."

"You have an Eight here?" Cleo asked.

"Yes, she defected to our side at the start of the attacks," the President continued, leaving out the larger facts of Sharon Agathon's life.

"The Eight was Galen's," Eugenia said. "We didn't agree with what they were trying to do, but for awhile we agreed to help because the four of us didn't know where else to go. Together, we laid out the ground work for who the other models would be and some of us chose to work on specific ones. Ellen made the Ones first, in the image of her father. Dreilide and Cleo made the Twos."

Something horrifying awakened in both Kara's face and the man that sat beside her. Dreilide wasn't one to miss it, but he chose not to bring it up in the middle of the conference room.

"Samuel was working on the Sixes, myself the Threes," she continued on. "You don't happen to have photographs of them, do you?" It wasn't necessary, but the curiosity of a proud parent inside her longed to see how their children had wound up in the end, especially after the four of them had abandoned their work.

"I'll get them," Lee said and stood to leave, but not before laying his hand against Kara's shoulder, a sign of affection her father caught. He was only gone a minute before he returned, a folder in hand. Lee slid a few slips of paper across the table top and the three arranged them all in a row before them, putting them into their number orders as if that made it easier to process. Where number seven should have been, they left an empty space.

"You've never heard of a seventh model?" Dreilide asked and those across from him shook their heads.

"Up until this conversation, we just assumed one of us was the seventh," Tigh clarified.

Eugenia kept her eyes on the photograph of the six model, unable to shake the image she saw. When she left the Colony with the others, Sam had only just begun work on programming the Sixth model. Who she would really be, what she would look like, none of that had been fleshed out yet. Staring at the photograph though, Eugenia saw similarities between her and the model that were far too many to just be a coincidence. She'd left Sam and he'd made that Six in something of her image. They couldn't be mistaken for the same person, he hadn't gotten her down that well, but to suggest that they were sisters wouldn't have surprised anyone. She pushed the picture back into place.

"What we dont know," Dreilide began, "Is what happened in the Colony after we left."

Tigh's single eye focused on him. "Why would you leave?"

"Because we'd gotten in too deep. We never agreed with what you did, and after Ellen brought the One online, we knew nothing good could come of it all. He could be helpful and kind, but there was something else underneath it all that we didn't trust. She wouldn't scrap him or rewrite him, and instead she started allowing him to help program the other models. When we left, we told all of you about what we feared would happen, that they wouldn't ever be content where they were and they'd come back to the Colonies to take what they felt was theirs."

"How do I fit into all of this?" Kara spoke, the first thing she'd said aloud since her initial question.

"We left the Colony, the four of us," her father said, the pair of sisters allowing him to take the question. "All we wanted was to just disappear and find something for ourselves. I stayed on Caprica because of how much I saw Earth in it. I didn't have anything when I got there, it wasn't like there was work for a scientist who'd spent two thousand years perfecting resurrection technology for a non-human race of people." His lips lifted into something of a smile, but his daughter stiffly didn't return it. "So I did what I always wanted to do back on Earth. I played piano. Things were… simpler. I met your mother a few years after I'd been on Caprica, Kara." Though there were others in the room, he spoke only to her. "On Earth, I'd never been married, I didn't lose anyone other than my family when everything was destroyed. She was the only woman I've ever loved."

Kara was torn about how to feel about the man in front of her. He was both familiar and not. Though he talked about things from her life, like the mother she sometimes wished she could forget, she still had a hard time believing that he was who he was saying he was. Worse, was that every word he said only confirmed things further for her. She wasn't human. She was half-cylon, the first of her kind. She'd never been anything but half machine. She'd spent her life praying to the Gods, but had they ignored her pleas because she didn't have a soul? Could someone have half of one? Did having a human mother grant her one just the same?

"We got married and after a few years, we had you. I never thought that we would be able—" he said, stopping himself as the emotion behind his daughter's conception and birth came back to him. He kept himself together though, and continued on. "Human and cylon having a child together, that had never even been something anyone ever dreamt of, Kara. I don't care what anyone believes, you existing at all is a miracle. The fact that you survived and you brought everyone here, only further proves it to me."

"Stop," she ordered him like he was one of her nuggets. "I'm not whatever you are. I'm not." Though she'd seen evidence that confirmed his words, she didn't want to believe it. She'd witnessed her own body laid out before her, twice, and now the appearance of her father on the other side of the universe, looking like hardly a day had passed since she'd seen him twenty years earlier, and yet she wanted to live in denial.

Dreilide silenced himself. Staring at his daughter was like seeing Socrata come to life all over again. The mannerisms they shared was absolutely uncanny.

Bill looked to the woman he considered his daughter beside him, the daughter he was realizing actually had a father of her own. He felt jealousy brewing inside at the notion that this man could simply find them, quite literally in the middle of nowhere, and expect to be able to claim Kara as his own. As for what Dreilide was saying and the implications it made for what Kara truly was, he was surprised at how little it bothered him in the end. Maybe in a clearer head, he wouldn't feel the same, but sitting next to her at that table, she was his daughter and nothing less. "How did you get out here then, if you were on Caprica?"

Kara's father took his eyes off of her reluctantly, looking back to the Admiral. He swallowed and nodded, returning his focus. "I saw Saul and Ellen Tigh one day on Caprica, but when I approached them, they didn't know me. I knew that as much as I disagreed with their decisions, they would never have allowed copies to be made of themselves or chosen to wipe their own memories. What it meant was that the Colony no longer belonged to them any longer and it would only be a matter of time before the centurions and whoever was leading them came back."

"When we all split up," Eugenia began,"we agreed that if something should ever happen and we became aware of it, we would begin the journey back towards Earth and where we knew our people had headed."

Roslin's head shook vehemently. "How could you just leave everyone to die? Why didn't you warn us?"

"And say what?" Eugenia bit out. "Who would believe us? If they even were able to confirm that we weren't human in nature, they'd just accuse us of being the enemy. We didn't have any idea of what the cylons were planning, just that they could be planning something. We weren't left with a lot of choices."

"So you just left billions to die with nowhere to go?" She accused the three cylons.

"No," Dreilide responded with some of his own rage. "I left you my daughter. Do you know how much it killed me to leave her behind? I left her so you would have a chance of making it here some day. And she did it, didn't she? Tell me she isn't the reason you found Earth." His voice raised and he was only a shadow of the soft spoken man he'd been a moment before. Everyone sat in silence and as the seconds passed, Dreilide began to feel regretful over the attitude he'd taken with them.

"Maybe it's time we take a break," Lee said, eyes shifting to search over each and every face around him. Though he had concern for his father and Roslin, his biggest worry was what was working through Kara after all the revelations of the day.

Adama deferred to his son's judgement and stood from his seat. "We'll reconvene in the morning."

Kara was the first person to rush out of the room, like there was a fire behind her she was fleeing from. Dreilide felt physical pain at her absence and the touch to his arm by Cleo brought him back.

"Give her time, Dreilide."

He didn't respond to her, his vision instead lingering on the doorway she'd left through until the marines led them out and to their quarters for the night.


	29. Chapter 29

After Kara's eager departure, Lee had made an attempt to follow. She'd gotten a head start of only mere seconds, but with how little he knew she wanted to be found, she'd used it to put a mile between them. He was afraid for her, though he knew deep inside of himself that she wouldn't try anything, at least not right now. In the future, when all the details were out in the open, maybe then Kara would make an attempt at removing herself permanently, but she wouldn't dare now. Though they'd shut down the computer they found on Earth, by what had been revealed in that room it was unclear if there were other facilities operating on the planet, or perhaps elsewhere in space. Death might once again not be the end for her, and if she had to be somewhere, Lee knew she would choose to stay here, at least for the time being.

He took the moments alone to finally give himself a second to breathe and once he'd closed himself away in their billet, Lee let out everything he'd felt. Today, he had to be strong for her, despite how much it killed him to keep it together. She had needed him and he would have given her anything, Kara didn't even need to ask. Alone though, finally, he could just exist as he needed. Lee sat down on the small couch in their quarters, back hunched forward with his elbows on his knees. He held his head in his hands as his exhausted body gave in to finally feeling every ache. The pain in his shoulders and arms, he knew that was from carrying Kara's body, or one of them. When he closed his eyes, all he saw was the way her body looked, limp and without life. It was hard for him to differentiate between them and the woman he knew, even hours later. It had looked so real, in fact it had been real. Had the resurrection gone through the first or second time instead, it would have been one of those bodies he made love to every night.

Tears came but he didn't audibly cry, feeling much too worn for even that display. Some part of him knew he should be repulsed by all of it, or at least he thought he should be. Most others would have been sickened by the idea that the person they loved was a machine, at least everyone other than Karl Agathon. He'd seen the way the marriage between Galen and Cally had fallen apart ever since everything had been revealed. Cally couldn't find it in herself to come to terms with who and what he was, at least not yet. Despite knowing he should be averse to Kara, he couldn't. What did that make him? Was he just pushed too far and clinging to something he shouldn't? Was he just afraid to let go and be alone all over again?

His head shook in his hands, a muffled cry let out into the recycled air of the room. No, even when he thought like that, he felt a stab of pain inside of him. She wasn't just a cylon. She even had a human mother, or at least that was what he'd gleaned from the conversation earlier. She was both of them, a person to bridge the gap between man and machine, the first example to everyone that there needn't be hatred between both sides. He loved her more than anything, that much he knew, and the feeling that washed over him when he thought of her was like nothing he'd ever felt before in his life. Kara Thrace had crawled inside of him years ago and made her home there. She would always be a part of him.

Lee wiped away the tears from his face, rubbing his hands along the thighs of his pants to remove the moisture entirely. Everywhere he looked around the room, there she was. Her bag she'd been packing before the alert had gone off was still on the floor, despite the fact that they'd come back earlier to put their uniforms on before the meeting. The clothing items she'd removed were sprawled across the bed, messy and tangled, and it reminded him of their usual mornings together. Kara would be there causing chaos and he'd be picking up after her as she teased him, though he never minded the job he'd earned for himself. No, he'd loved it in fact, even if she called him crazy for it. If he stepped into the bathroom, Lee knew he'd see her there as well. Her hairbrush, with strands of long hair wound up in the bristles, would be on the sink counter where she usually left it. Her toothbrush was nestled up against his, much like they slept beside one another in bed.

He couldn't imagine life without her, of that he was certain. He couldn't and didn't want to. How many times had he promised her and reassured her that he would stand at her side no matter what happened? Lee had whispered words of his unconditional affection to her on more than a few occasions and while Kara had doubted him at the beginning, he knew that now when she looked into his eyes as he said it, she did believe him. Until the end, it would be Starbuck and Apollo, whenever that end came for either or both of them. He was in love with her and it didn't matter what they'd seen or heard today, because it didn't change who she was or the woman he'd met with flowers in his hand at her apartment door all those years ago. He thought of Zak, and though his brother hadn't lived through the horrors of the last few years, he imagined what his little brother's more carefree nature would have done upon learning the truth. Lee liked to think Zak wouldn't care either, he would be by her side to the end, holding strong and true to the commitment he made to her when he gave Kara his ring.

Lee rose from where he sat, nose sniffling though most of his tears had stopped. He went for the bag she'd abandoned in the room and began to take each item out, folding them and replacing them in the drawers and closet space that were Kara's own. The duffel was tucked away and then he began on the clothes on the bed and floor. What was clean was replaced where it belonged and what wasn't was set aside to be washed along with his things as well. That was a sight he did love, returning to their billet to find their laundry dropped off by the crew members in charge of that ship function, her items of clothing mixed in with his. He drew her sweatshirt off the back of one of the small chairs and pulled it to his nose, breathing in the clean scent of her skin from it before he hung it back up with reluctance. He held the door of the closet open, looking in at their things hanging together, side by side. His flight suit and her slightly smaller one. His dress greys and hers as well, though hers cut a little different to accommodate for her shape. At the floor of the closet was a spare set of boots she owned and Lee admired the shine to them. She kept polishing them and he wondered if he was still what she thought of every single time.

With the one-roomed quarters neat and tidy, Lee found himself not wanting to sleep. He'd given Kara space, time for her to think on her own, something he knew she needed, even he had to admit he was crowding her as of late. He hadn't slept on his own since the night before she'd returned from the dead and he couldn't start now, afraid what it would once again mean to not have her at his side. He straightened his uniform, the impeccable state of it bringing him stability and comfort, before he left the room finally, going in search of the woman who'd run out on all of them nearly two hours before. Lee would start at all the usual places first, the ready room and CAG's office, though it was no longer hers.

There was no sign of her anywhere, and Helo and Athena had been hesitant to let Lee go without an explanation from him. The gym had been dark and empty, showing no sign of anyone inhabiting the place anytime in the recent hours. It was on his way to check Joe's Bar that he passed a pair of marines leading Dreilide Thrace from the head and back to the quarters he knew his father had put them in. The other man, who looked only a few years older than he, traded a glance with Lee, and it was in that instant that he knew he'd been caught.

"I didn't get your name back at the…" Dreilide's voice trailed off, unsure of what exactly to call the night's earlier event. A meeting? Talk?

Lee didn't want to stay to speak to him, despite how curious he was. His loyalties were to Kara and not this man, even if he did claim to be her father. Looking across to him, however, Lee couldn't help but notice some of the striking similarities between father and daughter. He never thought he would have a chance to meet anyone from Kara's past, as she was most certainly on her own like most people suddenly found themselves after the Fall. but here the man was and he was talking directly to him. "Captain Lee," he paused, realizing he would have to give away his last name. That had been something he hated to admit to in the past, but he'd grown used to everyone here knowing his face, name, and parentage. "Adama."

"The Admiral, he's your father?"

He nodded. "Kara hasn't been to see you, has she?" It was a shot in the dark, but perhaps after she had calmed down, she would have gone to the man for answers.

Dreilide's face fell in sudden concern. He didn't know anything about his daughter or who she was, but from the expression she'd worn in that room and the tone of voice she'd used, he knew she was walking on shaky ground. "No, is she all right?"

"She just needed some time to think," Lee quickly answered, not wanting to betray Kara to her own father. That would be something she wouldn't easily forgive him for.

"I don't know you, and I don't know her," Dreilide confessed to Lee. "But I'd be blind not to see there's something going on between you two."

Lee's body warmed at the thought, feeling like a teenager again after meeting his high school girlfriend's parents for the first time. It was hard for him to look at the man and realize his age, the fact that he could be someone's father, especially father to a woman approaching thirty years old. The parental concern was something else difficult to accept and cope with, but he did his best to try to understand where the man was coming from. He didn't respond, though, unsure of what it was he could say or what Dreilide wanted to hear.

"Just…" he sighed and looked back to Lee. "Make sure she's okay. If she doesn't ever want to speak to me, I'll understand it."

Apollo watched the older man talk, seeing him in a new light than he had in that conference room. Gone was the man who appeared to be wise and full of knowledge and perhaps threatening towards the end when accused of abandoning the Colonials. Now before him, he was like anyone else, weighed down with concern for his child, albeit one he hardly ever knew. "You're right, you don't know her, because she'd kill me if she found out I was even talking to you like this without her. Kara likes to think she can take care of herself, but she shouldn't have to."

Dreilide nodded, a small smile over his lips. Any bit of information about the person his daughter turned out to be was welcomed. "You say that, and it sounds like she turned out exactly like Socrata."

Lee shook his head as he stepped back, looking to leave and continue his search. "If I were you, I wouldn't say anything like that to her. You don't know what happened between her and her mother."

"What?" He asked, shock and fear written across his face.

"It's not my place," Apollo continued from a few feet away. "If Kara ever wants to talk to you, she'll come to you herself. Otherwise, leave her alone." With that, Lee abandoned the man and his guards. He'd only ever met the fathers of a few girls he dated, but he'd never practically threatened one before now. For him, Kara was all about firsts.

—

It took another hour for Lee to finally track Kara down. He was beginning to think maybe he had been wrong about her being safe on her own when he'd heard chatter from passing crewmen awake for the night shift that they'd seen a woman asleep in the observation room. It could have been anyone else, but Lee innately knew that when he got there, he would find Kara Thrace.

The hatch closed behind him and Lee saw her straight away, body stretched out on her left side in front of the floor to ceiling windows. He couldn't tell if she was asleep or awake, but he kept his approach quiet, eventually coming to kneel behind her. For a second, panic spread through him, imagining her just as lifeless as the copies of her had been, but he caught the slight expansion and contraction of her chest. He didn't know if she'd come here straight away or if she'd merely ended up here at the end of the night. Either way, she'd succumbed to sleep there and he'd be damned if he disturbed her from it. Lee thought of picking her up and carrying her back to their billet, but he knew she'd wake long before he laid her down in their bed. Instead, Lee began to unbutton the top of his uniform, pulling his arms from the sleeves. When it was off, he bunched it up, gently lifting her head to push the fabric beneath it as a makeshift pillow. Kara stirred just barely, but didn't rise, so Lee laid down behind her, spooned against her with his arm slung over her midsection to keep her close to him.

His head rested on his other arm as he looked out at the beautiful planet before them. It had been only twenty four hours ago that they were in their bunk asleep, sated and exhausted, dreaming of their future together. Kara wasn't child to a human mother and a cylon father, and Earth was still the dream they'd hoped for. Now they knew the truth of it all and just how deceptive the blue planet looked. There was still hope, a small lingering amount, in the ship that had appeared earlier in the evening. There were twenty other people on board the Meridian that they had yet to meet, that presumably had come from somewhere. There would be much work to do in convincing the civilian fleet that settling down with the Thirteenth Tribe was the right decision, but Lee knew it was the only choice. They couldn't even hope to deceive the civilians and not reveal the true heritage of the others, as it would undoubtedly come out eventually. Honesty was about to become their only policy.

Beneath his arm, Kara yawned loudly as she slipped from sleep. Her eyes opened, blinking slowly as she got her bearings on where she was. The observation room, that was right. The details of the day came back to her slowly, just as she realized she was no longer alone and felt the comfort of someone's warm body at her back. There could be only one person, but Kara didn't want to turn around to confirm or deny it. So long as she didn't look at his face, she wouldn't have to face the judgment she feared would be there. Instead, her arm raised and ran along his own, fingers curling over into his own until they formed a fist together. She pulled their arms tighter around her, drawing their hands to her mouth until she kissed at each folded finger of his, much as he'd done forever ago in her office.

Lee leaned in to touch his lips to her neck in unison with her own kisses, letting her know that he was awake with her. He hadn't yet fallen asleep.

"Why are you here?"

"Where else would I be?" Lee answered.

His dedication to her nearly made her break. She felt guilty, like she'd brainwashed him into being beside her, or at least making him feel bad enough that he thought he owed it to her to remain. "Apollo…"

"That's not my name." She had a tendency to use his call sign when trying to distance herself from him. Kara used it when she was angry with him or trying to push him away, and while he'd allowed her the idiosyncrasy beforehand, now he knew it was important to correct her on it.

"What?"

"I'm Lee. If you're going to try to get rid of me, at least use my name, Kara."

She quieted down, her hand releasing his as she pulled her arm back into herself in a way to further cut herself off. Kara didn't like being called out for her flaws and tricks. "You should be with your father and Roslin, trying to figure out what you're all going to do come tomorrow."

"Shouldn't you be there too?"

"Why would I be?" Kara replied. "I'm not one of you, I don't have a say in what happens to the human race anymore."

"Look at me," he said, though didn't use the tone in which he reserved for ordering those of lower rank around with. He moved just enough to force her to roll onto her back while he remained on his side and looking down to her. He expected her eyes to avoid his, but she met them immediately, and he could tell she was doing so out of defiance. "Don't cheapen and insult what I feel for you by telling me you aren't a person."

From below, she blinked and watched him.

"If it turned out my mother was one of those women, would you turn away from me?"

She didn't answer.

"What if we looked back far enough into Kobol and found out that everyone there had started as a tribe of cylons leaving another planet and looking for a home. Could you go on to one of the civilian ships and tell the families there that they weren't real? Could you go to Cally Tyrol and tell her that her son isn't worth loving?" A light sheen of tears covered his eyes as he spoke, though he kept himself in perfect control. "Knowing Sam's a cylon, does that mean your marriage meant nothing? Do you believe that Karl looks at Hera and thinks she shouldn't be alive?"

Kara didn't have an answer for him, though her resolve was weakening as she listened to him speak with so much conviction. No, she couldn't tell Cally that her son wasn't a person because his father was a cylon. She couldn't say that Hera wasn't the most wonderful little girl she'd ever met simply because of who her mother was. Even Athena, Kara no longer saw as deficient. She was just right the way she was. And Sam, though their marriage had fallen apart and even started for the wrong reasons, the truth about him didn't change how she saw him in her eyes.

"Then how can you think that I see you any differently? How can you think that my father would stop thinking of you as his daughter? Kara, we love you." He reached his hand out to cup her cheek, then ran his fingers through her hair as he looked to her. "Do you think Karl wouldn't die to protect his wife? I'd sacrifice myself before I let something happen to you again."

She bit at the inside of her cheek, trying to reign herself in. She wanted to remain in that moment forever, with Lee's hand so close to her, able to breathe him in. There was no logic to her thoughts though, because as much as she believed there was nothing wrong with all those people he'd listed, she felt as though it didn't apply to her. She was the exception to the rule. Kara pushed herself from the floor roughly, suddenly needing to get away from him. He stopped her though, taking a hold of her wrist as he sat up and looked upwards to her, just as she had to him a second before.

"Well I'm not your wife, so you don't have to."

"Do you want to be?" He asked, almost not believing the words that he said. His mouth had acted a mile ahead of his head and before he had time to think better of it.

Her heart jumped at the thought. Though they'd talked about their future together, especially in relation to Earth, neither had explicitly mentioned marriage. There was talk of children, talk of houses and lives together, but never the vows. Until that moment, Kara never realized just how much she wanted it with him, not that she would admit it aloud. "Just don't, Lee."

Lee had thought about it on occasion, but asking Starbuck to get married was like jumping into a pen with a hungry lion. She'd probably have torn him apart for the suggestion, even when they were at their best. The marriage to Sam, he considered an anomaly because she'd been the one to suggest it, and she hadn't exactly gone into it with pure intentions. It had been another wall between them. A layer of protection she needed to function at the time. This wasn't how he planned to ask either, if he ever did. They were upset and both bordering on mental break downs, definitely not the clearest of heads for such thinking, but he didn't regret his words just the same. It wasn't a proposal, but it was the planting of an idea. "Because I'd want to be your husband."

"I said don't."

"What I'm trying to say is, we may not be, but it doesn't matter. I think of you that way already."

Kara tugged her wrist away from him and made to leave again, but this time Lee got up and followed, stepping in front of her in an attempt to slow her down.

"Just leave me alone." Her hands pushed into his chest, aggression flowing out of her and into him.

"If you need to hit me and push me, then frakking do it." He could think back to a hundred times before that this had happened and unfortunately, a few times when he'd lost his temper and struck her back. That wouldn't be happening tonight or ever again, that much he knew.

"I don't need you, Apollo, and I don't need your shit." She said through gritted teeth.

"Say my name, say 'I don't need you, _Lee._ '"

"I don't."

His blue eyes locked on her own golden green. He dared to defy her. "I don't believe you."

Kara shoved both her hands at his chest again and he stumbled back, but regained his footing. When he stood up straight, she closed the gap of space between them, her fists gripping into his tanks to pull him close while she forced her mouth against his in a crude apology. It was aggressive and invasive, rushed and rough, but Lee's hands came back around her, drawing her in for as long as she would let him. She was trying to lose herself in him, to derive purpose and meaning out of who he was and what the two of them had been. Just as quickly as she'd joined them together, she pulled apart with something of a cry, the back of her hand drawn to her mouth as she looked up to him.

"I don't want to be me anymore, I don't even know who I am." She was cracking as both halves of her met, Starbuck the impenetrable fortress who had always been sure of herself, and Kara, the little girl that had existed before her father left and all the moments in between her mother's less pleasant days.

"Yes you do." He felt vacant with her sudden absence again, so he moved in as he nodded, pressing a kiss between her brows when he reached her. This one was unlike the ones before, careful and reassuring. "Everything you thought about yourself this morning, you still are." His hands sought out both of hers and Kara didn't fight with him on it this time, instead letting her palms meet his and their fingers fold up tight into one another's. Lee rested his forehead against her own and he shut his eyes, allowing himself to just be. "We made plans when we got up today, I want to get up tomorrow and know we're still going to follow them through."

"This is all too frakked up, Lee, even for me." She sighed. When it came to him these days, she lost most of the fight she used to have.

He quietly laughed, eyes still closed shut as they stood impossibly close, bodies touching at a few key points. "Never thought I'd hear you say that."

"Shut up."

Though he couldn't see it, he knew she was smiling, even if it was subdued and muted. It was there, to whatever degree. Lee felt one of her hands release his, but a moment later her warm palm traced along his jaw. It made him breathe easy. "I meant what I asked earlier," he braved it.

"I know," and she knew exactly to what he referred, despite how much she couldn't understand it. She lifted her forehead from his, only to then rest her ear to his upper chest. "Lee," she whispered barely loud enough for him to hear as she watched her palm come to rest over his heart. "Can I come home?"

"You already are."

—

Hours later, Kara climbed out of the bed she and Lee shared. In silence, she dressed, cursing Lee in the confines of her head for being so anal retentive that he had found time to put away her things in the middle of the day and night they'd previously had. She pulled on a pair of fatigue pants and her boots, but when she went to find her sweatshirt where she'd left it, it was no longer there. Kara stared across at the closet door, the one that had a habit of creaking at the most inopportune moments, but finally decided the risk was worth it. She pulled it open slowly, and though the quietest of sounds emerged from the hinge, Lee didn't stir. She zipped her sweatshirt up most of the way and made to move to the hatch, spinning the handle open as quietly as she could.

"Kara?" Lee called out.

Caught. She froze and sighed. "What, Lee?"

"Where are you going? It's early, yet." He said with a glance to the clock they kept nearby their bed. It in fact wasn't that early, when either of them were CAG and the other just a pilot, they were often up earlier than this to prepare for the morning brief or perhaps even on shift. They'd gotten soft, something of which they both teased the other about. Soft and very old.

"I need to go see my father."

He expected it sooner or later, though he was surprised with just how soon it was. It was a toss up really, either Kara avoided things until she couldn't anymore or she tended to tackle them head on from the start. "Do you want me to come with you?" He knew it wasn't really his place, but he didn't want her to have to be alone if she didn't want to. Kara still couldn't ask him for things like that, so he usually offered.

"No," she said. "I need to talk to him on my own first." It was true. She would tell Lee all the details of it later, but right now, she needed to just be alone with her father. Kara needed answers, to some of the more straightforward questions and to some of the ones that had been inside of her for the last twenty plus years. As much as she shared with Lee, she didn't know if she could ask those types of things with him sitting beside her.

Lee shut his eyes and rolled over into the mattress. There had been a time when the beds on Galactica felt like absolute torture, but now this particular bed was the sweetest surface he'd ever laid upon. "I'll see you later then. Lunch?"

"Lunch." Kara left their quarters to head towards where their guests were being kept. Room was still tight on Galactica, so even finding a space to put them would have been difficult, but she knew the Admiral would have found space just the same. The marine guards outside the door were a dead giveaway when she found the hallway and she nodded her head to the one that was most familiar, the man moving to let her through. She knocked, hoping not to catch anyone in a state of undress, and soon she heard someone on the other side begin to open and release the hatch. When it opened, Dreilide was there, looking mussed from sleep, but awake just the same. Any fatigue that had been in him before fluttered away at the sight of who it was, and without a word, he stepped aside to let her in.

"Where are the others?" She asked, keeping her distance and trying not to look at him as she paced the room.

He raised his hand in a motion to the other doorway. "Bedroom. I took the couch," he explained plainly. This was a moment he'd been waiting years for, and though he'd crossed the universe slowly for two thousand years, time had never moved at more of a standstill pace than the last two decades did. They both walked the length of the room idly, like two tigers circling one another, waiting for the other to make the first move. Dreilide had the vague suspicion that like her mother, Kara would never be the one to jump first. "You must have… a lot of questions." The understatement of the century.

"I died," Kara started, not looking to him. "A couple months ago, I went down into this gas planet we were orbiting around. It looked just like that thing I used to draw for you when I was a kid. I died, but I'm still here. Why?"

Dreilide listened carefully to what information she offered and what she was specifically asking from him, wanting to be sure of his words before he answered. "When you were little, you drew that for me one day. I thought maybe it was just a coincidence, but there was something about it to you. For my people—"

"Cylons, just say it."

"If that's what you want to call us, then fine, for cylons, at least the ones I'm part of, everything's sort of connected. It's not anything you're ever really aware of and it can be the smallest, simplest little thing. Knowing something maybe you shouldn't, but never being quite sure what it is. For children and parents, its a little tighter, but not by much. When your mother and I had you, I never thought that would be something that continued on, but it did, in whatever small degree. You got that image from me, because it was something I'd seen and knew to be important."

Kara's movements stopped as she tried to absorb the details that made her just who she really was. "Is that why I'm good at somethings? I've been a Viper pilot for the last ten years, is that why I'm so good at it? Because I'm not part human?" She was afraid of the answer.

"No. What?" He almost laughed at her words, but wisely held back. "If you're good at something, Kara, then you just are. I don't know what you've seen of the first generation of cylons made at the Colony, I don't know what the other five implemented into them towards the end or what they did to themselves. I imagine though, that they've started to program skill sets into them to cheat time and energy. You, Kara, you were never," he shook his head, sullen at the thought that she could think this about herself, "programmed. I wasn't programmed. Believe me, if I had been, I would have been a lot better at piano than I was." With that, he did laugh at himself.

She smiled slightly, unconsciously, as he joked about what used to make his living back on Caprica. The idea that she didn't have an advantage over others in that regard calmed her some. Her life's pride had been that she'd been such a natural in the cockpit, and if she were to learn that it had all been planted into her, it would have come close to killing her.

"There are a lot of questions that I can't answer for you, only because I just don't know. I heard before that your Eight has a half human child now too, and Galen has a half human son. There's only three of you and you're the first, everything about you is unique."

"You never answered how I'm alive."

He sat down at one of the chairs at the small table in the room, trying to focus his thoughts. "When we got back to Earth, we had to find where our people went. We had a hunch, but it took us awhile. Two thousand years is a long time. We weren't sure if they would have died out or perhaps there would have been another war. It was the best of possibilities, though. They were alive, they were well." He thought back to all those years ago and their arrival back to their own people. "They didn't really know who we were at first and they thought the worst. I found out that they kept resurrection going for a few hundred years while they tried to repopulate, but had gone back to foregoing it again once they were sure their numbers were stable. All the people we knew when we left, they were dead. Everyone who knew our faces and knew what we left to do, they were gone. I'm not sure what would have happened to us, but it turned out that Jacob's brother who had survived the attacks as well, hadn't given up the idea that someday we would come back. He knew we had resurrection with us, so he held out hope, and it became this story that his family continued to pass on. They were the reasons we were even given time to share what we'd seen, where we'd come from."

Kara listened and sat down on the small couch across the room, pushing aside the pillow and blankets her father had clearly used to sleep.

"They wanted us to give up resurrection and we agreed to do it, because it wasn't something we ever intended to rely upon. Before we did though, Eugenia, Cleo and I did I guess what you'd call a hard reset. I don't know what you know about the ways your cylons resurrect, but when they download it's like a data dump into a new body they have waiting for them. You die, you download, you get a new body. It's convenient when you only have a few ways for people to look and if you want to avoid healing from your injuries, but it wasn't what my team used and it wasn't what my people used when we mass resurrected. The other way is quick, you can go from death to life in a matter of minutes." He kept his pace slow, watching her face to make sure she understood as he proceeded.

"Our way is slower. It will take the information it gets in a download and rebuild a person from that. Like a last save point when you're working on a file. I don't suppose you've done a lot of computer work since you left the Twelve Colonies, but, did you ever accidentally shut a word program off too early without saving? You think it's gone, but when you open it next time, it tells you that it saved it and restores it for you. It isn't a perfect analogy… but it's as close as I can get. Our resurrection is like that. It takes your last created memories of the person that you were and works from there. You're not a machine, you don't have mechanical parts inside of you, it's biological in ways I can't even begin to explain. What it means is that you come back like you were before. For your cylons, I imagine that if they lost a hand, they'd kill themselves to download into a body without the injury. For us, you're coming back without that hand unless you do a hard reset, which is like going back to an older file, an older memory, and building off of that. The three of us chose to do it to give us extra time, because I didn't know when you'd be coming back, if you ever did."

"Is that why you look so young?"

"I think I'm somewhere around my late thirties now, but I'm never really sure. Not old enough to be your father, but I am." As he watched, he took in every detail about her. From the shape of her nose to how she liked to sit, the way she drummed her nails nervously. All the times he dreamed up how she'd be as an adult paled in comparison to the woman she'd actually turned into.

"I went back to Earth not long after that and started one of the old facilities up again, in fear that you'd need it some day. You could have died on Caprica for all I knew or you could have been living happily there with your family, I didn't know. But I wasn't taking a risk I didn't have to. Eugenia and Cleo and I returned and we rewrote some of the program, so that it wouldn't accept downloads from anyone else but you. What we did, it wasn't exactly legal considering we'd just agreed to abandon resurrection completely, but we did it anyway. You said you died around that gas planet?"

Kara nodded solemnly. "The mandala just drew me in, there was something about it when I was near it. Lee said I kept talking about how I knew something was there and I had to go find out what it was."

Dreilide sighed. "It's my fault. Like I said, you're half cylon. I didn't know if resurrection would work on you but I was going to try anyway. When we left Earth all those years ago, we passed by that planet too, and that was the point at which I stopped feeling the pull from the resurrection sites on Earth before they'd shut them down. Kind of the point of no return if you didn't have other means. For you, you felt that pull for the first time and it was too much for you to understand."

The details of it all were slowly starting to make sense to her, though in some majorly frakked up kind of way. "When we were on Earth, I knew I'd been there before," she started. "We found one of them. We went inside and…" Kara stopped, suddenly unsure of herself as her voice quaked. "There were two other bodies in there. Just like they were sitting and waiting for me to use them."

He watched the horror spread across her face and stood, instinctively going to her. Dreilide sat beside her and stretched his hand across to touch her shoulder, though he pulled back at the last second, not quite sure if she was ready for a physical connection just yet. "I don't know what happened without seeing the information for myself, but I know the computers will usually keep trying again until they get it correct. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes it does, and because you were something new, it probably had a hard time getting you right. God, Kara, I'm—" He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"You don't believe in the Gods?"

"We used to, but honestly, I don't really believe in anything. The one thing we took away from the Colony was your cylons' notion of one God."

She didn't know why, but that fact seemed to bother her the most. Maybe it was just another reason that pointed to a difference between her and her father. Another thing to keep them apart.

"I'll have to go down to the surface and shut that computer off," he thought aloud.

"I already did it," she answered. "Lee and Leoben burned the other bodies for me."

His head looked back to her immediately. "Leoben? Leoben's here?"

"In the brig," she said absentmindedly. Though she felt ingratiated to the cylon for what he'd done for her today, it didn't wash away the other hurts she knew he was guilty of. "Thanks by the way, for creating a cylon so incredibly frakked up he makes me seem normal."

The only information he'd received about his cylon model was that very photo of him they'd all seen in the conference room the night before. He knew that the Twos were out there, but to think that the first model still existed, and was on this very ship, was unreal. "What do you mean?"

Kara sighed and shook her head. "You don't want the full story. Maybe you should talk to him yourself, ask him about all the things he's done to me and to Lee." Kara unzipped and pulled her sweatshirt off to bring her temperature down a few degrees, piling the fabric in her lap.

Dreilide took in her ominous words, though he was sure he didn't want to know what other kind of pain he'd caused his daughter inadvertently through the creation of the Twos. He would find out though, one way or another, he owed it to her to at least understand what he'd done. "Tattoos?" He asked as he saw her bare arms, and never before had he sounded so much like a disapproving father.

She must have felt it too, because she actually laughed. Full bodied, shaking laughter. "I came all the way across the universe while being chased by psychotic cylons my abandoning father helped create and you're going to lecture me about getting a few tattoos?"

He couldn't help but laugh at the situation as well. "Sorry. Do they mean anything?"

Kara shrugged her shoulders in a manner that reminded her father very much of something she'd often done as a child. "This one's a marriage tattoo," she said, pointing out the largest one that was scrawled over her left upper arm.

"Did you make Captain Adama get one too?" He asked, taking in the shape of it. For some reason, he didn't feel comfortable referring to the other man by his first name.

Her laughter returned, this time more restrained. "No. Lee's not my husband. I'm divorced. Are you going to lecture me about living in sin now?"

He shared a smile with her, but shook his head. "Those who live in glass houses…" He started, though he didn't finish. "Did he die on the Colonies? Your husband?"

The mood grew darker than it had a second before. Kara reached into her tanks and pulled out her singular dog tag and the ring that hung there. "I was engaged a long time ago, to a man named Zak. He died in an accident long before the end of the worlds." Her thumb rubbed into the metal there to feel close to him, despite now knowing that this hadn't actually been the ring that Zak wore around his finger. This had been crafted down in that bunker for her too. "He was Lee's brother, actually. Then I married Sam over two years ago."

"Sam…Anders?" He asked, trying to put the pieces together. His face wrinkled the more he thought it over. "There's something kind of off about the idea that my friend married my daughter."

Kara laughed to herself as she tucked the dog tag and ring back into her shirt, patting over the fabric to confirm it was there afterwards. "Now there's Lee." She wasn't sure if she'd ever been so open and straightforward with someone in her life, not even with Apollo. There was something about Dreilide though, that made her so unconcerned about all the rest. "How did I get back to Galactica, if I was on Earth? I died, but when they found me, I was there and in my Viper even though Lee saw it explode. How could my ship be there and why can't I remember any of it?"

"We knew that resurrection would be traumatic for anyone who went through it, so it's built in that it will take awhile for actual, real consciousness to return. You're sort of on autopilot at first. As for you getting there, I knew if you ever needed to resurrect, making you stuck on Earth wouldn't exactly help. The computer uses your memories to try to find a way to return you to where you last were, or where you need to be. It doesn't take liberties with people, but it does with other things if it must. I don't know how far you went into the bunker, but it goes well beyond the resurrection room. It built your ship in one of the others, made the necessary changes according to what you remembered, what you needed, and the information I gave it last time I was there."

"I didn't just go back to the mandala though, and I was light years from Earth when they found me. I just… I don't understand it."

"Kara, listen, I know. It's a lot to take in." There was frustration in her, the same kind he'd seen in her at four years old when she couldn't get things exactly right. "When I left Caprica, I took every byte of information I could with me to bring back. I knew we'd need proof when we returned and I knew that if I was going to turn that computer online again for you, I'd need new technology to help you, not the stuff we had back then. Sublight isn't particularly useful when everyone has FTL now. I can take a look at your ship, I can go back down to Earth and turn the computer back on and tell you all the exact details about what happened when you were here, if that's what you want. But, what I think happened is that the computer drew from your memory, calculated how far you needed to go and in what amount of time, and made the choices to solve it as efficiently as possible. Let me ask you this, where they found you, did you know they were headed there before you died?"

She pondered the question for a short time. She'd died at that gas planet, down in the mandala, but they had only stopped there for repairs and refueling while on their way to the next road sign towards what they hoped was Earth. The Ionian Nebula. That's where they had been headed. "Yes."

"So the computer took that, took all the possible locations of where you might be able to find the fleet, put them into the FTL for you and began cycling through them until it got you where you needed to go. There's probably a huge chance it wouldn't have worked or you would have missed them, but your onboard computer would have kept you going until either you ran out of fuel or you found them, either way."

Kara wasn't exactly sure if she was retaining any of the information she'd been patiently listening to as it came out of her father. It was overwhelming in every sense of the word, and yet she never wanted it to stop. She wanted to know everything about what had happened to her and everything about him. She wanted to let him know everything about her that he'd missed as well, to pick up where they left off all those years ago. Kara switched gears and this time she looked at him directly. "Did you ever even love me?"

His expression crumbled and this time, he didn't care what she was or wasn't ready for. He cupped her cheek with his large hand, happy she didn't pull away. "Kara," his head shook as he kept back his tears. "I loved you more than anything. You were the light of my life, of your mother's."

She pulled away once he mentioned Socrata. That, she didn't think she'd ever believe. Kara stood up abruptly, letting her sweatshirt remain on the couch. Anger coursed through her as she paced, turning her head back to him sharply and accusingly. "You don't know what happened after you left, so don't tell me Mama ever actually loved me."

He'd been expecting a lot of things, but never such hatred between his daughter and his wife. The warning Captain Adama had given him hours before rang in his ears. "What aren't you telling me?"

Kara's hands went to her hips as she turned away from him, trying to center herself against every ounce of rage that pooled inside of her. "All I ever heard from her was that I was a mistake, that I ruined her life. I was a disappointment no matter what I did. She spent her life making sure I'd never trust anyone ever again because she dared to trust you and you left her."

The reality of what he'd done to his family hit him hard. He never thought that it would be easy on either of them, but he expected them to make it through it in the end, unscathed and having one another. His leaving had torn mother and daughter apart, for that he would always be guilty. "I'm sorry," he offered lamely. No apology would ever fix it. He watched her back as her shoulders shook and he could sense that she was crying, or at least trying to fight it off.

"You left me with her," she scathingly said. Kara spun around then, eyes red as she looked to him. "Do you want to hear about the things she did to me? Or do you just want me to shut up so you don't have to acknowledge what you did? Do you want me to show you every scar she ever gave me, every place she left a bruise for more than a week?" Her voice raised and before she knew it, she was yelling at him.

Dreilide rose to approach her, hearing the door to the small bedroom open, Cleo appearing behind it. "Cleo, it's okay, we're just talking," he tried to reassure her and with a glance look between father and daughter, the other woman shut them back to themselves. The thought of what his wife could have done to their child absolutely sickened them. He wanted to deny it, to claim that Kara was lying, that the woman he loved couldn't be that horrible, but looking at his daughter's face, he would never be able to pretend it wasn't true. "I didn't know. It's not an excuse, but I didn't. Your mother, Kara, she loved you. You were everything to her. I never would have thought she would—"

"Well she did!"

"I can't excuse what your mother did, I'll never understand why she did it. But she did love you, even if she hurt you. I'm not saying that makes it right or lessens the pain, or makes it okay. It doesn't, nothing will ever make right the things she did." He continued to approach her slowly, knowing both of them needed the closeness of another person. "But she did love you. Never think that your mother didn't. She was frakked up, but she loved you, Kara." If he succeeded in anything, he needed to at least make his daughter understand that her mother had felt deep affection towards her at some point in her life. "You can't fake the way she loved you when you were small. She was never that happy as she was when you were born."

Kara continued to shake her head, tears welling up even further the more she thought about what little she could remember about her mother from those earlier years. Even the later ones, the bad times almost always clouded over any of the other memories. Now that she thought about it, really thought about it, she could recall a few occasions when Socrata had laid down with her daughter at nine and ten years old, holding her through the night like she had before everything went so wrong. Even on one of her last visits to her mother before her death, Kara could remember seeing a few of her childhood paintings and toys in her mother's apartment, clearly unable to put away what few mementos she had of her daughter. Maybe her mother hadn't been a monster, just a confused and lost human being. One that didn't know how to cope, one that had been hurt herself and only knew how to keep passing that hurt along.

Dreilide pulled her into his arms and held her, tears falling down his cheeks slowly at the first time he held his daughter since she was only seven years old. He kissed her hair, just like he'd done hundreds of times before, one palm rubbing over her back to sooth away the pain she was feeling inside of her. God, he couldn't stand the thought that his absence had broken his wife, but even worse was the idea that it had broken his daughter too. He had wanted her to be happy, but now he knew most of her life hadn't been spent that way. As a father, he'd been an absolute failure. "She loved you," Dreilide reminded Kara. "And I love you."

She didn't bother to hold him back, instead let him do all the work as she soaked it in. Kara felt five years old again, recovering from some childish hurt in her father's arms. If she focused enough, she could imagine it was her mother instead, Socrata's voice soothing and calming as she took care of her daughter. Those were the years before the mistrust and the pain, when her mother could still do no wrong in her eyes. Her parents had been infallible back then and it had been heaven. "I love you," Kara whispered back, to both her father and the memory of her mother that was in that room with them.

When they pulled back, they simply looked at each other, both Dreilide and Kara enjoying that they had the chance to be beside one another again just once more. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, echoing the way Lee had done to her in the middle of the night in the observation room. If she closed her eyes for longer than just a blink, she could see Lee and smell him on her clothes. For now, she felt completely safe.

"Your mother, she died when the cylons attacked, didn't she?" Dreilide ventured to ask her. Part of him had been holding out hope that when Kara found Earth, Socrata would have been with her. Nothing would have been more perfect than that, but perfect rarely existed. Even to this moment, he silently prayed that his wife was somewhere else on the battlestar or one of the civilian ships. When he'd resurrected again all those years ago, this time forcing into a younger state, Dreilide almost didn't go through with it in the hope that his wife would be with his daughter as well. He didn't want to be decades younger than the woman he loved, knowing it would put a wedge between them. All he wanted to do was to enjoy the lines of her face while she enjoyed his.

Kara's expression was regretful as she looked to her father, seeing the longing there that she was about to destroy for him. "She's dead, but she died a few years before then. Lung cancer."

He nodded though it killed him and he took a few necessary steps away from her to finally deal with the reality that he really would never see his wife again. For all the good he'd done for his own people, for all the tens, if not hundreds, of times he'd resurrected over the years to cheat his body's natural aging, his wife was still dead. If only he hadn't left, he thought, maybe he could have done something, anything, to keep her alive. Maybe he'd made the wrong decision all those years ago. He should have stayed with his wife and his daughter. What kind of woman would Kara be right now without the burdens of his abandonment and her mother's treatment? Though he didn't really think it was possible, right then, in that moment, he was sure he could have modified resurrection for a human being. For Socrata.

She watched her father be the broken one now and Kara approached, settling her own hand to his shoulder. "I was too mad at her to be with her when she died," she admitted, ashamed of herself. "Do you think she'll forgive me?"

Dreilide nodded as he looked back to her. "She already does. I'm sure of it."

For the rest of the morning, Kara stayed at her father's side.


	30. Chapter 30

Dreilide stood looking in at the glass and metal fenced enclosure that housed the two cylons he was at least partially responsible for bringing into existence. After what Kara had said to him about this particular model, he'd been unable to settle his curiosity. Once he had a free minute and more importantly, was allowed, Dreilide took that trip down to the brig. The conversation with the Two had been interesting to say the least, and a touch surreal. The last time he'd ever even thought about the model had been the day before he and his peers had integrated into the Twelve Colonies. Leaving the Colony behind, Dreilide also left behind all that he'd done there. Now, here Leoben was, a living, breathing, human being — or a close approximation. He turned his attention to the side when someone approached, relieved to see it was Kara.

"Admiral wants to see you," she said, her eyes also on the scene before them. Though the cylons were still prisoners, the amount of security on them had been recently relaxed. It wasn't her call, but she didn't necessarily disagree with it. If they wanted to try something, they would have a long time ago. They'd been there for months now without incident and after what happened down on Earth with Leoben, she once again felt something for him she couldn't describe, but it was neither happiness nor gratefulness. Lee had remained tightlipped about New Caprica, even after all this time, but she'd gleaned enough details to put together a bigger picture. Even if Leoben hadn't frakked with her so much, the facts of what he'd done to Lee would have been more than enough for her to hold a permanent grudge. Truthfully, Kara didn't know how she felt about the man before her.

Her father nodded his head in receipt of the message, but made no move to go just yet. The conversation they would be having was a serious one, probably one of the most important the fleet had ever had, because now it would give them a place to finally call theirs. Kara had told him about New Caprica, but Dreilide knew that place had never been home. It was just a resting point that people clung to that went horribly, horribly wrong. "You and your mother weren't the only people I messed up by leaving," he said gently, as though it was the most casual thought in the world.

She wasn't sure what he meant at first, but looking into that room and at Leoben, she understood. Though that model hadn't been his biologically like she was, he would always be a child of Dreilide Thrace to some extent. She'd suffered for his absence and lack of guidance and so had Leoben. "What'd you two talk about?"

His shoulders shrugged and he sighed, his arms moving to cross over his chest. "He asked if I was God." He laughed, but it was pained and lacking real mirth.

"There's something about Leoben. I mean, the other Twos anyone else has met haven't been like him. Similar, but not the same." Kara, herself, hadn't had any real interaction with other Twos in her time, but she'd heard about the one on Ragnar and all the copies down on the planet during the occupation.

"He's older than all the rest of the Twos. The first of his kind, just like you."

Though in another mood, she would have taken such comparison as a grave insult, Kara let it slide. She understood the sentiments being offered.

"He doesn't look well," Dreilide pointed out.

"No, he doesn't. He and D'Anna caught a virus awhile back. Something humans are immune to, but one thing they're not. Cottle said it was lymph…something encephalitis. They get injections every so often to keep it in check. It must be getting time for it." She turned on her heel, head cocking to the side as she looked at her father. "Actually, they said they got it off a beacon your people left out in space on their way from Kobol."

"I remember a story about that," he said. Though Kara had placed her focus on him, he hadn't yet returned it. "I guess it's like your Pythia, we had—have—books like that too. They talked about an illness on the way to Earth that cut their numbers down incredibly. Something about it doesn't get left behind with the body when you resurrect. If you allow that person to die and download, it gets into the system and infects anyone else who comes through. That was on top of spreading it by contact."

"Should you be in here?" She asked quickly, concerned for his health. She was immune due to the half of her that was human, just as Athena was from carrying a partially human child. Her father, on the other hand, was still full cylon.

"I know you don't think of me as a person," he started, and this time he did look to her. "But we're more human than not. We get sick, we get hurt, we evolve. We became immune to it a long time ago, just like you did."

There was a constant war being raged inside of her as of late. Her emotions, which she always felt but rarely ever showed, were even more up and down than normal, and that was saying a lot considering her usual back and forth. She wanted to go back in time to when things were simpler, to when she thought she was just a human being, one of the few lucky ones left to be alive. She wouldn't even ask to go back before the attacks, because that was too much. Maybe the Gods could smile down upon her with this one small favor though. Let things be simple again. When she looked at her father, she saw the same face she did when she was a child. He looked just like everyone else, thought like everyone else, but he was inherently different, just as parts of her were. Did it matter how he came about? Or just that he did? Kara kept quiet after his words, not wanting to share her own thoughts on it all. Between Lee and Dreilide, she'd been left absolutely raw on both the outside and inside.

"Do you think they'll trust me enough to come with us?" He asked her. Though he didn't know much about his daughter and even less about the intimidating Admiral, he knew there was a closeness there. She would have insight that he didn't have.

"It's you or we die. They'll say yes."

—

"They named it Earth… again," Dreilide said. "When we arrived, the population was just cresting around five hundred million."

"Fifteen thousand to half a billion?" Laura asked weakly and coughed into the back of her hand.

"They did keep resurrection for the first couple hundred years. It helped."

Roslin took her glasses off and set them on the table, looking to Bill beside her. For the last few hours, they'd been locked away in this room to hear what their guests had to say and offer. Trusting them would be a leap of faith, but so had everything else over the last few years. The fleet had already nearly fallen apart at the news of the nuclear devastated Earth that had once been the only hope that kept them floating through the universe. Their health was going down hill. Their food source wouldn't last forever and neither would their fuel. It would only be a matter of time before they had to face off against the cylons again in order to secure some resources, and this time they probably wouldn't make it through. Galactica had seen far better days, and the state of even the interior bulkheads was enough to make everyone wonder just how much the old girl had left in her.

"Why would your people offer this to us?" Adama asked, one eyebrow raised slightly as he looked to Dreilide.

"Because it's the right thing to do," he said simply. "Because we like to imagine that if we had shown up at the Twelve Colonies with the numbers we had, you would have taken us in and helped us rebuild." No one raised their voice to mention that upon hearing the Thirteenth Tribe were cylons, the Colonial Fleet probably would have blown them out of the sky. "We can't and we won't turn a blind eye and let you all die out here while we try to pretend we didn't play a part in it."

With some guilt on her shoulders, Eugenia took the opening in the lull in conversation to speak. "And because we don't know what would have happened if our people didn't interfere during your first cylon war. Maybe they would have killed you all there, maybe you would have won. Some of us interfered and despite the intentions we had, we're responsible for this."

Laura broke into another fit of coughing, finding herself comforted by Adama's hand to her back. Though it did nothing for her physical ailments, it did lift her spirits. Bill rose and left for his bedroom quarters, returning to the main room with a blanket. When he sat down beside her again, he wrapped the fabric over her shoulders, something he'd done many times for her before. "Thank you," she whispered. When her voice came back to her, she was drawn back to the others. "I need to be sure my people will be safe. Where will they live? What will happen to them?"

"Those require specific answers we just don't have. Where we'll settle you all down, I don't know. Most people thought this day would never come and even if it did, no one was sure just how many of you there would be left. We didn't know what we would be dealing with." Eugenia paused. "Madame President — are you all right?"

"My cancer returned a few months ago," she admitted to the complete strangers, despite how dishonest she had been about it to the rest of the fleet. "I won't escape it this time." Her eyes sought out Bill as the truth came out, he was one of the few who knew it.

"We have hospitals, you know," Eugenia said as she tucked her hair back behind her ear. "You of all people should be down there getting treatment."

"Do cylons even get cancer?"The Admiral asked, trying to hold back his bitter tone, though it came out anyway.

There was a bite to Adama's words, but Dreilide didn't give in and return it. "Everything you suffer from, so do we. The same things all go wrong eventually." He thought of Socrata again and Kara's words about his wife's fate. Maybe if he had brought her with him, she would have survived on Earth. Perhaps there was something they could have done for her there that they never considered back on Caprica. "Please," he said, almost as if he was talking to his wife now and begging her to take the chance to save her life. "At least let us try. Your people need you, especially now, especially in everything that's going to come."

"Kara came to me before," Bill began, "and she asked me to trust you."

Dreilide never expected anything close to those words to come from anyone about his daughter, especially not so soon. They would never be perfect and he knew that he would never be able to make up for the time missed and the way her life turned because of it, but just perhaps there was something to salvage between the two of them. "Are you going to?"

"When Kara Thrace tells you to do something, even the Admiral does as she says."

—

The news that the remains of the human race would be following the Meridian towards the second planet they called Earth rocked through the entire fleet. There were a million details that would need to be ironed out, and Roslin had been assured they would be once they at least arrived in the correct solar system. It was the President's sudden worsening condition that lit a fire underneath everyone and all the putting off they'd done of making a real decision was immediately abandoned. Though Adama had been reluctant, the promise that Earth at least brought the prospect of relief for her illness had persuaded him as well. The next morning, the Meridian would begin to transmit the carefully calculated sets of jump coordinates to all the ships and begin the final leg of their years long journey.

"You're not happy," Lee said to Kara from the bar in the Admiral's quarters, pouring them both a glass of what seemed to be the last bottle of whiskey. He brought their drinks over and passed one to her, his own kept at hand as he sat down to share the small couch.

"I know everyone thinks that this means everything's over, but you and I both know it doesn't." She didn't even bother to take a sip of her drink, feeling it was more or a prop than anything else. Something to keep her hands busy and to channel her frustration directly into.

"Some people started packing," he said with a laugh. "We'll probably be stuck on these ships for months before they let us out."

"Nothing with fourty thousand people can ever go easy." All at once, she tipped her head back and poured the liquid down her throat, feeling the burn of it as it quickly emptied into her stomach. Long ago, she may have savored the taste and feel of it over her tongue, but that girl was long gone. "And what about the cylons? Who's to say they won't find us? Then we'll be responsible for millions of people dying on Earth too. I know that if we go there, I'll never be able to settle down, Lee. My whole life, I'll spend it worrying that one day we'll see a basestar in the sky and that will be the end."

He didn't finish his glass, instead collected both hers and his with one hand and dumped them on the coffee table. Lee's body turned in towards hers, one arm along the back of the couch, fingers gently brushing repeatedly through her hair. "What are you saying?" His expression was troubled as he tried to gauge her words for the true meaning behind it all.

Using what little courage she'd earned from the alcohol that had yet to even hit her bloodstream, Kara locked eyes with his own. "I'm not going to Earth."

His fingers stopped mid-stroke in her hair as she delivered her message. He couldn't look at her after that. They'd spent years on the run and finally gotten so close to the end. This wasn't New Caprica, it was Earth. Or at least, Earth Part Two. If they didn't settle down here, the chances of finding a habitable planet once again was near zero. He gave a shuddering, deep sigh as his body slumped, like the string that had been holding him straight and firm had just been cut. "Why not?"

She watched the life be forced out of him at her very words. Kara knew he'd been holding on to this dream for them, just as she had been as well, albeit much more quietly and secretly. They would find Earth and all their problems would melt away. No cylons, no algae, no tent city in the middle of a frigid planet. The years had aged him, and not just because of the time past. No, all the things he'd seen and endured, all the nights he'd gone without sleep, the malnutrition, it had all worked him over as well. Instead of answering, she deflected. "You should go to Earth. Your Dad's going to need you." Kara cupped his cheek, her thumb drawing tiny circles against the skin just beneath his eye. She tried desperately to memorize the prickle of his stubble at her palm, so she'd have something to keep her warm at night, should he decide to agree with her suggestion.

"You're right," Lee started, "he'll need me."

Though she had been the one to bring up the idea to begin with, it didn't make the pang of loss any less. Before, she'd just wanted to rewind a few years to those simpler times, and now she wanted to rewind just a minute, maybe even thirty seconds so she could take it all back.

"But I want to be with you."

Tears shone in her eyes as he finished his complete thought, a smile tugging over her lips as she immediately felt like a fool for falling for his deceptive words. This was Lee, of course he would follow her to hell and back. Kara slipped her arm around him until the crook of her elbow met his neck, pulling her body in close until she was practically seated over his legs, her mouth eagerly finding his. She smiled into him, feeling the comfort she always knew laid just within his arms. For years, she'd fought against it and him, and now it was the only place she ever wanted to be.

Lee kissed her back just as joyfully, lost in the feel of her and the overwhelming warmth she always seemed to emit directly into him. It was then that his father opened the bedroom door, reappearing in the small living quarters. Kara and Lee tore their mouths apart like children getting caught for the first time. It only made her laugh though, the sound electric in the room until she calmed enough to speak. "Sir," she offered with a weak salute.

Adama smiled and repeated the gesture. "I'd be careful if I were you, you don't know where that couch has been."

Kara laughed harder at the thought and at Lee's reaction, a sudden amount of disgust marring his features as he tentatively scooted away from the back of the couch with her still draped partially over him, like that inch he moved would save him from whatever had or had not occurred on the leather.

"He's frakking with you, Lee," Kara eventually said as she quieted down, finally shifting back to take her own seat instead of sharing half of one with Apollo.

"Real nice," Lee mumbled and ran his hand over his shortly cropped hair, recalling the cut Kara had given him only the day or so before they'd found the barren Earth. "How's Roslin?"

"Resting. The sooner we get to Earth, the better. Deloxin's doing nothing for her anymore." There was pain in every step he took, even in the way he had smiled at them only a minute before. Laura was the constant worry on his mind, especially with death so close on her heels as of late.

Kara waited before she dared reveal her decision to the Old Man. It would just about break him, even worse now that Lee had decided to include himself in on what she did or didn't have planned. "Admiral?"

Both of Bill's eyebrows raised, knowing that voice. She was about to ask of something he wouldn't want to give. He wasn't sure how much more he could take with everything else going on around them. Adama wasn't old, despite his nickname, but a few years into sixty and a few bullets in his chest, he was sure he could fee his body slowing down even more than it had been before.

"Lee and I… we aren't going to Earth with you tomorrow."

"Of course you are," he said, like he hadn't heard her right. What he was really doing was giving her a chance to take it back without the anger and tears shed between them. "This is the end."

"No, I know," her head shook and long grown out blonde bangs fell to obscure her vision. She pushed them back as she tried to grab hold of more determination. "But I need a ship. Whatever you can give me. Something long range with enough supplies." Though she wasn't sure if she'd ever be coming back, she at least intended to make it seem so.

"We've made our decision. The entire fleet goes and that includes you." His eyes looked to Lee. "Both of you."

"I can't—" She nearly shouted at him. "I can't go there and wait. They'll never stop looking for us and one day, one day they'll find us and all those people. Maybe not in your lifetime or mine, but I can't settle down there and watch families grow up and know that Hera's children will have to pay for what we didn't finish." Her words were heated and heavy and Kara had stood up sometime during her delivery, as if that would strengthen her argument. "I know how to finish it," she said. "Please."

Across from her, Bill teetered between fuming and agreement. While he knew they needed to get to Earth, his own judgment had been much clouded since Laura's illness had taken a steep turn for the worse. Though they could call Earth home, the threat would always linger in the backs of their minds. What if today was the last day yet again? The facts were, though, that Laura was nearing death, and without intervention she would be there in a week. The civilians were hungry, tired, and dying to feel the sun on their faces. Their numbers dwindled everyday as some gave in to old age or illnesses easily treatable with the right medication. The faster they got their remaining people to Earth and began whatever process was ahead of them for settling down planet side, the better it would be for all of them. Once upon a time he had served the military, now he served humanity. "I won't lose you again, Kara. I won't lose you both because you think you can stop them."

His lack of faith burned her, but at the same time, she understood it. They were done, complete, finished. Years ago he had made that promise on the hangar deck about searching for Earth, even when he hadn't a clue as to where it was, and now he'd actually come through with it to them. "Just a small ship," she said again, hoping to break him down.

Adama sighed heavily at the position she was putting him in. "Your father won't agree to it, you know."

"You're more of my father than he is," she said, and it was the absolute truth. Dreilide had been there for the start of her formative years and had given her life, but Adama had been the one who was there when she had really, truly, needed it. When no one else would take her in, and when she was at her absolute worst after Zak's death, Bill had stood by her when he didn't have to. He wasn't blood, he wasn't family by legalities, he just was William Adama, the man with a penchant for underdogs and those needing a second chance. She had to have both of her father figures now, not just either or. "I promise you I'll bring Lee back." Kara didn't know if she could keep good on it, but she would swear the worlds to anyone who would let her do this, to have one last moment of protecting the fleet. She needed this not only for the safety of the millions of people, but also for herself. Kara needed to prove that she was more than what her genetics said she was, that she could still be Starbuck, the gallant protector of the fleet.

Bill looked to his son's face, seeing his pleading there as well. Just as he needed to help Laura do what she had to do, Lee needed to help Kara with her own mission, however ill-advised it was. He could make them come down to Earth, he could make them follow the orders of it all, but would they ever forgive him? And would they ever be able to enjoy their lives on the planet living in that kind of fear? "Let's hear the plan then."

—

With all non-essential crew crowded onto the hangar deck of the battlestar late the night before their departure, Kara climbed atop one of the half sets of steps usually used for ease of Viper cockpit entering and exiting. Lee passed her the handheld microphone that patched in to the nearby intercom system and her hand shook as she held it. The nervousness eating at her stomach lining was a strange feeling to her. Getting up in front of a crowd, delivering a battle plan, those were the things she had always been gifted with, even if she never kept much to decorum and regulation. Even her first day as Commander, she hadn't walked through Pegasus' halls feeling this uneasy. She raised the receiver to her mouth and held the button down.

"I know that most of you are ready to go down to Earth," she paused, letting the voices quiet down until only silence was heard over the deck. "You've earned it." Some of these faces, she truly hadn't seen in months, since before her death — which she knew was real now, in all the disturbing senses of it. Kara wondered who of them knew her secret, that her father was among the cylons with the Meridian, and if they questioned her place among them. "But I'm going to ask something of you. I need volunteers. Like the rest of you, I want nothing more than to go down to Earth." Her eyes flickered down to Lee for the briefest of moments, then back up to the people packed in like sardines. "I can't though, not knowing the cylons will still be looking for us."

The dissension in the crowd was evident by the rise of their voices again, a few louder than others, yelling at her to express how they felt.

"If you don't want to go, you have the right to say no, but hear me out first. It's come to my attention that there has been a way for us to be rid of them forever right under our noses. I don't plan on wasting the chance while I have it, not when it can mean the difference between saving your lives and the lives of the people down on that planet who are willing to take us in. They don't have to, they could leave us here to die, but they're taking the risk. So I'm asking all of you, if you can, take one last risk with me and I will bring you home." Though she was usually good at reading people, a skill that made her particularly adept at cards, she couldn't pick out one emotion on the people before her. "There's a line of red tape running down the deck. If you're going to Earth, move to the starboard side. If you're willing to come with me, move to the port."

She handed the microphone back to Lee and climbed down the stairs. When his hands were free, she took them, this time in front of any and all of the ship's crew, and walked to the left side. Their relationship hadn't been a secret since her death and she'd heard all the details about his breakdown by now, from both him and everyone else. All the different accounts of the tears he'd shed and the broken shell he'd become not too far from where she now stood would stick with her forever. Kara looked to her side, right at the man that had mourned her and loved her, and squeezed his hand. If it was just the two of them in the end, she knew they'd be going on this suicide mission anyway. For his sake, she needed the company of the others to ensure she didn't back down on her promise to his father.

Helo was the first to walk up to the couple, his head lifting in a silent pledge of his allegiance. Just as he was about to cross the line, Kara released Lee's hand and reached both of hers out to press against Karl's chest. She shook her head. "No. You and Athena, it's important you be there to raise Hera on Earth. The planet's going to need you." In case I don't make it back, she wanted to say. Hera and Nicky Tyrol, those two children would be a sign of the future to come between both sets of peoples. Their future didn't lie in merely coexisting separately, but joining their people into one and allowing their mutual history to be the force that kept them together. She watched him reluctantly step back into the waiting arms of Athena, who nodded thankfully to Kara.

Hot Dog crossed the line afterward, his head tipping to the woman who had molded him from nothing into one of the fleet's finest pilots. Duck followed behind him and Racetrack crossed over to their side as well, barely noticeable as she pushed through the people moving the opposite direction. In the end, she was left with a crew of perhaps a hundred, mostly faces of those she'd known and for some reason still felt loyal to her. Those whose uniforms once wore the patch of Pegasus were peppered through as well, and a swell of pride in the men and women that had truly been hers filled her. It wasn't just human though, she wasn't surprised to see Sam approach and stand at her side. Saul and Ellen Tigh crossed the line, but like Helo, Kara turned them away.

"Old Man's going to need you," she said to Saul. "Besides," Kara smiled and patted her hand roughly into Lee's shoulder. "I've got an XO."

"Good luck, Starbuck," Tigh said, and this time, like all their encounters in the last few months, it was genuine. With Ellen on his arm, he stepped back over to the other side.

"Admiral on deck!" Galen yelled from her half of the hangar floor. Around them, the arms of hundreds snapped up in a sharp salute as Adama approached.

"At ease," he called out, raising his voice just enough so the echo of his words could be heard by those even towards the back. With heavy eyes and footsteps, he approached Kara and Lee. "I have your ship."

"The Demetrius?" She asked, assuming it would once again be the ship they were already familiar with. Though with a ship of that small size, she would be sending most of the people standing next to her on back to the other side. Perhaps that would be a blessing.

"No," he said and glanced his eyes around the walls that surrounded all of them. Bill took in all the details of the aging ship, barely held together with rivets and welds. She had done them proud over the last few years and she would do so again, just once more. "Galactica."

"Admiral…" His words stunned her. It had been one thing to take Pegasus. The other battlestar had been the bigger of the two and had been in infinitely better condition, but it hadn't been the beacon that Galactica was. Some may have questioned sacrificing Pegasus to save Galactica back at the battle of New Caprica, though Kara knew it had been the right call. This ship was the embodiment of their very hopes and dreams.

"I'm not the Admiral anymore," he said all too quickly, his hands reaching to his collar to unfasten the pins that marked his rank. By time the first pin was undone, Lee had already begun to unhook the Major's pins she wore, making room for the newest addition and highest title one could earn within the Colonial Fleet. His own worn hands that used to be far stronger in the days he flew a Viper, clipped each of the insignia into place on either side of the the navy fabric at her neck. Bill stepped back, his own arm raising to her this time in a rigid salute, one so perfect she hadn't seen him it use since the day Cain arrived on their deck and pulled rank. "Admiral of the Colonial Fleet on deck!" He called out this time, commanding the attention of all those around him, even the ones that had long since decided their future no longer lie with the very battlestar they stood upon still.

"Admiral on deck," Lee repeated beside her, much softer than his father had, and it was clear his words were only for her.

Kara stood, overwhelmed, and it wasn't until she heard Lee speak that she drew her hand to her brow in a return of the sign of respect they all offered her. Though she'd been treated similarly as Commander, the connotations of the word Admiral now in front of her name made a world of difference. Kara Thrace, one time frak up and half cylon, was Admiral to the Colonial Fleet, even if after today, only a hundred would remain under her care.


	31. Chapter 31

Despite her new found title as Admiral, Kara stayed on deck for the next few hours, personally working alongside the deck crew to load up what parts of Galactica the rest of the fleet would be taking with them on their mission to the second Earth. The medical equipment, or most of what wasn't nailed down, went first, simply as a precaution. The food went afterward, though Kara had made sure enough had been left to feed her crew. With the number of people needing to get off the ship with their belongings, Raptors would be working through the night, while some of the smaller civilian ships took turns landing in the second of Galactica's landing pods to take on what number of people they could. The sudden rush of work needing to be done before morning cycle was her doing, and Kara would be damned if she wasn't there to help. CIC was running itself for the time being, so this was where she needed to be.

As one of her Viper pilots gave a thumbs up from their cockpit, Kara turned the key in the lock and pressed down on the airlock release button, letting one of the last of the Mark IIs that wouldn't be coming along with her head out. Like the other goods on Galactica, she was sending a portion of the Vipers and Raptors with the fleet as well. She prayed to the Gods they wouldn't for some reason need them, but she felt comforted to know that the men and women she trained and led for some time would be there to protect them if the time called for it. She stepped out of the room and back onto the deck, taking in the dwindling numbers of people that still lingered well into the night. Instead of orange jumpsuits being the main overwhelming color, it was a mixture of civilian wear and fatigues, for those who had been in the service so long they no longer even had anything that wasn't that deep fading green.

Waiting in line for the next Raptor, Helo stood with Athena, Hera awake in his arms despite the time. His hand rubbed at her clothed back of mismatching children's items. No one complained about things like that these days. The fact that they'd been able to procure clothing anywhere near her size at all was a miracle in itself. Karl raised his hand over to Kara, hoping to catch her attention. "Starbuck!"

She tilted her head up at the call of her name, or what had once been the name she more often than not went by. These days, she was more used to hearing 'Major' coming from the lips of those beneath her in rank, and very occasionally, Kara, from the few that knew her best. Stepping between the other bodies of families eagerly awaiting their departure with their few boxes and bags of belongings, Kara made her way down the deck and towards the threesome. "Where are you guys headed?"

"Colonial One," said Karl.

"Good." Kara wasn't surprised to hear where he'd been told to make his stay when Galactica was no longer able to be his home. Their family was one of the most important ones in the fleet, simply because of who comprised it. A cylon mother, human father, and a child that was a mix of them both. They would lead the way for all the people around them, hoping to bridge trust between the humans and the cylons that would vastly outnumber them on the planet.

"You sure you have to do this?" Athena asked reluctantly. Though the obvious parties, Lee, Adama, and Sam, had been overjoyed at Kara's return from the dead, news of her reappearance had also brought tears to Sharon's eyes. Kara had been one of the first to trust her, other than her husband, and had made her feel more like a human being than anything else. Now, Athena knew the truth of it all, Kara was part cylon herself, but what mattered was that back when she had no one else, Kara had come to her and treated her like an equal, even when she thought they were so very different. Athena had been on Galactica for years, and making friends was still difficult despite all that she'd done and continued to do. This woman before her, though, was one of the few she had.

Kara lifted her eyes to Sharon and nodded, just barely enough for the motion of her head to be registered. She raised her arms to Helo in a familiar move until Karl hefted the growing toddler into Starbuck's arms. Kara curled Hera to her chest, feeling her tiny arms tighten around her neck. "I'll miss you, Hera," she said. Though there was the all too likely scenario that Kara wouldn't make it back in the end, it felt no realer than in that moment as she realized she may never see what this little girl looked like grown up. Kara kissed both of Hera's cheeks until the girl's smile spread over her tired face and handed her back to her mother this time. "You'll both look after Cally?" Galen had made his choice to come with her, but unlike Helo, Kara hadn't turned him away. He had a son and a wife, but the strain between them still existed, even with all the time since his revelation. Legally, he may have had a wife, and biologically, he may have had a son, but they hadn't been his for awhile. Galen had nothing else at the time, so Kara would give him purpose for a short time again.

"We will," Karl said and quickly enveloped Kara in his arms, hunching forward towards her own shorter stature. "Don't do anything too stupid," he whispered.

She patted his back, anything more intimate would have made her lose her cool, and as the Admiral now, she knew she had to keep herself far more in check than she had before, both when it came to sadness and her temper. "I'll try."

They departed and though Kara wanted to look back to her friends, she didn't. She had elsewhere she needed to be.

—

Kara pressed a hand into the wall of the private shower, using it to support her otherwise tired body as she relaxed further into the burning heat of the water spray. The days of the water shortage towards the beginning of their space adventure had been some of the worst, right up there with thirty-three minute cylon attacks, and her body starting to eat muscle mass as a result of the starvation they'd done before the algae planet. It wasn't that they'd reached the point of dehydration, more so that their showers had been cut out completely towards the end, and before that, the rations had been strictly monitored. Not much was worse than coming off a double CAP and knowing there wasn't any water available to wash away the sticky sweat that coated over one's entire body thanks to the air tight feature that made the flight suit so valuable.

Nothing in her missed the communal head and all that it brought along: fighting for an available shower stall, having to listen to everyone else talking as she tried to wash away the day, and even taking every piss in the company of others beyond the small door that separated each toilet from the main room. It wasn't that she returned to their billet every time she had to use the bathroom, but it was still a welcomed relief. Long gone were the days of having to carry her toothbrush and what they currently had that passed for toothpaste to and from the head. Now when she forgot a towel, she didn't have to put back on her dirty clothing while she was sopping wet, instead finding clean ones hanging in the small bathroom, or more stacked up in the closet of their single roomed quarters. About the only thing she would have ever missed were the glances she sometimes got of Lee's naked backside on rare occasion, although now she could argue she was free to see it whenever she wanted. A smile spread over her face at the very thought.

She reached for the bar of fleet-manufactured soap and drew it up her left arm, letting the scent of the suds reach her nose. Despite how many other people would argue that there wasn't an ounce of femininity to her, she did, in fact, used to have a specific preference when it came to the bar of soap she used. That, however, was back during easier and happier times, when dropping by a store down the street and a couple of bucks was enough to make a three-pack of the vanilla soap her own. Now, she was just happy that someone had figured out how to craft the stuff out of what few resources were available. The shower door slid open, startling her, though the fright went out of her immediately as she took in the sight of Lee stepping in, already bare and undressed. The fit was beyond tight and it made her long so much for the bathroom in her quarters on Pegasus. That had been absolute luxury.

"Admiral," Lee said to her with a smirk lopsided on his lips. The steam bathed his skin, warming him down through his muscles and to his very bones. He took the bar of soap from her hand and began the process for her all over again, running the block of it up and down each arm, his other palm rubbing it soothingly into her skin before the water rinsed it away.

"You knew about it, didn't you?" Kara asked, her face dripping.

"I may have been told ahead of time." His attention wasn't on her face as he spoke, instead focusing on the task at hand. "Turn."

Kara obeyed and gathered her soaked hair to expose her back to him. Her eyelashes fluttered as her lids shut, the light touch of his hands skimming her soapy skin leaving her nearly breathless. "Do you think anyone would accuse me of nepotism if my first act as Admiral was to promote you to Major?"

"It's about time I took advantage of that," he laughed. "You know, we've been on here for years and not once did my father promote me. It's kind of bullshit." He was joking with her, of course. That had been one of Cain's biggest complaints about the father and son, that preferential treatment was undoubtedly occurring. The late Admiral had been right to some extent, although most of that came after her death, but Adama had held firm at least when it came to promoting or rather, not promoting, his son without just reason. He entered the war as a Captain, a rank he'd earned on his own, and he would leave it that way. Well, unless Kara was serious with her lighthearted remark.

"You keep using your hands like that and I may be more lenient when it comes to you." A smile hung over her, and even with the heat of the water, Kara felt herself warm even a little more at his words. When his hands finished at her back, she turned around once again, looking up to him. She imagined this is what he'd look like rain soaked. The only time she'd ever seen him close to that was on Kobol. On Earth though, she could see him down on the planet, stuck in a rain storm with her. While everyone else would be wishing for an umbrella or some kind of cover, she knew the two of them would enjoy it. She wanted everything that went along with it as well, the cracking of thunder, the flash of lightning. The kind of pouring rain that seemed like a monsoon for only a few minutes and left just as quickly as it came. She wanted to stand under it with him and then when it got colder, she wanted to feel the snow on her skin. In the warmer months, she'd lie in the grass or maybe the sand next to him. It wouldn't be chilly like it had been on New Caprica. No, on Earth she knew it would keep them warm.

Lee found himself temporarily distracted from the work he'd begun, instead letting a solitary, empty hand reach to her face to brush away the strands of hair that rest plastered against her skin. "There's a bigger shower in the Admiral's quarters…"

She'd accuse him of having that one track mind, but she knew her own thoughts had strayed there as well over just the last few hours since she'd been given the position. The spoils of Galactica, of which the ship only had a few, were theirs to have, should they want them. "I didn't think you'd want to be stuck frakking in your Dad's bed, Apollo. You surprise me every day." Kara teased him, already knowing his reaction before he even made it.

"Forget it," he immediately responded. "I don't think the XO's quarters will work either. Ellen and Tigh's bed?"

"She'd finally get you under her sheets." Kara sung out with a laugh, her head shaking as she recalled the things he'd shared with her during those first few days Ellen had appeared on Galactica. Oh she'd had a good laugh about it back then and as it turned out, time didn't make it any less funny. Kara took the bar of soap back from him and began the ritual for him, dragging the soap along the planes of his chest and then his arms. Without a word, he turned his back to her and she finished the job there, kissing into each of his shoulder blades just before he faced her again.

"Do you need your hair…?" Lee offered. Since that first time he'd washed her hair for her in the sink of that very bathroom, it had become something of a routine for them. Throughout the rest of her healing process, he had done it for her, and afterwards, even with her hands fully functioning, their shared showers usually involved his fingers rubbing shampoo and conditioner into her scalp.

She shook her head and replaced the bar of soap into the small dish attached to the wall. "Already did it," she was reluctant to admit. Even after all this time, his hands in her hair was one of the most satisfying, non-sexual, feelings she could experience. It was safety and comfort, trust and affection, all wrapped up into one single action. "But you stay and finish up, I'll dry off and leave your clothes on the sink."

Lee didn't want to let her go, instead preferred to keep her in the cocoon of the shower they shared together. So long as they stayed there, nothing was waiting to be faced down the next day and all the days after. He hated that she felt the need to go through with this, though he understood why she had to. They were within reach of the future they never thought they'd have, but started thinking about together nonetheless, even when they shouldn't have been. They were at the end and now more than ever, Lee felt like he could lose her, really lose her this time. She would die and there'd be no download. He wanted to leave her sleeping in the middle of the night and take her father back down to that planet, make him turn the computer back on in case the worst happened. If she ended up dying though, it would mean that he had as well, and Kara would never forgive him for forcing her into life again, this time without him. He'd been unsure of her feelings in the past, but now more than ever, Lee absolutely knew everything he felt for her was returned. She loved him. Nothing else mattered. Not that she was part cylon or that sometimes they still drove each other out of their minds. Kara Thrace loved him and she wasn't running away from it even with all the reasons she could have used.

Kara moved to step out, pulling the door open, but Lee tugged on her arm to stop her in her tracks.

"I love you," he confessed. Even if they only had a few days left before they met their end, he was going to make sure she knew and heard it as often as possible.

She saw the fear in his eyes and rocked up onto her tip toes, both of her hands cupping his jaw as she kissed his forehead then pressed her own against it. "I love you, Lee, but I swear, I'm just going to put some clothes on."

"I know," he smiled and finally released her, allowing her to back off this time until he was alone in the small space to finish. After he'd rinsed out the drop of shampoo his short hair required and cleansed his face, Lee left the shower just as Kara had a few minutes earlier. Her wet foot steps were still marking her exit and the prints of them left him grinning in a manner that she would have called him a fool for if she saw it. He dried himself off and sure enough, Kara had done something she'd never done before, left a neatly folded pile of the things he usually wore to sleep — or what he wore before she tore them off of him. It was even a tad… domestic. Something so unlike Starbuck, or Kara, or the Admiral, whatever she was these days. When he was dry enough, Lee dressed in the boxer-briefs and single tank, opening the bathroom door back to the main room, wet towel abandoned behind him.

Kara was waiting, a rather serious look on her face. It wasn't the usual one she wore though, when bad news was to be delivered. It wasn't the look she'd used when she said she wasn't going back to Earth or the last expression he'd seen on her face before she left the bunkroom angry at him and then flew down into that mandala and of course, to her death. There was a hint of something else and for the first time in months, Lee didn't know how to place it. "What's going on?"

Her lips pulled into a weak smile from where she stood, just as barely dressed as he was, in only her own grey briefs and matching top. "Come here," she said, her voice slightly nervous and in such contrast to how silky her tone had been minutes ago in the shower. She extended a hand to him, arm raised and held nearly parallel to where it extended from her shoulder.

He followed her every word, bare feet crossing the hard metal flooring until he reached her. His soles were no longer cold, however, and he glanced down to see the blanket spread beneath them. Lee looked to her with a question on his face, but took her hand anyway. When Kara's knees bent, making move to kneel on the floor, Lee mimicked her until his own shins and knees came to rest on the thinning fabric of the blanket, supporting his weight. "Kara…"

She released his hand, body stretching to the side to pull out a small box from underneath the small table in their quarters that they used less for eating at and more for things the fraternization regulations may have once upon a time frowned down on. Kara set the box between them, hands resting down on it as if to keep it shut, like there was a living thing beneath the lid she was trying to keep from setting free. "Lee," she began, and this time when she looked at him, she saw nothing else in the room. Before she spoke again, she took a few breaths time just to look to him and let herself be overcome with the man that he was. The man that he had been, and the one that he would be. He was handsome, the most beautiful man she'd ever known. When she saw him now, she didn't see Zak's brother any longer. Now he was just Lee. More importantly, he was hers.

Lee had been with her through the worst of it all, and though they'd hurt one another brutally in the past, they always found each other in the end. She regretted leaving him on that cold beach nearly every day since then and often at night when she was falling asleep, she tried to think what could have been if she hadn't allowed herself to run scared. What would it have been like if that morning she woke him up instead of Sam, and dragged him down to the priestess? Even if they hadn't taken it that far, would they be here now? Would their relationship have made it this far? Faced with everything that she was, he hadn't given up on her. He had every right to, and she'd even heard the talk among some of the crew that he was a fool for not stepping back away from the madness she brought with her everywhere. Every time she'd stepped close to an edge and feared falling over, Lee had been behind her, tugging her back. He tried that time she died, too, but that had been her own fault then. Instead of staring down that ledge, she had run and jumped over it. Even he couldn't have saved her and she was thankful he didn't try harder. It would have gotten him killed.

"Lee," she said again, having found the fortitude she needed. "Will you marry me?"

The obvious thought was that his senses were playing a trick on him. He had heard her wrong, instead taking what she'd said and spinning it around into what he wanted to hear. That was the only explanation. The longer he stared at her though, the plea in her eyes, pupils wide and dilated from the dim light of the room, he knew there was no mistake and misunderstanding. His limbs tingled as his body reallocated blood for other parts of him, feeling the rush of hormones flooding his veins at her question. He placed his hands on he box between them as well, occupying what little space was available on it, his fingers curling down the sides of it. "Yes," he said finally. For all the things he'd ever planned to say to her about such a topic, the words left him. He only needed one in the end.

This time, her smile was unafraid and sincere, and though she wanted to close the distance between them and kiss him, she held herself back. She opened the box when his hands slid off, tilting the lid back to expose what was inside.

"You mean, right now?" Lee asked as he caught view of what she gathered.

"We don't need a priestess." There wouldn't be time to find one, since she doubted one remained on board. As for the legal documents, those would have to wait as well. What she had planned, this was just for them.

Butterflies fluttered inside Lee's stomach at what she was getting at. Not only had she just proposed, but she meant to follow through with it immediately. There'd be no family beside him, no celebration to hold afterwards, no traditional manners of dress, no honeymoon to spend alone and together. Their vacation would be among the stars on Galactica and they'd marry one another in little more than their underwear. In a way, for them, it was perfect.

Kara wasted no time in laying out the box's contents. The candle, thick and wide and already half worn down, was set slightly off to the side of them. She produced a matchbook with only a few sticks remaining and lit it, blowing out the match when she was sure the flame on the wick was sufficiently strong to keep burning bright. The aged metal figurines of some of the Lords of Kobol were placed between their knees, only separated by mere inches now. Lee still considered himself a devout atheist, but the thought of objecting to the ritual she had sketched for them never even crossed his mind. What did, was just how long she'd been planning this for. Most of these items, they'd had in their room, but that candle at least, had been brought with her back to their quarters ahead of time for this specific purpose. The idea that Kara had been thinking about this for awhile brought more joy to him than he knew he could even feel at such a simple action.

She reached for the knife from the box, the one she usually kept either in her boot or strapped to her leg and drew it upwards. The blade held between her teeth for a moment, Kara collected her hair over one shoulder with both her hands. It had grown so very long over the past few years, having last cut it a few weeks before the cylons returned. She wasn't sure why she kept it, she'd never worn it long since she was a child, hating the care it required of her. It had seemed like time for a change, she supposed, and now, it was time for another.

"Kara—" He raised his hand almost to stop her. "You don't have to, I don't think anyone's followed that tradition in hundreds of years."

"I want to," she said, though she wasn't angry at his attempt to stall her as she might have once been. Long ago, it had been custom for the bride to cut at least a few inches from her hair as a sign of her starting anew as she entered into the marriage, and despite the fact that she'd already been married once before, she felt a pull inside of her to reuse the tradition long since buried.

Lee nodded to her then, though he knew she didn't need permission.

With her hair tied off in an elastic, Kara raised the knife to the thick mane and allowed the sharpness of the blade to saw through each damp strand. In the end, it was still relatively long compared to how it had been years ago, now grazing just below her shoulders. There'd be a need for her to actually take shears to it later at some point to even out the jagged edges, but for the time, the symbol was complete. She set the length of her bound hair within the now empty box along with the knife and the literal weight lifted with the mass of hair gone felt oddly freeing. It had been a symbol, but all the same she felt less hindered now, like she could let the past go and only now was able to make room for Lee. That hair had been Sam's as well, and now she was free for the man before her. Him, and only him.

Kara raised her left hand, palm up in offering, and Lee's matching hand met her halfway. Their fingers didn't interlock as they usually did, this time simply folding over and into one another's, gripping tight. Kara took the long blue scarf, a piece of fabric that had once been tied around one of her wrists at a certain Colonial Day celebration and that she had failed to return with her dress—a token she'd kept in remembrance of that night and what could have been—and draped it over both of their hands. This too, had been a custom seldom practiced any longer, with most marriages favoring more modern details like white dresses and handwritten vows. The marriage to Sam had been something like that, minus the flash of it all, but for sealing herself to Lee, she felt the need to draw upon the ways the Gods had dictated down to them regarding the traditions of such a sacrament.

From a piece of unfolded paper between them, Kara read the words as she began to wind one half of the fabric around their joined hands. "You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself, but while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me, for I am free, but I shall serve you in those ways you require, and all will taste sweeter coming from my hand." She paused and looked up to him, finding his bright blue eyes watching her with awe. Tears wet her eyes and she smiled, trying to blink them away as she looked back down to the paper. "I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning." Her face flushed, hot and pink, and Kara turned the paper to him with her free hand, nodding her head as she insisted he continue on.

His throat was dry when it came for his turn, nervous energy sapping the strength out of him. He looked back to Kara for encouragement, and she gave him plenty with just the smile on her face, her cheeks only a hint of the deep red color over her lips. "I pledge to you my living and my dying," he choked up on the word, and Kara stopped her work at binding their hands to let her palm reach his own cheek. She said nothing, like one false word would ruin their vows, but just the reminder that she was there and actually making the decision to give herself to him, pushed him on. "…each equally in your care. I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine. As the sun follows its course, may you follow me. As joy to the heart, may your presence be with me. Above and beyond this, I will cherish you and honor you through this life and into the next."

Though his words continued slowly, he took an added breath to draw his eyes from the paper inked in her scrawl, to look both to their hands and to Kara across from him. She struggled one handedly with the knot that would tie them together and he reached to help her, each of them pulling an end until the loose knot was formed. Her head dipped in a silent thanks and with their eyes held on one another, he repeated the final words, already committed to memory. "This is my wedding vow to you. This is the marriage of equals."

"Aphrodite and Hera, bless this, the union of your children, Kara Thrace…" She stopped, waiting for him to finish for her.

"And Leland Adama."

All the times they'd been together, from their almost on her dining room table to their first night together after New Caprica, Kara had never felt the kind of anxiousness in her stomach she did in that moment. They may not have had the papers to attest to it, but in the eyes of the Gods and their own, he was her husband, just as she was his wife. They were together, Kara and Lee. Starbuck and Apollo. She leaned in and he met her halfway, both moving simultaneously until their mouths joined. There was eagerness in it, but not like all those other times before. Now they weren't just fighting for the next few minutes, they had the rest of their lives, so long as they made it back from the storm they headed directly into.

Both of their hands slipped easily from the fabric looped around them, and without care for the lit candle nor the statues, Kara pulled herself to Lee. She never dared to lift her mouth from his, not quite ready to fall out of the moment they shared together, the first of many as a married pair. Her hand found the back of his neck while his met her scalp, both of them fighting the need for deep full breaths. She pulled away first, and while her chest heaved to restore oxygen to her system, Lee kept at it, kissing the corner of her mouth and along her jaw in a short but devoted series. He made it to her neck and kissed down the curve of her throat, his own familiar path he usually took when confronted with the time and ability to touch her as he pleased.

Lee picked his head up a second later, looking her in the eye, only to find that the tears he had in his were reflected back in her own. Without a word, he kissed her eyelids as she closed them for him, moving from one to the other. When he finished, Kara repeated what he'd done, drawing her lips to his shut eyes. It was as if she had melted into him then, not knowing what part of her body was her own and what was his. His warmth was hers, the touch of his hand confused for hers. "I love you, Lee."

"I love you." His hands moved down to her legs, pulling them around his waist until he felt her lock them at the small of his back. Calling upon every ounce of strength left inside of him, he rose from the floor while he carefully kept a grip on her, though the squeeze of her thighs held her fairly in place as he took the few steps towards their bed. He knew that even with the Admiral's and Executive Officer's quarters open come morning, they would remain in this billet until they no longer could. There were too many memories here from the months past and they'd only added to it in the last half hour. Their hearts were within these walls, along with all their secrets.

Lee laid Kara back down on the bed and it was hardly a second before she was sitting up, her hands drawing the tank he wore upwards as he kneeled next to her. With every inch of skin revealed, she kissed once to the newly exposed flesh, stopping at his collarbone to draw it over his head and cast it aside. With her mouth brought to his ear, she whispered, "Your turn."

He leaned in, a hand on either of her hips as fingers skirted around the hem of the top before gathering the fabric northward. He kissed just where the band of her underwear hit her skin, following the trail straight up over her navel and between her bared breasts. Like his, the tank was discarded without a care, Lee finding renewed interest in the skin before him. She laid back down into their mattress and blankets, arms stretched forward and towards him invitingly. There was no hesitation as he kneeled between her parted legs like he'd done innumerable times before. "You've made me…"

"Happy?" She suggested for him. It was a simple answer to the complicated feeling that throbbed through her.

His hands into the bed, he looked down at her while hovering from inches above. Lee nodded in agreement. "Happy."


	32. Chapter 32

Regardless of the hour at which Lee and Kara had finally found sleep, she didn't feel the usual painful associations of being woken far too early. There was no headache along with her waking consciousness and no pressure back on her eyes as her body felt the urge to fall back into slumber. Any other morning and she would have welcomed her pillow, turning it round until she found a cold spot, begging for a few more minutes. The shifting of the mattress beneath her had her attention piqued, eyes opening to catch Lee crawling back over her to take his usual spot between her warmth and the coolness offered by the bulkhead.

Though he'd hoped to slip back under the sheets without jostling her awake, gravity had been too much of a force for him to reckon with. How he managed to escape without disturbing her had been a miracle on its own, so he thanked the Gods for small favors and merely leaned down to kiss the corner of her mouth before he finally fell back into the mattress next to her. "Morning," Lee said, his voice not much louder than a whisper, an old habit that came from spending years in bunk rooms, trying to be careful not to disturb everyone else.

She didn't respond, just smiled as she rolled over and against him, tucking her head into his neck and upon his shoulder. When they'd retired the night before, it had been like this that she'd fallen asleep, able to breathe him in as her dreams took over. Lee's hand came across and rubbed soothingly at her shoulder, returning heat to chilled skin with the light friction produced. Kara ached barely all over, both from the physical labor she'd put in on the hangar deck and the number of times they'd consummated their marriage to one another. The soreness was worst between her thighs, but that, too, only brought more of a smile to her lips in remembrance of all the reasons why that part of her felt that way. "Where'd you go?"

"To get you something," he answered and kissed the top of her head once and then a second time. His fingers moved up, running through her hair and along the uneven edges of the blunt haircut she'd given herself. He had been a fan of her hair when it used to be short, but had grown to love the length added to it over the years. When she was astride him in their previous hours, he had reveled in the simple changes cutting inches of her hair off had made, from the way she ran her own hands through her cropped hair in ecstasy to the sight of her full breasts completely unobstructed for the duration of their coupling. He was already beginning to love the changes it brought along.

"Not sure if I want breakfast in bed if it's algae." Her eyes shut and she dragged finger tips over the small amount of chest hair she found herself appreciating.

With his own wide grin, Lee shifted, forcing her head to slip back onto the pillow instead of his shoulder. He was prepared for the glare she would undoubtedly give him for it, but that didn't hinder him in the least. He mirrored her position until he was on his side as well, facing in at her. The hand that hadn't been stroking her a minute before filled the space between them then opened, revealing the two small hoops of metal.

"Where'd you find them?" On Caprica, or any of the other planets they used to call home, acquiring wedding bands had been a non-issue. A trip to a number of stores, whether they were focused on selling only jewelry or simply just held that specific department among all the others, would have produced anything the couple could have imagined. Hers could have held diamonds should she have so wished it, or perhaps another gem. At the least, they could have had something engraved within the band in commemoration of their union. Out in space, however, resources were allocated for other things like keeping their ships air tight and crafting bullets. Even if there was a jeweler on one of the ships, someone trained well enough to mold and size rings correctly, there might not have been the proper medium available. Forget something like gold or silver or platinum, anyone would be lucky enough to even receive a band of steel made from a scrap part. The rings Lee had, though, weren't crude or poorly made. No, these belonged to someone else long before them.

"My father."

Blue eyes pleaded with her not to be mad for spilling the news and surprisingly, she wasn't. They hadn't found time to discuss what they were or weren't doing when it came to telling others about their rushed and intimate ceremony, so she could hardly fault him for telling his own father. Kara could imagine the Admiral's grumble as he was awoken long before morning cycle and then his anger washing away with the news Lee had to share. She hoped he wouldn't be betrayed they hadn't included him in it. That had been her one hesitation regarding it all, she hadn't wanted to cause him pain to know they kept this to themselves. When or if they returned, they would have to do something more legally binding, and that, Kara decided, Adama could be there for.

"They were my grandparents', he had them on Galactica for years before the cylons attacked. He mentioned it to me after you came back, that they'd be mine if I needed them."

The notion that the Admiral, or former Admiral as it were, had been hoping and hinting at his son marrying her left her elated. He hadn't trusted her after her immediate return, but he had in the end, so much so that it was his wish the two of them found their lives together. Permanently. It wasn't just that he'd obviously agreed with their marriage, but another thing for him to want to gift them with rings that had belonged to his parents, whom she knew had a rare and happy marriage. "You mean you didn't want a tattoo?" She tried to stop herself from laughing as she spoke, pinching her tongue gently between her teeth in a wide smile.

Lee shook his head, smiling, and took the smallest of the rings from his palm. He went to search for her left hand, but she presented it to him eagerly, already waiting for what she knew was to come next. "It might be a little tight or loose. We can get new ones on Earth."

"No," she protested, watching as he carefully slid the circle onto her left ring finger until it fit into place. It was a tad tight, but not uncomfortably so. "I want this one." Kara took the other ring from him just as he was about to slip it onto his finger. This was her job to do, even if it was hours after they'd said their vows and claimed the other as their own. His ring fit just right, and after it was secured, Kara held his hand, thumb smoothing over the shine of the well worn band.

"You don't have to—"

"Lee, shut up," she said with a bit of stiff voice. "I want to wear it." In his eyes, Kara could see it meant the world to him that she had accepted the gift wholeheartedly. The ceremony the night before had been her doing, every detail of it, and now these rings for the two of them had been the small part he played in it all. She lifted her head from the pillow until they were a hairsbreadth apart, and finally, Kara leaned in to kiss him, slow and long.

"Does this mean you're changing your name to Adama?" He asked once they parted, a hint of humor and mirth in his eyes.

"Quit while you're ahead."

"That's what I thought."

Kara eased her body tight against his, enjoying the skin to skin contact. "Is it wrong that it's my first day as Admiral and I don't want to get out of bed?"

"Not too late to go with everyone else…" Lee said with hope.

"We're coming back," she delivered confidently. She'd been sure for awhile that she wouldn't return, despite the promises she'd given to all those around her. Now, though, beside Lee with their marriage barely a few hours old, all she wanted to do was to return and to finally start their lives together. In a way, this whole last mission was a selfish act rather than one for the good of the people of Earth and the refugees. Of course she wanted them to be safe as well, but the thought of having a son or a daughter with Lee, knowing that their future could be cut short at any moment, was unbearable and unimaginable. She wouldn't be able to let herself be happy with the threat following behind them like a dark cloud. For him, for them, they were going back out there to make sure they'd be able to have a future.

Lee kissed her forehead and prayed to whatever deities were listening that she was right. "We are."

—

The crew that would remain on Galactica gathered on the deck once again, this time to say their final goodbyes to the President of the Colonies and former Admiral. They had stayed until the end, with Adama reluctant to let his son and both of his girls go: Kara and of course, Galactica. Their things had already been sent over to Colonial One, and Lee had briefly set foot into the Admiral's quarters earlier, the bare walls and bookshelves startling him. It was only then that the truth of it all really hit him. He would be saying goodbye to his father. For years, they had been at each other's throats, and now the last thing he wanted to do was to let the Old Man go.

"Lee," Bill said as his son and daughter-in-law finally made it to the front of the crowd.

"Dad." It was all Apollo could manage to say before they threw their arms around one another, both summoning strength from one another to keep it together. Even as close as they'd been, Lee couldn't remember the last time his father had hugged him like this, like he truly didn't want to let him go.

They pulled back finally and Adama touched his hand to his son's face. It was like he was just a boy once again, only a few years old and the pride of his father's life, even if he was bad at showing his son just what he meant to him. "You bring her back."

Lee nodded solemnly. His father was trusting him to take care of Kara, both of them knowing that she would need it. All those years he'd been at the academy and war college and then stationed on another battlestar didn't compare to this departure he was making from his father. Now he really would be alone and be allowed to come into his own. Lee stepped aside to let Kara come forward, watching the interaction between them that unfolded.

She was reluctant but determined, not wanting to say her goodbyes because of the finality it brought along with it. "Sir."

Adama shook his head and placed both of his hands to her cheeks. He leaned in long enough to kiss the center of her forehead, then pulled back, but kept close watch on her. "You can call me Dad now." They both knew she'd long since considered him her father, even with the sudden appearance of the man who biologically had claim to that title. Now, though, she had a real reason for the change in term of endearment. Adama took her left hand, thumbing over the metal band there as he glanced down to it then back to her. "My mother was a good woman, she'd be proud to have you wearing it."

Despite how much she had promised herself she wouldn't let herself lose control, the slick coating of tears in her eyes said otherwise. She had gone from being his dead son's fiancee, to his DCAG and best pilot. From pilot instructor to Commander. From his other son's dead lover to part-cylon wife. He had every reason to hate her and sometimes she wondered why he didn't. Maybe it was the revelation about Tigh and the others close to him that had softened him to the idea that her lineage wasn't exactly the same as his. She feared the worst after it all came out, but he hadn't turned her away, just like his son hadn't. Instead, Bill stood on the deck and made her Admiral and now welcomed her into his life further as his son's wife. "I'll bring him back," she promised the Old Man again. "We'll see you soon."

Adama's hand gently brushed back some of Kara's hair for her as he spoke. "Soon. By the way, I like the hair." He hugged her close and she buried her face into his shoulder to hide the fact that her tears spilled forward. Bill released her eventually, taking the arm of a frail looking Laura Roslin.

"Madame President, good luck," Kara said.

"To you too. And congratulations," spoke Laura, looking genuinely happy for the first time in days. No one knew what Earth would mean for her, if her illness could be stalled or even cured, but Kara knew it could very well be the last time she saw her. For Adama's sake, she prayed it wouldn't be the end.

Bill and Laura climbed into the Raptor and the only one that remained on the deck that was supposed to soon depart was Dreilide. When Kara saw him, she felt guilty, having assumed he'd gone ahead with some of the others instead of paying witness to the affection she shared between another father figure.

His head nodded down to her hand and the ring she wore, having overheard the words exchanged. Though he wouldn't say it, he was hurt that she hadn't included him in whatever had marked her attachment to the Admiral's son. The worst of it was that he knew he didn't deserve it or have a place in her life, but it didn't make him want it any less. She was his daughter and though she didn't consider him much her father due to his abandonment, he had never stopped thinking about her. Dreilide looked from Kara then back to Lee, the man he'd only seen a few times, including that first night in the hallway when he was somewhat weakly threatened in regards to upsetting his own daughter. "Congratulations, Captain," he said and held out his hand to the person who was technically now his son as well.

Lee gave a tight lipped smile and clasped Dreilide's palm, shaking it firm. He felt regret over the tone he'd taken with him, especially with all he things he'd already done for the Colonials, and all the things Lee knew he would continue to do for them. His work was just beginning.

Kara waited for her turn and Dreilide offered the same awkward extended hand to her. She took it, repeating the gesture.

"Congratulations, Kara. Be happy and safe."

He had a way of making her feel four years old all over again every time he said even a word to her. The conversation they'd had in his temporary quarters had changed a lot between them, but both knew their relationship was far from mended, if it ever even could be. "Thank you," she got out, though she meant it for more than just his comments on her marriage.

Dreilide sighed loudly when his hand was his again. He looked back to the Raptor and then to his daughter. "Are you sure I can't stay? I don't—I just don't feel okay letting you go out there."

"We'll be okay. I need you to be there for us when we get back, like we laid out."

He had been the first to hear of her plan, ironing out some of the details that were foreign to her before she'd brought it to Lee and anyone else. It didn't mean he liked it or felt that it was a sound concept, but he knew already there wasn't much anyone could talk her out of. "I'll be waiting." He took a step back, ready to turn for the small shuttle, but was caught off guard by his daughter's arms tightly squeezing him.

As much as she wanted to punish him further for the things he'd done, she couldn't find it in herself to let this be how things ended between them, in case she shouldn't return. She regretted how her mother had gone, thinking her daughter hated her, and Kara would be damned if her father thought about their last moments together, wondering if she even cared at all. Dreilide kissed the crown of her head, recalling the last time he said goodbye to her. This time wasn't any easier, despite the years between them and the fact that she was now a grown woman. As he held her, he whispered softly. "I love you. Don't forget."

They pried themselves apart and Dreilide climbed into the Raptor as well. Before the door shut them inside, Kara's loud voice barked out with every ounce of strength she had left. "President of the Colonies and Admiral of the Fleet departing the deck!" All those around them snapped to attention, including herself. She may have technically been Admiral now, but that didn't change what Adama had been to them.

He saluted back and they all fell at ease. "What do you hear, Starbuck?" Bill shouted from inside the cabin.

"Nothing but the rain!" She loudly returned the familiar phrase, watching as the the door finally closed. She hoped it wouldn't be the last time she saw them.

—

If Kara stood still long enough, it was almost like Galactica's CIC transformed into the drastically different version Pegasus had held. Lieutenant Hoshi was to her right just as he had been, a few other comm officers that had served under her having joined the final mission as well. There were new faces, different faces, this time though, that served to ruin the work her imagination did. Gaeta was along, for one, mostly because Hoshi had chosen to follow her and the two men had been inseparable long before they had found Earth. Helo was gone and every time she looked over and didn't see his face, she hoped and prayed his family and the rest of those they'd left behind were fairing well. They took a gamble on her father and despite how much she innately felt she could trust him, part of her had feared it would be nothing but betrayal. Another trick in the grand scheme of things. To get through her time away, though, she had to push those thoughts aside, needing to have faith in the man that was her father.

Gaeta approached the plotting table, and without even directly looking at him, she could tell by his gait that he had something to say. He had been the voice of opposition since they'd left the fleet, protesting that they turn around and go back, especially since the cylons that had always been hot on their heels had suddenly been difficult to find. It was like they knew they were coming for them and were deliberately staying one step ahead, though Kara knew it was impossible. It was just the luck of the draw and the vast depths of space.

"Sir," he started, but there was a kind of condescension in his tone. "We've been out here five weeks. We're going to have to start rationing food, cut down to just above starvation levels soon. No one prepared to be out here this long."

It was what she'd heard all before, from everyone except Lee, though sometimes she swore she saw it in his eyes. It could have been her own doubt, though, manifesting where she wanted to see it the least. She'd left to accomplish something and she couldn't return empty handed, a failure, her first and last mission as Admiral. It would mean she'd wasted everyone's time, their energy, and most of all, their faith in her. "We can go a little longer before we have to turn back," she insisted without looking to him.

"And what if we have to stop for repairs? What if we make a wrong jump? What if we get back to Earth and no one's there because we missed the cut off? You're not leaving any room for error."

They were logical words, but Kara didn't want to hear them. "We won't need it. I'm the Admiral of this ship, do you have the authority to make the call when we give up? You chose to come, Felix. I won't leave us out here to die, but I won't turn back until we absolutely have to." This time her eyes leveled with his own, challenging him to speak up again.

He wanted to retort, especially since he didn't truly see her as their leader, even if Adama had given the pins signifying so to her. He would have followed Adama almost anywhere, but Starbuck? He'd begun to regret his decision, a point of contention between him and Hoshi, since his partner remained loyal to her through the end. Without a word, he stepped away and returned to his station.

"Hoshi, you have the con," Kara said and retreated out of the CIC. It wasn't exactly regulation to leave him in charge of the ship, but nothing about this was. Lee should have been there, since he was the XO, but she'd sent him to actually catch some sleep a few hours before, when he'd nearly fallen asleep standing up beside her. With so few crew on board, they were all working like dogs just to keep Galactica afloat. Leaving through the main hatch, Kara headed down the hallway with no clear destination in mind. She didn't make it too far, instead taking a breather as she sat upon a crate, her head resting back into the bulkhead as she shut her eyes.

"You all right?" A familiar voice came. Leoben. One of her first acts as Admiral, aside from actually promoting Lee to Major and pinning what had been her own rank pins to his uniform, had been to set Leoben and D'Anna free, at least free within Galactica's four walls. They weren't to be into any critical parts of the ship on their own, such as the room that housed the FTL drive, but she had given them that ounce of liberty while she could. Some hadn't agreed with her, but as Admiral, she didn't really have to care.

"I just don't know where the frak your people are," she ground out and reopened her eyes to look to where she knew he stood by the location of his voice. "How are you holding up?"

His condition had deteriorated some, as had D'Anna's, while they were kept from being injected with the serum Cottle had developed in order to keep their systems temporarily healthy. Just as they would soon run out of food, Kara knew she risked the lives of both the former cylon prisoners if they went much longer without a decision. He sat beside her, making no move to touch her or come any closer than necessary. Leoben had been good about that lately, respecting boundaries, and she didn't know what had changed for him — had it been something her father said to him? The realization that she was just part cylon like him and not an actual gift from God? Or maybe the wedding ring she now wore somehow altered things for him. Whatever the reason, Kara didn't need to know.

"I've got a few more jump coordinates we can try, places we used to sit because of their central location and resources," he said from where he was.

"You still sure you want to do this?" If he backed out now, Kara knew all their plans would be for naught, but she wasn't sure she could make him go through with what they'd laid out if he was no longer willing.

His head nodded weakly to her. "Our father told me that even though we can ask God for forgiveness, sometimes it isn't enough to receive it. Sometimes… we have to atone."

Leoben's words were cryptic as usual, but for once, she actually understood the idea he was trying to get across to her. As for his use of the specific pronoun that meant they shared a father, that had been something he'd been saying for weeks now since their departure, and she never felt the need to correct him. They were different, and yet, in some ways the same.

"Besides, it won't be the end."

She was about to respond when the condition one alarm sounded, immediately tearing away from the hallway back to the CIC, leaving Leoben behind. When she arrived, her eyes immediately went to DRADIS and the dots that littered the screen above her. "Sitrep!" She shouted at no one in particular.

"Admiral, sir," Hoshi started, "Picking up a lot of debris on DRADIS up ahead. Cylon, by the look of it. Biggest mass we've got is registering as a basestar, but heavily damaged. Not sure if there's anyone left."

"Bring us through as unscathed as we can." The basestar had yet to launch Raiders, a chilling sign of what had happened out here. For a moment, she thought that another battlestar had somehow made it through the genocide as well, just as Pegasus had, and perhaps was still out there, fighting the good fight. She knew better though. The only reason Galactica had lasted as long as it had was because of the civilian fleet it carried with them that could mine tyllium and refine it, grow food and produce goods. Pegasus had been dying out there on her own. The civilian fleet, of which she formerly had her own and had left them to die, had been her saving grace. As much as she may have wished it, she knew there would be no other battlestars out here to keep them company. No, something else had transpired.

Leoben stepped beside her, drawn in by the commotion. "Contact them," he said.

She cocked her head to the side to regard him. "What?"

"Something's wrong. Send a signal."

Her brow furrowed and lips pursed, considering the cylon's words. "Send out a transmission, Mr. Hoshi," Kara ordered and picked up her personal comm line once she knew the signal was transmitting out into the general space around them. "Basestar…" she paused, unsure of exactly how to address it. These things all looked the same to her. "This is the Admiral of the Colonial Fleet. Do you respond?"

There was silence and she looked back to Leoben. Despite the risk, she handed the phone to him. "This is Leoben," he began. "Are you in distress?"

"Two?" A voice came over the room, and though Kara didn't recognize it too well, some of the others who had been down on New Caprica did. It was a Six. "We thought Cavil boxed you along with D'Anna."

"No, Natalie," he spoke her name, innately knowing which specific model he talked with. "We've been with Galactica the whole time." He paused and looked to Kara for approval of what he wanted to say. She knew and nodded in response. "We have the Five. We've been to Earth."

"What? With the humans?"

"We can talk about it later, what happened to your basestar?"

"Cavil…" There was silence and Kara could hear her trying to find the energy to relay what she knew. "He lobotomized the Raiders after they shut down last time. We tried to stand against him, but he set us up. The Ones did this. The Fours and the Fives sided with him. Leoben — he took the resurrection ship with him before he did it. So many of us are dead. They're not coming back."

Even Kara felt sorry for what the voice on the other end of the line was saying. It was an intimate moment between sibling cylons and there was pain over Leoben's face at the thought. Real human pain no machine could fake. Countless numbers of his brothers had died, along with the other models that had chosen to side against the Ones. She knew what that mourning felt like. Kara reached for the comm, taking it back and drawing it to her mouth. "This is the Admiral."

"You don't sound like Adama," the one called Natalie said.

"You're talking to Admiral Thrace." She looked around the CIC to the faces listening in and watching her curiously. What she was about to do wouldn't make any of them happy, even the ones who had supported her thoroughly. "I'm prepared to offer you amnesty aboard Galactica for those of you willing to help us. We have a mission to complete first, and if you earn our trust, we'll take you with us back to Earth." She couldn't stand to look at their reactions. It was a gamble like all the rest, and though Kara hated the cylons just as much as anyone, she had learned that they weren't all the same. These had made the decision not to commit further wrongdoings and they suffered for it. She wouldn't turn her back on them, not this time.

"What do you want from us?"

"Leoben's told me that you have something called a hybrid on board, and if it wanted to, it could find the rest of your ships for us. Is this true?"

"You can't make a hybrid do something just because you want it to," Natalie answered.

"Could it work?" She asked again.

"Yes," the cylon said. "It could work."

—

When Kara stepped off the Raptor in the belly of the basestar, her eyes were left wide as it took in the surroundings. It was a ship, but at the same time not, the walls of what barely resembled a hangar covered in organic growths. This ship, unlike Galactica, was a living thing. She'd never wanted to set foot into one of these, in fact she'd had numerous nightmares about it after Caprica that involved her waking up on one, belly swollen with a cylon child inside of her. They had persisted for months, even coming up once in awhile to that very day, though less and less frequently as the contact with their enemies decreased in frequency. The air was breathable and she took her helmet off, one of the Six's stepping forward in whatever she could manage to give her as a greeting.

"Where's Leoben?" Natalie asked.

"He and D'Anna, they're sick and contagious right now. If I brought him here, you'd all be dead in days."

The Six's face was stricken at the words, wondering if she'd made a mistake in allowing Kara Thrace to come on board. She'd never met the woman before, but had heard about her from some of the other cylons, the Twos especially. Leoben's fascination with her was the worst of his line, though his brothers had shared an interest in her as well. "What did you do to them?"

"Nothing. You can ask him yourself. There's actually a virus out there you're not immune to. We have something of a cure for it, but I'd rather not put you at risk just yet."

She began walking immediately, not sure where she was going, through the few crew members that came along with her stayed close by. Among them was Eugenia, the humanoid cylon from Earth, the only one of the four who had stayed behind with the fleet. Eugenia had her own interests and reasons in staying, some of which revolved around getting to know the man Sam had become this time, but also hope she would at some point gain intel on the Six models, the ones that had been built to look like her so much. The resemblance was chilling, and by the reaction Natalie had to her, she knew the cylon also felt something she didn't quite understand. "You started using the hybrids again?" She asked Natalie as the cylon took the lead.

"Again?"

"Your centurions, they were experimenting with using human bodies with the hybrids, we put a stop to it… but obviously you started again, why?" Her questions were direct, even as the pace increased.

"Why do you know about our hybrids?" The Six asked.

"There wasn't just five who made you," she said as they finally reached the room that housed the bath the hybrid laid in, similar to the resurrection tanks they'd all awoken in at some point. "There was nine, and one of them was me."

Natalie paused just beyond the doorway, unsure of what to say in reaction to the details revealed. Her entire life, or since she'd been turned on, she had known there to be five creators for the rest of them. Five they'd been programmed not to think about but still did anyway. She had no reason to believe the red haired woman, but she trusted her anyway, finding familiarity in her face.

Eugenia's attention was pulled away from the leader Six and to the tank, kneeling down beside it while Kara did the same on the other side. Kara looked over to the woman, a question on her face.

"What do we do?"

"You don't do anything," Eugenia said, dipping her hand into the viscous liquid to seek out the hybrid's skin in an attempt to connect with the body.

At once, the hybrid came to life, the monotone and inane ramblings beginning at full speed. "…Life support in sectors fifteen through thirty three nonfunctional. Sixty four life forms remain. Thirty-one hours to systems failure. Thirty-one. Thirty-two. Thirty. Thirty-one hours. End of line."

Kara slipped her hand into the milky fluid as well, nearly recoiling at first touch of it. Behind her eyelids, all she could see were her lifeless bodies seemingly asleep in a similar substance. She had been in this once, been part of it all, and crawled herself out in the end. Kara was suddenly thankful she couldn't remember any of it. She was jarred from her thought process as the hybrid went from blank to something near consciousness, empty eyes looking straight at her own. It was like she was seeing into her, down to every inch and secret she'd hidden away.

"You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace. You have led mankind to their end."

She pulled her hand out of the tank, away from the cylon abomination and the ominous warning, panic spreading through her. From across the tub, Eugenia looked to Kara, already searching for the words to calm the child of her friend.

"It's nonsense, Kara."

"Is it?" Her words and eyes were accusing. "Are they alive?" She shouted back to the woman she hardly knew. "Or will you kill us all too? Did I send them to die?"

Around them, the hybrid continued on, citing facts and figures about the cosmos and the dying basestar she was connected to. "They're safe," Eugenia pleaded, hands held out in a sign of submission. "I swear to God, they're all safe. Your father. Adama. Everyone. They'll be taken care of."

"You're a frakking liar!" She shouted, not bothering to notice the bewildered looks of the Eights, Sixes, and even a Two, around them.

"Why would we do that? What's our motivation?"

Kara shook her head rapidly, shutting her eyes to fend off everything around her. There was too much. The yelling, including her own. Too many other bodies surrounding her. And that frakking hybrid, she was going to strangle it herself if it didn't go back to silence soon enough. "Shut the frak up!" Her attention switched to the lifeform in the tank, hands going to the shoulders of what looked like a woman, shaking the hybrid where it lay. "Where are the others! Tell me where to go!"

"…In a vacuum, the speed of light is two hundred ninety nine billion seven hundred ninety two thousand four hundred and fifty eight meters per second. The fleet will convene three light years from the Ionian nebula in four hundred and twenty seven minutes seventeen seconds. Sixteen. Fifteen. Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve."

Kara paused, the rage having gone out of her as she took in the new set of words from the hybrid. She continued to count down still, ticking away each second verbally. Her head turned to gaze over at Eugenia, face worn with worry over the outburst Kara had thrown just before. "Get everyone off this frakking ship," she bit out, standing instantly as she released the thing that was nothing more than a computer buried inside of something that looked human. "If your people are coming," she looked to Natalie then, wiping her arms off on the thighs of her flight suit, "You've got thirty minutes before we leave you behind. If you bring anything with you, I mean anything," she insisted, fearing for the safety of her own people should one of these cylons betray the trust she was giving them. "…I'll kill you myself."

"What about the virus? How can you expect us expose ourselves to it, knowing we could die?"

"You'll take the risk or you _will_ die here. That thing is spewing on about how your FTL isn't working, you're leaking oxygen faster than you can stop it, and I know even you need to breathe. You'll asphyxiate within the day." She headed back for the door, pausing in the entrance way to look back to the room. "Come or don't. I'm giving you the choice."

—

"Next time, Kara, give me a frakking warning when you're jumping ship to visit a cylon basestar," Lee argued with her as she undressed from her flight suit in the small quarters they still shared after all the time that had passed.

"Not now," she said eagerly, stepping back into the blue uniform pants she pulled from the bed. When they were fastened, the shirt came next, affixing each button into the proper slot until she resembled something of a Colonial Fleet officer again.

"You're the Admiral, what if something happened to you?"

"Then you would have taken over, Lee," she said matter of factly, gathering her hair up at the back of her head as she tied it off into the small ponytail. "We've got to get back to CIC."

His fist clenched as he watched, unable to get through to her. "Gods damn it, you do what you want and you don't give a frak about anyone else."

"I don't care about anyone else?" She spun around to look at him, hands raising as they wildly gesticulated through the air. "I'm doing this for everyone. For you!"

"I didn't ask you to!" He shouted on back to her. He'd woken from sleep at the alarm of condition one earlier in the day. By time he'd made his way to the CIC, though, she had already run off, heading for the hangar deck on her ill-advised mission towards that basestar. It wasn't just conduct not becoming of an officer, especially of the Admiral, but it had been a suicide mission, at that.

"Just stop." She stomped her foot, the thud echoing in their quarters. Kara inhaled deeply, trying to center and focus herself. She'd flown out of control in the room with that hybrid, allowing the words it said to her to influence her far too much. That unease had carried back to Galactica inside of her, and now, it manifested again as she fought with the man that was her husband. "Fight with me later, but right now we have a few jumps to make, and you," she paused. "You have a job to do."

He knew to what she was referring. Lee had been dreading the day he would have to follow through with what she asked of him all those weeks ago. For awhile now, he was sure he would escape it altogether as their search for the cylons continued to yield nothing in the end. He should have known better though, should have known that Kara wouldn't have let them return home empty handed and without some word of success on her lips. No matter what happened, he would have to fulfill his promise.

"And what about those cylons you brought on board? Where are we putting them?"

"It doesn't matter right now. We'll worry about it later. Let them sit in the frakking mess for all I care. There aren't that many of them anyway. We're racing against the clock. If we stand here fighting about this for another minute, we could miss our chance."

Lee sighed and rubbed his scalp, looking to the floor. There was no point in arguing with her, and not just because she was even more stubborn than he was. She was right about it in the end. They had a chance to do something, and no matter the risks it all brought, they had to at least try. "What you learned over there, does it change the plans any?" Over the last few weeks, he had been preparing for a very specific mission, though more than anyone he knew making plans usually meant they all went out the window in the first minute.

Just as she'd asked the impossible of him back on Pegasus during their attack on the resurrection ship and he'd promised to have her back, even if it meant both of their deaths, she was again asking him to put his life at risk. If there was anyone else for the job, Kara would have let them do it, rather than forcing her husband to take the chance for them all. The plan had actually been for her to fulfill the role he needed to, but he had turned that idea away even before she had Admiral in front of her name. She needed someone she could trust, and of all the people in the universe, he was her first choice.

"Just like we practiced, Lee. Just like we practiced."


	33. Chapter 33

Galactica, with a crew of just under a hundred plus sixty four Twos, Sixes, and Eights, sat one jump away from the location indicated by the hybrid on the demolished basestar. Faced down by the final death, those that remained living on the cylon ship had chosen to side with Kara and the humans. It hadn't been just that, though, the fact that Kara also had the Final Five—or at least a few of them on the battlestar—had done the necessary persuading. They were their makers, and in some ways, held a lot of answers for them. The Five, along with the boxing of the Three line, had been why they'd gone to war with Cavil and his followers to begin with. There was no question of it once Kara had made the threat to leave them behind, they would abandon the basestar and the hybrid to die in peace.

Kara stood on the deck, a place almost more familiar to her than her own bed. Before her, a Heavy Raider rested, door open and awaiting passengers. This ship, this very specific one, had delivered her, Helo, and Athena from Caprica to the Astral Queen all those years ago, sitting unused and abandoned. Now, it would once again serve its purpose to her, this time in returning something to the cylons that had sought the remaining humans from one end of the universe to the next. She wouldn't be going this time, and now walking around the open ramp of it and glancing in, she began to have those second thoughts she'd managed to ignore for the last few weeks.

Lee approached from behind, flight suit on and helmet hanging from his hand. "I know what you're thinking, you could do a better job. Right?" He tried to smile for her to force away some of their mutual worry. It was like the tyllium mission all over again, with Kara sitting on the sidelines while Lee handled it for her.

"Of course I could." She returned a tight smile and that alone gave away everything. This had been her plan, her call, and now faced with the end of it, she wanted to run to the CIC and jump them past the redline, anywhere far enough from where they were to protect Lee. If something happened to him, she knew it would be her fault. There would be no one else to blame. That wouldn't be something she would be able to live with, no matter how hard she tried. She would follow him to their next life if need be.

"I'll be okay," Lee said as he leaned in and whispered, kissing the skin just in front of her ear while he pulled away. His blue eyes commanded the attention of her golden green ones, free hand seeking out one of her own until their fingers were tangled together.

Kara swallowed hard over the lump in her throat and gave a halfhearted nod to him. She came in close and rested her ear to his upper chest, a familiar act by now, her other arm sliding around his body to hold him close to her. They had given up hiding their affection a long time ago, especially with the news of their marriage moving through the crew that remained with them since their departure from the civilians. As much as anyone may have thought they sometimes wanted to tear each other apart, the relationship that existed between them was quite clear to anyone with ears or eyes.

He kissed her scalp and her forehead, anywhere on her that he could reach from where she held herself. Lee had to keep telling himself that he would return, that this wasn't the end for the two of them. If he didn't, he'd truly start to believe the worst in the situation, and he knew just how thoughts like that could have an effect on the outcome. In his head, it became a mantra: I will come home, I will come home, I will come home.

She sniffled, trying to be strong for him, only lifting her head and creating an inch of space between them when she felt some hint of control over herself again. Kara looked up to him, hand to his cheek, thumb smoothing over the edge of his brow. "Do you remember when you bandaged mine for me?" She asked as she repeatedly stroked over that spot of skin on him.

Lee nodded. "I just got back from New Caprica."

"And I just destroyed Pegasus." They both smiled at the very thought.

"Was it worth it?" He asked.

Kara's head raised in ascent. "For you, it was."

He took the initiative, diving in as his mouth touched down against hers, starving to taste her and feel her all at once. From Kara, he could hear the soft whine from the back of her throat as she kissed him, the quiet noise expressing the pain they both felt at his impending departure. With eyes shut tight, he could feel the prickle of tears building as they persisted and their intensity faded until their lips were soft and gentle. When they stopped, they sighed in unison, foreheads pressed in tight with their noses touching together. It was the most peaceful feeling either of them had ever felt, despite what was to come.

"No risks," she said with her eyes still closed.

Lee agreed with her. "None."

"Just do your job and come home."

"I promise," he whispered. "You better be waiting."

She nodded against him, knowing she would. If Lee didn't return, she'd wait there forever for him. Galactica could leave her in a Raptor behind if the crew had to. She would wait until her body gave up.

They pulled apart eventually, though neither wanted to, only the sound of approaching footsteps forcing them out of the comfort zone they'd created with one another. Kara turned away and wiped her eyes, only looking back to Lee and the others present when she felt better put together. "You ready?" Kara asked Leoben and D'Anna.

"We have been," Leoben answered for both of them.

Lee nodded to Kara, squeezing her hand tight one last time before he moved away and into the ship. D'Anna followed in behind him, Leoben picking up the rear. Before he made it all the way inside, Kara called to the male cylon.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

Her shoulders raised in a shrug, unsure of how to express herself. "I don't know. For this. For showing me that temple." His manner of doing so hadn't been exactly good, but seeing that symbol had awakened something inside of her that day.

"Our father made me long before you, but I think in a way he knew you would need me. To be your guide and show you the way. I didn't understand it and I was wrong about the things I did," he stopped and looked in towards the ship before putting his eyes back on her, "to you and Apollo. Now I know my role and I'm atoning for it."

"On the basestar," Kara started. "The hybrid told me something. She said I was the harbinger of death. That I have led mankind to their end." She didn't know why she was mentioning it to Leoben of all people.

He could see the worry on her face and his head shook. "You are the harbinger of death, but not for your people. For mine. And you did lead mankind to the end, the end of their journey, Kara."

His words brought relief to her, whether she could ever admit it or not. Perhaps he was just comforting her in her time of need and doubt, but she could choose to believe it if she wanted to. Desperately, she needed to believe he was right. Nothing would make any of them forget about the things that transpired over the years. Even still, she saw the faint marks on Lee from where she knew he had suffered at the cylon's hands on New Caprica, but his apologies, his words, they were something of a start. "If you can make it back, Leoben, I'll have someone waiting for you. You know where."

Leoben's head dipped and without a word, he headed into the ship. The door shut behind him, the Heavy Raider coming to life before a couple of the people moonlighting as deck crew began to load it back onto the lift to reach the landing pod.

—

"Galactica, Apollo. Will be engaging FTL system and jumping to coordinates."

"Apollo, Actual. Good hunting, we'll be waiting."

Inside the Heavy Raider, the ship he'd spent the last few weeks learning to properly pilot when they weren't wasting fuel jumping across the universe to locate most of the cylon fleet, Lee sat at the pilots' seat. His helmet was beside him on the floor, brought along as a precaution, though he inwardly knew that if it got to a point where he had to to put it on, chances were that he was dead anyway. If there was damage to the ship so severe that the atmosphere was compromised, the likelihood that the FTL would work wasn't favorable. For Kara's sake though, he'd played along and donned the flight suit to offer what bit of calm to her he was able to.

"5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Jump."

He counted off, feeling the pull of the FTL as the cylon ship blinked out of existence beside Galactica and reappeared a few light years away. Part of him had hoped to see nothing when he arrived, perhaps the hybrid had been wrong after all. He could return home to Galactica with the bad news, but maybe this time Kara would back off and retreat. It wasn't the case though, and before him was a series of basestars suspended against the black of space. Never before had he seen so many of the ships clustered together, although the cylons' arrival at New Caprica had come close. The basestars weren't alone, however. Along with a few Raiders and Heavy Raiders flying by were shapes he remembered from the days when Pegasus had first shown up. He'd gotten up close and personal with one of the resurrection ships when flying the blackbird that day. There was another ship there as well, and not until Leoben approached behind him and spoke, did he knew what it was.

"The hub," the cylon said. "Cavil must be planning something if it's here with them."

"What's the hub?" Lee asked, uneasy with how close Leoben was. It was two against one now, D'Anna and Leoben versus him. They might have been near death, barely walking on their own at all by now, but Lee knew their strength could still be far more than his, especially teamed together. Should they both have conspired to get him out here and kill him, it would be easy. It would have even been a smart move, Lee mused.

"Resurrection hub. The main ship that coordinates downloading and where my sisters are boxed up because of the things I did," D'Anna began from where she sat towards the back. "What my dear brother is getting at, is that this couldn't have worked out any better for you. You were hoping to infect a resurrection ship or two and have it spread slowly. You get the virus into that one, though…" she didn't finish.

"It'll transmit down to all the rest, any thing that's in range."

Lee watched the ship dead ahead of them. His worries of having other cylons ship detect their presence and somehow know that a human and traitorous cylons were inside faded away for a moment. Kara's plan would not only work, he knew, but it would really signal the end. They wouldn't be able to come back from this. His chest pounded at the thought and the realization that came with it. They could pull this off. "How do we know where you'll download to? There's other resurrection ships nearby."

Leoben stepped away from Lee and back towards the space of the cabin behind them. "The hub's the default. We only go to the other ships if it's out of range."

Apollo released the seatbelt he wore, setting the Heavy Raider onto a prepared flight path around the basestars present, hoping to buy them some time. The two cylons were waiting, both of their weakening bodies seated and looking to him. Though he'd agreed to his role in all of this, he felt his determination wavering. On New Caprica, Lee had been one of the leaders of the resistance there. He'd killed his share of skinjobs both personally and through direct orders to others. Out in his Viper, he must have killed hundreds of the Raiders over the years. These two shouldn't have been any different, and yet it felt like a new game entirely.

They weren't armed, they weren't threatening his life or anyone's around him. In fact, they'd been cooperative since their arrival. Both of them had their own reasons for it, with Leoben wanting to be near Kara and D'Anna wanting to seek out more information on the Final Five, as well as living in fear that if she were to return to Cavil anytime soon, she would have been boxed like all the rest of her line. This step though, this was their decision, one no one was requiring them to go through with. They could have easily bound their hands and legs, hauled them into the Heavy Raider and taken their lives without their permission. Kara, though, had insisted they be given the ability to make the choice for themselves. Like he had told her and like the image of her had told him after her death, the cylons would get to chose to be the person they wanted to be. There was no guarantee that they would make it out safely. Not only would the other cylons be suspicious of them immediately because of the faces they wore, but the illness would still be inside of them, keeping them teetering on death. The odds truly weren't in their favor.

D'Anna kept quiet beside her brother, resigned to her fate already. She had been the holdout in making her decision, and for weeks, Leoben had thought he would be making this trip alone with Lee Adama. She had given in though, and the news from Natalie upon her arrival on Galactica had only bolstered her further. She had expected to be boxed by the Ones if she returned either in her body or a download immediately following the incident on the planet with the temple and her interest in finding the Final Five. Her sisters, though, she didn't expect them to pay the price for her own actions. There was a loneliness that went along with knowing she was the last that remained conscious and all she now wanted to do was to return that feeling to Cavil.

Leoben's eyes were set on Lee as he approached, watching the nervous tension in his executioner. "I thought you'd be happy to do this," he said, sounding surprised.

"I thought I would be, too."

"All the things my brothers and I did to you…"

Lee turned and shut his eyes for a few seconds, transferring his subconscious back to the grey planet and what had happened to him in that jail cell he'd lived in for a portion of the occupation. He could feel every pain inflicted onto him again and again, like they were still fresh wounds and bruises, but the anger he used to associate with it was no longer there as strong as it had been before. His eyes opened and his hand went for the gun at his hip, clicking the safety off. "Maybe a year ago I would have wanted to do this. Six months ago."

"And now?"

"I'll have to live my life knowing I killed two unarmed people in cold blood, without a just reason."

The fact that Lee had used the term people to describe them was not missed by Leoben. "This is what you came here to do. We'll be reborn, we'll serve our purpose. It's okay, Lee Adama. We're giving you permission."

His head shook and he paced a few feet away from both of them, listening to the cylon speak. All at once, he stopped, strength and courage breathed into him. His hand raised and he steadied his arm, the barrel of the handgun pointed towards D'Anna. "I'm sorry," Lee said, and with the expert aim he'd honed over the last ten years, he pulled the trigger, sending a bullet towards her head. Within the same second, his arm shifted to correct the angle, finger at the trigger a second time to deliver the final shot into Leoben.

Alone with nothing but the two lifeless bodies slumped over and bleeding, Lee lowered his gun and slid down against the opposite bulkhead as he listened to the ringing in his ears.

—

The more time passed, the worse Kara began to feel. There wasn't a strict timetable for Lee's return, due to how little they knew about what he would encounter when he jumped in to the mass of other ships they hoped to be there. For all she knew, though, he jumped into the heart of a basestar or they'd been discovered immediately before they even had time to jump out to safety again. She kept strong for those around her, but inside, she was tearing herself apart. She was a fool for doing all of this. Right now, he should have been beside her while they were on Earth, or at least waiting to be allowed down on to the planet. All their plans together, she was sure she'd thrown them away.

"Anything?" She asked Hoshi. He shook his head and her shoulders slumped as she pressed her hands into the plotting table, using it for support. The battlestar had remained on alert and in condition two since he left. They didn't expect to be found by the cylons, especially not after how much time had passed between when the two separate sides had last met, but spending a few hours prepared for anything wasn't exactly the worst idea.

Her eyes shut, lost in thoughts of the last few weeks they'd shared together. It was what had been keeping her going since his departure, attempting to convince herself that she would once again feel his touch. Zak had been her place of peace for so long, recalling the feel of his mouth and fingers against her, but now that job had been handed over to his older brother and the man that was able to call himself her husband. She heard the faint sound of one of the nearby computers, drowning it out until Gaeta's voice rose.

"Sir! One cylon ship on DRADIS."

They had no way of knowing if it was friendly or not, but Kara's eyes blinked open, immediately on the DRADIS screen above her to confirm it for herself. This could be their death if a radiological alarm was triggered as the ship neared them, but she held out hope. Hoshi left the line open for any incoming transmissions and when one finally came through, Kara nearly cried in the middle of CIC.

"Galactica, Apollo. Mission accomplished."

She flashbacked to the tyllium mission yet again, when that very room had been filled to the brim, the Admiral and President beside her, cheering on as Lee reported his success back then as well. He was safe and he hadn't let them down. Cheering erupted around her from those on duty and the elation she felt was unparalleled.

"You took too frakking long," she said into the comm, her language not exactly representing an Admiral.

His quiet laughter was heard over the line before he spoke. "I brought you another present. Find Natalie and meet me on the deck."

—

In the ready room, Kara stood between Lee and the Six they'd come to know as Natalie. As the assumed leader of the separatist cylons, she'd quickly become the most trusted of the sea of similar faces that now flooded the bowels of Galactica. It had been barely over half a day since they'd made contact with her and welcomed, some less enthusiastically than others, the remaining cylons on board. Kara hadn't even begun to contemplate the reactions of her father, the people of Earth, or even her own fellow Colonials, when she showed up with tens of the cylons in tow, finding herself too plagued by more immediate problems needing solving.

With the lights dimmed, the trio watched video footage recorded by the camera they'd placed on the Heavy Raider before it left. That had been Lee's idea and a squeeze of her hand into his was given in silent thanks for his thinking ahead.

"After…" he started but stopped, not sure of how to put words to what he'd done to both D'Anna and Leoben on the ship. They all knew what he'd been sent to do, even without having to say it, but that didn't make it any easier. Natalie had voiced her opposition to it all upon her arrival, hearing exactly what her sister and brother intended to go through with, but Leoben had been the one to convince her that it was necessary in the end. They all had to make sacrifices to correct the things they'd played a part in. "…I took the Heavy Raider around the hub just to get a look since I hadn't been detected. I was trying to look for a weak point, like we found on the resurrection ship." His free hand raised to motion in the general direction of one portion of the ship projected in front of them. "That's the FTL?" He asked the cylon.

Natalie nodded, arms crossed over her chest. "What are you going to do? Go in, blow the FTL on the hub and then try to take out the basestars? There's too many and even with the Heavy Raiders we brought, you won't do enough damage." She was skeptical of what they were suggesting.

"We don't need to even go that far." The last thing Kara wanted to do was put the few pilots she had into Vipers and leave them at risk of death so close to the end. They had only a fraction of their original numbers along for the ride, and those that had stayed hadn't even been running much of a CAP lately, too busy with keeping the ship otherwise functioning. "Blow the FTL so it can't jump away, destroy it with the nukes we have, get the frak out of there. And we've got just the ship that can help."

—

It took two solid days to prepare Galactica for mission ready. The cylons had even pitched in to do their part to keep the battlestar alive, working side by side, hand in hand, with the crew. The stakes were high and the time for finding fault with the machines that helped carry their load wasn't then, so with grudges and bitterness put aside, the mixed crew members enacted a moratorium on their hatred.

Kara was tired, but renewed with hope. Success wasn't an abstract idea anymore. They had, in fact, completed their mission with delivering Leoben and D'Anna back to their fleet, bringing their illness with them. Either way, the remaining cylons were on their way to a quickly oncoming death without the cure that she knew she held within her grasp. This, however, would bring them there a little sooner, knocking out their ability to download and prolong the inevitable. They would be equals now, human and cylon with only one life, and now the machines actually had the chance to meet the end of it.

"Set the clock," Kara said to Hoshi.

With a nod, the digital clock on all the ship's onboard computers were set to zero as he spoke into his headset that blared throughout the entire ship. "All clocks set at zero, signaling mission start."

Apollo, floating in space in a very distinct Mark II, the one with nary a scratch on her and reading his wife's name, hit a series of buttons to sync his clock up with the one ticking away on Galactica. With the battlestar being too far away for voice transmissions once he was in cylon territory, they were adhering to a specific time table of events. One second off could have meant the difference between life and death, most notably and likely, his own. He watched the numbers continue to escalate, heart beat even faster in rhythm as his hand flexed, curling tightly around the stick between his knees. "Preparing for jump," he said, the FTL inside the heart of Kara's bird already primed and ready. Just like the days before, the countdown began in his own words along with the tick of the clock until his mark was reached. "Jump."

He had less than a minute from when the Viper reappeared in the cylon airspace to when he had to engage and destroy the FTL of the hub before the hybrid on board would jump it away to safety when his presence was noted. Lee pulled on the throttle as hard as he could, pushing the Mark II to its absolute limit as it sped around the irregular shape of the hub. He'd already jumped in pretty tight to the ship using coordinates he'd taken in the Heavy Raider, but he would still have to cover some ground before he got where he needed to be. His DRADIS was absolutely useless to him, covered in the dots of cylon ships, so he flew on sight alone rather than his instruments. Every muscle in his body strained from the lack of use. It wasn't that he'd been inactive in the last months, but the kind of stress one's body endured in a Viper was unlike any exercise that could be done outside of the cockpit, a place he hadn't been for a long time.

Raiders weren't far off, he knew that already, and as he approached the FTL drive, his body ached and pounded with the fear that the ship would jump away at the last second. Not only would it ruin the chance they had at destroying it, but he would find death in the wake of the jump. "Just like the blackbird," he said to himself, mostly for comfort as he prepared to fire. Finger on the trigger, Lee took aim and shot with the same precision he had with the gun in his hand when he'd brought that temporary death to Leoben and D'Anna two days prior. He held on tight, not releasing until the explosion came, signaling the destruction he'd come for. There were Raiders in the distance, he could see them through his canopy, and Lee pulled hard again on the stick until the ship dropped down and barreled away. With his other hand, Lee reached to the computer ahead of him, ready to trigger the FTL to take him to the last known coordinates.

His hand pounded into the button and he shut his eyes, expecting to feel the push inward on himself and then the release as he reappeared at the rendezvous point. Nothing happened. Eyes opened in a panic and Lee found himself still surrounded by the cylon enemy ships. "Frak!" He cursed. It was only then that he recalled the major detail he and Kara had both overlooked. When they'd found her in the Ionian nebula and gone through her nav system details, there hadn't been a thing. Nothing. No other coordinates. No prior locations. Lee expected to be able to jump to his prior location with the flick of a switch, but they had overlooked a glaring error in the plan.

Lee searched the depths of his mind for the series of twelve digits to where Galactica awaited. With fatigue and stress, however, his mind went blank. There was nothing there, an empty cavern where the location should have been. Sweat pooled at his brows and Lee cursed again as a shot was fired across his cockpit. He jerked the stick and swerved aside, spinning to dodge the Raiders that had finally caught up with him. The clock was still half a minute off from Galactica's arrival. He knew then with the number of Raiders on him, he would never make it to last that long. Shots fired again and this time he felt his ship be hit, sensors reading damage to the tail and the wing.

"I'm sorry, Kara," he said to no one. Earlier, he'd used thoughts of the blackbird and the resurrection ship mission to calm himself down. Now, though, he realized what he'd done by bringing mention of that to the forefront. Though he'd completed his duty then and there, Lee had almost died in the end, the blackbird in pieces and a hole in his suit. Maybe he really had condemned himself to death. It seemed fitting that what were almost his last words then would be his last words again.

A group of Raiders gained on him and from near point blank range, they fired at the back of the Mark II.

—

Galactica jumped in to the space around the collection of basestars, resurrection ships, and the hub. Using similar coordinates to the ones Lee had used in bringing the Mark II right alongside the hub, the battlestar arrived, poised and ready. In the CIC, Gaeta already had the nuclear missile launch tubes open, redirecting their aim at the stranded resurrection hub before them. He waited for the word.

Kara looked to DRADIS, mentally counting the numbers they faced. It was certain death if they weren't quick enough, but they had double, triple, and even quadruple checked the status of their FTL before heading in, and it remained full functioning and ready. What she didn't see was Lee's ship on the screen, though it didn't worry her. He hadn't jumped back to their location before they left, but it was likely they had just missed one another during the jump. He had gotten out. That, or his ship had been destroyed completely, not leaving even his emergency beacon behind. No, she told herself. He had gotten out. He would be waiting for her on the other side.

"Prepare with suppressing fire in case any Raiders get near us," she ordered. With a look to Hoshi, she nodded. "Patch me in."

Comm was already in hand as the signal from the battlestar went out into the general space around them, for whomever was listening. "This is Admiral Thrace of the Colonial Fleet. I'm requesting to speak to whoever is in charge."

There was silence and she knew she couldn't afford to wait very long before the Raiders would be upon them, hoping to take out their own FTL in response. Just as she was about to speak again, a voice came through, that of a One.

"I see you've delivered yourselves directly into our hands."

"I have," she said with a hint of smugness that was all Starbuck. "And I brought something for you. Maybe you got it a few days ago."

"Oh, so you were the one who returned my wayward Three and Two to me. I regret that they've since gone missing," the transmission came through.

She worried over their safety and fate, but pushed it aside. "As you're all starting to feel right now, I didn't return them empty handed. In your resurrection ships now is a virus that you won't be able to purge quick enough to be of any use. Within the next few days, those of you infected will be dead. Those of you who aren't, will follow soon after."

"Why would you expect us to believe that?"

"You don't have to, but I know you've been starting to feel it." She had no true way of verifying it, but something in his voice gave it away. Everything had, for once, gone according to plan. "Here are some other things you should start to believe. I have the Final Five. I've been to Earth, I have it, and it's mine. I also have the cure for the virus that's going to kill you. If you surrender," she paused and took a deep breath. "We can negotiate. I happen to think that anyone can change so I'm letting you make your choice. One last chance." Her eyes kept on the clock and on DRADIS, watching the advancing Raiders approach. They were running out of time.

The One laughed on the other end at the absurdity of her offer. "You expect us to surrender? You're one battlestar surrounded by my base ships and they're all taking aim."

"I already have every last nuclear warhead pointed at your resurrection hub and I have the word of a Six you might know as Natalie," Kara looked to Gaeta and nodded her head, having made her decision. She had given them the choice and he had turned it down. Kara had promised herself she would at least offer them that. A chance to repent. "…that damage to it will take out all resurrection." Before her words finished, each launch tube emptied, shooting out the remaining nuclear missiles directly at the resurrection hub.

"You did this to yourself," Kara said finally, putting the phone back into its cradle as the ship's sensors confirmed the first hit on the hub and simultaneously registered hits to Galactica's own hull from passing Raiders. This was it. "Jump!"

—

A few of Galactica's alarms sounded damage warnings once the ship arrived back at the rendezvous point. Compartments were sealed automatically and vented to fight off the fires that had broken out, but damage remained manageable and minimal. Once the worst was taken care of, the celebrating began for the second time in the last few days. This time it was exultant, with the promise of Earth and their friends and families on the horizon for them. Kara smiled, cheeks aching from the grin she wore and the tension that melted out of her. She hugged Gaeta, the anger that had been between them for weeks instantly gone. Hoshi came next, patting to his back before she released him. "Make sure the landing pods are ready for Major Apollo to come in," she told him.

"Yes, sir," he said and stepped back towards his station. His face went pale, absolutely white as the blood drained out of it. Kara watched, alarmed, as he looked back to her. "Admiral, sir…" His voice quaked in a way she'd never heard it before, not even at the battle for New Caprica. "We're alone. Apollo isn't here."

Her breath was forced out of her and she scrambled back to the main table, looking to DRADIS. He had to have been wrong, she told herself, but there it was. Blank and empty. "Open up the comm, maybe his ship got damaged!" She ordered with a yell, the phone already to her ear. "Apollo, do you read me? Do you frakking read! This isn't a game, Lee!"

The room quieted around her as the members of the staff began to understand the situation. They hadn't read Apollo on DRADIS back with the cylons, as expected, which meant he was supposed to have made it here. If he wasn't here, not after all this time, Apollo and the Mark II hadn't made it out alive.

"Please," she spoke quietly into the comm, tears falling down her cheeks from the corners of her eyes. "Lee, please, answer me." If she begged enough, she was sure it would be a cruel joke he was playing on her, payback for that first time she'd flown the blackbird and disappeared on him. "Apollo, Gods damn it!" A sudden burst of anger broke through her sadness for only a second. Inside, she was absolutely broken, knowing how Lee had felt when he had watched her death. This was a feeling she never wanted to know, hadn't even let herself imagine having to go through. Now there she was, facing the truth that she had let him die. He had given his life for her, just as he had promised he would.

Kara released the comm, letting it fall towards the floor, though it never quite hit, being held back by the cord it was attached to. She crumpled there, letting gravity take hold of her for the moment. On her knees, she sobbed helplessly for her loss. Her body didn't feel like it was hers any longer, foreign to her as she detached from it and her physical surroundings. She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that for, but felt the brush of skin to her arms. When she looked up, Sam was crouched beside her, pain evident in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kara," he said, but it felt hollow compared to how he knew she felt. He wasn't a stranger to it, having lived through her death as well. They had been divorced by then, but that didn't make it any less.

She let herself be held by him, eyes shut tight as for a second she was able to imagine it was Lee with his arms around her. It had gone according to plan, he'd landed the Viper and now he was holding her, still in his flight suit. They would return to Earth and live by the water. Laura would be well and living with Adama only a few miles away. All the people she loved, Sam, her father, Helo and his wife and child, even Hot Dog, wouldn't be far either. Cally would find it in her to forgive Galen for what he was and they'd raise their son together. Every night she would make dinner with Lee beside her and they'd make love afterward, quietly, so they didn't wake the child asleep in the next room. A son or a daughter, she had never been able to decide.

Sam rubbed her back and she was torn away from the world she built for herself in her head to retreat to when she needed it most. Kara sat there, unwilling to open her eyes just yet. "I'm sorry, Lee," she whispered softly.

The words broke Sam's heart. Though he hadn't wanted their own marriage to end, the last thing he wanted for her was to feel loss of this magnitude. She was happy with Lee and Sam knew the weeks of their marriage hadn't been enough for her. He felt greedy and selfish for having her for as long as he once did.

They stayed like that for awhile longer, the rest of the officers keeping CIC running for her until Kara managed the strength to pull away from Sam. Whoever had sent for him after her collapse had done the right thing, although nothing would ever be exactly right for her again. She pulled away from her former husband, hands wiping away at her face in shame and embarrassment. She would mourn later, mourn for the rest of her life, but she was the Admiral now, and she'd already taken things one step too far though she didn't think anyone would fault her for it, considering everything they'd suffered through over the last few years. She nodded a thank you to Sam and took his offered hands, rising to her feet at the command table. Kara looked to him for support, borrowing from Sam's strength as she fought through her grief for the good of her people.

"Plug in the second rendezvous coordinates," she ordered, eyes reddened and watery still.

Wordlessly, Gaeta obeyed, speaking only to let her know the status. He counted down the second jump over Galactica's speakers and the battlestar engaged the FTL, arriving light years away. This time, there was a blip on their DRADIS. Kara didn't let her heart hope at it being Lee, though. If there was something here, she knew who it was.

"Didn't think you were coming," Leoben's voice came over through the signal from a Heavy Raider motionless in space. He coughed into the line, sounding weaker than he had before as the virus ravaged through his system with the serum finally fully out of his system entirely.

"Are you strong enough to land?" She asked, her voice empty.

Though he could tell something was wrong by the tone she used, Leoben wisely kept quiet. "We'll find out."

—

A half hour later, the Heavy Raider, a new one this time and presumably stolen from whatever ship Leoben had departed from, sat empty on the deck. D'Anna, as it turned out, hadn't come back with him, though Leoben had tried to convince her to. Her sisters were going to die boxed up and if that were so, she would be with them. She had met the Five, she had even met the other four, including Eugenia who had identified herself as the person responsible for most of her creation. There would be so much more to learn from them, but it would be meaningless in the end. She had stayed behind.

Leoben lay in the abandoned sickbay on a stretcher, one of two that remained on Galactica after most of the medical goods had been sent with the civilian fleet. A medic removed the needle from his arm and covered the injection site with a bandage before departing. Kara watched from a few feet away within his privacy curtain, eyes on the monitors around him keeping track of his heart rate and breathing. It had been close for him in the end. Another few hours and he would have died in that Heavy Raider, alone and permanently this time.

"Are you okay?" She asked, looking at his sweat covered face.

"I will be." It hurt to speak, in fact it hurt for him to do much of anything, but he persisted. "Where's Apollo?" He already knew the answer. Her sullen face and the fact that she was here at all told him what had happened.

She didn't say anything to him, instead crossed her arms as she sat in the chair beside his bed. "Thank you, again, for doing what you did."

He sighed and looked to the ceiling. "I'll still have to face God for the things I've done, to your people and now to mine." Silence extended before he spoke again. "You'll see Lee again, eventually, in the next life."

It wasn't what she wanted to hear, then again, nothing would have been what she wanted. Though she was only marginally keeping things together on the outside after Sam had literally helped pick her up off the floor, it was only the title she held and that responsibility keeping her going. Once they reached Earth and the Colonial Fleet was formally disbanded, she would have nothing. She felt like a shell, and wondered how she ever felt any different in her entire life. This pain was so consuming that she couldn't remember what it was like to not have it with her, even if only hours before Lee had been next to her, or in the middle of the previous night, Lee had been inside of her, whispering how he loved her in the cover of darkness.

Kara stood. "We're starting the course back to Earth. With any luck, my father will be waiting there for us still."

"He waited years for you." He said to reassure her.

Leoben needn't finish his thought for her to understand. Dreilide Thrace had waited years for her, he wouldn't give up now. Likely, Kara knew, he had been waiting outside of Earth for her since the moment he had been able to return. Leaving Leoben alone, Kara left the room.

—

The crew worked around the clock, jumping through the night cycle to return them to Earth as soon as possible. Cylon technology would have done the job faster, but slaving Galactica's FTL to one of the Heavy Raiders would have taken even longer than just using the inferior capabilities to get to their destination. Kara had returned to her room at some point to find sleep, but there was none to be had. She laid in her bed, breathing in the musky scent of Lee on their sheets. If she could have drowned in it, she would have welcomed it. To meet death surrounded by him would have been more than she could have ever asked for.

The phone rang in her quarters and she forced herself up, dragging her body towards the handset. She lifted it to her ear, listening in on the other end. It was Hoshi, back on for his morning shift after getting a few hours sleep just as she had attempted to. They were a pair of jumps away from Earth and she wanted to be there for it. It was a wake up call, of sorts.

She made her way to the bathroom, leaning over the running sink to splash some water to her face. Her hands rubbed the hand towel to her face to dry it off, taking a look at herself in the mirror. All she saw was the shoulder length hair she now had, the edges having been trimmed weeks ago to even out the butchering she'd given it. Kara fingered the ends with her left hand, catching a glimpse of her wedding ring in the mirror. Then and there, in that exact moment, she came to a decision and found serenity inside of it.

Kara finished getting dressed and reported to the CIC afterward, that calm still persisting through her. It was reliable and it was hers. The second to last jump finished and Kara personally went to the FTL station, typing in the final coordinates for Earth just as she had done the first time they'd visited the planet, her and Lee together in that Raptor. That had been before they knew it was barren and empty. Back at the command table, Kara spoke into her phone to talk to Galactica's crew. "This is the Admiral. The next jump will put us back at Earth, where we will convene with the Meridian once again and follow them to our new home. You have made me proud," she spoke from the heart, thinking of all the people that had trusted her enough to come along. "And I thank you for following me out. I couldn't have asked for a better crew and a better job well done. Your lives are about to begin again. So say we all."

With the comm turned off and returned to its place, Kara steeled herself for the last thing she owed to all the people on her ship. "Prepare for jump."

The planetary body known as Earth appeared on DRADIS as Galactica arrived in orbit for the second time. They weren't alone out there and the familiar symbol of the Meridian also showed on the screen above. Kara breathed a sigh of relief, feeling that completeness that came with a job well done.

"Galactica, Meridian."

"Meridian, Actual," she said aloud into the handset, recognizing the voice of her father. He had waited, as promised.

The formality was gone once Dreilide found his daughter on the other end of the line. "God I'm glad to see you. It's been so long, we weren't sure."

"Well, we made it," she said in a clipped tone.

"Was it a success?"

It was a conversation she didn't want to be having, but she held firm anyway. "Successfully delivered the virus to the cylons. We found the resurrection hub as well and destroyed it." She had to stop for a moment, gathering her strength back up. "We also picked up around sixty Sixes, Eights, and Twos. They sided against the others and helped us in the end."

"You did well, Kara," he said, sounding like a proud father, and that he was. "Do you need time or are you ready to start to head out?"

"Dad…" Kara's voice shook as she spoke. "I'm not going with you. I can't."

"What?" He was alarmed and everyone listening in knew it. "Kara, what are you—where are you going to go?"

"There's nothing for me there anymore." Her eyes watered as she looked down to the table in front of her. "Lee died. He didn't make it and it's my fault. I can't go to Earth and tell his father what I did. I need you to tell him I'm sorry." Her words flowed out as quickly as possible as she lost her composure. "Tell him I'm sorry I couldn't come home either."

"Kara—" He stopped and the line went quiet. A moment later, there was a voice on the other end again.

"You're out of your mind if you think I'm letting you back out, Kara," Lee's voice cut through.

She was sure she was hallucinating until she saw the faces of those around her. It had to be a joke, a cruel joke. "Stop frakking around—this isn't funny," she snarled out.

"You're right, it's not funny, you promised me Earth after everything I did and now you're trying to renege on your word." There was some humor to his voice. Or maybe it was just happiness.

"Lee?"

"I'm sorry," this time he was serious as he spoke. "I thought I was dead, Kara, the FTL wouldn't bring me back—we forgot that it wasn't saving any of the old locations. I had too many Raiders on me, I couldn't even think to try to remember where to go, so I typed in the only coordinates I did know. Earth." The humanoid-cylon technology, like the cylon technology, was far ahead what the Colonials had, leading to the need for less jumps and longer distance maneuvers. It had been his saving grace, along with the song she had taught him, those numbers forever engrained into his head. One one two three. Six five three six. Five three two one. In the panic, it was the only thing he had left.

Kara laughed, the sound mixing with her tears as she listened to him speak. She had been ready to get into a Raptor and head out into the depths of space to vent herself, taking her life for the chance of being beside him in Elysium. The Gods, or God, or whoever was out there, had smiled upon her this time. They had brought Lee back to her in the end.

—

Though it was against protocol, Kara left the CIC in the hands of Lieutenant Hoshi for the very last jump towards their final home, the second Earth. They'd spent the last day following the Meridian jump for jump towards their destination with Kara at the helm, Lee as the second in command again. From her father, she had heard all about what the last few weeks had been like for the Colonials. They were just beginning to move them slowly down to the planet as space became available, but had brought food, other goods, and even medical attention up to the ships for the welfare of the people. Adama and Roslin had been brought down immediately, however, and there was news was that even after all these weeks, Laura remained alive with Bill by her side.

Like them, Kara was at Lee's side, standing next to him in the observation room. They were alone, both the Admiral and the XO having given up their duties to the lower ranks. It was a single jump, the very last Galactica would probably ever make, and perhaps the most historic. They should have been there to oversee it all and to be with their people through to the end, but it wasn't where they needed to be. Where they needed to be was right there, with front row seats to the planet they would make their lives upon together.

Kara wrapped an arm around his back and he returned it, his arm around her shoulders as they held each other tight and close. She looked up and over to him, his head turning at the same time to watch her. Around them, the speakers of Galactica resounded Gaeta's voice, counting down. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

Her eyes shut for the jump, reopening once they were through. Coming just into view of Galactica was the beautiful blue orb of a planet, white clouds swirling and stirring over the green land masses down below. It was beautiful, in all meanings of the word. Kara stepped up towards the glass, Lee coming with her, their arms still around one another. She reached a palm out and pressed it to the thick transparent material, like she could touch the very planet itself. Earth.

"It's beautiful," Lee said.

"It is." It made her feel small, stunning her into submission. Caprica had been beautiful from orbit. The original Earth had been as well, but nothing compared to this. Perhaps it was all in their heads, though neither cared to think of such an explanation. No, nothing could ruin this.

Kara lifted her hand, folding back all of her fingers until just her index remained extended out. The pad of it touched to the glass, as if pointing towards a specific spot on the planet in the distance. "Right there, we'll live right there."

Lee laughed with the kind of warmth only she gave him and pointed his own finger at another spot. "What about there?"

"Anywhere." She smiled up at him, finding him already doing the same.

"Anywhere," Lee repeated. "So long as it's with you."


End file.
